Chapter 6 Chapter Six

"Hello? Hello? This is the home of Mikadoo Publishing, one of the most extraordinary books in the entire known universe. Can I help you?" said one of the phones.The phones lined a huge chrome reception desk in the lobby of the office building.The worm flapped its wings and rolled its eyes to see so many unkempt people huddled together in the hall, ruining the carpet and leaving dirty handprints on the beautiful upholstery.It likes to work, just wish there was some way to keep all these roamers out.Can't they just sit around some dirty spaceport or something?It's sure it's read somewhere in this book about the importance of staying near dirty spaceports.Unfortunately, most of them seemed more used to being in this cozy, clean, well-groomed lobby after spending time near the unusually filthy spaceport.And, all they're doing here is complaining.The worm's wings trembled.

"What?" it said into the phone. "Yes, I've forwarded your message to Mr. Zarniwoop, but I'm afraid he can't see you right now. He's on an intergalactic cruise." It waved its tentacles impatiently at a slob who was desperately trying to get its attention.The tentacles signaled the angry guy to read the notice on the wall by himself, and don't interfere with other people's important calls here. "Yes," said the bug, "he's in his office, but he's currently on an intergalactic cruise. Thank you very much for calling us." With that, it slammed the phone down.

"Read the circular," it said to the irate man who had planned to complain about a comical and dangerous misinformation contained in the book. An indispensable companion for all those who aspire to discover the meaning of life in an infinitely complex and chaotic universe.For, while it may not be informative, or at least somewhat informative, on all issues, it at least makes a credible claim that, if it is inaccurate on any issue, it is inaccurate on that issue. In fact, it is at least "most authoritatively" inaccurate.In the case of major disagreements, it could only end up being reality itself at fault.

That is the gist of this circular.What it means is that "the Guide is the most authoritative, and reality is often inaccurate." This leads to some interesting results.For example, the editors of the Guide were sued by the families of those who died trying to enter the planet Tral—they did what the book said.The book says, "The greedy Tlar monster will often cook a very tasty meal for its visitors," when in reality it should be, "The greedy Tral monster will often make a very delicious meal for its visitors. Delicious meals".At this point, editors will declare that the former sentence is more aesthetically pleasing.They will also call for a qualified poet and make him testify on oath that beauty is truth and truth is beauty, hoping to prove that in this case the guilty party is life itself, because it has not reached the level of beauty or truth. level.The judges unanimously agreed on this, and in the following sentencing held life itself in contempt of court and deserved the following penalty: confiscate from all present the life of leaving here and enjoying a pleasant evening of super golf.

Zaphod Beeblebrox walked into the hall and made a beeline for the insect receptionist. "Well," he said, "where's Zarniwoop? Find me Zarniwoop." "Excuse me, sir?" said the bug coldly.It doesn't like people talking to it in this tone. "Zarniwoop. Find him for me, do you hear? Get him for me at once." "Well, sir," snapped the slender creature, "if you could calm down a little..." "Look," said Zaphod, "I was so calm when I came here, wasn't I? I was so calm, put half a piece of meat on me, and it wouldn't go bad for a month. I was so calm, ass Big. Please find him quickly before I kill you. Okay?"

"Well, if you will allow me to explain, sir," said the Worm, preparing his fiercest antennae, "you would like to see him, but I'm afraid not now, as Mr. Zarniwoop is on an intergalactic cruise. " Damn it, Zaphod thought. "When is he coming back?" he asked. "Come back, sir? But he's in his office." Zaphod paused, trying to make sense of the awkward remark, but in vain. "This silly cat is on an intergalactic cruise... in his office?" He leaned forward and grabbed the tapping antennae. "Look, three-eyed guy," he said, "you can't blame me for being funny? I've had more weird things happen to me than if you waived my breakfast bill." Pass."

"So, who do you think you are, dear?" The worm struggled, flapping its wings angrily. "Is it Zaphod Beeblebrox, or someone else?" "Count my heads," whispered Zaphod harshly. The bug winked at him.Then blinked again. "You are Zaphod Beeblebrox?" it screeched. "Yes," said Zaphod, "but don't say it out loud. I'll be missed by everybody here." "That Zaphod Beeblebrox?" "No, just a Zaphod Beeblebrox. What do you think? Half a dozen Zaphod Beeblebroxes in a package?" The insect was very excited, its antennae hit each other, and it made a beeping sound.

