Chapter 26 trapeze (4)

She worked long hours as a waitress in a hotel and couldn't get home until after midnight, so she slept soundly.I can feel the floor under my body getting hot, I have a high fever, I try to put my face on the floor to cool down... Well, I don't know if the pain is really relieved, or I just got used to it, anyway, After two months, I felt a little better.Still, it was hard.It felt like time was passing slowly, dull, and weird.I've been laying there, but not on my back, never will, you know.Difficulty falling asleep at night.If you have a headache, it's always worse at night.I always have a low fever, and there are many strange and ridiculous thoughts in my mind.But there's never a way to mull over an idea, or even grasp an idea.

I feel like I might not be able to think anymore.Thoughts seemed to just pass me by, and I could only watch them helplessly.There is no plan for the future, where is my future?I used to want to be a teacher.My mother was so happy that I thought about it, she encouraged me to continue my studies in school and then go to a teacher's college... umm.Our three-room apartment was above a grocery store on Rethmaker Lane.I spent my nineteenth birthday lying in my little room.My mother brought me some good food from the hotel where she worked, and a bottle of mead, and we were going to celebrate, but I couldn't drink and she couldn't eat anything from tears.I ate all my food and I was always hungry.My mother laughed happily when she saw me eating... Poor mother!Well, that's it, I'm getting better, the wings are just big, ugly, hairless nasty things when they first come in, and it's even worse when they start feathering, and those new feathers are like giant pimples.

However, after both the primary and secondary wings grew, I started to feel the muscles growing there and was able to move my wings and lift them up a little bit - and I didn't have a fever anymore, or my normal body temperature went down. I'm a little taller than before, I'm not quite sure what's going on - I can also get up and walk around the room, and I feel lighter, like gravity doesn't work on me, though The big heavy wings are still dragging behind me...but I can lift them up and keep them from dragging to the floor...but I can't fly yet, I'm still tethered to the ground.My body is lighter, but I tire more easily when I try to walk, and soon I shake with fatigue.I used to be good at long jumps, but now I can't even lift both feet off the ground at the same time.I feel better physically now, but being so weak is bothering me and I feel trapped.

It was like falling into a trap.At this time, a male trapeze living in the suburbs heard about me and came to see me.Flyers care for children who are in the process of change.Before that, he has been here twice. He comforted my mother and confirmed that my condition is fine.I am grateful to him.This time, he talked to me for a long time and taught me some exercises that I could do.I've been exercising almost every minute since then.What else can I do?I used to love reading, but now reading doesn't hold my attention.I'd love to go to the theater too, but I can't do that right now, I'm not strong enough.And places like theaters, you can't go in unless you strap your wings on, there's not that much space.

You'll take up too much space, and you'll mess everything up.I was good at math when I was in school, but I can't focus on those problems now.None of them seem to make sense anymore.So I can only exercise according to the method that the flying man taught me.I work out all the time.Exercise does work.There wasn't enough room in our living room so I couldn't do full vertical stretches, but I did as many exercises as I could.I feel better and stronger.Finally, I felt that the wings really became a part of me, or that I was a part of them.Then, one day, I finally couldn't bear to stay at home anymore.I haven't been out for a whole thirteen months, I just stayed in these three small rooms, and most of the time I just stayed in one of the small rooms, for a whole thirteen months!Mom went out to work.

I go down the stairs.I walked down the first ten steps, and then I raised my wings.Although the stairs were a little too narrow for my wings, I was able to lift them up a little, and I floated down the last six steps.Well, sort of.I fell hard down the stairs, both knees hurt, but I didn't fall.It wasn't flying, but it wasn't falling either.I come outside.The air is very good.It felt like I hadn't breathed air in a year.In fact, I don't feel like I knew anything about air until then. Even on that narrow street, where the houses block most of the sky, at least there is wind and a view of the sky, not the ceiling.With the blue sky above my head and the wonderful air, I started walking.I don't have any plans.I just wanted to get out of the alley and into some open place, a square or a park, a place where I could see the open sky.I see people staring at me, but I don't mind.