Chapter 26 Chapter 26 Hope

I'm sorry the last session didn't come because I think both mom and I need some time to recover.You know, it was all so funny, and after I met her that night, I really wanted to sleep in the closet again.I stood in front of the wardrobe with the pillow in my hand for a long, long time.I knew that once I opened that door, I would go backwards, so in the end, I lay in bed and pictured your office in my mind.I told myself I was lying on your couch and you were looking at me.Only then did I slowly fall asleep. The guards took Mom into the interrogation room, we looked each other in the eye, but quickly looked away, and she sat down across from me.She was wearing a baggy gray prison uniform with the sleeves rolled up, which set off the grayness of her skin.It was the first time in years that I saw my mother's face without makeup.The corners of her mouth were drooping on both sides, and without the pink lip gloss, her lips were also very pale, which matched the color of her skin.

My heart was pounding, and I was overwhelmed thinking, what should I say?Uh, mom, why did you kidnap me?I don't know if I really want to hear her answer. Before I could ask any questions, she said, "What did Val say?" I was a little surprised: "She left me a message on the phone, I haven't..." "You don't tell her anything." "what?" "We'll wait until we figure out what to do next." "Us? This time, you're on your own, Mom. I'm just here to hear why you did it?" "Gary said he told you everything. You have to help me, Anne, you are my only chance..."

"Why should I help you? You paid someone to kidnap me and hurt me, and you..." "No! I didn't mean to hurt you, it's just...everything, it went wrong, it all went wrong, and now..." She put her head in her hands. "Now, my life is ruined, and you're sitting in jail. You've done a good job, mother." She looked up and looked across the room. "It's all wrong, Anne. I can't be here, I'm going to die." She lay down on the table and grabbed my hand. "You go talk to the police, you can tell them that you don't want to pursue this matter, you can also explain to them, you understand why I..."

"I don't understand, Mom." I took my hand away. "I have no other choice, you have always been inferior to others." "So, it's all my fault?" "You also saw how Val treated me. How she looked down on us." "I saw what you did to her too, but she didn't go and kidnap her daughter, did she?" Tears welled up in her eyes: "You don't understand, Anne. You don't understand what I've been through..." She couldn't go on. "It's all about Dwight, isn't it?" silence. "If you don't tell me, then I'll go directly to Aunt Val."

Mom leaned on the table: "You can't do this to me, she will use this to..." The door opened, and a policeman stuck his head in: "Is everything okay here?" I said, "We're fine." Mom nodded and the police closed the door. "You should know that the reporter may have gone to find Aunt Val by now." Mom's shoulders tensed. "Reporters want to know everything about you, what you were like when you were a child, and what happened to make you such a terrible mother." "I'm a good mother, and no one else is. Val will never talk about our childhood. She doesn't want anyone in her perfect world to know what she did." As she spoke become full of thoughts. "She's going to be annoying..." She began tapping a finger on the tabletop.

I suddenly felt a panic, and my stomach hurt: "Mom, don't make things worse..." She leaned on the table: "She is my father's favorite daughter, you know, but the one who likes her the most is our stepfather." She smiled wryly. "When my mother found out that her husband had slept with her daughter, Val told her that it was me who slept with her stepfather. Then my things were thrown out of the house and my stepfather left the house. If If it wasn't Dwight, then I'd really just be sleeping on the street." "Dwight?" "After I was kicked out of the house, I moved in with him. I went to work as a waiter, and he went to lay bricks on the construction site. Later, we thought of robbing the bank." Tears flashed in her eyes, "In After he was caught, I worked two jobs a day to barely make ends meet. Later, Val brought her boyfriend to me and told me how big her boyfriend’s house was, and his jewelry store How good the business is..."

"Her boyfriend is my father." We were all silent. "After Dwight was released, we were ready to get married, just needed money. Then, he was caught again, and I had to tell him, I had to move on, I was going to break up with him, and I did, I ended up marrying Wayne." She shook her head. "Later, when you were about to get that sales item, I thought my life was finally starting to turn around. But then I heard that it was Christina who was competing with you. She is much better than you." She said through gritted teeth, "If If you lose, I will have to endure Val's cynicism for the rest of my life."

"So, you decided to ruin my life?" "My plan was to help you, and then you'd have nothing to worry about for the rest of your life. Then things went wrong. Wayne was no use at all, but Dwight at least tried." "Did he rob that store for you?" She nodded. "I gave the filmmaker your number, and you're always pushy, but I have to pay the loan sharks. I don't know where Dwight is now." "When you do so many things, don't you worry about me at all?" "I hate that man for doing these things to you, but according to the plan, you should only be missing for a week, Anne. What happened afterwards was an accident."

