Chapter 60 10. Die again

This person is none other than Chen Jingqiang.His appearance surprised me a lot, why this person seems to be everywhere. Chen Jingqiang probably expected that I would be surprised, so he said with a smile on his face: "Don't be nervous." Then he dragged a chair in the corner of the room and sat face to face with me. Chen Jingqiang looked at me and said, "Xiao Zhao, you are really in trouble this time." I said, "I really don't know that Xu Deyou." Chen Jingqiang said: "It doesn't matter whether you know each other or not. I also believe that you have nothing to do with Xu Deyou."

I said, "I only saw him once in the hospital." Chen Jingqiang said: "I just find it strange, why did he find you without looking for anyone?" I really wanted to say that Xu De found me only after he sensed my existence, but my mind turned quickly and I held back.Not only because I think this reason is too absurd, but I also have an inexplicable panic and am afraid to tell this matter. So I said, "I feel weird too, I really can't figure out why." Chen Jingqiang said: "Didn't you tell me that you have a strange feeling that there are people like you in the South China Sea?"

I was silent for a while, I did say these words after being rescued by Chen Jingqiang in the Third Hospital. Seeing that I was silent, Chen Jingqiang continued to ask: "Alright, you may not be able to answer this question either. Can you repeat what Xu Deyou said to you?" I raised my head, feeling very conflicted in my heart. If I said it, I should be considered a meritorious service. If I didn't say it, I might really be classified as a spy. I struggled for a while, and suddenly remembered the scene of Xu Deyou in the iron cage, so I said firmly: "He didn't say anything. He just asked me if I had anything to eat."

Chen Jingqiang said: "Xiao Zhao, this is your last chance, you have to think clearly." I still said firmly: "He really didn't say anything." Chen Jingqiang suddenly became serious: "You even want to keep me a secret? I'm saving you! I'm not harming you! It will only make things worse if you don't tell me!" I made up my mind, I think it would be worse if I said it, and I think these people didn't seem to hear what Xu Deyou said to me.They just knew I went out at night and brought someone back.The officer with the big chin came over and kicked Xu Deyou first, looked at his face, and said that he could know.They were not sure that they were arresting Xu Deyou.

Seeing that I was thinking, Chen Jingqiang probably guessed that I was hesitating, and then said, "I tell you exactly what you had to say about the conversation with Xu De. We have already recorded it. Let you repeat it, it is the only thing you can't forget." The opportunity of the head. Xiao Zhao, you have to think carefully." In fact, Chen Jingqiang's threat to lose my head didn't make any sense to me. I had already committed suicide once, and I didn't have any fear of death, and even felt it was a kind of relief. I lifted it up, and said aggrievedly: "Chief, I can't even make it up. I don't even know him, and I can't even imagine what he can say."

Chen Jingqiang became angry, and his voice became louder: "Zhao Yajun, I tried so hard to save your life, why are you so stubborn!" I said aggrievedly: "Chief, I know you treat me well. But, but..." Chen Jingqiang waved his hand and interrupted me: "Okay, okay. If you're not...um! If it's not because of your plasticity, I don't want to care about you at all." I suddenly felt that there was something in Chen Jingqiang's words. When he said "If you are not", there was an obvious interruption, as if he had swallowed what he was going to say.what if i'm notDid Chen Jingqiang want to say if I wasn't someone?

I wanted to say something else, but Chen Jingqiang had already stood up, with a very ugly face, and said, "That's it!" Just as Chen Jingqiang was walking towards the door, the door was pushed open again, and Mr. Li walked in. Master Li saw that Chen Jingqiang's expression was very bad, so he also took a look at me, patted Chen Jingqiang, and said, "Director Chen, thank you for your hard work." Chen Jingqiang said: "Take a step to talk." He pulled Master Li out of the door. I heard the two of them muttering something at the door. After a while, Chen Jingqiang seemed to walk away. Master Li came in by himself and sat on the seat opposite me.

Teacher Li said: "Zhao Yajun, you are very stubborn. I don't know what you are thinking. However, you have lost your last chance. Now you have conclusive evidence of crimes, and you have not performed any meritorious service. Since you are determined to fight against the people to the end , then you know what will happen to you." I knew in my mind that the end he was talking about was—death, I didn’t say anything, but just nodded, let’s die, anyway, I’ve died once, even though my only regret is that I didn’t see Sun Li, but Sun Li I am already content with the sense of happiness that Li once gave me.

Master Li saw that I still didn't respond, knowing that I was dead, he shook his head.Standing up and walking to my side, he said in a low voice: "Zhao Yajun, if you are Gou San, I have to admire you. If you can meet me again in the next life, I am willing to make friends with you." After saying that, he went out without looking back, and closed the door heavily. I stayed in the room quietly again and smiled.If a person knows his future, I think it is a happy thing, at least he doesn't have to worry about what will happen to him in the future.I said I was also a spy, and I betrayed Xu Deyou who trusted me so much; I didn’t say I was also a spy, but I was worthy of Xu Deyou.If it is possible to live, it is better to die.

