Chapter 54 Four, similar induction

The illness came and went suddenly.Almost instantly, as soon as my body relaxes, I feel better all of a sudden. In addition to the feeling of being watched back, my body is indeed changing. A week after I recovered from the illness, I always felt some energy hotness in my body, and I didn't know how to deal with it, but as long as I worked hard, the hotness would subside.So I had to get up early in the morning and run, because I couldn’t run too far by myself, so I ran around the place where I lived. Running is the most effective whole-body exercise, and it can also let me radiate this energy come out.After running for more than a week, I have to run faster and faster, otherwise I feel uncomfortable.I was a little surprised at how fast I ran at the end. I never thought I could run so fast without feeling tired.

In fact, my health has always been very good. After this illness, my health seems to be getting better and better. Besides running, I also rushed to do the heaviest work.But this was praised by the captain, saying that I overcame the difficulties and deserved praise. But my mood is still very bad, I think of suicide every day, I don't want to live anymore.This made the captain very wary. If someone in the brigade commits suicide, the captain will be very responsible.Some time ago, the Red Gate Brigade committed suicide by a female soldier, and the captain of the Red Gate Brigade was removed.So, now I have someone who is responsible for watching me and doing ideological work for me, which makes me feel even more sad. It is so difficult to die, and it seems that I have to report and approve before committing suicide.

In addition to the increase in physical strength, some of the original scars on my body are slowly disappearing.When I was working, I was scratched by sharp glass. The wound was deep, but the bleeding stopped immediately after only a few drops of blood. The next day, there was only a small wound. The scars are gone. At the same time, I feel that my skills have gradually become more agile, and I always have the urge to jump on the wall. At first, I couldn't climb the two-three-meter-high wall all at once. After a while, I jumped and climbed on the wall with my hands You can go over it.Not only that, I can jump from one tree to another like a monkey, and I can't seem to use up all the energy in my body.

More than a month after I recovered from my illness, I finally returned to the team under repeated instructions from the team leader.Naturally, I saw Pang Yiqiao and Zhao Demin again. Seeing them, I calmed down a little, and I didn't have the courage to go to the noisy and noisy ones.Just don't talk.Zhao Demin had nothing to say to me, and I ignored him. I just hummed a few times and ignored him.Pang Yiqiao still tries to avoid me when she sees her. Every time she avoids, my heart feels sore.But there is nothing I can do. After two months like this, Pang Yiqiao spoke the first sentence to me, she said: "Zhao Yajun, the captain asked you to come over."

I knew it was the captain's intention. Although what Pang Yiqiao said was completely nonsense, it still made me a little excited, and I even wanted to cry, but I didn't know where to start when I was full of words. From then on, my relationship with Zhao Demin and Pang Yiqiao became more normal.But I also started to often see Zhao Demin and Pang Yiqiao walking together talking and laughing from a distance. Although it was uncomfortable, there was nothing I could do.I just feel that life is really meaningless. In the past few months, in addition to my body becoming more agile and stronger, I was often surrounded by deja vu.It is when I do something, I always feel that I have experienced it before, and then stop at the present.This feeling occurs several times a day, up to a dozen times a day, and the time varies. Sometimes I feel that I have experienced the whole half-day, and sometimes I feel that I have experienced it the moment I opened the door.

The feeling of being watched has never disappeared, sometimes it is particularly strong, but because I have this feeling since I was very young, I am not particularly afraid, I just wonder if I have a mental problem. Sometimes when I'm lying on the bed alone, I always feel that there are eyes looking at me from the window, but no matter how fast I get up and observe, I still don't find any clues. There is another change that I have to mention, that is, I am always inexplicably attracted to places where some people gather, because I feel that there seem to be my "kinds" among these people.This feeling of the same kind is very strange, it is a very kind feeling, as if there is some acquaintance among the crowd.But I searched here and there, and even though I knew there must be one or several people inside that were the ones I was looking for, I couldn't be sure who it was.

This feeling is also constantly improving, and gradually develops to the point where I can feel that "similar" is approaching me, but the distance cannot be judged. Sometimes I will suddenly turn around and observe the people behind, which makes the people behind me jump.However, when I'm really close to someone, I feel like I can't be locked on a person, as if I'm separated by something when I get close. I found that there are many "kinds" of mine in this city, but I'm not sure which one is my "kind", and the energy of each "kind" is also different. The feeling of different energies is like some sound waves, the frequency seems to be different.However, I believe that ordinary people do not have the ability to judge this sound wave, but I do.

Sometimes I have a bold thought: Am I human? But thinking of this, I would ask myself again, then I am not a human being, what am I?monster?It seems that I really look like a monster. If I am really a monster, is it because I cannot be accepted by everyone and live in this world? So, I am very careful, I never tell anyone about my feelings, I try to avoid people when I run and do other exercises, and try my best to control the feeling of "the same kind", not to be obvious. Having said that, however, my unhappiness is still due to the arrival of these body mutations. One day I was invited to the room by the captain, and there were several instructors around me.

The captain of our advancing brigade is a good man, in his 30s, with a very good family background, and he is actually very kind, but the captain never discounts the execution of the tasks of the central government and the revolutionary tasks of Nanhai City.To be honest, I admire him very much, and I have never seen the slightest shake in his consciousness. The captain's name is Wang Xingzhi, and he is not from the South China Sea. Instead, he followed his parents to the South China Sea when he was a teenager. He served as a soldier and made meritorious service.However, his legs were crippled, and he walked one high and one low. After he was discharged from the army, he stayed in the largest arsenal in South China Sea as a worker.During the fighting, it was Captain Wang's idea that our Baolin faction occupied the arsenal first.

