Chapter 46 Chapter Forty-Second

She: "Do you have anything else to do this afternoon?" Me: "Well, it's okay." She: "Then don't leave, let's talk?" Me: "OK." She is a friend I have known for a long time. She is a psychiatrist by profession and has hypnosis qualifications.She has given me a lot of help on many occasions. Without her, I don’t even know who to ask about some things—referring to the mentally ill. Me: "Do you think I have the potential to be a mental patient?" She: "Haha, just chatting according to what you said. I'm suddenly interested in you."

Me: "Well, we've known each other for 7 years, and you're only interested today?" She: "Yo? It's been 7 years? You remember it so clearly?" Me: "Yes, you always give one kind of gift on my birthday: ties. All kinds of ties." She smiled: "Yes, I have a headache to give a man a birthday present...Speaking of it, it seems that my husband has only received a tie." Me: "You are a gift, and you are the greatest gift to him." She: "Well, I'll tell him seriously next time, hahahaha." Me: "Why are you not serious? Where did I interest you?"

She: "You are the one who is not serious. You still record the chat? Are you used to it?" Me: "Well, tell me." She: "I really can't stand you...I want to ask, how did you choose to contact them (referring to the mentally ill) in the first place? Don't talk about other objective reasons, I'm asking about your personal wishes." Me: "Do you still remember the deep hypnosis you gave me a few years ago?" Her: "Because of this?" Me: "Hmm... part of it? But I couldn't believe it when I listened to the recording." She: "That's why I said I won't let you listen."

Me: "Anyway, that's when I started to have that idea, although I thought about it more later... By the way, did I tell you? Everyone sees the world differently?" She: "Well, it's about the angle." Me: "Later I discovered more things, not just seeing things differently." She: "You say." Me: "People in the same world see different worlds. In turn, these different worlds also affect the viewers themselves." She: "Did you notice that you like to go around in circles when you talk recently?" I laughed: "What I mean is: since a world can be interpreted in so many ways, why not try many worlds for one person to see? It seems interesting."

She: "I can understand, but it's dangerous. My biggest worry now is that you are exposed to too many problems." Me: "I know the danger, especially for a person like me who has no system expertise and is smart enough to die. However, I am too curious." She: "Don't you think you're too curious?" Me: "To be honest, I feel that sooner or later I will die here." She: "Don't talk nonsense... By the way, there is one more thing, I want to ask, you usually have a strong personality, why can you come into contact with so many patients? And you all have a good chat with you?"

Me: "I'm also mentally ill." She was very serious: "I'm not joking with you, and I don't want to treat you or anything. I want to hear your explanation." Me: "Can you accept what I said is a little mysterious?" She: "Tell me, I have seen more patients than you." Me: "OK, everyone has their own space, which is around the body. In the words of those liars and half-immortals, it is the aura field, and if it is pseudo-scientific, it is the personal magnetic field. In fact, both of them are right and wrong. I am right because I do have a similar feeling; I am wrong because the delineation is still based on concepts. I can try to explain: In fact, the so-called personal space is caused by a combination of factors. Take Let me give an example, from my clothes, manners, to my eyes, expressions, movements, and the secretion of chemical substances in my body caused by emotions, and then diffused into the air through pores, these are all factors that create the so-called space.”

She: "Well, the analysis makes sense. Others unknowingly came into contact with your chemical release, saw or heard your speech and behavior, and received some psychological hints, which resulted in a 'field' in the feeling. 'Effect." Me: "That's it. And this 'field' can be contagious. When someone feels it, if they accept the existence of this 'field' and are emotionally infected, the body will copy some actions, chemical breath, etc., to put it bluntly It is contagious to other people. In the end, a certain person’s personal space is spread by everyone, leading to some group behaviors. For example, group exercises and the like, this kind of thing often happens.”

She: "Group hypnosis or a syndrome...how did you interrupt so far?" Me: "No, I didn't interrupt. I need you to understand the situation first. Okay, let's talk about it: You just said that I have a strong personality, but I know it myself. But with this personality, you can't get in touch with mental patients. So I will restrain a lot. When facing them, I have no expression, no body language, restrain my emotions and emotions, and I must fully compress my own space. In this way, I can expand the space of the other party and expand to mine Surroundings. That’s how I can accept me. Why? Because I don’t have space, and my space is integrated with the other party. Actually? It’s not fusion, I’m just shrinking the camp. But it’s hard for the other party to notice this situation.”

