Chapter 4 Chapter Four

It was a bright and happy day at Rhodes Stadium. Ford and Arthur just fell out of the abnormal time and space and fell hard on the beautiful and hard grass. The crowd burst into applause, not for them, but they instinctively stooped in thanks.So luckily, the little red, hard ball - the one the audience actually applauded - whizzed past just millimeters above Arthur's head.There's a guy in the crowd down. They both lay down on the ground again.The ground seemed to be spinning around them, nauseating. "What's that?" Arthur hissed. "Something red," hissed Ford.

"Where are we?" "Um...somewhere green." "The shape," murmured Arthur, "tell me the shape." The applause of the crowd was quickly replaced by gasps of shock as the hundreds of people who had just been giggling didn't know whether to believe what they saw. "Is this your sofa?" said a voice. "What's that?" Ford whispered. Arthur looked up. "Something blue," he said. "What about the shape?" said Ford. Arthur looked again. "Shape," hissed Arthur to Ford, brow furrowed, "like a cop."

They curled up there for a long time, frowning.The blue thing shaped like a policeman tapped them on the shoulder. "Come here, you two," said the shadow, "I have to take you." These words had an electric shock effect on Arthur.He jumped up, like a writer who hears a phone ring, and looks around alertly, only to realize that there are suddenly so many normal things around him. "Where did you get it?" Arthur yelled at the police-like creature. "What did you say?" said the police-like creature in surprise. "This is Lord's Cricket Ground, isn't it?" cried Arthur. "How did you find it, how did you get it? I think..." He pinched his eyebrows with his hand, and went on: "I'd better Calm down..." He crouched down in front of Ford.

"It's a cop," he said, "what shall we do?" Ford shrugged. "What do you want to do?" he said. "I think it's up to you," said Arthur, "tell me I've been dreaming for the last five years," he said. Ford shrugged again, deciding to do the little favor. "You've been dreaming for the past five years," he said. Arthur stood up. "It's all right, sir," he said, "I've been dreaming for the past five years, you can ask him," he added, pointing to Ford, "he's in the dream too."

After speaking, he leisurely walked towards the fairway boundary and took off his nightgown.He saw his nightgown and stopped, staring at it.He ran back to the police again. "Where did I get this dress then?" he howled. He fell headfirst, convulsing across the lawn. Ford shook his head. "He's had a miserable two million years," he told the police.Together the two dragged Arthur onto the couch and out of the fairway.On the way, they were slightly taken aback by the sudden disappearance of the sofa. The crowd's response to all this was complex and varied.Most of them don't know what to make of it, so they listen to the radio instead.

"Well, that's a funny accident, Brian," said one radio announcer to another. "I've always thought there wasn't going to be any mystery in the fairways, since, oh, since... well, I I never recognized it like that... Is there? I remember it?" "The Edgar Basten International? 1932?" "Ah, so what happened...?" "Well, Peter, I think it was Kanter vs. Willcox and Wilcox was coming out of the dugout when a spectator went straight across the fairway." The first narrator was silent for a while, still reacting. "Uh... it's...," he said. "Yeah, there's nothing mysterious about it, is there? He didn't make it, did he? He just ran up."

"Yeah...it did, but he claimed to see something in the fairway." "Ah, is it?" "Yes. An alligator, I think. From his description." "Ah. Anyone else noticed?" "Apparently not. Also, no one has been able to get a more detailed description from him, so just a little rough research." "Then what happened to him?" "Well, I think, then someone offered to take him and give him some lunch, but he explained he had had a good lunch. So that was the end of it, and Warwickshire went on, In the end, we won with the advantage of three runs."

"So it's not too much like this one. Friends who just turned on the radio, you might be interested to know that, um... there were two people, two rather disheveled people, and a sofa--a A sofa bed with a long back, I suppose?" "Yes, a sofa bed with a long back." "... just appeared out of nowhere in the middle of Lord's Cricket Ground. But I don't think they are malicious, they have a good attitude, and..." "Sorry, can I interrupt you Peter, the sofa just disappeared." "Oh, indeed. Well, that's one less mystery. Obviously it's still going to be recorded, I think, especially when it comes at such a dramatic moment, England only needing another twenty-four runs You can win the series. That guy is off the fairway, surrounded by police ... I think everyone has calmed down and the game is about to start again."

