Chapter 22 twenty two

Chad and Norma had a great Thanksgiving dinner.After eating, Louis came home feeling full and a little sleepy.He went upstairs to the bedroom, took off his shoes, and lay down in the silence.It was just after 3 o'clock, and the sky outside was still bright in the weak winter sun. I'll just take a nap, Louis thought, falling asleep quickly. It was the ringing of the extension phone in the bedroom that woke him up.He grabbed the microphone, heard the wind blowing outside the house, and the fire in the stove was crackling, and seeing that it was already dark outside, he was a little dizzy, so he tried to calm himself down and said, "Hey ?” Louis thought it might be Rachel, and called again from Chicago to wish him a happy Thanksgiving.Then she would give Ellie the phone, and after Ellie finished talking, Gage would continue, and Gage would babble—he wanted to watch the football game in the afternoon, but why did he sleep all afternoon...

But it wasn't Rachel calling, it was Jud, and he said, "Louis? I thought you might be in a little trouble." Louis jumped out of bed and said with a hint of sleepiness in his mind, "Chad, what's the trouble?" "Oh, there's a dead cat in our lawn, I think it might be your daughter's kitten," Chad said. Louis sank, and said, "It's Church? Are you sure, Chad?" "No, I'm not 100 percent sure it was, but it was like Church," Chad said. "Oh, oh, nasty. Chad, I'll be right over." "All right, Louis."

Louis hung up the phone and sat there for a full minute.Then I went to the bathroom, put on my shoes, and went downstairs. Ah, maybe not Church.Chad himself said he wasn't 100 percent sure it was Church.God, the cat wouldn't even go up stairs now unless someone was carrying it...why would it want to cross the street? But in the back of his mind Louis felt it must be Church... If Rachel called tonight, she would call, so what was he going to say to Ellie? He recalled the day he had frantically told Rachel: Because with living things, anything can happen.As a doctor, I know this.If Ellie's cat had blood cancer, which cats get easily, or got run over by a car on the road, would you explain to her what happened?Rachel, would you like to?But when he said those words at the time, he hadn't thought anything about Churchill.

Louis remembered that when he was playing cards with people, someone asked him why he would feel sexual impulse when he saw his wife naked, but he didn't feel that way when he faced so many naked female patients every day.Lewis says it's because people think differently.When treating patients, I only feel that a woman's chest and thighs are just certain organs of the body, but I feel differently about the various parts of my wife. Louis thinks now, it's like treating family members differently.Church didn't deserve to die because he was integrated with the Lewis family.In the hospital, the doctor can talk and laugh with all kinds of patients calmly, and can quote the rate of children suffering from leukemia at the meeting, but once his own child has leukemia, the doctor will also turn pale, unbelievable.Their response would be: My child has leukemia?Or even my kid's kitten got leukemia?Doctor, you must be joking.

It doesn't matter, let's deal with it step by step. But thinking of Ellie's hysterical performance when she said that Church would die, Louis found it difficult to handle. Stupid big tomcat, why do we have this stupid big tomcat? But it can no longer provoke the female cat.We operated on it just to keep it alive. "Church?" Louis called.But there was only the crackling of the wood in the stove.Church had lately been sitting empty on the couch in the living room above.The kitten wasn't on top of the radiator either. Louis was beating on the bowl that the kitten was fed to. If the kitten was around, it would have come running to the sound.But no kitten came this time... probably never again.

Louis put on his coat and hat, and walked out the door.Then, he walked back.Thinking that the kitten might really be dead, he walked to the sink, squatted down, and opened the small closet under the sink. There were two kinds of plastic bags in the closet, one was a small white plastic bag, and it was placed on the wastebasket. The other is a large green plastic bag, which is used on the large trash can.Church had put on a lot of weight since being castrated, and Louis had a big green plastic bag. Louis didn't like the cold, slippery feel of the plastic bag in his hands, so he put the plastic bag in his coat pocket, and walked out the door, toward Jud's house.

It was already 5:30 at that time, the dusk was coming to an end, the surrounding scenery was lifeless, and the afterglow of the setting sun showed a piece of orange on the other side of the river.The wind hit Route 15, tingling Louis' cheeks and blowing away his white breath.Louis shuddered, but not from fear, but from loneliness.The feeling was strong and overwhelming, indescribable, invisible, but Louis could feel it himself. Louis saw Chad in his green coat standing across the road on the frozen grass of his own house.His face, hidden under the leather collar, looked like a statue, as if it were another inanimate thing in the dead twilight where no birds sang.

Louis started to cross the road, and then saw Jud move, waved to him, and shouted something to him, which Louis couldn't hear clearly through the howling wind.Louis took a step back, realizing that the wind was getting shriller.A moment later he heard a blaring horn, and then an Orinco truck roared past him, blowing his pants and jacket.Damn it, if he didn't dodge the car in time... This time Louis checked left and right before crossing, only to see the taillights of the truck disappearing into the dusk night.Chad said, "I thought that Orinco truck was going to hit you, Louis, be careful." Even though he was close, Louis couldn't see Chad's face, and he had an uneasy feeling that this It could be someone else... anyone else.

Instead of looking at the furry pile at Jud's feet, Louis asked, "Where's Norma?" Chad replied, "She went to Thanksgiving service at church, and I don't think she'll be back until after dinner, and while she probably won't eat anything, she won't be hungry. It's just them An excuse for the women, who usually don't eat anything but sandwiches after a big mid-day meal. She'll be back around 8 o'clock." The wind was blowing hard, occasionally ruffling Chad's leather collar, Louis It was seen that it was indeed Chad--who could it be?