She frowned: "I understand, but it seems that it is not appropriate to use the word objective..." Me: "It's not objective, it's complete humility, humility in attitude." She: "Well, it kind of means that...you are very good!" Me: "Don't be funny, you also know that humility is just a temporary gesture. In fact, I want to understand their world and their worldview." She: "Then why don't you understand normal people?" Me: "In theory, there are no normal people? Because the concept of normal is recognized by groups..."

She: "Don't talk about it, tell me about you." Me: "Oh... I chose this group after repeated consideration. Do you think, who would be eager to say this to others? It must be those who are not usually accepted, understood, and treated as aliens. People. They are willing to tell others or in essence, deep down they are willing to tell others, even if they cover up, but compared to normal people, they are much easier to get in touch with, and they are relatively easy to tell others: My world is like this As long as someone is willing to listen and take the time to get in touch; it is difficult for the so-called normal people to be so frank, they have too many worries. In this way, I will spend double or even N times more time to get in touch, too tired .”

She: "It makes sense. Let me go back to the topic temporarily: You said why you chose that group of people, why you want to see many worlds, and you are curious. But I still want to know what drives you at the root." I looked at her seriously: "You must know, don't I need to say it myself?" She: "Let's not play Zhuge Liang and Zhou Yu's game of guessing fire attack, I want you to talk about it." Me: "Uh... well. I fundamentally question the world." Her: "You don't accept that public concept?" Me: "What public concept?" Her: "Live in the moment." Me: "I accept, but it doesn't prevent me from taking the time to question." She: "Okay, I'll answer you now: this is what interests me about you." Me: "There are a lot of people who doubt it." She: "The difference is that you really do it. When we were talking, you said that you would try to look at a thing from multiple angles. What you like to say most is: look at the essence." Me: "Yes, many things are easy to handle when you see the essence." She: "Come on, your desire to control is too great. You are confused by the changes in this world, and you really want to find the only driving force behind it. You know that is the essence, and you want to master it. Otherwise, you will be restless, You will suffer from insomnia, you will stay up late at night sitting in front of the computer and looking for answers in the search bar. When you are resting, you will go to the library for many years, looking for books on all religions, history, and philosophy, but you see You don’t believe it, but you doubt it even more, right? You don’t know how to get it, you feel that you always catch it just a little bit, but every time you catch it, it’s just air…” Me: "Stop! Don't bring such a thing! It's a small talk!" She: "Okay, I won't analyze it anymore, I want to ask: What makes you so uneasy?" Me: "I'm not disturbed." She: "Don't be ridiculous, you know I'm referring to the feeling in your bones, not the surface." Me: "I have to ask you, you never told me about the deep hypnosis analysis, why didn't you tell me?" She smiled slyly: "I will tell you when you grow up." Me: "Damn taunting..." She smiled happily. She: "You know, I didn't expect you to persist for so long, referring to contact with patients." Me: "Well, I didn't think of that either." Her: "Not alone?" She looked at me with a half smile. Me: "You mean I'm split?" Her: "How many?" Me: "Let me think about it... 4?" She: "Come on, don't hide it." Me: "What's the benefit?" She thought for a while: "When you leave, I'll give you the original hypnotic analysis." I really?" She: "Speak." Me: "Hmm! It seems that the four personalities have different divisions of labor. The smartest and most analytical one is basically hidden, likes to be quiet, likes to think by himself, and the information he receives will only be shared with other personalities, not outsiders. This one is called an analyst, right? But the one facing you now is the kind who can speak well, and can say everything logically. In fact, the thinking part comes from the analyst. This is called a spokesperson; there is also a woman who is in charge of observation. , very meticulous, is an excellent observer, maybe some places are very fragile, or weak? There is another one that is hard to say, isn’t it human? Or relatively primitive.” She tried her best to hold back a smile: "Hiding a rogue beast?" Me: "No, what you are facing now is a rogue beast." She leaned back and laughed. She: "Okay, let's stop making trouble... I think you are in a good situation. After you get in touch with those, is there no psychological pressure?" Me: "How could it not be, and a lot of the pressure is caused by myself." She: "The pressure you brought?" Me: "It's boring, don't repeat my last word, you taught me this trick." She: "Sorry, I'm used to it." Me: "I found that the more I got in touch with, the more doubts I had. Because what they said was so reasonable, but it was not the same