"How can you say it was just an accident? You paid someone to rape me and kill my child!" "Isn't it like that time you wanted ice cream and asked your dad to go to the store?" It took me a long time to figure out what she meant, and it took me another long time to speak. "You mean the car accident." She nodded: "You don't want them to die, do you?" I felt my chest was so tight and tight that I couldn't breathe at all.The severe pain hit me, and I wondered if I had a heart attack. I began to sweat coldly and trembled involuntarily.I looked at her face, hoping I had just misunderstood her, but she looked so content, as if she had proved her innocence.

Tears welled up in my eyes, and I was speechless: "You...you really blamed me for their death. So, is it all because of this, you..." "of course not." "That's right, you've been blaming me all this time," I was already crying, "so, you think it's totally okay..." "You didn't listen to me at all, Anne. I know, you just wanted ice cream, you didn't intend to let them die. And I didn't intend to let bad things happen to you, I just hoped that Val Stop being so pompous in front of me." Her words made me feel dizzy. "She won't be showing off for long. Tomorrow, a lawyer will come to help me." She stood up and paced back and forth in front of the desk, and I noticed that her face was rosy again. "I'll tell the lawyer what kind of sister Val was when we were growing up, what she did with our stepfather, what life was like when I was kicked out of the house, what she was Hitting me over and over—that's abuse." She stopped suddenly and turned to look at me. "I don't know if she will come to the trial. At that time, she can only sit there and watch my lawyer..."