Desperately hoping that the dead cat wasn't Church, Louis squatted down and turned the kitten's head with his gloved fingers, thinking: It's better it's someone else's cat, better it's Jud's mistake. But there is no doubt that it is their own kitten, Church.The cat wasn't crushed, and it didn't seem to be crushed by any of the big trucks speeding by on Route 15. (Louis wondered blankly, what's that big Orinco truck out there this Thanksgiving?) Church's eyes were half-open, glistening like two green glass beads, and his mouth was half-open. , There was a streak of blood at the corner of his mouth.There wasn't much blood, and it just touched a bunch of white hair on its chest.

"Is it your cat, Louis?" Louis replied with a sigh, "Mine." He realized for the first time that he loved Church; perhaps not as passionately as his daughter Ellie, but in a blind way of his own. .In the weeks after neutering the kitten, Church changed, gained a lot of weight, moved a lot slower, and developed a habit of just lying on Ellie's bed or sofa or next to the food bowl every day. , the habit of rarely stepping out of the house.Now, the cat was dead, but to Louis it seemed to him like the old Church again, with a small blood-stained mouth, sharp teeth that looked like they were about to shoot bullets out of a gun, and eyes that blazed with anger.It was as if after this period of asexually stupid quiet life, in death Church regained his true self as a tomcat. Louis said: "Yes, it's Church, I really don't know how to tell Elle about this." Suddenly he had an idea.He's going to bury Church in the pet cemetery, but without a headstone or anything stupid.When I call Ellie tonight, I won't tell her anything about Church, and tomorrow I will casually mention that he didn't see Church and didn't know where he was.The day after tomorrow he will remind that maybe Churchy got lost, and sometimes cats get lost.Of course, Ellie will definitely be very depressed, but after all, she does not need to face the death of the kitten - her daughter will not refuse to face death as depressedly as her wife Rachel, but she will gradually grow up with the kitten Church just forget... Coward, said a voice in Louis's own head. Yes, no need to argue, being a coward myself.But who needs this kind of argument? Chad asked, "Does your daughter love that cat very much?" Louis said blankly, "Yes." He moved the kitten's head again.The cat has gone stiff but its head can be shaken easily u obviously has a broken neck.Yes, Louis thought he could imagine what had happened.When Church was crossing the road - God only knows why he was crossing the road?A car or truck hit it, snapping its neck, and the driver threw it into Chad's lawn.Maybe the cat's neck broke when it hit its head on the icy ground, it doesn't matter, the result is the same anyway, Church is dead. Louis glanced up at Jud, and was about to tell him his reasoning, when he found Chad looking at the fading tan light of the setting sun on the horizon.The fur collar of his coat was blown back by the wind, and his face showed a pensive look, serious and even stern. Louis took out the big green plastic bag from his pocket, opened it, and held it tightly with his hands to prevent it from being blown away by the wind.The rustling sound of the wind blowing bag seemed to bring Chad back to the real world.Chad said, "Yeah, I think she loves the cat very much." The present tense in Chad's words sounded odd.The whole surroundings, the fading daylight, the winter cold, the howling wind made Chad look strange, like a ghost. Louis frowned in the cold wind, he thought: quickly put the kitten in the bag.So he grabbed the kitten by the tail, opened the bag with the other hand, and picked up the cat. When the cat was picked up from the cold ground, it made a strange sound that made Louis feel sick and uncomfortable. The cat seemed strangely heavy, as if death increased its weight.Jesus, the cat is as heavy as a bucket of sand, Louis thought. Chad helped prop the bag open and Louis tossed the cat in, happy to be free of that unpleasantly odd weight. "What are you going to do now?" Chad asked. "I want to put it in the garage and bury it tomorrow morning," Lewis said. "Buried in the pet cemetery?" Louis shrugged, "Maybe." "Are you going to tell Elle?" "I...I have to think about it for a while." Chad was silent for a