as what I wanted. Although it feels very close, I always feel that it is not that point. …Let’s put it this way, if there is a critical point, or boiling point, or freezing point, or burning point, every time it’s about to be reached, then it’s gone, and it’s here. I guess I didn’t understand it myself, and I can’t understand it thoroughly... Hey This reminds me of the Buddha's saying: Don't say it, don't say it." She: "I also remembered this sentence, but... it turns out that your questioning has become a kind of protection... But this way, the pressure is even greater. Although your worldview has not been distorted or affected, your self-anxiety is still unresolved what?" Me: "That's right, at the beginning. That severe insomnia, I felt that I was really going to be the third floor. However, when I felt that I was about to collapse, I still found a solution." She: "Have you found an outlet? Self-mutilation or something?" Me: "Go, it's not that crazy, it's very simple, four words: once and for all." She looked at me suspiciously. Me: "What are you doing? What are you looking at me for?" She: "Why do I think this is crazier? Don't scare me." Me: "Let me explain it directly. If you die, you can solve those problems. But it's different from what you think." She: "Why did you go well just now and now you're not normal?" Me: "You don't understand. The concept of death is too complicated. I just used one of them. It can be regarded as self-suggestion. Every day before going to bed, I tell myself: I am about to die, but I will be born again tomorrow." She: "Understood, can that really be done?" Me: "I don't know if it works for others, but I accept this suggestion from myself. Every morning, I am a new life, and everything is in the past. Although there will be memories, that state is just a kind of time travel The key point is: travel. It’s like going on a trip, knowing in your heart that you will always go home, so the dead knot in your thinking will be untied quickly, that is to say, you will jump out. Whenever I face a new patient, I I always try my best to accept with all my heart, blend in with my whole body, be as humble as possible, and let the other party enlarge my space as much as possible. I can bear everything. But that night, I died, and I let go of everything. For example The emotional side is removed, and those views and knowledge are collected as data, just like the lymphatic system in the human body. Virus fragments are collected to increase immunity. In fact, isn’t that the principle of computer anti-virus software? I also borrowed it. Borrowed in thinking. It’s not how strong I am, but I have learned a state, using the spiritual bionic lymphatic system to protect myself.” She: "...life and death..." Me: "Well, that's it." She: "I see..." Me: "So I repeat: look at the essence. Essentially what I want is: find what I want to know. If that part is just information, I would be happy to put it away, but I know it is information. Not the answer. Just Like a computational process, that's just the process." She: "Are you emotional? Or rational? Your emotionality is the driving force, but you are in a state of rational control throughout the process." Me: "Isn't there such a strict division? It's like materialism and idealism. In fact, they don't conflict with each other, and each interprets its own. Most people have the attitude of coexistence of idealism and materialism. One part is based on materialism, and the other part is based on idealism. superior." She: "I agree with this. Materialism and idealism are not opposed to each other. I don't know why some people make you die for this." Me: "That's right, you have to accept an existence that is different from yourself...By the way, you said that I have too much desire for control, am I not accepting an existence that is different from myself?" She raised her eyebrows and looked at me: "You know what I'm talking about are two different things! I think you're mentally ill, you're still a Class A type." I laughed: "What do you mean? Is it contagious?" She: "Don't choose yourself outside, you, contagion? You are not passive contagion, you are bewitched." Me: "But I did unknowingly..." She smiled: "Forget it, I still know you better, a certain comrade." Me: "Should I appreciate your understanding of me?" She: "You also classify yourself as a case? It's quite characteristic, and it belongs to the kind of self-righteous." Me: "Huh? Great idea!" She reacted: "You're not going to really do this, are you?" I did, you see?I'm sure you've been watching.As for the so-called privacy issue, I don't think it's privacy, there is nothing to hide, and I believe that many people think the same way as me, think the same way, and even do it.But I choose to say it, this is not gossip, there is nothing that cannot be exposed. As for what other people think, I accept it, because this is how the world is, and it is very important to admit the existence that is different from myself.Regarding my ability to bear, it is actually not a problem.Born each morning, you are ready, ready to accept those different worlds.Every night I die, finish those, collect what I need, save. That's how I am, facing every day day and night. Yes, every day.