"Now, sir," said the policeman, after speaking briefly to the curious crowd and laying Arthur's limp body on the blanket, "would you mind telling me who you are and where you are from? what happened?" Ford looked at the ground for a long time, as if he wanted to be firm.Then he straightened up and faced the policeman.Ford's confidence was shattered by every inch of the six hundred light-years between the policeman's Earth and his home planet, Betelgeuse. "Well then," said Ford softly, "I'll tell you." "Okay... well, it doesn't have to be," said the policeman quickly, "just don't let this happen again." The policeman turned and left, looking for those who were not from Betelgeuse.Fortunately, the land is full of such people.

Arthur's consciousness gradually returned to his body from afar.Consciousness is actually kind of reluctant, because it's not having a good time there.Slowly and slightly nervously, it came in and returned to its normal position. Arthur sat up. "Where am I?" he said. "Lord's Cricket Ground," said Ford. "Oh yes," said Arthur.His consciousness slipped out again in one breath.His body fell to the grass with a thud. Ten minutes later, after taking a sip of the tea in the nursing tent, the blood gradually returned to Arthur's haggard face. "How does it feel?" Ford said.

"I'm home," said Arthur hoarsely, closing his eyes and sniffing greedily at the steam from the tea, as if... well, as Arthur thought, as if it were really a cup of tea.And it is. "I'm home," he repeated. "Home. This is England. It's today. The nightmare is over." He opened his eyes again and smiled heartily. "I'm in my own place." He He whispered affectionately. "There are two things I think I should tell you." Ford threw him a copy of The Guardian across the table. "I'm home," said Arthur. "Yes," said Ford. "One thing," he pointed to the date on the masthead, "is that the Earth will be destroyed in two days." "I'm home," said Arthur, "tea," he said, "cricket," he added cheerfully, "mown lawn, wooden benches, white linen jackets, beer in cans . . . " Slowly, he noticed the newspaper.He frowned slightly, tilting his head. "I've seen that." His eyes wandered to the date, which Ford was typing lazily.Arthur's face froze for a few seconds, and then his facial expression began to contort like that spectacular collision and disintegration of great Arctic ice floes in spring. "Another thing," said Ford, "is that you seem to have a bone in your beard." He took the tea back. Outside the nursing tent, the sun was beating down on the happy crowd, on the white hats and red faces, and on the popsicles, melting them.It also shines on the tears of children crying as the popsicle melts and falls off the stick.It shines on the trees, it makes the cricket bats that are swung to and fro sparkle.It shines on that super unusual object parked behind the auxiliary screen, and no one seems to notice this object.It shone on Ford and Arthur, who were peering out of the tent, surveying their surroundings. Arthur was shaking. "Perhaps," he said, "I should..." "No," said Ford sharply. "What?" Arthur asked. "Don't try to call your home self." "how do you know……?" Ford shrugged. "But why?" said Arthur. "Those who call themselves," Ford said, "are not getting any benefit." "But……" "Look," said Ford.He picked up a virtual microphone and virtually dialed a number. "Hello?" he said into the virtual microphone. "Is that Arthur Dent? Ah, hello, yes. This is Arthur Dent. Hold on." He looked at the virtual microphone with disappointment. "He hung up." Ford shrugged, and gently placed the virtual microphone back on the virtual host. "This is not the first time I've behaved erratically," he added. A more depressed expression replaced the original one on Arthur's face. "So we didn't have a homecoming..." he said. "We're not even counting," Ford added, "going home in a towel." The game is still going on.The bowler strode first towards the wicket, then trotted, then began to run wildly.In an instant, his hands and feet exploded with great strength, and with his movements, a ball flew out.The batter swayed and hit hard, hitting the ball out of the assist screen.Ford's eyes followed the trajectory of the ball, flickered for a moment, and then froze.Ford followed the path of the ball again, his eyes twitching again. "It's not my towel," Arthur said as he rummaged through his rabbit skin bag. "Shh," said Ford.His eyes are in a state of high concentration. "I have a Golga African sports towel," continued Arthur, "the one with yellow stars on a blue ground. Not this one." "Shh," said Ford again.He closed one eye and looked into the distance with the other. "This one's pink," Arthur said. "It's not yours, is it?" "I hope you stop mentioning your towel," said Ford. "It's not my towel," insisted Arthur, "I just