Chapter 12 Article 11 The Taste of Apple

He disappeared for about a month. His family could not find him, relatives and friends could not find him, and no one knew where he had gone.When the police broke down the door of his house, they found him sitting naked on the ground looking at the people rushing in bewilderedly. So, a few days later, I sat in front of him. ... He: "When I knew they thought I was sick, I almost died laughing." I:"……" He: "This is indeed my fault. I only said that I was on a business trip for a week, but I didn't recover. One month..." Me: "What are you doing at home?"

He smiled slyly: "Would you believe me if I said I didn't do anything?" Me: "Did you really do nothing?" He thought for a while: "It seems so." Me: "Why do you say that?" He: "Well...my brain is very busy...do you understand?" Me: "Part of it." He: "I'm releasing my spirit." I reacted: "You mean meditation?" He: "No, no, it's not that. Or it's different, I can't tell, but I've been like this since a few years ago." Me: "How did it start?" He: "Don't worry, I'll tell you from the beginning. I accidentally saw Bodhidharma's 9 years of practicing Zen (10 years at one time), so I was curious, what did he do? Sitting at the entrance of the cave for so many years? What did you understand? I am extremely curious about this, and I am a curious person. I really want to know."

Me: "Do you believe in Zen? Do you want to become a monk?" He: "No, no, I think, I mean, I think, a monk or something is just a formality, and there is really no need to stick to any form. If you want to believe in Buddhism, you can believe in it. If you want to practice Zen, you can practice it. I can’t believe it anymore? Who said that you have to be in a temple to be pure and ascetic? I don’t believe in belief and belief. Is it meaningful to go to the temple? Back to the topic... It is said in the book that those ancient people often went to the mountains to practice, and most of them were alone …It doesn’t count if you take a girl in, it’s a matter of life style… Most of them are alone, and they are very good when they come out after a few years in the mountains; there are also martial arts novels that borrow from this, and they retreat every time they don’t do anything. Get up...but the ancients are relatively good, and they can walk against the wind after practicing in the mountains..."

I smiled: "Is there an element of artistic exaggeration? The poem also says 'white hair three thousand feet'." He: "Well, yes, but I don't want to fly, I just want to know what that feeling is like." Me: "Then you..." Him: "Yes, and then I started 4 years ago." Me: "4 years ago?" He: "Yes, but it didn't take that long at the beginning, and it happened once a year. The first time was less than 4 days, and then it got longer and longer." Me: "You finally got to the point." He smiled: "I have to explain my motives to you, or I'll be regarded as crazy."

Me: "Psychopathy." He smiled very happily: "Oh, that's right. The first time I chose the time for my annual leave. I prepared water and a lot of big white steamed buns in advance, and then told my parents that I was on a business trip, so I turned off my mobile phone at home and unplugged it. The phone line was disconnected, the door was locked, and finally the electric switch was pulled." Me: "Pull the switch?" He: "I was afraid that I couldn't help watching TV or something, so I pulled the switch. Then I didn't do anything, just stayed at home. I didn't read books, newspapers or magazines, I didn't do anything, I didn't communicate, I was thirsty and drank Water, eat steamed buns without any seasoning when hungry, fall asleep and wake up. If possible, don’t wear clothes. Anyway, cut off all ties with modern civilization as much as possible, do nothing, lie down, stand, stroll and sit You can do whatever you want while standing on your head, whatever you want."

I looked at him curiously. He: "At the beginning, about the first 24 hours, I was a little excited, my mind was in a mess, and I wanted to think about everything. But after only half a day, I was bored and didn't know what to do, so I went to sleep. I woke up at night, no Electricity, there is no need to turn on the light, anyway, I don’t do anything. At that time, I wanted to see who had sent me a text message or something, so I held back. I just stayed in a daze until the early morning, I felt better, and my mind started I remember things I couldn't remember before." Me: "What's there?"

He: "It's all boring things, such as how hard I was beaten by my dad when I was a child. The second night was the hardest. At that time, my mind was cleared, but it was because of that that I felt bored. Moreover, I began to recall the taste of various delicacies—because my mouth was so blank that I collapsed, not because I was hungry, but because I was greedy. In fact, the first 48 hours were the most difficult, because I had nothing to do but couldn’t calm down.” Me: "Do you want to eat?" He: "I don't want to eat it, because steamed buns and white water are tasteless. Let me tell you something that you may not understand: I was confused for a while and felt like I was eating boiled corn and drinking Coke. When I woke up, my mouth was full of the taste of Coke and boiled corn. Really Yes, don't laugh, really, I'm hallucinating."

Me: "Then why are you still holding on?" He: "It's been less than two days, and, I think something has emerged." Me: "What came out?" He: "Don't listen to me in a hurry. When it was almost 48 hours, some things seemed very interesting, but then I was sleepy and fell asleep. After I woke up, I found something different. I understand I feel the existence of the feeling, it is too real, not the kind of specious." Me: "How does it feel?" He: "It's not a feeling, but the feeling does exist. Feeling is a wonderful thing. When you are overwhelmed by the information brought by other senses, you can't realize the existence of feeling, at least not obviously. Feeling is actually like There is a thin layer of mist floating on the surface of the body. Whenever I come into contact with a new person or new thing, I feel like tentacles to explore - and then the most direct feedback to myself. I think sometimes when facing strangers People, it is easy to give each other a label at the beginning. If that label is a bad evaluation, it will directly affect the attitude and last for a long time. This is the impression created by the feeling. Whenever you pay attention to a person, the tentacles of the feeling will Go out first—even if it’s just a stranger. Have you ever been in this situation? Smiling or not paying attention to strangers? That’s caused by feelings. Directly. Of course, the other party is also testing with sensory tentacles You, mutual. In fact, after 48 hours of self-enclosed, I will continue to ponder the existence of feeling, as well as surprise and curiosity. Because feeling has been suppressed by color, smell, taste and so on for too long, I think after all, this is a complex and confusing world, and it is not easy to be clearly aware of the existence of feelings—or, is it easy? It’s just that few people are willing to do it.”

