Chapter 9 Nine

The next day, when Louis was installing a 1917 silver Rolls-Royce car model in the study, Ellie came to find Louis. She looked a little preoccupied, but also a little serious.The daughter greeted him: "Hi, Daddy." 'Hi, baby, what's the matter? "Oh, nothing, what are you doing?" Elle replied nonchalantly. But what was showing on her face was not the case. She was wearing a coat, and Louis suddenly remembered that his daughter always wore a coat on Sunday, even though they didn't go to church. Louis carefully glued the model car handed his daughter an axle cap, and replied, "Look at this, see these connected R's?The words are small, aren't they?If we go back to Selton for Thanksgiving in L-1011, you'll find those R's on the engines too. ’ ‘Axle caps, that’s wonderful. said Ellie, handing the axle caps back to Dad. "If you had a Rolls-Royce, you'd call the axle caps extremely protective."You, too, can be exuberant.When I make a million dollars, I'll buy a Rolls Royce.By then, Gage will be motion sick, and he can throw up on the leather seat. "Ai Li didn't seem to hear. Louis murmured secretly, Ai Li, what are you thinking? The questions you ask always seem to interrupt, and you always have your own way in your mind. And this is what Louis admires his daughter of.

"Dad, are we rich?" "Not rich, but we are not poor enough to starve." "Mike from our school says doctors are rich." "Oh, when you go back to school and tell Mike that many doctors will become rich, but it will take twenty years... and the medical clinics that manage the university will not become very rich. Being a medical professional will make you very rich. For example , as a gynecologist, orthopedic specialist, or neurologist, they can get rich quickly. It takes a long time for a practical internal medicine practitioner like me to get rich.” "Dad, why don't you become an expert?"

Louis thought of the various models he had made, how he sometimes got bored of it all, how he would spend his life checking children for hammer toes, or checking women's vaginas while wearing medical gloves With no lumps or lesions, he replied: "I just don't want to do it." At this moment, Church came running in, stopped for a moment, looked around with green eyes, then jumped onto the windowsill and lay down as if going to sleep. Ellie glanced at the kitten and frowned.This made Louis feel very strange.Ellie usually looks at the kitten with eyes full of love.Ellie walked around the house, looking around at the various models, and then, in a nonchalant tone, said, "My God, there are a lot of graves in the pet cemetery, right?"

Ah, that's the crux of the matter, and that's why the daughter came here with a lot of heart.Louis didn't look back at her. He went on to look at his model installation guide, put the lights on the model, and said, "Yeah, I think there's more than a hundred." "Dad, why don't animals live as long as humans?" "Oh, some animals live almost as long as people, and some live longer than people. Elephants, for example, live a long time, and some turtles live for a long time that people don't even know. Maybe people I know, but they can't believe it."

Ellie doesn't care about these animals. She said: "Elephants and turtles are not pets. Pets don't live long at all. Mike said that a puppy's life is equivalent to 9 years of human life." "It's 7 years. Louis corrected involuntarily, "Baby, I know what you're thinking. You're right, a dog that's 12 years old is an old dog. You know, living things have to have metabolism. Metabolism looks like Like telling people the time. Oh, and it does something else - some people eat a lot and stay skinny just because of their metabolism, like your mom. Others - like me - just can't eat well Too much, or you'll gain weight. We all have different metabolisms, that's all. But the metabolism is mostly a biological clock. Dogs have a fast metabolism. Humans, relatively slow. Most people You can live to be 72. Believe me, 72 is a long time."

Because Allie looked genuinely anxious, Louis tried to be as honest and believable as possible.He is 35 years old, but for him, time is fleeting.He then said to his daughter, "What about the turtles, their metabolism is even slower." Allie looked at Church again and asked, "Where's the cat?" "Oh, cats and dogs are basically the same in most cases." Louis knew he was lying.Cats are violent by nature and usually die violently in front of people.Church is now taking a nap in the sun and sleeping peacefully on the head of his daughter's bed every night. In the past, this kitten was clever and cute and often shrank into a ball.But Louis had seen it stalk a bird with a broken wing, and the cat's green eyes were full of curiosity and grim delight.Church seldom kills its prey, with one exception.It was when his wife Waigaki was six months old. The kitten caught a big mouse in the alley between their apartment and the neighboring apartment. , ran to the toilet and vomited for a while.The life of a cat is brutal, and cats usually end up on the streets.Cats are the thugs of the animal world. They never obey the law, so they often die violently.Most cats don't die of old age by the fire.But there are always things that maybe shouldn't be told to my 5-year-old daughter, especially if this is the first time she's asked about death.

