Chapter 13 Chapter 14 The longest experiment in history

From then on, the prince and princess lived happily ever after —— Many Anglo-Saxon scholars have doubts about whether the Yin Shang Legion really set foot on the American continent. They believe that a rudimentary civilization crossed thousands of kilometers of oceans to America and destroyed another civilization, which sounds unbelievable.If the Shang Dynasty had a government spokesman at that time, he would agree with this view: "I can tell you responsibly that there is no war between Yin Shang and Maya." Skeptics say the war does not theoretically exist under Oppenheim international law.First, the Yin and Shang Dynasties had perished at that time, and the Zhou government that replaced them obviously should not be responsible for the exile Commander Youhouxi. This is a political factor.Second, the Mayan civilization circle is not a country, it is just a large group of loose confederations derived from the same civilization and brought together out of fear. This is a cultural factor.Third, and most importantly, neither side has declared war.The Mayans pretended that the Yin merchants did not exist, and the Yin merchants did not regard the Mayans as primates at all. This is a taxonomic factor.

Scholars who disagreed with this view published an impassioned refutation in the April 1982 issue of "Archaeology", writing: "It is obvious that it is necessary to come to America by armed ships and occupy the local lands. An act of aggression that should be condemned." Before the Chinese government could respond, the guilty Britons had begun to yell at the magazine for taking money from the Argentines. On February 16, 204 BC, after destroying many Mayan city-states and tribes, the Yin Shang Legion finally arrived at Panama City-state, the core civilization of the Pan-Mayan cultural circle.When the first stone bomb of the Yin Shang army fell into Panama City, the upper speaker and all other members of the parliament finally realized that their diplomatic efforts had completely failed.

If these Mayans knew the situation of the Yin Shang Legion at this time, they would probably be even more frightened. Because Qi is pregnant. Qi's pregnancy was a complete accident.Yin Shang civilization did not lack contraceptive technology, what they lacked was only physiological common sense.Yin merchants believed that a woman's conception was closely related to the footprints of the golden armored gods or giants in dreams. All Yin Shang women would claim that they had been connected with miracles after they found out that they were pregnant.If their children become very famous in the future, this kind of saying will be passed down and widely known.

The same is true for Qi, who felt uncomfortable at first, so she went to the chief wizard Ding Gao.At that time, wizards held the position of doctors, but they didn’t have to bear the responsibility of doctors—healing was due to wizards, but death was the will of gods—Ding Gao rashly diagnosed her with depression and suggested that she visit the Yin Shang Legion Siege the Mayan city-state site, which can help relieve depression.Qi did it, and smiled happily, but it did not help the relief of the disease. In the end, Fu Rong discovered the truth, and she immediately spread the discovery to the entire Yin-Shang army, and four or five versions of the rumor were produced immediately.Some said that Qi had been pregnant for three years without giving birth, so she must have given birth to a big meat ball in the future; some said that another person caused Qi's pregnancy, and implicitly mentioned the identity of a wizard and a public relations expert; One of the most outrageous rumors is that Qi reproduces asexually and produces by division—because literary young women are all single-celled organisms.

According to tradition, Qi announced that she had dreamed of a colorful parrot. The parrot said her child would be the king of the land and she would be pregnant when she woke up.This is the idea of ​​Yikouguan. He has experienced the Auwu revolution and knows that the more legendary something is, the easier it is to confuse the masses.The people as a whole have no judgment. For them, anything is fine, as long as it is lively and novel. All the Yin and Shang legions believed this story, except Commander Youhouxi.Like all fathers, Commander Youhouxi was the last to find out, so he suspected Qi and Yikouguan of adultery.The pregnancy myth gave away some clues, the parrot that made Qi pregnant, and the parrot is the symbol of the public relations expert.

"I want a paternity test." Commander Youhouxi, full of jealousy, said to the chief wizard Ding Gao.No matter what era, it is unbearable for one's own woman to have an affair with another man. After Ding Gao finished listening, he slowly put down the tortoise shell in his hand, and fell into deep thought with a trace of wandering: "This world is originally a chaos, and the factors of truth are fragmented, scattered among countless independent accidental events, and gradually dissipated. We What can you learn?" Commander You Houxi didn't understand what he said, so he asked Ding Gao again if there was a way to do a paternity test, and Ding Gao replied, "Yes, but it will take a while."

"No problem." Commander Youhouxi agreed without hesitation. "Qi said her pregnancy was because of a parrot in the dream, and the parrot said her child would be the king of this land, right?" "yes." "It's very simple. If that child really becomes the king of this land and proves that dream is true, Qi will really have an affair with Lord Yikouguan." "what do you mean?" "Wait patiently until the day that child ascends the throne and becomes king, your suspicions will be confirmed. It will only take a few decades." And so began the longest paternity test experiment in history.In order to see the results as soon as possible, Commander Youhouxi, who was eager to find the truth, drove the Yin Shang army to continuously attack the Mayan city-states and tribes, hoping to achieve the prerequisite for the paternity test as soon as possible-to unify the world.