"But, sir," it shrieked, "I've just heard a report on the sub-ether radio that you're dead..." "Yes, that's right," said Zaphod, "I'm just wandering about. Now, tell me, where can I find Zarniwoop?" "Well, sir, his office is on the 15th floor, but—" "But he's on an intergalactic cruise, isn't he? How do I get to see him?" "The newly assembled Sirius Control Systems Happy Body vertical transporter is in the far corner, sir. But, sir..." Zaphod had turned to leave.He turned back. "What's the matter?" he asked.

"May I ask you why you want to see Mr. Zarniwoop?" "Of course," said Zaphod, but he didn't even know the question. "I told myself I had to do this." "Say that again, sir?" Zaphod leaned forward, looking mysterious. "This idea took shape in one of your cafés," he said, "from a discussion between me and the ghost of my great-grandfather. Once I got here, my old self, the brain that was given to me The guy who did the surgery, just got into my head and said, 'go see Zarniwoop'. I've never even heard of this stupid cat. That's all I know, that's all. And, I The one who rules the universe must be found."

He blinked. "Mr. Beeblebrox, sir," said the insect in an awed voice, "you are so eccentric that you should be in a movie." "Yeah." Zaphod flapped one of his fluttering pink wings. "As for you, little one, you should be in real life." Worm paused to recover from his excitement.Then it extended one of its tentacles, ready to answer a phone that just rang. A metal hand stopped it. "I'm sorry," said the owner of the metal hand, in a voice so melancholy that a more sensitive insect would break down and cry. But it's not such an insect, and it can't stand robots.

