Chapter 35 Chapter Thirty-Third: A Heart That Never Stops

Me: "Finally sitting in front of you." He: "I'm really sorry, the previous few times were all because of various things and there was no way to get out, so it changed temporarily." Me: "I know you're busy, it's okay... shall we get to the point?" I turned on the recorder and looked at him. The man in his fifties in front of him is a biologist.She once had severe visual and auditory hallucinations due to schizophrenia at the age of 37-41.After he recovered, he once said to others that although those years were painful, they were very important.It's this statement that makes me curious.So I turned several corners to find this man, and finally sat in front of him.

He smiled and looked at me: "Your curiosity is understandable, let me think about where to start? Let's start from the early stage of the disease." I'm good." He: "The reason for my illness is related to the subject at that time. At that time, I was analyzing various relationships between fractal geometry and biology." Me: "Fractal geometry? Is that math?" He: "Yes, but it seems that advanced mathematics is somewhat repulsive to fractal geometry... I won't talk about the reason. If you are engaged in wireless communication, you may have a better understanding of that. I only talk about the application in biology, right?"

Me: "Okay, don't talk about things that are too far away." He: "A simple example: For example, if you find a tree at random and look at a branch carefully, you will find that the branch is very similar to the whole tree, and the proportion and position of some branches are even similar to the branch of the tree itself. The proportion and position of the branch are the same. If you measure the branch of the branch of the branch, you will find that it is still the same. If you directly measure the leaf stem and vein, it is still the proportion of the branch of the whole tree. That is to say, it is fixed Besides, humans have five fingers, which actually miniaturize the five important branches of the human torso - arms, legs, and head; the same is true for the claws of birds, the head, the two fingers Feet, tail. Wings are usually retracted, but the tail is shown as a reflection of the end of a limb. Because the retracted wings are not as important as the balance of the tail. This is called self-similarity."

Me: "I haven't really noticed it...it's kind of interesting." He: "Do you remember a video of an alien being dissected a few years ago? The first time I saw it, I knew it was fake. Have you noticed? The dissected alien in the video has four fingers This is wrong, because the aliens in the film belong to the body tissue organisms like us, and also have limbs and heads, but the mapping of the end of the limbs is missing one. If it is true, it can only be explained as : The dissected alien happened to be a disabled alien. So, I took a look and knew it was fake." Me: "Well, I'll read it carefully again when I go back, and I really didn't notice this."

He: "In fact, fractal geometry is everywhere. You can find a grain of sand and look carefully under the microscope. The unevenness of the sand actually shrinks the mountain range; and the edge of the snowflake actually shrinks the crystal structure of the entire snowflake. Now it has been confirmed that The structure inside the atom is the same as the universe. No matter how big or small, it is a fractal structure with endless similar divisions.” I am reminded of quantum foam. He: "That's what I researched at that time. I was crazy at the time. I found all the data to compare, such as neurovascular branches, bone structure, cell structure, and the golden section of conch. In the end, I almost collapsed. I thought that It's an unbreakable pattern, but I don't understand why, is the world that we seem to have no rules actually obeys certain laws? So..."

Me: "I guess, so you start looking for religious and philosophical reasons, right?" He smiled: "That's right, you're right. At that time, I searched all kinds of religious materials I could find, even those very secret sects. But I still didn't say a reason, they were all specious metaphors Ah, hints, but none of them are on point." Me: "Then you..." He: "Then I went crazy and had schizophrenia. Because I was too paranoid at that time, I kept thinking about that problem all day long. I felt that there was a force beyond human understanding that was driving the whole world, or in other words, Created the whole world. Human beings are noble, but they are in the same pattern as flowers, plants, trees, animals and insects. This makes me extremely frustrated with myself and the entire human race.”

Me: "Is there a last straw?" He: "Yes, I remember very clearly. That day I found a chicken (pay attention to the distinction), carefully measured its paws, measured its wings, and the result was the same. But when I got tired and stood up, I found another one I was still squatting there to measure." Me: "Huh? Can others see it?" He: "How could others see it? That was my hallucination. Since then, I have often seen my avatar measuring various things in various places. After the measurement, they will come over and ask me with a solemn face: Why are they all the same?"

Me: "It's kind of scary..." He: "I didn't feel terrible at that time, but I felt that I was about to collapse. I thought, is this a model or a fixed model? Is there really a God and a Buddha? They only have a ruler in their hands? Why are they all the same?" Me: "Well, totally confused." He: "Not only confused, but also because my professional work is biology. From the very beginning, I have always seen all kinds of evidence that human beings are unique, human beings are excellent, and human beings are divine. However, after the application of fractal geometry to biology, many potential problems have been magnified. For example, our brain has indeed evolved, but the mode has not changed. The brainstem, cerebellum, and brain. Although the volume is different, the human brain The fractal ratio of the nerve is no different from the fractal ratio of a fish’s brain. Why didn’t it evolve? Could it be said that it evolved perfectly at the beginning? But it’s impossible. At that time, I saw countless me all day long. Crowds, on the street, and in various places were carefully measured. I took the children to the zoo, and when I saw two of them, I measured them in the lion cage. I was so scared that I shouted danger... the result can be imagined."

