Chapter 28 Open your eyes on the twenty-eighth night

Readers often ask me, why not write about Gu?I often hesitate, not because I don’t want to write, but this is so amazing that it’s far from something a layman can write. If I make it up, it’s quite blasphemous.So I dared not write for a long time, and I didn't want to write this story until today, but I had to explain another story before, because it would be a bit abrupt to write Gu directly. After the Christmas Eve story was written, I got a call.It was a girl, and she said very simply, "I have to talk to you." During the conversation, I learned that she had some similar experiences to the story. I couldn't help being curious, but the phone bills in China are really staggering, and the story sounds quite long, so we decided to chat on QQ.

The following is my conversation with her. "I'm a college student who just graduated. Don't think I'm younger than you, but I definitely have more experience than you." I don't like to talk, so I mostly watch her typing. "Like most girls, I wished I had a relationship, and it really came during my freshman year. I met a boy, and at the very least, I loved him very much at the time. When I was a sophomore, we, no, it should be me, paid the price for the short-term happiness, and I went for an abortion.He was beside me at the time, holding my hand.He helped me into the operating room.It was not a big hospital, because I was afraid of meeting acquaintances in the hospital, and he was even more afraid. Like children who did something wrong, the two of us sneaked to find a small hospital, a hospital that looked dilapidated on the outside and even more dilapidated on the inside. , but the fee is half cheaper than regular surgery.When I went in, there was a young girl sitting alone on the long wooden chair in the waiting room, she looked like a college student, and I thought, at least I was better than her.

It was four o'clock in the afternoon when the operation was performed, and the sky was very cloudy, cold, and heavy, as if it was covering your head, making you breathless.The operating room is not big, there is only one operating bed, and many instruments are placed beside it, giving off a cold light in the room.I was suddenly afraid, because I felt the life in my stomach resisting desperately. On that day, I was already more than four months pregnant. That man actually held me behind my back, and he said impatiently, 'Don't be afraid, it will be soon, it won't hurt. 'There was a doctor inside, wearing a big mask, which hid his entire face, only showing two eagle eyes, looking at us both indifferently.

'Come on, stop dawdling. ' he whispered.The boyfriend went out and slammed the door of the operating room behind him.With helpless hands covering my stomach, I walked to the bed and climbed up. "Induction or additional attraction?" The doctor fiddled with the equipment, and the sound of those things colliding was very crisp, echoing in the room.I was stopped by his question and didn't understand for a while.Seeing that I didn't speak, he sighed. "How many months?" "It's been more than four months." The doctor was a little surprised, startled for a moment, and then said, "Then you can't use induction, use additional attraction. And, it's better to have anesthesia, otherwise it will be very painful." He turned around Turning around, he muttered again: "It's been more than four months, I really didn't pay attention."

I refused the proposal of anesthesia, and I suddenly had a very urgent thought, I want to give birth to this child, this incomplete child, and I want to remember this pain for the rest of my life.The doctor advised me a few words, but seeing no response, I had to follow suit. I chose instrumental abortion.Indeed, I will never forget it in my life. When the cold surgical tools entered my body, the first feeling was not pain, but a tearing feeling, and the ensuing pain spread directly throughout my body. At every corner, my body shrank violently.I don't want to recall the operation process anymore. In short, I kept screaming in pain in the operating room, and the screams were scary even to myself.

When the operation was over, he came in, so disturbed that he couldn't even meet my eyes.I was weak but sane, and I repeatedly asked to see the part of my body that had been taken from me.The doctor hesitated.Ask the nurse to carry it to me. I was surprised too, he was surprisingly big.How can four months be so big.He already has a gender, a boy with a big head, and I have a feeling that this child will be very smart and cute if he can be born. I turned my head, waved my hand, tears flowed down my face uncontrollably, the nurse gave the baby to my boyfriend again, and he took the baby tremblingly.There was a silence.Suddenly he stretched out his hand to the child's face.