while, and then said as if making up his mind: "Louis, you wait here for a while." Chad turned away, obviously not thinking that Louis might not want to stay another minute in the cold night.He turned away resolutely, with an ease and ease that seemed strange to a man of his age.Louis didn't say anything, he didn't feel like he was himself anymore, he watched Chad walk away, seemed content to stand there. Louis let the wind play against his cheek, heard the door close, and the garbage bag with Church's body rustle under his feet. satisfy.Yes, he was. For the first time since moving to Maine, Louis felt at home, at home, in his place.Standing in this winter's cold now he felt a little unpleasant, but also a strange excitement that he hadn't felt since childhood. Boy, something is going to happen.There must be something strange, he thought. He looked back at the sky and saw the cold winter stars twinkling in the dark sky. He stood like that for an unknown amount of time, though it could have been minutes or seconds, and then he saw a light appear on Jud's porch, move to the door, and descend the steps.It turned out that Chad had a big flashlight with 4 batteries.In his other hand he held what Louis at first thought was an X-shaped object... then he saw it was a pick and a shovel. Chad handed the shovel to Louis, who took it with his free hand and said, "What the hell are you doing, Chad? We can't bury it tonight." "No, we can bury it tonight, and we're going now." Chad's face was lost again in the flickering circle of the flashlight. "It's dark, Chad, and it's late, and it's cold—" "Come on," said Chad, "let's do it." Louis waved his hand and tried to persuade Chad again, but the explanations and excuses couldn't come out.Those words seemed meaningless in the howling wind and the twinkling stars in the night. "We can wait until tomorrow when we can see clearly—" "Does your daughter love the cat?" "Of course, but—" Chad said softly but logically, "So do you love your daughter?" "Of course I love her, she's my daughter—" "Then come with me." Louis followed Chad. Two or three times as they walked toward the pet cemetery that night, Louis tried to speak to Chad, but Chad didn't answer him.Louis had to give up.His strangely elated, self-satisfied feeling was still there.I don't know where this feeling came from.Louis felt a little muscle ache as he held the spade in one hand and the dead cat in the other.The biting cold wind numbs the bare skin, and the wind becomes lighter in the woods, where they hardly see any snow.The light from the flashlight Chad was carrying danced in the woods.Louis felt an irresistible magnetic mystery about to happen, a secret perhaps. The shadows of the trees disappeared, and they came out into an open field, where they saw the white light reflected off the snow again. "Stay here for a while," said Chad.So Louis put down the bag he was carrying, and wiped the sweat from his brow with his arm.Take a break here?But they were already in the pet cemetery, and Louis could see the gravestones in the light of Chad's flickering flashlight.Chad sat on a thin layer of snow, holding his head in his hands. "Chad, are you okay?" "I'm fine, I just need to catch my breath. It's fine." Louis sat down next to him, took five or six deep breaths, and said, "You know, Chad, I feel good now, I haven't felt this way in six years. I know when I'm going to bury my daughter's pet cat It's crazy to say that. But it's the truth, Chad, and I think it's fine." Chad also took a deep breath or two, and said, "Yeah, I know. Sometimes people feel that way. People don't choose when they feel good, and sometimes the location has something to do with the mood. But you It may be hard to believe that when addicts use heroin, they feel good, but heroin is poisoning them, poisoning their bodies and minds. Luis, this place is like heroin, you never forget. God, I really hope I'm doing the right thing. I think I'm doing the right thing, but I'm not sure. Sometimes I get confused in my head, and I think maybe it's because I'm old.” "I don't know what you're talking about, Chad." "Louis, there's something magical about this place. Not just here, but... where we're going." "Chad..." Chad stood up and said, "Let's go." The flashlight shined on the dead wood pile.Chad made his way to the deadwood pile.Louis suddenly remembered his