wanted to say..." "I just want to say, please stop talking." Ford growled angrily, "right away." "Okay then." Arthur stuffed the towel back into his poorly sewn rabbit leather bag. "I know it doesn't matter from a cosmic perspective, it's just kind of weird, that's all. A pink towel, suddenly replacing my yellow star towel on a blue background." Ford's behavior at this point was getting rather weird.Or rather, not being weird, but being weird in a different way.This way is different from when he is usually weird.He waved his hands in front of his face quickly, completely ignoring the surprised eyes of the people around him; sometimes he bent down suddenly and hid behind others; sometimes he jumped up and down behind others, and then stood there again, non-stop Blinking his eyes; after a while, he held his breath again, slowly and tiptoeing forward, like a cheetah on a savannah, not sure if there is really a half-can of cat food half a mile ahead. "It's not my bag either," said Arthur suddenly. Ford's intense concentration was shattered.He turned to Arthur angrily. "I didn't mention my towel, we all admit it wasn't mine anymore. But it wasn't my towel in the bag and it wasn't mine. It was also very unusual. Personally I thought it was extremely weird, especially I made this bag on prehistoric Earth." He pulled some gray flat rocks out of the bag, adding, "I'm collecting interesting rocks, but these are obviously very boring." A sudden burst of excited applause from the crowd drowned out Ford's answer to Arthur.The cricket ball that touched people fell from the sky and happened to fall into Arthur's mysterious rabbit skin bag. "Now I want to say that it's also a bizarre thing." Arthur closed the bag nimbly, and pretended to be looking for a ball on the ground. "I don't think it's here," he said to some of the boys who quickly gathered around looking for the ball, "probably rolled somewhere else, I guess over there." He pointed in a random direction, hoping they would hurry up go away.A boy looked at him mockingly. "Are you all right?" the boy said. "It's all right," Arthur said. "Then why is there a bone in your beard?" said the boy. "I'm training myself to have it anywhere." Arthur was proud of what he said.He thought, this is the so-called aphorism that can inspire a new generation. "Oh," the boy tilted his head and thought for a while, "what's your name?" "Dent," said Arthur, "Arthur Dent." "You're an idiot, Dent," said the boy, "a complete bastard." The boy looked leisurely at something behind Arthur to show that he was in no hurry to go.Then, he wiped his nose and swaggered away.Arthur suddenly remembered that the earth would be destroyed again in two days, but this time he was not so sad. The game continued with the new ball, the sun continued to shine on Ford, and Ford continued to jump up and down, shaking his head and blinking. "Is there something wrong with your head?" said Arthur. "I think so," said Ford.Listening to his tone, Arthur had a premonition that something extremely incomprehensible was about to happen, "There's a SEP over there." He pointed.Strangely, the direction he was pointing at was not the direction he was looking at.Arthur looked in the direction he was pointing and saw the auxiliary video screen; he looked in the direction Ford was looking in, and it was the field.Arthur nodded, shrugged, then shrugged again. "A what?" "A SEP." "A S...?" "...EP." "What is that?" "Other people's problems.②" [② Someone else's problem: the original text somebody else's problem, abbreviated as SEP. ——Translator's Note] "Ah, good," said Arthur, at last, relieved.He didn't know what was going on, but at least he seemed to let it go.Actually, far from it. "It's right there." Ford pointed to the auxiliary video screen again, keeping his eyes on the field. "Where?" said Arthur. "There!" said Ford. "I see," said Arthur.Actually he didn't see it. "Really?" asked Ford. "What?" Arthur asked. "Can you see," Ford asked patiently, "the SEP?" "I think you said just now that it's someone else's problem." "right." Arthur nodded slowly, with a rather silly air. "So I'd like to know what it is," said Ford, "if you could see it." "yes?" "yes." "And what does it look like?" said Arthur. "Ah . . . how do I know? You idiot?" cried Ford. "If you can see it, tell me." Arthur often felt a throbbing under his temples, as he did now, when he was talking to Ford.His brain is like a frightened puppy, hiding in the kennel and unwilling to come out again.Fu Hung took his arm and said: "SEP," he said, "is something that we don't see or don't see or our brains don't let us see. Because we think it's someone else's problem. That's what SEP means, someone else's problem. The brain jumps it It's like a blind spot. It's invisible if you look directly at it, unless you already