The 27-week-old fetus can fully develop and open the eyes, so he is now closed.My boyfriend didn't know why at the time, but he opened the child's eyelids with his hands.The doctor on one side turned around and shouted, "No!" But my boyfriend had already opened it. I didn't see what it looked like inside, but he suddenly threw the child on the ground in horror, staggered back, and even fell to the ground, while pointing at the child, he opened his mouth and spit out a few words. Words come. "Hole, hole, black hole." He seemed terrified.I looked at him with contempt. This man I once loved deeply looked ugly to me now.The doctor came over and picked the child up again.

"Of course it is a black hole, and the eyes are not well developed. However, for children who flow down like this, it is best not to look at their undeveloped eyes. After opening the eyes, it is said that it will be very troublesome." The doctor's tone has always been very Indifferent, maybe he has seen this kind of thing too much. Fortunately, there was not much bleeding, and my body recovered quickly.My boyfriend has been accompanying me by the bed with a shame on his face, but the first thing I did after I was able to get off the ground was to break up.He didn't keep it, and he agreed naturally. This love, like most people, has become a scar in the deep memory, but mine is heavier than others.

After the breakup, I was actually more miserable. I drank a lot, cut classes, and punished myself in a depraved way. My roommates started to stay away from me after the dissuasion was ineffective. I became a real lonely person.I even took drugs, the kind of ecstasy, which temporarily numbs the nerves and makes me feel better.This kind of life lasted for half a year, until I once hit my head on the corner of the stool after taking too much, I clutched the blood gushing wound, the pain woke me up, I found that I should live well, although the forehead The scar cannot be removed now, but I look at it with gratitude, after all, I am alive again.

Later things became more ordinary. I studied hard and graduated with excellent grades. I had less contact with that man. It was just a routine greeting. It was impossible not to hate him, but now I found that indifference is more than hatred. But in fact, the real thing has just begun. In June this year, my college classmate Ling’s child was full moon. Everyone came to celebrate, of course, including my ex-boyfriend. The expression on his face made him hesitate to speak.To be honest, in such a short period of time, he has changed a lot, thin and weak, the deep dark circles around his eyes, and the white hair on his head are also faintly visible.