sleepwalking scene.What had Pascoe said to him in the dream? "Doctor, don't go, no matter how necessary you think it is. Don't go, this obstacle is insurmountable..." But now, tonight, that dream or that warning—whatever it was—seems like months and years ago.Louis felt good, alive, otherworldly, ready to tackle anything imbued with magic.He suddenly thought, this is really like a dream. Chad turned to face Louis, his coat collar seemed to be empty, and for a moment Louis imagined Pascoe himself standing in front of him.The flickering light bounced back like a grinning skull skeleton in a fur coat.Louis' fear came back like a cold tide, and he said, "Chad, we can't get over that deadwood pile, and we'll all break a leg and freeze to death trying to get home." Chad said, "You follow me, just follow me, don't look down. Don't hesitate, don't look down. I know how to get through this deadwood pile, but it has to be quick and decisive." Louis began to think it might be a dream, that he hadn't woken from his morning nap.He thought: If I was awake, I wouldn't be crawling over that deadwood pile any more than I'd be skydiving or getting drunk.But I'm going to go over it, I think I'm really going to go over that deadwood pile.So... I must be dreaming, am I not? Chad moved slightly to the left, avoiding the middle of the deadwood pile.The light of the torch shone brightly on the cluttered (bones) of fallen trees and felled logs.As they approached, the aperture of the flashlight became smaller and brighter.Chad didn't pause at all, didn't check to see if he was in the right place, and began to climb over the pile of dead wood.He did not climb with his hands, stooped over, as climbers do over sandy slopes, but went up, as if climbing stairs.He walked very confidently, as if he knew exactly what to do next. Louis followed, climbing as Jud walked, without looking down or looking where his feet should go.He had a strange but certain feeling that the deadwood pile couldn't hurt him unless he wanted to.That kind of confidence is like the stupid confidence that you can drive safely just by wearing the St Christopher's Medal. But the confidence does work.No branch broke, no hole sunk their foot, no splinter punctured their shoe.Louis's loafers, which were not at all suitable for climbing, did not make him slip on the dry moss.He leaned neither forward nor backward, and the cold wind howled wildly around them. For a moment Louis saw Jud standing on top of the pile of dead wood, and then began to walk down, gradually losing sight of his calves, then his thighs, then his buttocks and waist.Lights danced on the wind-whining branches of deadwood.This pile of dead wood is an obstacle, yes, it is an obstacle, why pretend not to admit it?It is an obstacle. Louis himself had climbed to the top, and he paused for a moment, standing on a dead tree with his right foot at an angle of 35 degrees, and stepped on something elastic under his left foot—maybe some dead fir tree branches?Instead of looking down, he swapped the heavy bag of dead cats in his right hand with the lighter shovel in his left.He raised his face to the direction the wind was blowing, felt the wind blowing past him, and the air current was blowing his hair, the cold wind was so cold, so clean and long-lasting. Louis casually, almost strolling, began to walk down.Once a branch that felt as thick as a human wrist snapped under his feet, but he wasn't worried at all, because the sunken foot immediately landed firmly on a thicker branch about 4 inches superior.Louis barely staggered.He thinks now he understands why the regiment commanders in World War I could ignore the bullets flying around, but walked slowly on the trenches and shouted "Tipareli" (place name-translator's note) .That was madness, but it was the madness that was so exhilarating. Louis stared straight down at the light of Chad's flashlight.Chad stood there, waiting for Louis.Then Louis stepped on the ground, his excitement burning like the embers of a kerosene lamp."We turned it over, we made it!" he yelled, putting down his shovel and patting Jud on the shoulder.He recalled that he had climbed an apple tree before, and climbed to the topmost branch, which was swayed by the wind like the mast of a ship sailing in the sea.He hadn't felt this way in twenty years, and it made him feel young and alive.He