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Chapter 2 Chapter two

Like all Vogon ships, this one seemed to have been thrown together without much design.Uncomfortably yellow bumps and bumps protrude from the hull at unsightly angles.On most ships, doing so would definitely spoil the look.But frustratingly, not this time.Because the spaceship itself is ugly to the extreme.Uglier things may have existed in space once, but no one has seen them. Actually, to see anything uglier than a Vogon ship, you have to go inside the ship and see the Vogons themselves.However, if you're sensible, this is exactly what you should absolutely try to avoid.Because any ordinary Vogon, with a second thought, will do to you meaningless but appalling things that make you wish you hadn't been born—or wish (if you were a sane man) The Thinker's Words) That Vogon was never born.

In fact, the average Vogon probably wouldn't "change his mind" at all.They were one of those simple-minded, dull-witted but determined creatures for whom thinking was not their forte.Anatomical analysis of the Vogons revealed that their brain was originally a severely misshapen, misplaced and dysfunctional liver.If I have to say good things about them, I can only say this: they know what they like.But what they liked generally had to do with hurting people, and besides that, violent rages, which Vogons would rage whenever they could. One of the things they abhorred was leaving a job unfinished—especially this Vogon, and, especially—for various reasons—the job.

This Vogon was none other than Captain Vogon Jelz of the Galactic Hyperspace Program Committee, who had accepted the job of destroying the "planet" called Earth. At this moment, he was lifting his terribly ugly body from his hideously sticky seat, staring at the monitor that showed the detection system's inspection of the "Heart of Gold" starship. full scan. The Heart of Gold, with its infinitely improbable drive system, is the most beautiful and revolutionary spaceship ever built.But to Gerz, these mean nothing.For him, aesthetics and technology are a book with closed pages.If it could be done his way, it would be a book that was burned and buried.

Zaphod Beeblebrox was also on the ship, which Jertz found even more trivial.Zaphod Beeblebrox is now just the former president of the galaxy, and while police forces across the galaxy are currently looking for him and the ship he stole, the Vogons aren't interested. Vogon Jelz had other things to do. It is said that it is as impossible for the Vogons to rise above bribery and corruption as it is to rise the sea above the clouds.This perception fully applies to Gerz.Whenever he heard the word "clean" or "integrity," he needed a dictionary to understand the meaning; and whenever he heard the clang of a large sum of money at his disposal, he would rush to the precepts and write It flung it away.

His obsession with destroying the Earth and everything in its place has, in a way, outstripped his professional responsibilities.It is doubtful whether the so-called passage will be built, but this situation has been covered up. He let out a satisfying but disgusting grunt. "Computer," he said hoarsely, "connect me to my brain health practitioner." Within seconds, Gag Halflander's face appeared on the screen.The smile on that face showed that he was fully aware of the ten light-years between himself and the Vogon face before him.Mixed in this smile, there is also a hint of sarcasm.The Vogon insisted on referring to him as "my personal brain-care physician," and there weren't many brains to be tended by him.In fact, it was Halflander who hired the Vogon.He pays him a lot of money to do a very dirty job.As the most eminent and successful psychiatrist in the galaxy, he and the Society of his colleagues were certainly willing to spend a fortune at a time when the whole future of psychiatry seemed to be in jeopardy.

"Hi," he said, "my Vogon captain, how are we feeling today?" Captain Vogon told him that in the past few hours, he had killed almost half of the crew during a disciplinary exercise. Halflander's smile didn't even change in the slightest. "Oh," he said, "I think this behavior is perfectly normal for a Vogon. It's both natural and a cathartic way to keep the body healthy, to convert the aggressive instinct in the body into meaningless acts of violence." "That's it again," grumbled the Vogon. "That's what you always say."

"Yes," said Halflander, "I think that's just as normal a behavior for a psychiatrist. Well, we've obviously got our minds set for the day. Tell me now." , is there any new progress in the mission?" "We've found the ship." "Very good," said Halflander, "very good! Where are the people in it?" "The earthling is inside." "Excellent! What else?" "There's another woman, from the same planet. They're the only two left." "Okay, okay," Halflander said with a smile. "Anyone else?"

"That one's called the Commander." "Ok?" "And Zaphod Beeblebrox." At this moment, Halflander's smile flickered. "Oh, yes," he said, "I guessed so. It's a pity." "A friend of yours?" asked the Vogon, who had heard the expression "friend" somewhere before, and decided to try it himself. "Oh, no," said Halflander, "in my line of business, you know, we don't make personal friends." "Oh," the Vogon muttered, "professional indifference." "No," Halflander said happily, "we just don't have the concept of making friends."

He paused for a moment, with a smile still on his lips, but his brows were slightly frowned. "But, you know, Beeblebrox," he said, "he's been one of my most profitable clients. He has a personality disorder that psychoanalysts can only dream of." He toyed with the idea for a while, and finally had to drop it reluctantly. "So," he asked, "are you ready?" "yes." "Good. Destroy this ship immediately." "What about Beeblebrox?" "Oh," said Halfrant briskly, "Zaphod is just Zaphod, understand?"