I hesitated and asked, "Did you wake up at that time?" He: "I really woke up, and when I woke up and didn't open my eyes, so I felt abnormally sensitive, or the information brought to me by the feeling was abnormally obvious? It should be. Did you ever have that situation when you were a child: You haven’t woken up yet, but you seem to have already started brushing your teeth, washing your face, eating, and going out, and then suddenly woke up—you haven’t woken up yet! In fact, it feels like you have already gone ahead.” Me: "It seems to have happened, but I think it's a fantasy or a dream..."

He: "No, no, it's different, it's definitely different. The degree of reality is beyond imagination and dreaming. In the first year, I only realized the feeling, but it was already very fun. After a few years of self-isolation, I can achieve it." About a week, basically no problem." Me: "Retreat for a week?" He: "Huh? Haha, yes, it's a week of retreat. However, I feel that things after that are more interesting." He smiled mysteriously as he spoke. I also looked at him with a smile. He: "Generally, after 4 or 5 days of 'retreat', the feeling is also diluted, because there is no contact with strange things, and the subsequent stage may surpass the feeling. The reason why I say it is possible is that I am not sure. What is after that. So I will temporarily define it as the existence of spirit. What emerges after the feeling is spirit. Of course, I have no intention to move anything or float around, but the vague feeling of the existence of spirit is actually meaningful , it is difficult for me to express clearly what it is. If it is popular, it can only be understood and cannot be expressed in words. If it is simple, it means that I have a lot of knowledge that I did not have before. Moreover, the knowledge I am talking about can include everything. For example, I put memory Everything in the book is tossed out and filtered one by one, and then I can understand it. I can see through things that I can’t see clearly, and I can figure out things that I can’t think clearly. , It is a kind of unrestrained spirit that allows the spirit to gallop... um... how to describe it? Just use the state? Maybe... I don't know how long it will be, maybe ten or twenty hours or more, the concept of time It's getting thinner, it's very obvious!"

Me: "Can't describe it more clearly?" He: "Well, I can't explain it at all. Anyway, I gave you a general description. Actually, I originally planned for two weeks this time, but I didn't expect it to take so long... But when they came in, I already vaguely felt that there was still a lot of energy behind my spirit. What's there, I can't tell you that, it's really fleeting. I feel amazing at once, and then I can't find it anymore... And there is another point, it may also be related to the small amount of exercise, and I am in a state of self-spirituality When you are young, you can eat a little bit a day, so you won’t be hungry, haha, really.” Me: "The one behind the spirit, what do you vaguely think it is?" He: "I don't know, I'm thinking... Well, it's hard to say... Give me a little more time and I might know. However, I do understand much better. In fact, it is really possible for an expert like Bodhidharma to face the wall for many years." , and not bored. Do you think I'm bored?" Me: "I don't think so, what you said is very interesting." Him: "Really?" I looked at him calmly: "Of course it's true." He smiled slyly again: "Then let me tell you a secret. Every time I retreat, I deliberately prepare an apple as the beginning of 'coming back'." Me: "Apple? Do you eat it?" He: "Well, but, eat it last. That's the taste of apples!" Me: "Apple? What flavor?" He half-closed his eyes intoxicatedly and recollected: "When I decided to end, I took out the apples I had prepared in advance, washed the apples, looked at the tiny particles on the peel and thought it was very strange, I was stunned for a while, and tentatively bit Go on... I guess most people don't know the real taste of apples! Let me tell you: when you cut the peel with your teeth, the original faint fresh taste broke through a critical point and gradually spread in your mouth, and the taste gradually changed. With the slow chewing, the juice splashes on the tip of the tongue presumptuously, absolutely barbaric and violently passing over the dry taste buds... Every tiny particle in the pulp is scrambling to crack, releasing more and more The taste of a lot of apples. The peel and pulp are cut into small pieces and move between the teeth, spreading the taste to every corner of the mouth like an impact... The fragrance of apples slides deep into the throat along with the juice... God Hey... The taste buds that have just been washed are almost devoutly sending this message to the brain... All the senses, after those days of being forgotten, are dominated by spirit and feeling, accompanied by an apple, making a comeback! Tsk tsk, Thinking about it now makes my mouth water." Seeing his effusive excitement really whetted my appetite for apples. I couldn't help but swallowed: "Have you tried other fruits?" He swallowed again: "Not yet, every time I think: try something else next time! But when things come to an end, I'm so craving the stimulation that apples give me...Really, to say something worthless : You have to try it for Apple, it will be done in two days.” I've been infected by his description: "And then?" He froze for a moment before recovering from his thoughts on Apple: "Then? Oh, and then it was a feeling of finding himself, not giving up the body because of those days of fugue, but firmly controlling the body. It’s so real that I feel solid in everything I do. It’s unified, it’s clear. I feel like the exiled spirit has come back.” When I went home that day, I bought a few apples specially, and I put one of them on the table for a long time.That was used to question myself: Do I really know what an apple tastes like?