As the center of the Pan-Mayan civilization circle, Panama City was naturally placed on the cusp of the times and had to face its upcoming destiny. After more than a year of fighting, the soldiers of the Yin Shang Legion have mastered the method of dealing with the Mayans skillfully.They will attack first with catapults, and at the same time send loud soldiers and parrots to imitate the whistle of stone bullets.Generally speaking, a frightened Mayan will cover his eyes until the stone attack does real damage.In this sense, the trebuchet is a psychological weapon. Next send infantry and ladders to approach the walls.It's easy, just try not to make a sound, and the Maya will pretend not to see it.Of course, it doesn’t matter even if you see it, the soldiers can ask directly in Maya, “Did you see me?” Most of the Maya will answer nervously “No”, while a few of them screamed and then fell to the ground unconscious personnel.After the city wall is under control, the soldiers can let the Mayans open the city gate by themselves, and then the main force slowly enters the city and starts looting.

This is the standard siege process, with occasional exceptions.The Yin Shang Legion also encountered resistance from the Mayans, and these resistances generally occurred when Yin Shang soldiers attempted to demolish the pyramids.This problem is not difficult to solve, just kill all the people in the city before demolishing the pyramids. The Mayan city-states also had armies, which were the earliest professionalized soldiers in the world, but they were not professionalized in combat, but professionalized in Mayan basketball.In fact, there is an equal sign between the Mayan army and the Mayan basketball team. Only when there is no competition and training, the basketball team takes on the responsibility of combat.Many Mayan city-states fell not because they had no army, but because the army was playing an away game in a distant city...

However, Panama City is obviously different from these city-states.Unlike other agricultural-economic city-states, Panama City is the political center of the Pan-Mayan civilization circle, and it is full of politicians.Therefore, politics overwhelmed humanity, and the leaders of Panama City did not hold their heads in horror like ordinary Mayans, but got together to discuss whether to surrender or not. It was the House of Lords who advocated surrender, and they felt extreme fear of the invasion of the Yin Shang Corps.Many members of the House of Lords had been disqualified and thrown into prison—because their mother city had been destroyed and the pyramids had been pulled down—and those who survived were in constant fear of being disqualified, and they would never I can't bear the humiliation of being asked "Do you have a pyramid" by the police while walking on the street.The speaker himself also has a sense of crisis for the Yinshang Corps, and he realizes that this is not an opponent that can be defeated with mangoes and coconuts.