"Mom, if you say this in court, you're ruining my life again. I'm going to tell the reporters what happened. I'm going to talk about how that bastard raped me." She was still thinking as she walked: "That's right! We must make her a witness in court, so she must tell everything she has done." "Mom!" She stopped and looked at me. I said, "Don't do that to me." "It's none of your business, Anne." I opened my mouth to refute, but suddenly understood what she meant, and I froze.She is right.In the end, it didn't matter whether she was doing it for the money, for the attention, or for the total blow to her sister.None of this has anything to do with me.Never had anything to do with me.Her behavior, that perverted behavior, has nothing to do with me.I don't even know whether she is more dangerous or that pervert. I stood up and walked towards the door."Where are you going?" she asked. "Go home." I continued walking. "Annie, don't go." I turned around, thinking I'd see her tears, I thought I'd hear her apology and my retention. But she just said: "You don't say anything to anyone until I speak. We must handle this matter carefully, otherwise..." "My God, you really haven't figured out the situation, have you?" She looked at me blankly. I shook my head. "You'll never figure it out." "When you come back, bring me a newspaper so I can..." "I'm not coming back, Mom." Her eyes widened: "But I need you, Annie Bear." I knocked on the door and said, "Oh, I think you'll be fine." The waiting policeman opened the door.After I got out, the door closed again, and I staggered to the bench by the opposite wall.After the policeman locked the door, he asked me if I was okay and if I needed to call Gary.I said, "I'll just sit for two minutes." Then he walked away. I counted the cracks in the wall, let my heart beat still, and walked out of the police station. The reporter found out about my visit to the prison, and the next day, the headlines on the front page of the newspaper were full of various speculations and inferences.Christina left me a message saying that anytime I wanted someone to talk to, I would just call her, day or night.Although she tried to hide it, I could still hear the sadness in her voice because I didn't tell her myself about my visit to my mother.Aunt Val also left a message on the phone. Her voice sounded hesitant. I don't know how much she knows.I didn't call them both back, and I didn't call anyone who left me a message.What else is there to say?everything is over.It was my mother who made it, the end of the show. A few days later, I put the art school brochure on my bedside table.The next morning, when I saw it, I thought, what the hell, if I'm going to pursue my dream, then I'm going to need money, and I gave in, and I called the filmmaker.We had a great chat.I was right, she was really understanding and seemed to respect my wishes.Although she is from Hollywood, she still speaks quite normally. I still don't want to make a movie about my experience, but I know they will make a movie.If someone wants to benefit from it, I would rather benefit from it myself.Besides, this movie isn't really me, it's a Hollywood version of me, and when it comes out, it's just a movie, not my real life. I agreed to meet with the filmmaker and her boss in a week.The remuneration they offer is considerable, enough for me to live comfortably for the rest of my life. As soon as I hung up, I called Christina.I know, she thought I was going to call and tell her about my mom, but I didn't, and I told her I had finally decided to go to art school.She was silent, and I think she was surprised.She remained silent, and I said, "Remember? That art school in the Rocky Mountains, the one I kept talking about in high school." "I remember. I just don't know why you're going now." Her tone was very casual, but I could feel a faint disapproval in it.Even when I was in high school, she didn't encourage me to go to that school. At that time, I thought, she just didn't want me.I don't know what her reasons are against me this time, but I know I don't want to hear it. "Because I want to go," I said, "and I want you to sell the house for me." "Your house? Are you going to sell it? Or rent it out first..." "I've decided. In the next two weeks, I want to take care of the house first. I hope to complete various procedures as soon as possible. When will you come over?" She was silent for a moment, then said, "I should be able to pass this weekend." On the Saturday morning of the second week, she came.I was filling out forms and I was telling her about art school and I said I couldn't wait to go to class and I was going to drive to school tomorrow and I said getting away from it all I think very happy.Although she didn't say anything discouraging, her answers were all cold. After finishing our official business, we sat side by side on the terrace in front of the house, basking in the morning sun.I have other things I want to talk to her about. I said, "I know, what the hell were you trying to say when you came to paint with me that night." Her eyes widened and her face grew red. "You just can't let it go. I'm not mad at you, and I'm not mad at Luke. Things don't go your way." "Just that one time, I swear." She said in a panic. "We all drank, and it didn't count. We were all worried about you, and no one else understood how we felt..." "It's okay. Really. We have all done things that we regret. Maybe everything is destined, but it really doesn't matter anymore." "Are you sure, because I think I'm so..." "I'm fine, really. Can you stop caring? Please." I pushed my shoulder against her shoulder and made a grimace.She grimaced, too, and we were all silent, watching a young couple with a pram pass my house. "I heard that your mother said everywhere that before you were kidnapped, I was competing with you for that sale item." After a while, she said suddenly. "Yes, she said that your assistant told a friend of hers or something, that my long-standing competitor is you, I know, this is probably my mother lying again." "Actually, she was partly right. They did ask me to draw up a proposal for them, and I met with them a few times. I know they were talking to an agent at another firm at the same time, but I I didn't know that person was you, until one day you told me about it. I quit immediately, and later, when you disappeared, they contacted me again." "You quit? Why?" "Business is business, but business also has to be moral. Our friendship is more important to me." "I really wish you had told me about this earlier, then I would definitely quit and let you do it. You are much more experienced than me, and you must have waited longer than me for such an opportunity." Christina said: "That's why I didn't tell you. I knew we were going to fight to quit!" We were all laughing and laughing, and Christina suddenly fell silent and looked at my yard. "This house is really nice." Hell, I know what she's going to say next. "Yes, it is very good. I'm sure someone will like it here." "You like this place very much, Anne, it's a pity..." "Christina, stop talking." She was silent for a moment, and I could feel her nervousness.Then, she shook her head. "I don't. This time I'm going to say it. I've respected you for the past few months, and I've stood by while you're all alone with this, but I won't let you go, Anne." "Run away? Who said run away? I'm finally starting my own life, Christina. I thought you'd be happy for me." "I'm still happy for you when you sold the house you liked? There is a good school an hour's drive away from here, but you have to go to an art school in the mountains. I'm still happy for you? This is not a new beginning. Life. You have said it yourself, you want to escape all unhappiness." "I've always wanted to go to this art school since I was a kid and this house just reminds me of things from before, including my mum." "That's what you are, Annie. You've