With that, he disappeared from the screen. Captain Vogon pressed a communicator button, connecting him with the rest of his crew. "Attack," he said. At this moment, Zaphod Beeblebrox was cursing loudly in his room.Two hours ago, he said that they would soon have a good meal at the restaurant at the end of the universe, but now two full hours have passed.So he lashed out at the spacecraft's computer, left the control room angrily, and rushed to his room, yelling loudly all the way, threatening to use a pencil and a notebook to calculate the improbability system clearly. The Heart of Gold's improbable drive system makes it the most powerful ship in existence, but also the most unpredictable.It is omnipotent, and you will literally see that no matter how incredible you ask it to do, it will eventually come true.

He was president when he stole it, invited to its inauguration.Besides liking it, he couldn't figure out why he stole it. He also couldn't figure out why he wanted to be the president of the galaxy, except that he thought it was fun. He didn't know that there were actually better reasons besides these reasons, but they were buried in a dark area in his two brains and locked tightly.He wished to clear this locked dark area, because they would briefly resurface now and then, casting strange thoughts in the bright, cheerful areas of his mind, trying to divert him from what he considered life to be. The cardinal direction, ie, having fun. At the moment, he didn't feel happy at all.He's used up all his patience, all his pencils, and he's hungry. "Bastard!" he yelled. At the same moment, Prefect Ford was in mid-air.Not that there was anything wrong with the ship's artificial gravity field, but that he was jumping down the stairwell leading to the ship's living quarters.The fall of this jump is not low, so his landing posture is quite awkward.Stumbling to regain his balance, he sprinted down the hallway, knocked two tiny service droids into the air, made a sharp turn around the corner, and burst into Zaphod's room, where he began to make his case. "Vogons," he said. And a little while before that, Arthur Dent had just come out of his room to have a cup of tea.For this demand, he was not very optimistic, because he knew that the only source of hot drinks on the entire spaceship was a mentally handicapped device produced by the Sirius Control System Company.This device is called an automatic nutritional drink synthesis machine, and he has seen it before. The thing claims to be able to concoct the widest variety of beverages to suit the tastes and metabolism of any individual user.However, once used, it always comes out invariably a liquid that doesn't quite look like, but isn't quite like, tea in a plastic cup. This time, he decided to reason with the machine on this issue. "Tea," he said. "Please share and please enjoy," the machine replied, offering yet another cup of the disgusting liquid. He tossed the glass aside. "Please share, please enjoy." The machine repeated, and then brought him the same glass. "Please share, please enjoy" is the motto of the complaints department of the hugely successful Sirius Control Systems Corporation, which currently covers the major continental groups on three medium-sized planets, and is the only one in the entire company that has achieved consistent profitability in recent years department. The motto stood—or should I say, had stood—beside the Complaints Department's spaceport on Elanx, in letters three miles high and illuminated.Unfortunately, it was so heavy that it caused the ground to cave in shortly after it was erected.Half of these huge letters pierced through the office, and there were a lot of talented young people in it at the time, all complaints managers--they were all dead, of course. Above the surface, remnants of these letters remain.They form exactly the phrase in the local language, "put your head in the pig's ass".In addition, except for some special celebration moments, there is no longer lighting on it. Arthur has thrown down to the sixth cup. "Listen, you machine," he said, "if you claim to be able to make any kind of drink that exists, why do you always give me something like this? It just won't go down." "Data based on nutrition and pleasure." The machine beeped, "Please share, please enjoy." "But this stuff sucks!" "If you've had a good experience with this drink," the machine continued, "why not share it with your friends?" "Because," said Arthur tartly, "I want to have them all. Can't you try to understand what I'm telling you? This drink..." "This drink," said the machine sweetly, "is individually blended to suit your individual needs for nourishment and pleasure." "Oh," said Arthur, "seems like I'm a masochist who's on a health diet, isn't I?" "Please share, please enjoy." "Oh, shut up." "Is that all you want?" Arthur decided to give up. "Yes," he said. But he immediately decided that he would be unwilling to give up like this. "No," he said, "you see, it's very, very simple...all I want...is a cup of tea. You've got to get me a cup. Be quiet, please, and listen to me." Then he sat down.He told the automatic nutrition machine about India, about China, and about Ceylon.He told how the broad leaves were dried in the sun.He spoke of silver teapots.He talked about the lawn on a summer afternoon.He also told it that it should put the milk first and then the tea, so that it wouldn't be scalded by the steam.He even gave (briefly of course) the history of the East India Company. "So, that's what you want, isn't it?" the AutoNutrition Machine asked after he finished. "Yes," said Arthur, "that's what I want." "You want the taste of dried leaves boiled in water?" "Well, yes. But milk must be added." "Squirted from a cow?" "Oh, in a way, I guess so..." "Synthesizing this stuff, I need help," the machine said succinctly.The cheerful beeping has all but disappeared from its sound, and now it's ready to get down to business. "Do what I can," said Arthur. "You've done enough," the AutoNutrition Machine told him. It calls the ship's master computer. "Hi, hello!" The main control computer greeted. The automatic nutrition machine explained to the main control computer what tea is.The computer hesitated, and connected the logic circuit with the automatic nutrition machine.Then, together, they fell into an eerie silence. Arthur looked at them and waited a moment, but nothing happened. He hit the machine hard, but nothing happened. Finally, he finally gave up and walked to the bridge resentfully.In the vast void of space, the Heart of Gold floated silently, surrounded by billions of points of light in the Milky Way.At the same time, the ugly yellow lump of the Vogon ship was quietly approaching it step by step.
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