He thought of a genius idea: first pretend to surrender, let the Yin Shang Corps gain a seat in the House of Lords, and then rely on the speaker's 10,000 votes to veto the status of the Yin Shang Corps, and then successfully stop this beast from the other side of the Pacific. Demonic aggression. This proposal was unanimously passed by the House of Lords, but it was opposed by the priests and the basketball team.The priests heard that the demons used a completely different language from Maya, and they were afraid that their expertise would be ignored and they would lose their privileges; while the president of the basketball team calmly pointed out: "there are too many demons, you can imagine them playing basketball. The strength of the team must also be very strong. If they join the Mayan Basketball League, it will definitely destroy the balance of the game." For these controversies, the Speaker showed great patience in persuasion work.He said to the priests: "It is true that demons use non-Mayan languages, but doesn't this mean that the illiteracy rate of Mayan civilization can be increased?" After repeated weighing, the priests agreed to the speaker's proposal. Some economists pointed out that the illiteracy rate of the Mayan city-states was closely related to the interests of the priests in charge of grammar, showing a typical brain-body upside-down phenomenon.Due to the monopoly of the priest class on grammar, the more illiterate, the stronger the priest's status; therefore, the traditional practice of the Mayan priests is to minimize the literacy rate of the Maya. Belonging to the sensitive list, if you say it casually, you will be condemned by the sun god.The devout Mayans are timid by nature, and they all hold the attitude of "preferring to believe in something, not to believe in nothing" towards such superstitions. Over time, these sensitive words are gradually forgotten by most people.According to statistics, every sensitive word can increase the Mayan illiteracy rate by 0.004%. For the chairman of the Maya Basketball League, the speaker simply suggested that he introduce a draft mechanism to ensure that there will never be a situation where one team dominates, and finally the chairman reluctantly agreed. After reaching an agreement among the various political factions, the Upper Speaker began the most difficult part of the entire plan—negotiating with the Yin Shang Corps.Regarding this point, the Speaker of the Speaker is confident that there are only a few things the invaders want: money, women, food, power, and everything else.Maya can provide them with these things. But the speaker missed one point, which is the suspicious psychology of men.Little did he know that he was up against the first invader in history who waged war over a paternity test.Before the invention of DNA repetitive base sequence recognition technology, it was impossible for him to reach any political agreement with Commander Youhouxi. The situation at that time was that, in order to show his sincerity, the speaker personally put on the most luxurious grass clothes, and walked towards the camp of the Yin Shang Army with a stone prepared as a memorandum on his back.He went further on the road of diplomacy than the unlucky courier. The courier was shot to death at a distance of 30 steps from Commander Youhouxi, while the speaker who went out in person walked ten steps away from Commander Youhouxi The place. But his diplomatic efforts came to an end. The horse-drawn chariot dedicated to Commander You Houxi sped past, and the driver did not notice the old man. As a result, the powerful kinetic energy wheel gave the upper speaker a force to the left, and strictly followed Follow Newton's second law and fly to the nearby grass nest. As a result of this unfortunate accident, the Upper Chancellor was hit by a real wheel before dying on the wheel of history.As the "Common Classics" Red Testament "Liebknecht" 7:36 said: "I tell you the truth, those who imagine that political goals can be achieved through democratic means within the parliament, they are all The revisionists of class harmony theory are like Mayan kings, and the laws of history will not be fulfilled for them.” The Panama City-state, which has lost its upper speaker, is still waiting, only to find the impatient Commander Youhouxi and his army.The defenders of the Panama city-state made a brave final resistance. They huddled in the towering pyramids, closed the stone gates, and prayed loudly to God.The Yin Shang Legion had nothing to do with them for a while. The Mayan priests tried to tell the people in the stone chamber that the whole world is an illusion, and only the inside of this pyramid is the real universe.Soon the defenders found that there was no food in the stone room, and they were all hungry. The Mayan priests had to explain that hunger was just an illusion.But when the pain of hunger became so real that it could not be avoided, the priests had to revise their theories three times, declaring that survival itself is a painful thing. Great wisdom reaches the other shore of liberation. This is a rigorous religious theory, the only regret is that before the Mayan priests developed Theravada Buddhism, they all starved to death. In March 204 BC, Panama City fell.This marked the complete decline of the Mayan civilization circle.Although sporadic city-states remained independent, the Maya ceased to exist as a civilization.Another powerful force replaced it. Whether it will be replaced by the reborn Yin Shang Dynasty or Commander Youhouxi's own new dynasty has always been controversial in the academic circles.Some experts say that "Peru" is actually the evidence of the establishment of Commander Youhouxi's new dynasty. "Lu" refers to Shandong, the hometown of Commander Youhouxi. Sanhu, the abbreviation of Sumabilu". They also claimed that the place name "Guatemala" clearly reflects the situation of Yin Shang horse-drawn chariots traveling in dangerous areas in Central America; The son's armed forces are exhausted.As for the Yindi'an tribe, which prevailed in North America and Central America, there is no doubt that this name is full of the feelings of the Yin Shang legionaries who missed their homeland. Columbus thought they were Indians, which was a big mistake.This school of scholars is known as the Somon School because they are obsessed with the precise textual research on ancient place names in America. "The software engineers in the United States are all in India, and the Aryans in India are all in Germany; the Germans in Germany are all in Austria; the Jews in Austria are all in Israel; the Palestinians in Israel are all in Lebanon. This is such a sad world." So said a well-known British scholar of the Somonites when talking about Columbus's mistakes.The remarks even sparked a diplomatic turmoil. But no matter which faction's academic achievements, it is limited to speculation.Because since the fall of Panama, the regime established by the Yin Shang Legion seems to have disappeared in the historical chronology, without leaving any historical records.No one knows the final outcome of Commander Youhouxi, Qi, Yikouguan, Ding Gao, and the huge Yin Shang army; the most embarrassing thing is that this parent-child relationship that is likely to last for thirty to forty years The result of the appraisal will forever become an unsolvable historical mystery. Today, a special species of macaw still lives deep in the jungles of Central America.Their ability to imitate is very strong, and their calls are very strange, high and low, and very sharp, which is quite close to the moaning sound of human females.Biologists are puzzled by this phenomenon, and finally can only conclude that perhaps the ancient ancestors of this parrot had contact with ancient humans. In the 631st year of the Republican calendar, that is, 845 years after Panama City fell into the hands of the Yin Shang Corps, a huge fleet suddenly appeared in the waters near Nagasaki, Kyushu. When Commander Xu Fu's Daqin Fleet brought Shimabara Bay, Kyushu into range, the Japanese were still ignorant of the fate they were about to face. But that's another story. (full text)