called again, "Chad, we did it!" Chad asked, "Did you think we couldn't climb it?" Louis opened his mouth to say—Think we can't crawl?We're lucky we didn't get killed!But he immediately shut his mouth again.He'd never really thought about it, not since the moment Chad approached the deadwood pile.And he no longer worried about whether he could climb over the deadwood pile when he returned."I guess I didn't think so," he said. "Okay then, we still have to go, about 3 miles." They went on, and the path did go forward as Louis had thought.In places it seemed wide, and though the flickering lights were not very visible, it was almost perceptible that the clearing seemed to have receded as if the trees had receded.Once or twice Louis looked up and saw the stars moving over the dark treetops.Once something was loping along the path ahead of them, and the flashlight hit its green eyes, and the light flickered. In other places the path was almost blocked by bushes whose branches kept catching on the shoulders of Louis' coat.He kept switching from carrying the bag of dead cats to the shovel, but the pain in his shoulder persisted.His walking pace gradually became rhythmic, and he was almost hypnotized by this rhythm.Yes, there was something magical about this place, he felt it.He remembered that when he was in high school, he and his girlfriend and several other people went to the field to play, and they walked on the road not far from the power station.Not long after we got there, his girlfriend said she wanted to go home or somewhere because her teeth were all hurting.Louis didn't go by himself, feeling nervous and lucid around the power station.He felt it now, only more intensely, and it wasn't uncomfortable.this is-- Chad came to a sudden stop and they reached the bottom of a long incline when Louis inadvertently ran into Chad. Chad turned around and said calmly to Louis, "We're almost where we want to go, but the short distance behind is a bit like a dead wood pile. When you go, be steady and easy, follow me, don't go Look down, do you think we are descending?" "yes." "This is the edge of what the Mi'k'Mac used to call the Little God's Swamp. The traders who came to trade in furs called it the Dead Swamp. Most of them come in once and get out and never come back again." "Is there a quicksand field in there?" "Oh, yes, there's a lot of quicksands! There are several quicksand lanes of quartz sand deposited by the icebergs. We call it silica sand, but there may be a term for this kind of sand." Chad looked at Louis, and for a moment Louis thought he saw a glint in the old man's eyes, a flash of something less pleasant. Then Chad flicked the flashlight, and the look disappeared. "Louis, there's a lot of fun on this track. It's more dull...or more exciting." Louis was taken aback. Chad asked, "What's wrong?" While thinking about the scene at the end of the road that night when he was sleepwalking, Louis said, "It's nothing." "You might see the St. Elmer's Flame - the sailors call it the Runelight. It takes all sorts of weird shapes, but it's all right. If you see these weird shapes and it bothers you, ask Look away. You might also hear some human-like sounds, but they're just abysses migrating south. People call them soundbirds, which is interesting." Louis asked suspiciously: "Abby Bird? In this season?" "Oh, yeah." Chad's voice was so muffled and flat that it was hard to make out.For a moment Louis longed desperately to see the old man's face again.The face looked— "Where are we going, Chad? What the hell are we going to do in the middle of nowhere?" Chad turned back and said, "I'll tell you when we get there, watch out for the grass under your feet." They began to move on again, from one high ground in the swamp to another high ground.Louis didn't try to find these high grounds, his feet seemed to find them automatically without any effort on his part.He slipped only once, when his left foot broke through a piece of ice and fell into the icy water.He quickly pulled out his foot and continued to follow the flickering light in Jud's hand.The light flickered in the woods and reminded him of the pirate stories he had read as a child.Those evil people buried gold coins when the wind was high and the night was dark. Of course, one of their accomplices would be shot in the chest and fall into the pit where the gold coin