Chapter 35 Chapter Thirty-Four A Friend and a Friend

Let's pause for a moment when Li Shouwu was mistakenly trapped in the "Nanchang camp".Because at the same time I was witnessing Ju Yi beating Li Shouwu, I felt that Sun Xiaoliu punched me on the shoulder with an unknown weight, and his words seemed to pass through a lingering echo from an extremely distant place. into my ear: "Brother Zhang! I found something to eat." What dangled in front of my eyes was the marching ration that Xu Laosan stuffed into the navy blue package on the night of our departure.At the moment I have no appetite at all, so I tried my best to wave away, but the scene at the bottom of the stairs disappeared like soap bubbles in the wind, and there were only a few tea-stained fungus in place.

Maybe Sun Xiaoliu saw something from my expression, he said "I'm sorry" timidly, put the ration pack on the dressing table, and hurried upstairs.I heard him close the door gently, but the copper lotus leaf on the door was too old and still made an unusually harsh noise.There was a dead silence after that. Should it be because the world is too quiet?I sat dryly in front of the dressing table, and occasionally glanced at the countless faces in the radiating cracked mirror. Those faces looked very strange in the dim light, as if they did not belong to me.Whether I had hallucinations due to hunger, I don't know, but there were indeed several times - I should even say "many times" - I regarded the parts reflected on the fragments as Sun Xiaoliu's face a part of.And then (for the first time in my life, so to speak) I felt: I was the one to say "I'm sorry".

Later, when I recalled the uniquely silent night during my flight, my emotions would still rise and fall like a tidal wave.If I use an analytical language to reshape the situation in "Crystal Time", it can be described as follows: it is the strangeness caused by the mirror that makes the reflection seem fragmented, which makes me leave the place one moment after another when I try to identify it. Lost himself—that is, left the "Zhang Dachun" who watched the image in the mirror.Just because I left myself, all my attention and attachment to "Zhang Dachun" disappeared silently like fat bubbles in the wind; No longer worrying about the rounding up or hunting down of those mysterious figures for unreasonable reasons, no longer being excited and fascinated by regaining the memory of certain book content-of course, no longer because a memory that is about to be evoked is suddenly encountered Interrupted and annoyed.

Just when I mistakenly saw the partial reflection of Sun Xiaoliu's face from many fragments of broken mirrors again and again, I suddenly fell into a kind of imagination without my own existence at all—— What is Sun Xiaoliu doing behind the door? Maybe it's like every night after coming to No. 7, Lane 1, Meiman Xincheng: Sun Xiaoliu always sits cross-legged, with palms facing the sky, overlapping in front of his dantian, facing east, with the tip of his tongue touching the root of his upper jaw teeth, At the same time, breathe in and out in a very deep, slow rhythm. This is all I can imagine about Sun Xiaoliu behind the closed door, nothing more than imagination, and nothing more than reality.Ever since Sun Xiaoliu could remember, he had never lay down and slept soundly.Thinking of this, my chest twitched involuntarily.

In the next instant, I turned off the small light in the corner of the dressing table, and summoned up my courage to shout in the dark: "Xiao Liu." The copper lotus leaf on the door groaned again, and Sun Xiaoliu replied timidly! ! "Yes, Brother Zhang." "You don't need to come down, in fact, it's nothing wrong." I hesitated for a long time, but couldn't say a word of apology or thank you, so I asked casually, "Are you meditating?" Then we had a conversation (or nonsense) for an unknown period of time, and no one in the world knew what the content was—I don’t remember a word anyway—all I can remember Just an atmosphere for conversation.Since the entire conversation was carried out in total darkness, the purpose of the two talking seems to be just to keep their own voices and the other's voice going; after a little longer, the scene seems a little absurd and funny—at least in my opinion Here, I seem to be talking to a whole dark world, or the darkness of a whole world.And the darkness will make a corresponding, answering sound.Given the degree to which Sun Xiaoliu and I are strangers to each other, it is actually difficult to touch on any topic that we are both interested in or understand.What he wanted to ask from time to time was my "feelings" towards Xiao Wu, and I always had a way to avoid it.And when I eloquently talked about the views in the master thesis at hand and some trivial stories in the pitifully few literature materials, Sun Xiaoliu could only respond to me with "oh", "um", "um", Like an owl hoarse with a cold.However, I did not stop this conversation meaning.I like this - in the endless darkness, say something meaningless to the other party, and hear a light and weak response; and deal with the meaningless words I hear with a light and weak response .In fact, I have always believed that most human conversation seems to be like this-it is just a conversation between a person and the dark.This is the nature of conversation.It is precisely because most people are unwilling to admit that what they talk about every day, or even all their lives, is just "a dialogue between a person and the darkness", so they will try their best to invent, manufacture and even carefully design all kinds of ways to cover up the darkness. Dark device.

Let's be honest: I didn't know what those cover-up devices were at the time.I sat in the dark and talked to Sun Xiaoliu most of the night, but I was just struggling how to express a humble apology or gratitude to him.How much I want to say plainly: "Thank you for giving me food just now." Or: "I'm sorry I shouldn't offend your kindness." And so on.But such a word (no matter how sincere it is) I can't say it, I would rather let myself be surrounded, sealed, and squeezed by the darkness; until Sun Xiaoliu burst out two words unexpectedly. To put it bluntly—I shuddered when I first heard it, thinking that another ghost had come out of this old house——

"Brother Zhang! Do you know? I will be grateful to you all my life; I have wanted to tell you, Brother Zhang." "How can you say this?" "Brother Zhang, don't you remember?" I shook my head in the dark, and after a while it suddenly occurred to me that Sun Xiaoliu in the upstairs room couldn't see me shaking his head, so he replied, "Remember what?" "We went to the botanical garden to ride bicycles, and the guards arrested us and stamped our fingerprints." "You said this last time. You also said that you remember all the rubbish when you were young."

"Brother Zhang must have forgotten." "Forget what?" "Forget that I didn't have any fingerprints at all!" "Really?" "Brother Zhang, you covered my form with your little finger when the guard wasn't paying attention! Later, when you were punished for standing, you secretly told me: Don't leave a black record, then I will be finished for the rest of my life." .” "It's not that serious, it's just a fucking bluff-didn't I tell you last time?" "I'm still grateful to Brother Zhang. Although my life is still finished." Sun Xiaoliu's voice sounded much braver than mine: "I mean the truth."

Have I ever done such a heroic thing?In the dark I shake my head.impossible.I shook my head again, trying to search for images of those lost memories in every corner of the room, but I couldn't find anything.Instinctively, I reached out and found an empty plastic bag of marching rations on the dresser.Then I remembered: while talking nonsense with Sun Xiaoliu upstairs for an unknown amount of time, I did dry up a whole bag of dog biscuits and the like.I was full, my spirit and physical strength were restored, I was far from the subconsciously expected death, I came back to life, and once again bid farewell to the life memories I had met and had.

"I don't have any other friends, Brother Zhang; only Brother Zhang is my friend." Darkness told me so. I should be very touched.I don't know what a slightly normal person would say when he heard this, but my answer was: "You have many friends." This was the last sentence that Sun Xiaoliu and I barely made friends in the dark night.