know what it is. The only chance to see it is to catch it out of the corner of your eye, out of the blue. " "Ah," said Arthur, "that's why..." "Yes." Ford already knew what Arthur was going to say. "...you keep jumping on..." "yes." "...jump down, blink..." "yes." "……and also……" "I think you understand." "I can see it," said Arthur. "It's a spaceship." For a moment, Arthur was stunned by the repercussions of this great discovery. There was roaring from the crowd, people running in all directions, howling, yelling, tripping over each other, and chaos engulfed the scene. Arthur stumbled back, looking around in horror, and then still more. "Exciting, isn't it?" said a ghost. This ghost image wobbled in front of Arthur's eyes, but it was actually Arthur's eyes wobbled in front of the ghost image.His mouth was wagging too. "What... what... what..." he said in his mouth. "I think your team just won," Ghost said. "Well ... what ... what ... what ..." Arthur kept repeating, while holding these punctuation, he kept poking Ford's back.Ford was watching the commotion uneasily. "You're from England, aren't you?" said the Ghost. "Wh-wh-wh-wh-yeah," said Arthur. "Ah, your team, as I said, just won. Won the game. That means they kept the Ashes. You must be very happy. I have to admit, I really like cricket, although I don't want People beyond this planet hear that. Oh my gosh, yes." The ghost appears to have a mischievous smile, but it's hard to be sure.Because the sun was coming straight from behind him, casting a harsh ring of light around his head, illuminating his silver hair and beard, giving him a gorgeous and dreamy look that didn't quite match the mischievous smile. "And yet," said he, "it will all be over in a day or two, won't it? Although I told you last time, I am sorry myself. But what has to happen, will happen." Arthur tried to say something, but couldn't.He poked Ford again. "I know something bad is going to happen," said Ford, "but the game's over and we gotta go. Oh, hello, Slarty Bartfast, what are you doing here?" "Oh, take a walk, take a walk." The old man said seriously. "That's your spaceship? Can you take the two of us somewhere else?" "Patience, patience." The old man warned. "Okay," said Ford, "only the planet will soon be destroyed." "I know," said Slartibartfast. "Well, well, I just wanted to stress the situation," Ford said. "I understand the situation." "Then if you really want to stay at the cricket ground under these conditions..." "I do." "And this is your ship." "It is." "I understand." So in this situation, Ford turned away. "Hello, Slarty Bartfast," Arthur said at last. "Hello, Earthman," said Slartibartfast, "After all," said Ford, "we only die once." The old man ignored the words, his eyes staring sharply at the fairway, those eyes seemed to have completely ignored other things.At this point, the crowd was closing in on the fairway.Only Slartibartfast knew what the deep meaning was. Ford was humming something, it sounded like he was repeating a sound over and over again.He wished someone would come and ask him what he was humming, but no one asked.If anyone had asked him, he'd have said he was humming the first line of a Christmas coward song, "Crazy in Love with That Boy," over and over.If the other person pointed out that he was just humming the same note, he would say that for some obvious reason he left out the "in love with that boy" part.He was upset that no one came to ask him. "It's just," he said at last, "if we don't hurry up, we're going to go through that all over again. Nothing hurts me more than seeing a planet go down. Especially when it's gone. I'm standing on it, or," he added in a low voice, "on the cricket-field." "Patience," said Slartibartfast again. "A big thing is coming." "That's what you said the last time we met," said Arthur. "Yes," said Slartibartfast. "Yes, indeed," Arthur agreed. What is coming, however, seems to be a big celebration.This celebration is actually used to record TV programs, not for live audiences.The place where the audience kept gathering was indicated by a loudspeaker next to it.Ford simply wasn't interested in it. When he was worrying, he heard on the radio that the Ashes Cup will be displayed by the captain of the England team on the fairway because they won it for the nth time.Ford was outraged.Then the radio said that the Ashes Cup was actually the burning remnant of a cricket goal post, and Ford couldn't help but roared fiercely.To make matters worse, he also had to live with the story of the goalpost: it was burned in Melbourne, Australia, in 1882 to symbolize the "death of English cricket".So he got up and wanted to find Slarti Bartfast.He took a deep breath, but didn't get a chance to say anything because the old man wasn't there anymore.The old man was striding down the fairway with firm strides, his hair, beard, and robe flowing behind him, and he looked very much like Moses—if Mount Sinai had been a manicured lawn and not, as is commonly believed, a blazing The words of the mountain. ③ [③ Moses, Mount Sinai: Coded from the Bible.On Mount Sinai, God appeared from the firelight and taught Moses the Ten Commandments. ——Translator's Note] "He said see you in the ship," said Arthur. "For the sake of Zan's hair, what is the old fool doing?" Ford was about to explode. 