box was buried.Because the pirates believed—or the writers of these lurid novels wanted to prove solemnly—that the ghosts of the pirates' dead companions guarded the treasure. Only we didn't come to bury treasure, but my daughter's neutered cat. Louis thought, and couldn't help but want to laugh maniacally, but he suppressed it. He didn't hear any human-like voices, and he didn't see any St. Elmer's fire, but after four or five brush strokes, Louis looked down and saw only his feet.The calves, knees and lower thighs were all submerged in a smooth, all-white, opaque mist, like walking through the lightest avalanche in the world. There seemed to be light in the air too, and he could have sworn it felt a little warmer.He could see Jud walking steadily ahead of him with the pick on his shoulder, which reinforced the image of someone who was about to bury treasure. That crazy excitement is still there.It occurred to Louis if maybe Rachel was trying to call him, maybe the phone at home was ringing sensibly over and over again, if— He almost hit Jud's back again, and the old man stopped in the middle of the road.His head was tilted to one side, his mouth was opened wide and tense. "Chad? How—" "Hush!" Louis fell silent, looking around uneasily.The fog was less dense here, but he still couldn't see his shoes.Then he heard crackling in the bushes, and the snapping of branches.Something came out of it—and a big one at that. Louis opened his mouth to ask Chad if it was a moose (and he had a bear in mind), but he closed it again.Chad already said it, it was Abbie. He unconsciously imitated Jud by tilting his head to the side and listening.The voice seemed far away at first and then near, now receding from them and now moving ominously closer.Louis felt beads of sweat begin to run down his chapped cheeks in threads from his forehead.He moved the bag containing Church's body into his other hand.His palms were wet with sweat, and the green plastic bag was a little greasy, as if it was about to fall off.Now the thing was out, very close to him, and at any moment Louis wished to see the shape of the thing, maybe it would stand on its legs, its unimaginably large body covered with shaggy hair might hide the sky the stars. Louis no longer thought it was a bear. Now he doesn't even know what he's thinking. Then the thing moved away and disappeared. Louis opened his mouth again, and a few words were about to come out of his mouth, and suddenly there was a burst of sharp and crazy laughter from the darkness.The laughter rose and fell, like hysterical laughter, ear-splitting and frightening.Louis seemed to feel that every joint in his body was frozen, as if he had suddenly gained a lot of weight, so heavy, as if if he turned around and ran, he would fall to the ground, fall into the swamp and no one could find him again. Arrived. The laugh rose again, then became a rattling sound like stones rolling on rails, then a scream, then faded away, like a guttural giggle, and then something like It was a low sob, and finally a silence was restored. Louis began to tremble all over.Goosebumps began to form on his body - especially his abdomen.Yes, goosebumps are a good way to describe how he feels.His mouth was dry, as if there was no saliva in it.But the feeling of excitement is still there, as if it can't be shaken off. Louis whispered hoarsely to Chad, "God, what the hell is it?" Chad turned to look at Louis, who in the dim light thought the old man was 120 years old.Now there was no strange wandering look in the old man's eyes.His face was gloomy, and there was obvious fear in his eyes.But his voice was still calm when he spoke: "It's just a Abbie. Come on, we'll be there." Then they walked on, and the grass became solid land again.There were times when Louis thought he was out in the open, the dim light in the air was gone, and all he could see was Chad's back three feet ahead.Underfoot is short grass that is frozen.He could smell the fragrance of the fir and feel the needles of the tree.Occasionally a twig or two scratched him. Louis had no sense of time or direction, but they hadn't gone far before Chad stopped again, turned to Louis and said, "There are steps carved in the rock here, maybe 42 or 44 steps. I can't remember. You follow me and we'll be there when we climb to the top." With that said, Chad began to climb again, and