Ling gave birth to a son, very cute, chubby, just not good at all, very crying, and the cry made people feel hairy, as if something was scratching.Fortunately, there are many people, so it is not hard to arrive.At this time, some classmates joked that everyone took turns to hug the child to see who the child liked. The game started, and everyone holding the baby couldn't stop him from crying. Every time he held a baby, it caused a burst of laughter. The couple of Ling couldn't laugh or cry.Until he, my boyfriend, tremblingly carried the child over, just for a moment, the child's crying stopped abruptly like an electric shock.The audience stopped laughing, but looked at him in surprise. The child laughed.very beautiful.But in my opinion, I think his smile is weird, not like a child's smile. There was something strange in my ex-boyfriend's eyes suddenly. He wanted to give the child back to the next person, but everyone was booing. Even Ling and his wife told him to hug him more and want him to be the godfather of the child. He had to keep holding on. At this time, the child suddenly started to grope in his arms, and his little hands went up until they touched his eyes. My ex-boyfriend didn't move, letting that little hand touch it.It wasn't until Ling took the child away that I realized that he had already stood still in fright.After the banquet, he finally found me and repeatedly asked to speak to me. With a face full of bewilderment, he found a cigarette in a panic, lit it tremblingly, took a few puffs, and began to calm down. "What on earth do you want to say? I don't want to say that I'm gone. I still have a lot of things to do." I was a little impatient, and I felt annoyed when I saw his face a few more times.He took my hand, which was still as big and thick as it was a few years ago, but the warmth was gone. "Don't, don't go." He begged with eyes full of eyes like a child who made a mistake, and I suddenly softened, stopped and listened to his narration. "In the past few years, that's right, after the abortion with you, I, I have been having nightmares, dreaming of that child, with empty eye sockets glistening with coughing light. Then, I often hear the child's cry next to my ears. Laughter, when I wake up in the morning, I can often see the baby’s handprints on my face and neck, which are purple. There are also many strange things. And recently I will unconsciously draw some pictures, when I wake up When I was there, I found that the paintings were all the same, so I brought one, so you can take a look.” I forgot to mention that my ex-boyfriend was an art student, and now he is a well-known painter.I took the painting he took out from his pocket and looked at it in the dim streetlight. The background of the whole painting is gray-black, and it is not painted very much. Inside, there is a baby with a big head, holding his hands on his chest, curled into a ball, but his eyes are open, and the inside is hollow, but There is a kind of suction like a black hole, as if it can suck the souls of those who see it.I felt a little dizzy and immediately closed the drawing paper. "You, think too much, maybe it's just a hallucination, and besides, don't you painters often get crazy." I calmed down and threw the drawing paper back to him.Then he turned around and left, leaving him alone under the streetlight. A few months later, I heard that he held an art exhibition, and strongly invited me to go. I thought I was free, so I went to see it in order to pass the boring life. The art exhibition is very grand, it seems that he is doing well in this aspect, I looked at the name of the art exhibition, it is called Kaiyan. There are dozens of paintings in total, all of which are of eyes, old people, young people, men, women, foreigners, and Chinese. Each eye is different, and the emotions it carries are all different. I have to admit, He is indeed a very talented painter. In a prominent position in the middle of the painting exhibition hall, there is a huge painting.It attracts a lot of people. I walked over to take a look, and it turned out to be the one he had shown me.But it looks more disturbing and cold when zoomed in.Beside, many people were commenting in low voices, some said that the painting was profound and represented the pursuit of life, some said it was post-modern confusion, and so on, I wanted to laugh out loud, it was all nonsense. When I wanted to go out through the back door of the art exhibition, a hand suddenly patted my shoulder.I was so scared to look back, it turned out to be him. my ex boyfriend. "You're still here. I had to draw him, as if he was out of control. It's easier for me to vent like this." His voice was hoarse, and he seemed to have smoked a lot.The hallway was dark and I couldn't see his face clearly. "Smoking less, don't take care of your body." I sighed slightly.Lifted the purse.In the darkness, he seemed to be breathing a little rapidly. "You still care about me." "No other meaning, I think you misunderstood, I already have a new boyfriend, I'm getting married soon, I don't want to entangle with you anymore, I don't hate you, I don't love you, there is nothing between you and me Any fetters, as for your remorse, I accept." After I finished speaking, I was about to leave.He was silent, and I seemed to hear him sobbing vaguely. I walked out without looking back, and suddenly I seemed to hear a child's laughter, giggling, very clearly, I couldn't help but look back. It happened that a ray of light came in from nowhere, and he was walking back to the painting exhibition. The light was shining on his feet, and I saw it. a baby. Chubby, hugging his calf, looking back at me, with two big black holes on his face full of smiles, and waving his little hand like a lotus root segment at me.I couldn't move anymore, the blood in my whole body seemed to be coagulated, and it took more than ten minutes for me to recover.Groping the wall out of the hallway, back into the sunlight. In the days that followed, I often heard news about my ex-boyfriend. He was living in a very down-and-out life, even destitute, and asked me how many times he had borrowed money.The last time I saw him, he was already out of shape, and he still had the demeanor of a painter. Afterwards, I had no news of him, as if he had disappeared. "Her story paused for a while, and I couldn't help but ask: "What happened next?" " She changed the subject: "Do you know about Gu?" "Don't you know?" I asked her.After a long silence, she spoke back. "Yes, because I am a descendant of the Miao people, but it's very complicated. I have something to do today, so let's talk about it next time." After she finished speaking, I looked at the monitor in a daze.I had to wait for her to contact me later.