【④ Zan's snail: The original text zarking farwarks is a word created by the author, to the effect that it is some kind of foul language. ——Translator's Note] "See you in our spaceship after two minutes of preparation." Arthur shrugged his shoulders, indicating that he gave up thinking about this issue.They walked towards the spaceship. Then a strange sound came.They tried not to hear it, but could not avoid seeing Slartibartfast impatiently demanding that the men hand him the silver cup containing the ashes, because—according to him, the ashes cup Extremely important to the past, present and future security of the galaxy - and there was a lot of laughter.Ford and Arthur decided to ignore it. What happened next made it impossible for them to ignore it.With a loud noise as if hundreds of thousands of people said "Oh" at the same time, a white spaceship made of steel suddenly appeared out of nowhere right above the fairway, roaring low, as if Great danger. After a while, it does nothing, as if expecting everyone to get on with their business and leave it hanging there. Then it did something rather unusual.Rather, it opened the door and something rather unusual stepped out.There are eleven of them. They are robots, white robots. The most unusual thing is that they seem to have been specially dressed for this purpose.Not only are they all white, but they all carry what looks like cricket bats; what's more, they also wear what looks like cricket balls; shin guards.These new guys are so unusual, even more so because they all carry jets, which allow them to fly out of spaceships suspended in mid-air, so that these strange intelligent robots can start killing people.They really did. "Hey," said Arthur, "something seems to be wrong!" "Go to the ship!" cried Ford, "I don't want to know, I don't want to see, I don't want to hear!" He shouted as he ran, "This is not my planet, I don't want to come here, I don't want to be involved, just Just let me go! Take me to a party with someone I know!" Smoke and flames began billowing from the fairway. "Well, it seems that members of the supernatural organization are out here today..." a cheerful voice on the radio rambled. "What I need," Ford added, adding to what he had said earlier, "is a good drink and a company my age!" He kept running, stopping for a moment, grabbing Arthur's arm, and pulling him along. .Arthur has switched to his crisis state of opening his mouth wide and letting everything fly around him. "They're playing cricket," Arthur murmured, staggering behind Ford. "I swear they're playing cricket. I don't know why they're doing it, but they're playing. They're not just playing cricket." Kill people, they're still imitating humans!" He yelled, "Ford, they're imitating us!" If we knew a little more about the history of the galaxy than Arthur did (much more than he has learned so far from his travels), we would have no trouble understanding all this.These horrible perpetrators, who appear and disappear in the smoke screen, seem to be performing a strange parody, imitating the movement of swinging and vibrating the clap.The difference from normal ballplay is that wherever they swing their racquets, they explode.Arthur's first reaction when he saw this was: Maybe this is just a large-scale stunt performed by Australian professionals. Then it all ends as suddenly as it began.Eleven white robots lined up neatly and rose into the tumbling clouds.When the last light of the flames entered the floating white spaceship, it made a sound like hundreds of people saying "hoo" at the same time.Then, it quickly disappeared into the air where it just "oh" came out. For a while there was a dead silence everywhere.After that, from the gradually drifting smoke, Slartibartfast came out with a pale face.He looked more like Moses—still no mountains, but at least the manicured lawn was smoking now. The old man looked round frantically, and saw two hurried figures--Arthur and Ford, struggling through the terrified crowd fleeing for their lives in the opposite direction.The crowd evidently thought what an unnatural day it was, just (they didn't know how to describe it), just plain. Slartibartfast gestured hurriedly to Ford and Arthur, shouting something.The three of them got closer and closer to the spaceship, and the spaceship was