Louis followed. The stone steps are wide enough, but the feeling of stepping on them is not stable, and the shoes step on some pebbles or gravels on the steps from time to time. ... Twelve ... Thirteen ... Fourteen ... The wind grew harsher and colder at night, and soon Louis' face went numb.He thought: Are we already above the tree growth line?He looked up and saw countless stars shining coldly in the night.Never in his life had he felt that the stars made one feel so small and meaningless.He asked himself the age-old question—is there intelligent life out there, too?Instead of curiosity, the thought gave him an eerie feeling, like asking himself what it would be like to eat a handful of wriggling bugs. Twenty-six... twenty-seven... twenty-eight... Who chiseled these stone steps?Indians?Mike Mike?Were they Indians with tools?I'll have to ask Chad. The "Indian with the tool" reminded Louis of the "hairy animal," which reminded him of the thing running beside them in the woods.Suddenly one of his feet staggered, and he grabbed hold of the stone wall on his left side with his gloved hand for balance.The stone walls have many holes and streaks to the touch.Like dry skin about to break, Louis thought. Chad whispered, "Louis, are you okay?" "I'm fine," Louis said.But he was a little out of breath, and Church's bag was heavy, and his muscles were twitching with fatigue. Forty-two... Forty-three... Forty-four... "Forty-five," said Chad, "I forgot. I don't think I've been here in 20 years. I don't think I'll ever come back for anything. Here...you'll know when you come up." He scratched Luis' arm helped him up the last step and said, "Here we are, here it is." Louis looked around, he could see clearly, the stars were dim but bright enough.They were standing on a large protruding boulder with a thin layer of covering that made the whole flat boulder look like a black tongue.Looking in the direction they had come, Louis could see the tops of the fir grove they had passed through to climb the stone steps.Though they came upon a monstrous, flat-topped square hill, a geographical anomaly such as was common in Arizona or New Mexico.Because there is only grass and no trees on the top of this mountain, the sun has melted the snow here.As he turned toward Chad, Louis saw the dry grass bend in the cold wind blowing against his face, and saw that this was a hill, not an isolated square.The terrain ahead of them was rising, and the rising ground was covered with trees.But this flat land stands out in such a way that it looks very strange around the lowlands and hills of New England. 路易斯的脑袋里突然闪现出带工具的印第安人。 “来吧。”乍得边说边领着路易斯向树林方向走了25英尺。这儿的风更大了，不过感觉很清新。路易斯看到这些树下面有几块阴影，而这些冷杉树是路易斯所见过的最古老的最高的树。这个高高的孤零零的地方让人产生的感觉就是空蒙，但空蒙是一种可震动的空虚。那些树下的阴影是用做纪念的圆锥形石堆。 乍得说：“米克迈克人把这小山丘上铺上沙石。没人知道他们是怎么做的。就像没人知道玛雅人是怎么建他们的金字塔一样。米克迈克人也像玛雅人一样忘了自己是怎么做的。”“为什么？他们为什么这么做呢？” “这是他们的墓地。我带你来这儿是为了让你在这里埋艾丽的猫。你知道，米克迈克人对什么都不歧视的。他们把自己的宠物埋在他们的主人的身边。” 这话使路易斯想起了埃及人。他们做得更甚，若是主人死了，埃及人会把他忠诚的宠物也给杀死，以使宠物的灵魂能和主人的灵魂一起进入死后的世界相伴着生活。路易斯记得读过一本书，讲述的是一个法老的女儿死了后，人们杀死了上万头家畜——包括600头猪和2000只孔雀来陪葬。那些猪在杀死前都用公主最喜欢的玫瑰香味的油料涂抹过。 这些埃及人也建金字塔。没人确切地知道玛雅人建金字塔是为了什么，也许是为了航海用，也许是为了计时用，有人说是用来观天象的石场。但他们确实很清楚埃及人建的金字塔是给死人用的墓地，是世界上最大的坟墓。这里躺着的是拉姆兹二世，一个顺从的法老。路易斯边想边发出了一种疯狂的咯咯大笑声。 乍得毫不惊讶地看着他说：“快去埋小猫去吧，我要抽支烟。我可以帮你，但你得自己做。每个人都自己埋葬属于自己的东西。过去人们就是这么做的。” “乍得，这究竟是怎么回事？你为什么要带我来这儿？” “因为你救了我妻子的命。”乍得说。虽然话听起来很诚挚，路易斯以为乍得确实自己认为语气是诚挚的，但路易斯有种突发的超自然的感觉，他觉得乍得在说谎——或者说以前别人对乍得说过谎，而现在他又把这谎言说给了路易斯。路易斯还记得他在乍得眼中看到的恐惧的神色。 不过在这山顶上一切似乎都不重要了，只有寒风不停地吹拂着他的头发。 乍得背靠着一棵树坐了下来，手拢在一起挡着风点着了一支烟说：“你开始埋小猫前也想休息一下吗？” 路易斯答道：“不，我没事。”他想自己本可以接着问乍得些问题，但发现自己真的并不在意这些问题，这种感觉似是似非的，不过路易斯现在决定不问了。他需要知道的只有一件事，他向那块突出来的平台似的石头点头示意，问：“我真的能在那上面给小猫挖个坟吗？那上面的土看起来很薄啊。” 乍得慢慢地点头说：“是的，土很薄。没关系，路易斯，能长草的土地就有足够的深度在里面埋东西。而且人们到这儿进行埋葬已有好长时间了。当然你可能发现挖坑不那么容易。” 确实，路易斯发现挖坑很难。地上又硬，石头又多，很快路易斯看出自己得用镐才能刨出个能装下小猫丘吉的坑。于是他开始变换使用工具，开始先用镐刨松冻土和石头，然后用锹挖出去。他的双手开始觉得疼了。他的身体热了起来，他有一种强烈肯定的愿望，需要做好这件事。他开始呼吸急促起来，有时他在给病人缝伤口时也会呼吸紧张的。有时镐会创在石头上进出火花，那种镐石相撞的震动会通过木把传到路易斯的双手上，他能感觉到手上磨出了水泡。虽然他和大多数医生一样是很爱惜手的，但这次他毫不在乎。头上、身边全是风声，随着树的摇动带着节奏呼啸着。与风声相对的是石块被敲裂的声音和石块轻轻掉落的声音。他回头看到乍得正蹲在那儿把刚挖出的石块捡出来，堆成一堆。乍得看见路易斯在看他，就说：“是为了做个标记。”“噢。”路易斯说了声又接着挖坑了。 坑挖出来了，大约2英尺宽，3英尺长，路易斯想，对一只猫来说，这可像辆卡迪拉克车了。挖到30英寸深的时候，几乎每挥一下镐，都会刨到石头，迸出火花，路易斯把镐和锹放到一边问乍得可以了吗？乍得走过来粗略地看了一眼说：“我觉得可以了，不过主要还是由你来定。” “你能不能告诉我，我们这么做是为了什么？” 乍得笑了一声说：“米克迈克人认为这座山上有一种魔力。他们认为这整个一座森林，从沼泽地以北和以东都有魔力。他们开辟了这块地作为墓地，远离一切。其他各族人都不来这儿。拍诺伯斯科特人说这些林子里满是幽灵。后来，捕猎野兽获取毛皮的人也这么说。我想是因为他们在这小神沼泽地里看到了符光，以为看到了幽灵吧。”