Chapter 3 Part 2 The Reality of Dreams

It took many times to get in touch with this female patient before I could sit down and talk seriously.Because she lives in fear all day long, she doesn't trust anyone—family members, boyfriends, friends, doctors, psychologists, none of them. Her fears come from her dreams. Because she is very safe and without any threat (the results of repeated personal observations, I do not believe other people's observation reports, things that endanger my personal safety, it is more reliable to observe by myself), so that time I brought record pens, paper, pencils, etc. Everything is available.

Me: "Did you dream yesterday?" Her: "I didn't sleep." The look on her face was not exhaustion, but the pallor of alertness and prolonged sleep deprivation, and the brink of collapse—a hint of hysteria. Me: "Afraid of dreaming?" I regretted coming here today, so I decided to ask cautiously. Her: "Yeah." Me: "What about the day before yesterday? Did you sleep?" Her: "Sleep." Me: "Did you sleep well?" Her: "Not good." Me: "dream?" Her: "Yeah." Me: "Can you tell me what I dreamed?"

She: "Continue with those." When I first read her dream descriptions, I admit I was a little surprised that she remembered most of her dreams from childhood to adulthood.And according to her, they are all continuous dreams—that is to say, the life in her dreams is basically the same as reality, which is continuous with the passage of time and causal relationship.At first, her problem was that she often took things in her dreams as reality. Later, she gradually accepted "two worlds"-real life and dream life.But now the problem is serious, and her dream is getting more and more terrifying.The most terrible thing is: it is also continuous.Think of it, a horror series that never ends.

Me: "You know I'm here to help you, can you tell me what happened in the last month?" I mean in her dream. She bit her lip and hesitated for a while before slowly nodding. Me: "Okay, let's get started." She: "Remember Mr. Shadow? I found out that he wasn't here to help me." This statement shocked me.Mr. Shadow is the only person other than the patient who exists in her nightmares.Clothes and appearance cannot be seen clearly, always appearing in a blurry image, and Mr. Shadow often saves her.At first, I thought that Mr. Shadow was the patient’s emotional sustenance for a man she admired in reality. Later, after a few times of hypnosis by professionals, I found out that it was not. For her, Mr. Shadow was a real dream figure.

Me: "Mr. Shadow...isn't he the one who saved you?" she is not." Me: "What the hell happened?" She: "He has already started pulling me to jump off the building." I breathed a sigh of relief: "Is it to save you from escaping? Didn't it happen before?" She: "No, I discovered his purpose." Me: "What purpose?" She: "He wants me to die with him." Restraining my reaction, I used a little trick to repeat her last words: "To die together?" Her: "Yes." I'm not going to ask, just wait. She: "I told you that a year ago, he pulled me to jump off the building, and every time I woke up just after jumping. In the past year, I've been waking up later and later. "

Me: "You mean..." She took a deep breath as if she mustered up her courage: "Every time he pulled me to jump to the same building, I didn't notice it at first, but then I found out. Because there was a room on the first floor of that building. A huge chandelier. Because at the beginning I woke up just after jumping, and every time I jumped down, I had to be a few floors lower than the last time to wake up." Me: "You mean: you didn't notice how many floors later you woke up every time until you noticed the chandelier, in the same building?" Her: "Yeah."

Me: "Is it still often the 40-storey building?" Her: "Every time." Me: "Which floor is the room with the chandelier?" Her: "35." Me: "Can you see that window every time?" She: "It's not a window, the position is different every time I jump, but there are many windows in the room of that building, so every time I jump from a new position, I will pay attention to the 35th floor, I can see it from different angles. That huge chandelier." Me: "Which floor will I wake up now?" She: "It's almost half way."

I:"……" She: "I can see the ground getting closer to me, he is holding my hand and laughing in my ear." I was a little restless: "Don't you dream of jumping off a building every time?" she is not." Me: "So will he save you?" She looked at me in fear: "He is a monster, he knows all the roads, all the doors, all the exits and entrances, as long as he holds my hand, there is no way to let go, I can only run after him, shouting no When I came out, I couldn’t talk, so I could only run after him, to the top of that building, and jump down after him.”

If I hadn't thoroughly investigated every man around her, if I hadn't been hypnotized several times, I would almost have thought that she was abused by men in her life.In that case, things will be simple.To be honest, I really wish it was that simple, really. Me: "You still can't see Mr. Shadow clearly?" She: "The moment you jump off the building, you can see it a little bit." I wondered if there were any masters around me who knew the police who specialized in drawing the faces of prisoners. Me: "What does he look like?" She replied again full of fear: "That's not a human face...it's not a human face...it's not..."

I know things are not good, she is going to get sick: "Do you drink water?" She looked at me in a daze for a while before she came back to her senses: "No." Shortly after that conversation, she was admitted to the hospital again.The hospital specially arranged for her sleep observation. The report was very strange: most of her sleep was dreamless sleep. When she really dreamed, it did not exceed 2 minutes. Elevate, and then wake up, wake up.every time. The last time I talked to her, I still asked what the person looked like. She suppressed her fear and told me: Mr. Shadow's facial features are constantly changing shapes, as if the faces of many people are appearing on the same face alternately and rapidly.