So, I laugh because I feel that I have finally made the right decision about a big right and wrong thing.I hope Xu Deyou can survive. Soon, the door was opened again, and Feng Jinzhong rushed in with two soldiers.Without saying a word, he set me up and got me out of the room.Instead of being locked in an iron cage again, I was locked in a small, dark cell with a small window.Before leaving, Feng Jinzhong scolded me: "Grandma, just stay with me honestly, and I will send you on your way in two days!" I don't know if it's because of the distance between Xu Deyou and Xu Deyou, but the feeling of "Li" came again.If I sensed Xu Deyou, then Xu Deyou must also sense me.I tried desperately to lock onto Xu Deyou's signal, trying to establish contact with Xu Deyou, but failed again and again, every time I seemed to enter Xu Deyou's body, there was a disturbing sound wave pushing me away. Open, this feeling is like the same pole of the magnet, there is an invisible and intangible force that prevents us from approaching.

The constant attempts made me quite tired, and even my muscles were sore, just like the soreness of the muscles from long-distance running. I don't know if Master Li didn't give up. After eating something at noon, some soldiers continued to interrogate him in the afternoon.But I am not afraid of being beaten first, and I am not afraid of death secondly, so several groups of people returned without success throughout the afternoon. In the evening, Feng Jinzhong rushed in and beat me up violently without any explanation.Looking at him like that, he seems to be angry again, and he is completely looking for me to vent.But even though he hit hard, it was much easier than the two months when I was locked up in the advance brigade. The gang in the advance brigade used crooked methods, which were more severe than Feng Jinzhong's big slaps and punches. Over several times. After being beaten, someone came in to have a heart-to-heart talk with me, tearing up, policy attacking, expounding the major damage that the secret service organization brought to our country, and so on.I still don't say a word. Perhaps Mr. Li predicted that I would die without opening my mouth, so after I fell into a coma all night, no one came to bother me the next day.This allowed me to heal my injuries and continue to think about how to establish a relationship with Xu Deyou.The information Xu De received today was abnormal, weak and intermittent.There are nothing more than two situations that caused this. The first is that Xu Deyou is very calm, and the second is that he is in a semi-comatose state.I guess Xu Deyou should be in a semi-comatose state now, and he can't completely calm down here, it's a matter of life and death. Due to the failure on the first day, my contact with Xu Deyou this time was not as aggressive as the first day, but I was carefully testing the power of this partition, and finally found that the power of this partition is not intensive Instead, it is like a large piece of cloth, blocking you in all directions. As soon as you approach, these energies will entangle you tightly, making you have to retreat.I was wondering if I could make my mind smaller and slip through the gaps in these distributed energies. So I spent half a day trying to compress my thinking into a very weak and tiny point, and finally achieved certain results. I was able to use willpower to make my thinking smaller and smaller.However, it is possible to become smaller, but it is impossible to maintain it. It is difficult to control this "tiny" state. Once distracted, it will immediately "swell" violently and make one's thinking "giant". I think of some Buddhist scriptures I heard from my mother when I was young. It said that the mind should be as calm as water and cast away all distracting thoughts. I think it seems difficult for me to do this now. My thoughts are always easily distracted. This may be related to me. It has something to do with the cell where they are. Human voices and soldiers' drill orders are constantly coming from outside the door and window.It wasn't until nightfall that I finally kept my mind in a "tiny" state for a long time in total darkness and silence.But Xu De's feeling disappeared. Fortunately, I concentrated again, and soon felt other signals of the same kind, one of which was obviously, it should be the same kind labeled "Zhou". After attending Zhao Demin's wedding last time, I was basically sure that Zhao Demin was "week".So, I locked onto Zhao Demin's signal and tried to contact him with my "tiny" state. I dodged two or three energy bands of isolation, seemed to pass through the gaps, but soon I couldn't control it, suddenly expanded, and these energy bands swarmed, trapped me, and then flung go out.I failed so many times that I almost lost my confidence, wondering if these isolated energy bands are endless. I warned myself not to give up, I must go out, and after a while of silence, I continued to try.This time I traveled very cautiously in the "tiny" state, and it lasted for a long time. At the end, the pressure of the partition was small, and I knew that I probably passed through the energy belt of the partition, and the signal of Zhao Demin ahead began to appear in my brain Materialized, it was actually a very bright spot of light.I approached this spot of light, and then threw myself towards the spot of light. The light seemed to cover my whole body at once. Before I could react, a strong sexual excitement surged over. It turned out to be the feeling of ejaculation. This