乍得又笑了。路易斯心里想：这才不是你心里想的呢。乍得接着说：“再后来，就是米克迈克人他们自己也不来这儿了。有一个米克迈克人说他在这儿见到了一个温迪哥幽灵，因此这块地变坏了。他们为此举办了一次大型典礼或是别的什么仪式。路易斯，这些都是我年轻时听说的，我是从老酒鬼斯坦尼·毕——我们给斯坦利·布查德起的外号——那儿听说的。他不知道的情节就自己编造故事讲给我们听。” 路易斯只知道温迪哥是北方乡村的人们说的一种幽灵，他问：“你以为这块地真的变坏了吗？” 乍得笑了——或至少他的嘴巴咧了一下，他轻声说：“我想这是个危险的地方，不过对猫、狗或宠物老鼠来说不是。路易斯，快接着埋你的猫吧。” 路易斯把装着死猫的垃圾袋放进坑里，慢慢地用锹往上盖土。他现在又冷又累，听着土拍打在塑料袋上的声音，他觉得很沮丧，不过他并不后悔来这儿，只是那种激动的感觉渐渐消失了，他开始希望赶快结束这次冒险活动，回家还得走很长一段路呢。 拍打塑料袋的声音逐渐小了，接着没有了，只有填土时的噗噗声，他用锹的边沿把最后一点土扫进坑里（埋坑的土总是不够，路易斯想，他回忆起好像是1000年前似的做殡仪员的舅舅曾对他说过这话，在埋坑的时候，土总是不够），然后转向乍得。 乍得说：“还有做标记的石块也得堆好。” 路易斯答道：“乍得，你看，我太累了，而且——” 乍得声音很轻但毫不宽容地说：“这是艾丽的猫，她想要你做好这一切的。” 路易斯叹了口气说：“我想是的。” 他们又花了10分钟的时间堆起石块，乍得一块块地递给他，路易斯摆好。做完后，小猫丘吉的坟墓上出现了一个圆锥形的石块堆，而路易斯也确实有一种小小的疲劳的喜悦感。在星光下这个小坟堆跟其他的那些一样。路易斯想艾丽永远也不会看到它，不过他看到了，这个坟堆不错。想到要带艾丽穿过充满流沙区的沼泽，会使瑞琪儿头发都变白了的。 路易斯站起身打扫着裤子上的泥土，他现在看得更清楚些了，有几处他能清晰地看到散落开的石块，于是对乍得说：“这些石块堆大多都塌下来了。”可是乍得却忙着看路易斯用来堆坟墓标记的石块是否都是从路易斯自己挖的坑里拿出来的石块。弄清楚后他说：“是啊，告诉你吧，这个地方可有历史了。” “现在我们全弄完了吗？” 乍得拍了一下路易斯的肩膀说：“是的，路易斯，你干得不错。我就知道你会好好干的。咱们回家吧。” 路易斯又说：“乍得——”但乍得只是抓起了镐，向石阶走去，并没理会路易斯。路易斯拿起锹，小跑着跟了上去，然后喘息着走了起来。他回头看了一次，但他为女儿的小猫温斯顿·丘吉尔用石块堆起的坟墓已融入了阴影中，他已无法辨认出来了。 一段时间过去了，当他们走出树林，走进离自己家房子很近的田地里的时候，路易斯疲惫地想，我们好像是在倒放电影吧。他不知道天有多晚了，下午睡觉时他摘下手表放在床头的窗台上了，可能表还在那儿呢。他只知道自己累坏了。十六七年前在芝加哥他上高中时，有一个暑假做垃圾清洁工的第一天他觉得精疲力尽，打那以后他还从没像今天这么累过。 他们回来的路跟去时的一样，但路易斯记不大清楚了。他只记得在翻过枯木堆时他绊了一跤，身子往前一倾，脑子里在想——彼得·潘，噢，上帝，我失去了快乐，我要跌下去了——但是乍得伸手稳稳地拉住了他。一会之后他们走出了宠物公墓，走上了曾和乍得及自己家人一起走过的那条小路。 路易斯好像在沉思着梦见帕斯科的那一幕，他那梦游的情景。但是怎么也想不起那次梦游所走的路跟这次所走的路有什么联系了。他能想到的就是这次冒险很危险——不是像柯林斯小说中那种戏剧性的，而是实实在在的危险的冒险。他的手上磨出了水泡，在翻枯木堆时他可能摔死。很难清醒理智地解释这些行为。在现在精疲力尽的情况下，他宁愿将这一切归因于对全家人喜爱的小猫的死而产生的混乱和沮丧的情感。 过了一会，他们又回到了通往回家的路。 两个人默不作声一起向路易斯家走去，到他家的汽车道时，风声大作，路易斯默默地把镐递给乍得。 乍得终于开口说：“我得赶快过马路回家，比森或是帕克丝会送诺尔玛回家，要是我不在，她会猜想我到底去哪儿了。” 路易斯问：“时间还来得及吗？”他很惊讶诺尔玛还没回家，他还以为都半夜了呢。 乍得说：“来得及。我先穿戴好，然后送她走的，这样我就有时间了。”说完他伸手到裤兜里掏出手表，打开表套看了一眼说：“现在8点半。” 路易斯呆呆地重复了一句：“8点半，才8点半。” 乍得问：“你以为有多晚了？” 路易斯说：“反正比8点半要晚。” 乍得边转身要走边说：“路易斯，明天见。” 路易斯叫道：“乍得？” 乍得回转身，略带疑问地看着路易斯。 “乍得，我们今晚干了些什么？” “噢，我们埋了你女儿的猫啊。” “我们做的就是这些吗？” 乍得说：“就这些，别的没什么啊。路易斯，你是个好人，但问题太多了。有时人们必须做些看起来是对的事。我是说心里感觉是对的事。要是他们做了这些事情，结果又觉得不对，脑子里全是疑问和难理解的感觉，他们就会以为自己做了错事。你明白我的意思吗？” "Yes." Louis said.心里却想他们在下山回家的路上乍得一定看出了路易斯当时在想什么。 乍得盯着路易斯说：“他们不想的是也许在们心自问前应该先想想那些疑虑的感觉。路易斯，你怎么想的？” 路易斯慢慢地说：“我想，也许你是对的。” “一个人心里的事，跟别人谈起不见得会给他带来好处，是吧？” "Oh--" 乍得说：“对。”好像路易斯赞同他的观点似地说：“不会带来好处。”声音果断不容缓和，这使路易斯有点恐惧。“这些事是秘密。女人应该是善于保守秘密的，我想她们确实能保守许多秘密。但是任何一个无所不知的女人都会对你说她从没看透过任何男人的心。男人的心肠更硬些，路易斯，就像在那古老的米克迈克坟场上的土壤似的，下边全是石头。男人们种豆得豆，种瓜得瓜。自己做过什么就会得到什么。” “乍得——” “别问了，路易斯。接受所做过的事，按自己的心愿做事。” "but--" “没什么但是的。接受事实，按心愿做事。至少此时我们做的事是对的。上帝，我希望是对的。别的时候这么做可能就是错的，错得可怕。” “你能至少回答我一个问题吗？” “好吧，先说说看，是什么问题。” “你怎么知道那个地方的？”这个问题在他们回来的路上路易斯就想问了，他当时还想也许乍得本身就有米克迈克人的血统，虽然他长得并不像米克迈克人，而是百分之百的盎格鲁人。 乍得看起来有些惊讶地说：“噢，从斯坦尼·毕那儿听说的。” “他只是告诉了你？” “不，”乍得说，“这不是个任谁都可告诉的地方。我10岁时去过那儿，埋了我的狗斯波特。它是追兔子时撞上了生锈的带倒钩的铁丝，伤口感染后死的。” 这话里有些东西不对头，跟路易斯以前听到的话不相符，但路易斯太累了，没想起那不一致的地方。乍得没再说话，只是用他那老人的深邃的眼睛看着路易斯。 路易斯说：“晚安，乍得。” “晚安。”老人说完拿着镐和锹开始穿越马路了。 路易斯本能地叫道：“谢谢啦！” 乍得没有回身，只是举起一只手，示意自己听到了。 突然房间里的电话响了起来。 路易斯飞跑起来，大腿上部和背的下部疼得他直咧嘴，但等他跑进温暖的厨房时，电话已经响了六七次了。路易斯手刚摸到电话，它就不响了，不过他还是拿起话筒，说了声：“喂？”但电话已经挂断了。他想，一定是瑞琪儿，我给她打过去吧。 但突然间拨电话号码似乎成了件艰巨的工作，因为电话接通后他得尴尬地跟瑞琪儿的妈妈——也许更糟，跟她那要开支票做交易的父亲周旋，然后电话才会交给瑞琪儿，跟妻子说完还要跟女儿艾丽说几句。在芝加哥时间比在这还晚一个小时呢，艾丽肯定没睡。艾丽会问他丘吉怎么样了。难道自己要回答女儿： 挺好的，不错，被一辆奥灵科大卡车给撞了，它被撞死了。但根本看不出伤痕。我和乍得把它埋在了米克迈克人的坟场，跟宠物公墓差不多的地方。去那儿很不容易的。以后什么时间我带你去那儿，给小猫的坟墓上放上些鲜花。等熊冬眠了，沼泽地里的流沙区冻上了以后吧。 路易斯又挂上了电话，他不想打了，他走到水池边，放满了热水，脱下衬衫洗了起来。他刚才出的汗大多了，虽然天很冷，他还是出了一身大汗，汗湿味闻起来像猪身上的味。 冰箱里还有些剩肉块，路易斯切了几片，放在面包片上，又加了厚厚的两片洋葱，想了一会，又抹上了些番茄酱，然后放上另一片面包。要是瑞琪儿和艾丽在家的话，她们会同时做出一副讨厌的样子，皱着鼻子说——呀，粗俗。 路易斯带着心满意足的神色边大嚼着自己做的三明治边想，女士们，你们错过了这一切。中国的孔夫子说过，闻着像猪的人吃起东西来像狼。他觉得味道不错，边想边笑了。吃完三明治后他从装牛奶的纸盒中直接喝了几口牛奶，这习惯要是瑞琪儿看见了会使劲地皱眉的。然后路易斯上了楼，甚至没刷牙就脱衣上床了。他的疼痛都变成了似乎令人舒服的抽动。 他的表还在原地，他看了一眼，9点过10分，这真是令人难以相信。 路易斯关了灯，侧转身子睡了。 第二天早上，大约3点后的什么时候他醒了，拖着脚走到厕所里，站在那儿撒尿。厕所里日光灯的白光照得他直像猫头鹰似地眨眼。突然他瞪大了眼睛，他猛地想起了乍得说的关于他的狗的不一致处。昨晚乍得告诉路易斯，他的狗在他10岁时因被生锈的铁丝刮伤感染而死的。但是夏天他们全家人跟乍得一起去宠物公墓时，乍得说他的狗是老死的，埋在宠物公墓里了，还指给他们看那个墓碑来的，虽然上面的字因年久已模糊不清了。 路易斯冲了厕所，关掉灯，回到床上。觉得还有些事不对头，过了一会他想起来了。乍得生于世纪初，而那天他在宠物公墓时他说他的狗死在第一次大战的第一年，要是乍得指的是真的在欧洲发动的那次大战的第一年的话，那时乍得应该是14岁；而若是指美国加入大战的第一年，他应该17岁了。 但乍得今晚说他的狗死的时候他才10岁。 路易斯不安地想，哦，他是个老人了，老人有时记忆不好。他说过自己已经注意到上了年纪了，经常需要费力气去想以前很容易想起的人名、地名的，有时早晨起来后就想不起头天晚上计划好要做的家务事了。对一个像他那把年纪的人来说，应该是老眼昏花，头脑糊涂了，但对乍得来说衰老无用这词有些不恰当，记忆不好可能更恰当些。对于一个老人，把70年前自己的狗死的日期给忘了，这没什么令人惊讶的，或是狗死时的原因是什么也忘了也不令人惊奇。忘了这些吧，路易斯。 但是路易斯很难马上入睡，他又躺在床上醒了好长一段时间，清楚地感觉到房子里空荡荡的，听到了屋檐下呼啸的风声。 有一刻他似睡非睡，他自己也没意识到，因为他似乎听到有光脚慢慢爬楼梯的声音。他想：走开，帕斯科，走开，别靠近我。做过的事已过去了，死了的已死了。接着脚步声消失了。 虽然那一年里随后又发生了许多令人难以解释的悲剧，但路易斯再也没被帕斯科的幽灵干扰过，不管是在醒的时候还是在梦中。