"What, sir," it said, "can I be of service to you?" "I doubt it," said Marvin. "Oh, in that case, excuse me..." Now there are six phones ringing, and a million things waiting for the bug. "No one can help me," Marvin groaned draggingly. "Yes, sir, then..." "Of course, no one can be trusted." The metal hand that restrained the insects hung limply at the side of Marvin's body, his head tilted forward slightly. "Really?" said the bug sharply. "It's not worth spending anyone's time helping a robot servant, is it?" "I'm sorry, sir, if..." "I mean, what percentage of people are nice to a robot that doesn't have a gratitude circuit, or willing to help it?" "Didn't you?" said the worm, looking unlikely to let itself withdraw from this conversation. "I never even got a chance to prove it," Marvin said. "Listen, you poor psychopathic pile of metal..." "Aren't you going to ask me what I want?" The worm paused.Its slender tongue flicked out, licked its own eyes, and bounced back again. "Is it necessary to do such a thing?" it asked. "Is it necessary to do anything?" Marvin immediately took up the conversation. "what do you want?" "I'm looking for someone." "Who?" Worm hissed. "Zaphod Beeblebrox," said Marvin, "he's over there." The bug was so angry that he trembled all over and couldn't even speak. "So, what are you asking me for?" it screamed. "I just wanted to talk to someone," Marvin said. "what!" "It's sad, isn't it?" With the grinding sound of gears, Marvin turned and left.He caught up with Zaphod as he walked towards the elevator.Zaphod turned around, startled. "Hey...Marvin?" he said, "Marvin! What are you doing here?" Ma Wen had no choice but to say something that was difficult for him to say. "I don't know," he said. "But--" "I was sitting in your spaceship, feeling very depressed, and the next moment, I found myself standing here, feeling extremely miserable. A field of improbability, I think." "Yes," said Zaphod, "I think my great-grandfather sent you to keep me company." "Thank you very much, great-grandfather," he added, talking to himself. "Well, how are you?" he asked aloud. "Oh, well," said Marvin, "if you could be me. As for myself, I don't feel very well." "All right, say what you want," said Zaphod.Then the elevator doors opened. "Hello," said the elevator with a sweet voice, "I am a happy human body vertical transporter serving your journey, and the destination is the floor you choose. I was designed by Sirius Control Systems to transport you, the Visitors, to their offices. If you enjoyed your quick and comfortable ride, you might also like to experience some of the other models of elevators that were recently installed at the Galactic Tax Department, Bobbiru Baby Food Company, and Sirius Public The office buildings of the psychiatric hospital. Especially the last one, where many ex-Sirius Control Systems executives will welcome your visit, your sympathy, and the wonderful stories you bring to them from the outside world. " "Well," said Zaphod, stepping into the elevator, "what else do you do but talk?" "I will go up," replied the elevator, "and go down." "Okay," said Zaphod, "then we'll go up." "There is still a descent." The elevator reminded him. "Of course, all right. Go up, please." Then there was a silence. "It feels good to descend," the elevator suggested hopefully. "Really?" "Excellent." "Okay," said Zaphod, "but can you take us up now?" "May I ask?" the elevator asked in its sweetest, most understanding voice, "have you considered all the possibilities for your descent?" Zaphod started banging his head against the inner wall of the elevator.He told himself that he didn't really need what was happening to him, that it wasn't necessary at all.He never asked to be here.If you ask him now, where he wants to be the most, he will say that he wants to lie on the beach, surrounded by at least fifty stunning beauties, plus a small team of experts, specializing in new ways to make them serve him comfortably .Generally speaking, his answer is this.Added to that, maybe some added urges in terms of food. And what he doesn't want to do is chase after the man who rules the universe.If that person wants to do that job, do it.Because even if he doesn't do it, someone else will.Of course, the last thing he wanted to do was stand in an office building arguing with an elevator. "What other possibility?" he said wearily. "Oh," said the elevator voice as cloying as honey dripping on biscuits, "there's a basement, a microfile, a heating system...um..." It paused. "Nothing particularly exciting," it admits, "but they're all available." "My God," murmured Zaphod, "in an existential elevator! Did I ask for that?" He threw his fist against the wall. "What the hell is going on with this thing?" he said, spat. "It won't go up," said Marvin succinctly. "I think it's scared." "Scared?" cried Zaphod. "What are you afraid of? Are you afraid of heights? An elevator has a fear of heights?" "No," said the elevator miserably, "it's the fear of the future..." "The future?" Zaphod called. "What the hell does the damn guy want? A pension plan?" Just then, there was a commotion in the reception hall behind them.And from the walls around them came the sound of machinery suddenly starting to run. "We can all see the future," Elevator whispered, sounding terrified, "it's part of our programming." Zaphod looked out of the elevator—an excited crowd gathered in the elevator area, pointing and shouting. All the elevators in the building came down very fast. "Marvin," he said, "get this elevator up, can you please? We must see Zarniwoop." "Why?" asked Marvin gloomily. "I don't know either," Zaphod said, "but when I get to him, he better have a good explanation of why I want to see him." Modern elevators are weird and complicated contraptions.Comparing the old electric winches and the "Limit to Eight" job to the Sirius Control Systems Happy Body Vertical Transporter is like comparing a bag of mixed nuts to the entire West Wing of the Sirius National Hospital for the Insane. This is because their operation is based on the peculiar principle of "unfocused temporal perception".In other words, they have a certain ability to dimly foresee the future very short time.So, these