still parked behind the auxiliary video screen. Obviously, it was still not seen by the fleeing crowd.They naturally have to deal with their own problems first. "They're taking Da Wei Da Wei to Wei Da Wei!" Slarti Bartfast's voice trembled and screamed. "What did he say?" Ford asked breathlessly, trying to elbow his way. Arthur shook his head. "They... what," he said. "They're getting bigger and bigger!" Slartibartfast shouted again. Ford and Arthur looked at each other and shook their heads. "Sounds urgent," said Arthur.He stopped and called to Slarti Bartfast, "What?" "They're taking the ashes out of Dana!" Slartibartfast yelled, waving his hands. "He said," said Arthur, "they took the Ashes. I think that's what he said." The two continued to run. "The...?" said Ford. "The Ashes," said Arthur curtly. "The burning residue of a cricket post. It's a prize. That..." he gasped, "apparently...they... came here to get it." He whispered He shook his head lightly, as if to let the brain stay more stable in the skull. "It's a strange thing he's trying to say," said Ford grumpily. "It's a strange thing to hold." "That spaceship is weird." They walked up to the spaceship.The second really weird thing about this ship is that you can see how the "other people's problem field" works there.The two of them could see the ship now because they knew it was there.Obviously, no one else can do it.The reason isn't that it's invisible, or anything like that is too magical to be true.If you want to make something truly invisible, the technology involved will be extremely complex.So, 999,999,999 times out of a billion, people find it more convenient to forego making it and prefer not to use it.The world-renowned scientific magician, Efrafax of Wag, once bet his life that he could make the majestic Magrama Mountain completely invisible in just one year. It took him nearly a year to fiddle with such things as light energy adjustment valves, refraction cancellers, and spectral avoidance devices, etc., and finally realized that after nine hours, he would no longer be able to live. So he and his friend, and his friend's friend, and his friend's friend's friend, and his friend's friend's friend's friend, and friends of those people a little further off—these guys just happen to have one of the most The strongest interstellar freight company - did something that is now recognized as the most difficult overnight rush in history.And then, sure enough, the next day, Mount Magrama was gone.Yet Ephrafax lost his bet—and his life—only because some pedantic inquisitors noticed: a. I can stumble, and I haven't broken my nose or anything; b, there is a suspicious moon in the sky. "Other people's problem field" is much more convenient and effective than this.Plus, it can run for hundreds of years on just one flashlight battery.It works on the human nature of being blind to things that they don't want to see, don't expect, or can't explain.If Ephrafax painted the giant mountain pink and built a cheap and easy "other people's problem field" on it, then people would walk over the mountain, around the mountain, and even climb over the mountain. Pass the mountain without noticing it's there. This is exactly what happened to Slarti Bartfast's ship.It's not pink, but that's okay, people will ignore it anyway. Most unusual: It's just a bit like a regular spaceship with pilot fins, rocket engines, and a rescue capsule; it's more like an upside-down trattoria. Ford and Arthur watched the spaceship with wonder and deep alarm. "Yes, I understand." At this moment Slarti Bartfast ran to them, panting and panicking, "but there is a reason for it. Come on, it's time we go. The ancient nightmare comes again, doom It is before us. We must leave immediately." "I really want to go to a place with sunshine." Ford said. Ford and Arthur followed Slarti Bartfast into the spaceship, immediately dizzy by what they saw inside the spaceship.So they didn't notice at all what happened outside next. A spaceship—of course, another one, shiny and silver, descended from the sky onto the fairway, smoothly, unhurriedly, and ballet-like, spreading out its long legs. It lands gracefully.It unfolds a short gangway.A tall, grey-green figure came briskly down, toward the small group of humans who were clustered in the middle of the fairway, tending to the wounded of the bizarre massacre just now.Silently and majestically, the alien pushed people aside and walked over to a man lying in a pool of blood.Apparently the man was hopelessly hopeless (on earth) and was gasping for his last breath. The figure crouched down gently beside him. "Arthur Philippe Diodat?" asked the figure. The man nodded weakly with suspicious eyes. "You're a good-for-nothing fool," the creature said softly. "I think you should know that before you die."