Everyone looked very serious, and Captain Wang told me to sit down on the chair opposite, while the others sat behind the desk.I feel that the atmosphere is very wrong. It seems that this is not a simple chat. Sure enough, Captain Wang spoke first: "Zhao Yajun, do you know why I want to talk to you?" I said, "I don't know!" Captain Wang continued: "You really don't know?" I said, "I really don't know." An instructor next to him, surnamed Zhang, said sharply, "Zhao Yajun, you'd better be honest!" Captain Wang lowered his hand and signaled the instructor not to speak.

Captain Wang said: "Comrade Zhao Yajun, the Party cares about you. We are revolutionary comrades and comrades-in-arms. If you have something to hide, you can tell it. We can help you find a way." I was surprised and said, "Captain Wang, I'm fine." Instructor Zhang jumped up again. This person is indeed very politically qualified, but his temper is not very good. He shouted: "What's the matter!" Instructor Qian next to Instructor Zhang pulled him and said kindly, "Comrade Zhao Yajun, do you feel uncomfortable recently?" I said, "No, I'm really fine, I can eat and sleep." Instructor Zhang snorted and didn't speak.Instructor Qian gestured to Captain Wang, who nodded and asked him to continue asking questions.Indeed, Instructor Qian is the most educated in the team and a college student. Instructor Qian said: "Since there is nothing uncomfortable, why do so many comrades report to us that your behavior is a bit abnormal?" I immediately recalled in my head that because I feel that I have the same kind, I always look around and search everywhere. Is it because of this reason? I said: "It's not abnormal, but I feel..." Speaking of this, I don't know how to go on. I can't say that I feel "like" or that someone is watching me. Captain Wang took over the words: "What do you feel?" I swallowed the words back and said hesitantly: "I feel... oh... maybe I'm nervous!" Instructor Qian laughed: "It's bright day, why are you oversensitive?" Instructor Qian was so aggressive that I had nothing to say. I had cold sweat on my forehead. I knew that if I said something wrong, I might really be suspected of being a spy. Because of the special geographical location of the South China Sea, the nearest place is only two kilometers away from Kinmen, so the South China Sea has always been an important place to guard against spies. Half of the five black categories here are spies. I stammered and said, "Maybe, my mother passed away during the fight last time, so I'm sensitive. I'm afraid... I'm afraid people will say about me." Instructor Zhang slapped the table, which shocked me.He scolded: "You are a righteous person, and you are still afraid of people talking about you? Let me tell you, you will give me an honest account today!" Captain Wang said: "Instructor Zhang, we can't wrong the revolutionary comrades." Instructor Zhang snorted again and glared at me. I know that when it comes to this, they have already made a judgment. I had to admit something, and I said: "Captain Wang, I know that I've been a little abnormal recently. I have mental problems. I have been stimulated a few months ago, and I can't sleep at night. I always feel that someone is staring at me. I... " Instructor Qian interrupted me: "Do you think someone is staring at you." I hurriedly said: "I really don't know who is staring at me, I just feel it." Instructor Zhang snorted again: "Nonsense about you! Someone exposed you for running every morning, and saw you climbing over the wall! You are as agile as a monkey! You are training for secret agents!" I waved my hands again and again. I would rather commit suicide than be wronged as a spy. In my mind, being wronged as a spy is worse than death. I said, "I don't like this, I really feel very uncomfortable!" Instructor Zhang slapped the table heavily again: "Fart your shit!" Instructor Qian still smiled and said: "Comrade Zhao Yajun, even if you are exercising, why do you always look for something everywhere? You must know that many comrades think you are sneaky, and you are looking for something. " I was wronged and said: "If I were a spy, I wouldn't have done it so obviously." As soon as I said it, I knew it was bad. To use the sentence "If I am a spy", it basically meant that I was a spy in that era. Sure enough, everyone's face changed. Captain Wang's voice became sharper: "Comrade Zhao Yajun, whether you are a spy or not is up to us to judge! Let me remind you one last thing, don't dig your own grave!" I opened my mouth and couldn't speak. Instructor Zhang stood up abruptly, pointed at me and said, "Don't ask any more! Zhao Yajun! The people's eyes are sharp! Do you think you can escape by pretending to be crazy?" I opened my mouth, at a loss, and said, "I'm not, I'm not." Instructor Qian also frowned and said, "Zhao Yajun, since your father Zhao Qingtu returned to Nanhai, I discovered that you have abnormalities. It is definitely not a mental problem caused by your illness. Ask yourself, have you betrayed the organization long ago!" Instructor Qian is right. I have indeed betrayed the organization in my heart. Although I don’t want to admit it myself, I know that as long as I find an opportunity, I will definitely find the new life I want.I even wanted to kill Wang Shanlin, the current model of the Red Guards, and I even doubted whether our education, thoughts, and concepts were correct.I just didn't show it clearly. A figure flashed in my mind, Zhao Demin!Could it be that he exposed my thoughts?I only told Zhao Demin about my thoughts.My head was buzzing, and the figure of Zhao Demin was circling in my mind.My rationality tells me that it is not Zhao Demin, definitely not Zhao Demin. I lowered my head and stopped talking. Captain Wang stood up and shouted, "Liu Hua, come in!" Liu Hua rushed in with a few people from the advancing brigade, and Captain Wang ordered: "Lock up Zhao Yajun!" Liu Hua happily pulled me up, pushed me out of the room together, and pushed me along the way. Many people saw me whispering and pointing at the side of the road.Everyone should be very clear that I was identified as a suspicious person by the brigade, and I understand it very well. I was locked in a dark room with no lights, damp and smelly. The light of life has completely disappeared before my eyes. At this time, it was the autumn of 1971.