elevators have this ability: they can send you to the right floor without waiting for you to figure out where you want to go.This eliminates all the tedious talking, relaxing, and getting to know each other that people are forced to have while waiting for the elevator. So naturally, many elevators full of wisdom and foresight feel lost because they simply repeat the way of going up and down, down and up and up.Occasionally, they would briefly experiment with the idea of ​​running sideways, amounting to a sort of existential protest.They also demand participation in the passenger's decision-making process, which often ends up sulking in the basement. In the meantime, there's an easy money-making trick for a penniless interstellar rovers, provided he's on any planet in the Sirius system: serve as a boarding advisor for the passengers of this neurotic elevator . When we reached the fifteenth floor, the elevator door suddenly slid open. "Fifteen floors," said the elevator. "Don't forget, I only did this because I like your robot." Zaphod and Marvin hurried out of the lift, which immediately closed the door and began to descend as fast as its mechanism could. Zaphod looked around carefully.There was no one in the corridor, it was silent, and there was nothing to show where Zarniwoop was.All the doors on both sides of the corridor are closed and there is no signage. They were standing near the bridge that connected the building's twin towers.The bright sun of Ursa Minor Beta shines in through a huge window, and dust dances in the beams.A shadow passed briefly. "We've been thrown into trouble by an elevator," murmured Zaphod, not feeling at all relieved. The two of them stood in place, looking around. "What do you think about this?" Zaphod asked Marvin. "More than you can possibly imagine." "If nothing else, at least I know one thing, 100 percent sure. This building is not going to shake," Zaphod said. Just then, there was a slight jolt to the sole of his foot - and then another.In the beam, the dust danced more vigorously.Another shadow passed by. Zaphod stared at the ground. "Perhaps," he said uncertainly, "they have a vibration system that strengthens your muscles while you work, or..." He was walking towards the window and stumbled suddenly, as his Jo Jetta 200 Super Chroma hazard-sensing sunglasses were completely darkened by the moment.A huge shadow passed the window with a screeching sound. Zaphod pulled off his sunglasses.As he did so, the whole building shook, accompanied by a thunderous roar.He jumped to the window in one step. "Or maybe," he said, "the building is going to explode!" Another boom echoed through the building. "Who the hell in the galaxy is trying to blow up a publishing company?" Zaphod asked.But he couldn't hear Marvin's answer, as the building shook again from another bomb attack.He staggered back to the elevator—an action he knew was pointless, but it was the only action he could think of. Suddenly, at the end of a corridor intersecting at right angles to the one he was in, a figure jumped into his sight, a man.The man saw him too. "Beeblebrox, this way!" he yelled. Zaphod watched him distrustingly as another explosion shook the building. "No," said Zaphod. "Beeblebrox is right here, not going anywhere! Who are you?" "A friend!" cried the man.He ran towards Zaphod. "Oh, is it?" said Zaphod. "Whose friend anyway? Or is it just general helpfulness?" The man came running down the corridor, the floor shaking beneath his feet like an enchanted rug.He was short but solid, with a weather-beaten face, as did his clothes, which looked as if they had traveled the galaxy twice in his body. "Did you know," Zaphod called into his ear when he was beside him, "that your building is being bombed?" The man said he was aware of this. Suddenly, it was dark all around.Zaphod looked at the window, trying to figure out why.He was dumbfounded to see a slug-shaped giant spaceship with iron gray and green luster slowly passing the building from the air.It was followed by two more. "The government you escaped from is out to get you, Zaphod," the man hissed. "They sent a squadron of Frogstar battleships." "Frogstar Battleship!" grumbled Zaphod, "Damn it!" "you understood?" "What's a Frogstar?" Zaphod was sure he'd heard someone mention it when he was president.It's a pity that he never cared about his work. The man walked through a door, pulling him back.He obeyed, and then saw a small black thing like a spider, with a wave of hot air, whistling through the air in front of him, disappearing into the corridor. "What's that?" Zaphod asked softly. "Frogstar Scout Droid Type A, out for you," the man replied. "Huh? What?" "Get down!" From the opposite direction came another black thing like a spider, bigger than the previous one.It whizzes past them. "This is again...?" "A Frogstar reconnaissance robot type B, came out to find you." "What about that?" asked Zaphod as a third of these things streaked through the air. "A C-type Frogstar reconnaissance robot, came out to find you." "Hey," Zaphod smiled softly, "a bunch of dumb robots, eh?" Just then, there was a loud boom on the bridge.A huge black thing moved towards us from the opposite tower.Look at its size and shape, it's totally a tank. "My God, what's that?" Zaphod said, taking a deep breath. "A tank," the man said, "Frogstar Scout Droid, out to get you." "Should we run away?" "I think so." "Marvin!" shouted Zaphod. "What do you want to do?" Marvin stood up from the pile of rubble at the far end of the corridor and looked at them. "Did you see that robot that was driving towards us?" Marvin looked at the huge black guy that was driving towards them from the bridge, and looked down at his own thin metal body.Then he looked up and looked at the tank again. "I guess you want me to stop it," he said. "yes." "This way you can save your skin." "Yes," said Zaphod, "go!" "It's just too far away," Marvin said, "from where I am now." The man tugged at Zaphod's arm, and Zaphod followed him down the corridor. He suddenly remembered a question. "Where are we going?" he asked. "Zarniwoop's office." "Because you made an appointment? Do you still have to obey the appointment at this time?" "Let's go."