"I mean," Louis went on, "Church is only 3 now, and you're 5. He might live until you're 15, a sophomore in high school, and it's still early." "It's not too early for me," Ellie said tremblingly, "it's not too early at all." Louis stopped pretending to install the model and gestured for his daughter to come over.Ellie sat on his lap, looking brooding, and Louis was stunned by her daughter's beauty.Elle is a little dark skinned, like people from the Mediterranean region.Dr. Tony, who worked with Louis in Chicago, used to call his daughter an Indian princess.

"Honey," Louis said, "if I had to decide, I'd let Church live to be a hundred. But I can't decide." "So who decides?" the daughter asked, and then, with endless contempt, "God, I suppose." Louis tried not to laugh out loud.This question is too serious. "Maybe it's God, maybe it's someone else," he said. "Time goes by—that's all I know. Nothing's guaranteed, baby." Suddenly Ellie burst into tears and yelled angrily: "I don't want Church to be like those dead pets! I don't want Church to die! It's my kitten! It's not God's cat! Let God himself Let the cats die! Let the cats he wants die! Kill them all! Church is mine!"

There were footsteps coming from the kitchen, and it was Rachel who came and looked into the study in surprise.Ellie was sobbing against Dad's chest.The feeling of terror was vented, and Ellie was better. While shaking Ellie, Louis said, "Ellie, Ellie, Church isn't dead, he's right there, sleeping." "But it's going to die," Allie said, crying, "it could die any minute." Louis rocked Ellie and thought: Maybe Ellie is crying because death is cruel, unforeseeable, and unstoppable.For a little girl, if all the other animals were dead and buried, Church could die and be buried at any moment; and if Church could die, her mother, father, and The little brother, and even she herself would die.Death is a vague concept, but pet cemeteries are real.In the criss-crossing of tombstones, even a child perceives the fact of death.Louis could still lie at this point, just as he had just said about cats living long.But lies will be remembered by children for a lifetime, and maybe later they will blame these lies on their parents.His own mother had lied to him innocuously that children were picked by mothers in the dewy grass, and that when mothers wanted children, they went there to look for them.Louis never forgave his mother for lying about it, nor forgiving himself for believing it.

"Baby, there's always death," Louis said, "Death is part of life." "It's the bad part, the really bad part," Allie cried. Louis said nothing more, and the daughter sobbed.He held Ellie in his arms and listened to the Sunday church bells drift across the September fields.My daughter's tears will stop eventually.Let her understand that death is a necessary step, and she will deal with it in peace.Before she knew it Ellie stopped crying and fell asleep like Church. Louis put her daughter on the bed and went downstairs to the kitchen.The wife is making a cake.He told his wife about Ellie's strange behavior in the morning, and thought it was not like Ellie's usual behavior? .