Me: "Well, it's conceivable." He: "Then I went to the hospital for an examination, and I became drowsy after taking medicine, and I was hospitalized for less than a year." Me: "Can I also see the clone in the hospital?" He: "There are many, everywhere. Every day, many of them come to me and report: Why are they all the same? But that's how I was discharged from the hospital." Me: "Huh? The doctor can't stand you anymore?" He smiled: "Of course not, I have to thank my wife and children for this. They love me so much and must take me back. The child even sleeps in the living room and gave me his own room. I am still very touched by this .”

Me: "Well, this is very important." He: "That's right. In fact, even when I was schizophrenic, I knew what I was doing. I was afraid of affecting them. Sometimes I felt something was wrong. Even if I ate half of the meal, I immediately put down the bowl and ran back to my room. I closed the door and squatted on the ground with my ears plugged, and survived by myself. When I came out, my wife and children were talking and laughing with me as if nothing had happened. I knew they were helping me, so usually I also try my best to restrain myself. I don't like taking medicine, my mind is dizzy after taking medicine, but I still take medicine on time, I don't want to cause trouble to them."

Me: "Your perseverance is also very strong." He: "It's not perseverance, it's because I can't let them down. Later, I shocked my international friends—my foreign classmates came to see me after hearing about it." Me: "Didn't you come with a Bible?" He: "Haha, you are very smart, you just brought the Bible. He said that if I had religious beliefs, this kind of thing would not have happened...Anyway, he wanted me to convert to Catholicism. I knew he had good intentions, and at that time I understand, but I still can't accept that." Me: "Are you religious?" He: "No, I haven't until now. However, I think a sentence he said makes sense." Me: "What?" He: "That old classmate told me: If some phenomena cannot be explained by the known disciplines and knowledge, then for the remaining explanations, don't look at whether they are absurd or bizarre on the surface, you must learn to understand them. Respect. Because that is likely to be the real answer. But the process of verifying must be cautious and careful, and you can't be wild." Me: "That statement is great and makes sense." He: "So I remember this sentence." Me: "At that time...how long have you been sick?" He: "At that time, I had been schizophrenic for two years. When I was desperate, I thought I might go on like this forever." Me: "Is it almost the turning point?" He: "It hasn't arrived yet, but I won't talk about it in the next two years. They are all the same. Let's just talk about the turning point you are looking forward to?" I smile. He: "The last period was almost the peak of the onset, and it was an unbearable feeling. Countless me, through the wall, through the door, ran out of the window and said to me: Why are they all the same? I I blocked my ears and huddled in a corner, but those people ran into my head and yelled that sentence to me. At that time, I felt that my whole head was buzzing, and I often thought: forget suicide, it’s over once and for all.” Me: "...it's too painful." He: "That's right, until that night. It started to happen again that night. I squatted in the corner, and the voices became louder and louder. Just when I was in pain, suddenly there was a thunderous sound. It sounded in my ear, and I shouted: This is the answer! I always feel like someone shouted that, because it made my hands and feet numb at the time." I noticed something strange about his expression. He: "I was stunned for a while, and suddenly, I understood. I finally understood! Then I couldn't help laughing, my lover and children were frightened, and rushed in. I was so excited at the time, I walked up to them, hugged The two of them wept bitterly and told them: I have found it, and I am back." I restrained my emotional fluctuations and looked at him. He: "At that moment, all my clones disappeared, and all the voices disappeared, and I knew I had really found it." Me: "I wish you could tell me!" He looked at me calmly: "Horses can run fast, fish can swim deep, and birds can fly high. These are all their characteristics. Why? Horses run fast, but they can't move around. Ask yourself why you run fast; fish swim deep, but fish don’t look around for answers why they swim deep; birds can soar in the sky, but birds don’t question why they can fly so high. I’m a human, I can't be so fast, swim that way, and fly that way, but I can find and pursue the why. In fact, this is the difference between human beings, and this is the heart of human beings." Me: "So it's like this..." He: "Actually, I have thought through a lot. Life and death are not important, what is important is to respect life; whether life is noble or not is not important, what is important is to respect one's own existence; When you still exist, with your own human heart, you will never stop searching for the answer. Whether you have an answer or not is not important, the important thing is to be full of expectations. Remember the last gift in Pandora's box?" I hope." He smiled: "That's right, that's it. Even if you question it, even if you ask why, so what? You don't need to suffer or feel uneasy about it, because human beings are like this, they have a star full of curiosity, expectation, hope, never A resting heart." I felt a knot in my heart was slowly untied. Before leaving that day, I asked him, "How did you feel after you recovered?" He didn't answer directly: "Are you religious?" Me: "Sorry, I didn't..." He: "It's nothing to be embarrassed about, and I'm not, but I want to borrow a sentence from the New Testament, which is the answer to your question just now. It's the last sentence in Chapter 9, verse 25 of the Gospel of John." He smiled slyly. After leaving the house, I immediately sent a text message to a friend who has studied religion and asked her to check it for me.After a while she texted me back. The original text of the twenty-fifth chapter of the ninth chapter of the Gospel of John: He answered and said, Whether he be a sinner or no, I know not: one thing I know, that, whereas I was blind, now I see.