Chapter 31 postscript

I have heard that the first question philosophers want to answer is: Why don't we kill ourselves?This is to ask: What is the meaning of human existence? I thought: Survival actually has no objective meaning.Some are just various subjective wishes: for physical enjoyment; for loving and being loved; for accomplishing a certain cause or mission; for power and dignity; for repaying favor or revenge... Or, to live is to think about the meaning of life. If a person has not even thought through the meaning of his own existence, he is not qualified to die.In reality, the vast majority of suicides just use death to escape some problems that should be solved with life.

Some would argue that questioning why people don't kill themselves is dangerous thinking.I think not thinking is the most dangerous thing. Since the conception of "Killing Zen", I have been struggling in my heart, questioning whether this novel really has the value I expected?Will people misunderstand what it really wants to express? "Killing Zen" is actually a book full of contradictions.On the one hand, I tried my best to describe violence and power in a romantic and almost obsessive way; but at the same time, the theme of "Killing Zen" is to question, criticize and even deny these things.I still don't know if this is the right way to write.

But "Killing Zen" is like a beast that has been imprisoned in my heart for too long, and I can only release it intuitively.Perhaps the world is inherently so contradictory.We crave heroes, but a truly ideal world is one that doesn't need heroes. "Killing Zen" is a seven-volume long novel, and in the process of writing "Killing Zen", I am still constantly reflecting on its meaning and worldview, so writing it is extraordinarily hard. But I think it's worth it.I don't want to leave any regrets in my life. A film's dialogue says: "Forever" is a dreaded word.But I think the really valuable things in the world are eternal (or at least lifelong).For example memories.Like true love.

I firmly believe that novels are also something eternal in a sense.So I cherish every novel I write because I only get one chance in my life to write it. Qiao Jingfu March 3, 1997