"Isn't it?" Rachel said as she put the bowl on the cupboard. "I think she didn't sleep much last night. I heard her tossing and turning on the bed, and Church kept calling to get out until 3 Around one o'clock. Church only does it when Ellie is fidgeting." "Why did she—" "Oh, of course you know why!" Rachel said angrily. "That goddamn pet cemetery is why! Louis, that pet cemetery really frustrates my daughter. It's the first time she's ever seen a cemetery, whatever it is." The cemetery, it upsets her. I don't think I'm going to write a thank-you note to your friend Crandall just for going to the cemetery this time." Well, Louis thought, all of a sudden he's my friend.Confused and distressed, he said, "Rachel—" "I don't want my daughter to go there anymore." "Rachel, it's true what Chad said about the trail." "That's not a path, you know." She picked up the bowl again and stirred harder. "It's a damned place. It's a dangerous place. Kids go there tending graves, clearing roads...that's a sickness. Whatever sickness there is with kids in this town, I don't want Elle Infected." Louis looked at his wife in bewilderment and said, "Honey, that's just a pet cemetery." Pointing to Louis' study with a cake spoon, Rachel said, "When she was crying in there just now, did you think it was just a pet cemetery thing for her? No, Louis, it's going to stay in her heart." Next scar, she can't go there anymore. It's not a path, it's an ugly place. You see, she's thinking now that Church is dying." For a moment, Louis had the feeling that he was still talking to Ellie, who was only dressed in her mother's rigid clothes, with the mask of a clear, intelligent Rachel.Even the expression is the same - stubborn and melancholy on the outside, but vulnerable on the inside. Louis searched for words, for the sudden seriousness of the question meant not only mystery or loneliness, but Rachel's ignorance of something that filled the world, that anyone could Noticing, unless people want to ignore it.He said, "Rachel, Church is going to die." Rachel glared at him angrily, and said carefully as if she were speaking to a mentally retarded child: "That's not the case. Church won't die today, and he won't die tomorrow." "I want to tell my daughter—" "Church won't die the day after tomorrow, maybe years from now—" "Honey, we're not sure—" "Of course we're sure!" exclaimed Rachel. "We'll take good care of it and it won't die, no one will die here. And why would you take such a small child to the cemetery and make her sad Frustrating, she hasn't figured this out yet!" "Rachel, listen to me." But Rachel didn't care to listen at all, she was still angry: "When encountering death, whether it's a pet, a friend, or a relative, it's bad enough, do you want to turn it into a... ...a goddamn pet cemetery that attracts people like a tourist attraction..." Rachel said, tears streaming down her face. "Rachel," Louis said, putting his arms around his wife to comfort her, but she pushed his hand away abruptly, saying, "It's nothing, you don't mind what I just said." Louis sighed and said, "I feel like I've fallen into a bottomless pit." He tried to make his wife smile, but Rachel kept staring at him.Louis realized that his wife was angry, not just angry, but absolutely angry.Louis suddenly asked unconsciously, "Rachel, how did you sleep last night?" "Oh, my God! You're so smart," Rachel said contemptuously, and she turned away, but Louis could still see the hurt look in her eyes.Rachel continued, "Louis, you're so smart. You haven't changed a bit. If something goes wrong, you blame me, don't you? Thinking it's Rachel going crazy again." "It's not fair." "Really?" Rachel picked up the bowl, slammed it down on the stovetop, bit her lip, and began to grease a cake pan. Louis said patiently, "Rachel, there's nothing wrong with teaching a child something about death. In fact, I think it's necessary. Ellie's reaction to it—her crying—is normal to me. it--" "Oh, you think it's normal," Rachel became excited again, "you let a child cry, and the cat is alive and well, and you tell your daughter that the kitten died, do you think Sounds normal—” "Shut up," Louis said, "why aren't you being reasonable?" "I don't want to talk about it again." "Yes, but we will talk about it." Louis himself was a little angry now, "You can vent your anger on me, but what about me?" "My daughter is never allowed to go there anyway, and as far as I'm concerned, that's the end of the subject." "Ellie has known how babies are born since last year," said Louis cautiously. "Do you remember? We bought her a book and told her about it. We all thought that children should know Where did they come from." "That's out of the question—" "No, the two things are related," said Louis gruffly. "When I was talking about Church to my daughter in the study, I remembered the story my mother told me about where women get children. I will never forget that Lies. I don't think kids will ever forget the lies their parents told them." "Where the kids come from has nothing to do with the bloody pet cemetery!" Rachel yelled at Louis.Her eyes said, Louis, if you want, you can say these words day and night until you are too painful to say, but I will never take your point of view. But Louis still wanted to convince his wife. "Ellie knows about birth, and that place in the woods just made her want to know about death, and that's only natural. In fact, I think it's the most natural thing—" "Please stop!" Rachel suddenly screamed—really screamed—and Louis jumped back, elbowing a sack of flour on the counter, and the sack fell. On the floor, the mouth opened, and white flour sprayed all over the ground like a cloud. "Oh, damn it!" Louis said angrily. Gage's cries could be heard from the upstairs room. "Wonderful, you woke up the kids upstairs," Rachel said, crying, "Thank you, what a relaxing and peaceful Saturday morning." Rachel tried to walk past him, but Louis grabbed her by the hand and said, "I'm going to ask you something, because with living things, anything can happen. As a doctor, I know this. If Ai Li's cat has blood cancer, which is easy for cats, or was run over by a car on the road, would you explain to her what happened? Rachel, would you?" "Let me go, let me go, Gage will fall off the crib," Rachel yelled, almost at the top of her lungs.There was anger in her voice, but there was more pain and fear in her eyes, and her expression seemed to say, Louis, I don't want to talk about this, don't try to force me. Lewis went on: "You should explain to her, you can tell her we don't talk about death, decent people don't talk about death, they just bury the dead - but don't say buried, you will give her a psychopath .” "I hate you!" Rachel sobbed as she wrenched herself free from Louis' grasp. At this time, of course, Louis felt sorry for his wife, but it was too late. "Rachel—" The wife pushed him away roughly and cried even harder. "Don't worry about me, you've gone too far." When she reached the kitchen door, she turned to Louis and said tearfully, "Louis, I hope I don't talk about death in front of Ellie anymore. I mean it. .There's nothing natural about death, nothing. You're a doctor and you should know that." After Rachel finished speaking, she turned and left.Louis was alone in the kitchen, their arguments still ringing in his ears.At last he realized that he was going to get a broom and sweep the flour off the floor.As he scanned, he thought about the dispute between the husband and wife on this issue.As a doctor, he believes that death is inevitable for all things in the world, even turtles and big redwood trees.And the wife is so disgusted with the subject.Suddenly he realized something and said aloud, "It's Zelda's death, God, her death must have had a terrible effect on Rachel." The question is what can he do to make it go away After all, should I do something to help my wife?