shocked me, a virgin, and I was dragged back immediately. , returned to a normal state. I was panting heavily, blushing, but I didn't have any physical reaction. The sexual excitement was so real, and the ejaculation was so real, as if I had sex with a woman myself.Could it be that what I felt was Zhao Demin?Could it be that I became Zhao Demin at that moment just now?Could it be that the connection between the same kind has been established, is it completely empathetic? It seems that a completely unknown field has opened up a small door for me. If I can completely feel what other people are doing, thinking, and even all bodily sensations, wouldn't I be someone else?Not myself anymore?However, I am still me, just using someone else's body.Is it possessed by a soul?When I was young, I heard my sister scare me and tell me ghost stories. There are stories about ghosts, do I count as ghosts? I even began to wonder, why am I me?Why am I not someone else?Where did my self-knowledge come from?Could it be said that "I" can be separated from "my" feelings, emotions, and memories? Because the feeling of entering Zhao Demin's body just now was too weird, I didn't have the courage to try again, and actually started to study myself. "What am I?Why does "I" exist in this world?Is it that only "I" has this kind of self-awareness in this world, and others are just "I"'s illusion? And when he was thinking about it, Zhao Demin's senses gradually disappeared. He should have fallen asleep or calmed down. I began to realize that maybe I really wasn't human, that I might be another creature, a creature exactly like a human being.The intensity of this consciousness troubled me abnormally. I am not a human being, so what am I?I used to think that I was a monster, but after my suicide attempt, I didn't think so for a long time, but after going through the scene just now, I have confirmed that I am really a monster. And Xu Deyou, Zhao Demin and others of the same kind I feel are all monsters. After struggling with myself for a long time, I finally felt extremely tired physically and mentally, and fell asleep just thinking about it. Then, I actually had a dream that I never had before. I dreamed that I was another person. I got up from a big chair, and in front of me were machines and facilities that I had never seen before. I walked out of a long smooth stone corridor, a metal door It opened silently. I saw a huge cave in front of me. The walls were covered with green straw mats. The whole cave was very high. The light from the top of the cave shone very brightly on the whole cave. There are some people in blue uniforms walking around in this cave. The floor is made of metal with strange lines drawn on it. What's even more strange is that there are several huge duck eggs slowly propagating in the middle of the cave, emitting a light blue color. of light.However, in the dream, I didn't feel surprised, as if I was used to it. I walked through the cave, and some blue uniforms bowed to me politely, their expressions were calm, as if they were indifferent to the world.With a wave of my hand, I opened another door on the wall. After passing through many large transparent rooms, I came to a bright room. The wires, in a bunch, had a huge pot lid hanging over the chair. I turned around and the smooth wall reflected my appearance, I was wearing a white uniform with a flame symbol on the chest, and I was probably in my fifties, thin, but very energetic, with gray hair of. I dreamed, and I thought in my mind: "I don't know if the energy rate of related control can be improved today." Then I touched a shiny screen on the wall, and then walked towards the chair. The pot lid on the top of my head came down, I lifted the pot lid and put it on my head, then a burst of energy injected into my brain, and I saw countless bright spots. All of a sudden, these bright spots disappeared, and I saw my own image appear in my mind, and I suddenly said to myself: "Who are you!" With a loud cry, I woke up from my dream... The dream just now was so real, it was so real that I couldn't believe it was a dream, as if I was really this old man in his 50s.I rubbed my face vigorously, and the white of my teeth was already exposed outside the window. The dream just now was only about 30 minutes long, and I should have slept for several hours. This dream made me never fall asleep again. I curled up on the bed with my legs crossed, thinking wildly, and never fell asleep again. The sky was getting brighter, and my door was pushed open again. With a strange smile on his face, Feng Jinzhong walked in with two soldiers.I didn't pay attention to them either, I just sat on the bed and stared blankly at them.The two soldiers behind Feng Jinzhong carried some food, which smelled delicious. Feng Jinzhong said: "Zhao Yajun, finish eating quickly, so we can go on the road." Then the food was placed on the ground, and I saw that besides porridge and white flower rolls, there was actually a big chicken leg and a small bottle of sea breeze brand of wine.I have never eaten such a delicious thing except when I was a child. This suddenly whetted my appetite, and it happened that I had eaten poorly these two days, so I was not polite, so I walked over and squatted down, grabbed the chicken leg and gnawed on it. Feng Jinzhong laughed and scolded: "Eat slowly, don't choke to death first." I didn't respond to them, just kept eating.I didn't even notice when they went out. After I devoured the food, I also understood that this is my farewell meal, and I think I will be shot today.I didn't expect to have a good meal before I died, and I was satisfied. After a while, Feng Jinzhong and the two soldiers opened the door again. Feng Jinzhong made a gesture and said, "Please." I obediently followed them out and boarded a jeep. After more than half an hour of bumpy driving, the sky was already bright.I could already smell the sea in the morning. I was taken out of the car, and there was a sea in front of me. The sun was hanging on the sea level like a huge duck egg yolk.The surrounding clouds are also bright red, and the cool sea breeze surrounds me with a fresh smell. This sight is so beautiful, it makes me a little intoxicated, why have I never noticed how beautiful nature is? However, I know that on this beach, it will be the last scenery of my life, and soon, I will lose my life.I even became a little nostalgic, life is so beautiful, but why is my life so difficult and painful?Why can't I live freely in this beautiful and vibrant landscape, but I am forced to accept the cruel struggle between people? Feng Jinzhong pulled me between two boulders and said, "You still have a little time, think about it carefully, what else do you want to say." I smiled: "I have eaten the last meal, there is nothing to say." Then I looked at the distant sun and became intoxicated. Feng Jinzhong scolded: "You are still stubborn when you are about to die. Kneel down!" Then he turned me around, kicked my knees, and pulled the clothes at the back of my neck violently, making me kneel on the limp knee. on the beach. The cool sea breeze blows my hair, I hold my head up, longing for the last scenery in front of me. There was the sound of a car behind me, and it stopped not far behind me. Several people got out of the car, and I heard Master Li asking, "Did you say anything in the end?" Feng Jinzhong said, "I still haven't said anything." Teacher Li walked a few steps towards me, but didn't approach me, and said to me: "Zhao Yajun, today's scenery is beautiful, don't you miss it? Or would you rather die than say anything?" I didn't even move, and said, "Mr. Li, I've already said that I don't know anything. The scenery is really beautiful." Master Li said: "Alright, Zhao Yajun, I hope you don't blame me when you get there." Feng Jinzhong ran up a few steps and tried to put a hood on my head. I struggled a bit and shouted, "No need, let me watch the sun die." Feng Jinzhong scolded: "You son of a bitch, you still ask for so much." He continued to put the hood on my head.I struggled hard, but was tied up so badly that I could only shake my head back and forth. Master Li said: "Forget it, you don't need to wear it for him." Feng Jinzhong stopped holding his hands, gave me a smack, picked up the half-covered hood, and walked back. Then, Feng Jinzhong was heard shouting: "Load the gun!" There was a sound of pulling the bolt of the gun. I thought to myself: "Mom, Dad, here I come. Sun Li, take care, Commander Xu, take care." Suddenly there was a loud roar and the sound of messy footsteps: "Wait a minute! Don't shoot!" I was also taken aback, who would happen to come over at this time, only to hear director Chen Jingqiang panting, "Mr. Li! Keep people under the gun!" Then I heard the sound of the gun being put down again, it seemed that Master Li made some gestures. Chen Jingqiang's footsteps stopped not far behind me, and said: "Mr. Li, think about it again, I think Zhao Yajun can still explain." Master Li said solemnly: "Impossible!" Chen Jingqiang said: "Besides, after all, he is a member of the advance brigade and a soldier of our South China Sea Revolutionary Committee. You can't just kill him, Mr. Li. If you want to kill him, you must at least go through the procedures on my side." Mr. Li said, "Oh? Director Chen is still very enthusiastic about him. I don't know what you mean." Chen Jingqiang said: "Mr. Li, I know you have the right to execute military agents. However, Zhao Yajun didn't say anything, so it is still under my jurisdiction. He cannot escape death, but Mr. Li killed him like this. It’s always hard to explain.” Master Li said: "Director Chen, you want me to hand him over to you, and then we will punish him?" Chen Jingqiang said: "Yes, maybe it is still possible to let Zhao Yajun confess honestly, and then shoot him after confessing. Wouldn't it be better to beg?" Teacher Li suddenly burst out laughing: "Director Chen, you are confused! You know, the longer this kind of person stays, the greater the threat to our country." Chen Jingqiang said: "But! Mr. Li, this is still an illegal operation!" Master Li hahaha continued to laugh: "Violation? Director Chen? What do you know!" Then the tone suddenly became severe: "Director Chen, back off, and say one more thing, shoot to kill!" Chen Jingqiang's voice also became louder: "How dare you!" Master Li said: "I dare not? Hehehe, maybe I really want to give you three points of face, but in this matter, there is no one to talk about. Including you, I have the right to use the power of this matter to kill you .” Chen Jingqiang said: "Mr. Li! Who gave you the power!" Master Li didn't speak, and seemed to take out a piece of paper from his pocket, flashed it out, and shouted: "See! Do you want to challenge his order?" Chen Jingqiang seemed to be shocked and took two steps back, saying, "How could that be!" Master Li put away the paper and shouted: "Raise the gun! Aim!" I still thanked director Chen Jingqiang, took one last look at the sun, and slowly closed my eyes. A gunshot!