been trying to run away from your mother since you were a kid. Do you think that's the way to escape the pain? You can't erase what happened like this." "Are you kidding me? Do you think I'm trying to forget what happened?" "Yeah, I think that's what you are, but you can't do it. You think about it every day, don't you? You don't trust me, you don't tell me anything, and it hurts me to think about it. You think I can't take it .” "It's none of your business, it's all about me. I can't take it. I can't even tell my therapist. Say everything out loud to someone who knows me, what that jerk did to me Tell me about the things my mother did... see the eyes of you..." "Are you ashamed? Are you? It's not your fault, Anne." "It's my fault, don't you understand? No, you won't understand, you can't understand. Because you will never let such a thing happen to yourself. " "Do you think so? God, Anne, you lived with a madman for a year, and you escaped after killing him, but I don't even have the courage to leave my husband." "Your husband? What's the matter with you?" "Drew and I are... not okay. We're talking about a divorce." "Ah, you never said..." "You want to take it easy, okay? Divorce is not an easy thing." She shrugged. "Before you were kidnapped, we had a lot of problems, but last year, things got worse." "Because of me?" "Part of it. I just wanted to find you, and before that... you know we're always busy in our line of work. I thought it would be better to move to a new place, but..." She continued Shrugged. They bought a house a month before I disappeared, and she kept telling me what new furniture they were going to buy together.I thought they got along just fine. "Everything has changed, Anne. For a month after you disappeared, I had nightmares almost every day. I couldn't work. Last week a stranger called and wanted to see the house, and I pushed him to another Male agent. All my job was to find you for a year, and then Drew finally convinced me to go on a cruise. Then you came back, and I wasn't there when you were in the hospital By your side. Now that you're home, I feel like you're not here. I miss you so much. I have to deal with marriage issues. Drew wants to see a marriage counselor with me, but I don't know What do I want to do..." She started to cry.I stared at the lawn in front of me, blinking desperately, holding back my tears. "This thing, this terrible thing, doesn't just affect you, it affects everyone who cares about you, and more than that, it affects every single person in this town, and every woman in the country. Many people's Life changes, not just yours." I started counting the grass on the lawn. "None of this is your fault. I want you to know that you are not alone and other people have been hurt. I understand why you want to run away and I want to run away myself. You have to stand up and face this I love you, Anne, you are like my own sister, since I have known you, although you have been close to me, I always feel that you are still shutting me out. And now, you want to make me It's all over. You're giving up, just like him..." "Who?" "The kidnapper." "God, Christina, please don't tell me you're comparing me to that jerk." "Didn't he also find real life unbearable? Didn't he also want to interact with people? That's why he ran away..." "I'm not running away, I'm just moving on and starting a new life. Never compare me to him. Stop it." She stares at me. "Actually, I think you should leave too." "You see? That's it, run away. What I made you feel, you can't bear it, you can't face it, so the only thing you can do is to drive me away." I stood up, went into the house, and slammed the door behind me.A few minutes later, I heard her drive away. That night, Gary called and told me they had located the loan shark and had filed a lawsuit against him.He also told me that Mom was constantly being visited, and she was willing to be interviewed whenever anyone asked her a question. "It's not surprising at all," I said, "but I have something else to tell you." I told him that I had finally decided to pursue my dream. "Great, Annie! You're finally back on track." Glad he thought differently than Christina, I said, "I will. How are you?" “I’ve been thinking a lot myself lately. One of the guys who trained me before started a consulting firm and he wanted me to partner with him. I could live where I wanted, travel, give lectures, whatever. When you want to rest, take a rest." "I thought you liked your job very much." "I used to think so too, but after we finished your case, I started to think... Then, I went through the divorce procedure... I don't know, I just feel that some changes should be made." I smiled. "Yeah, I totally understand how you feel. By the way, I still have your coat." "I know. No rush. I bought a new car..." "Wow, that's changed. Isn't it just men with a midlife crisis buying sports cars and stuff?" "Once I make a decision, I will definitely put it into action. I bought a car just thinking that I can go out for a drive on the weekend and take a turn. If I drive by your school on the way, or you come back to attend the court hearing, can I ask you Would you like a cup of coffee and a meal?" "I'm going to be very busy at school." "I said, I'm not in a hurry." "So you're coming with peanut butter?" "Maybe, you know." He smiled. "Then I'll take two extra spoons." The next morning, I got up early and drove to school, and it felt so good to get out of this small town, even if it was just for a few days.The Rocky Mountains are so beautiful this season. Looking at the towering peaks, I almost forgot about the dispute between Christina and me.Along the way, I rolled down the car windows and breathed in the warm and fresh aroma of pine needles.Emma was sitting in the back seat of the car, sticking her head out of the window, and licking my neck from time to time.I drove slowly to the school and saw this magnificent Tudor-style building in front of me and the rolling Rocky Mountains in the distance, and I suddenly felt dizzy.Everything will be different here. I parked the car and walked Emma around the campus.A few girls were sitting on the lawn drawing sketches, we passed by them, one of the girls looked up, we smiled at each other.I have already forgotten that the smiles of strangers are so beautiful.But then, her smile faded to a stare, and I knew, she recognized me.She went to push the friend next to her, and I quickly turned around and walked away.I carried Emma into the car and went to find the Registrar's Office by myself. I had already missed the deadline to apply for the September intake and had to fill out a form to apply for the January intake.I didn't bring any portfolio, I just brought my sketchbook, and I handed it to the instructor.He said that there should be no problem for me to apply for admission, and he also suggested which paintings I should pick out as application materials.I still have to wait for the first half of the year, and I feel a little disappointed, but the teacher told me that I can take some evening classes at school to prepare myself first. On the way home, I was planning what to do next in my head, but the closer I got to Clayton Falls, the clearer what Christina said was that you were running away.I still can't believe that she had the courage to say that.what does she knowSay I'm not alone?I am obviously alone.My daughter is dead, my father is dead, my sister is dead, my mother might as well be dead.What right does Christina have to judge me? You are running away. A few hours later, I parked in front of Christina's house, rushed to her door, and slammed on it. "Annie!" "Is Drew home?" "No, he's staying at a friend's house. What's the matter?" "I understand you've been through a lot, Christina, but you have no right to control my life. It's my life, mine, not yours." "Well, Annie, I just..." "Why can't you let me be quiet? You have no idea what I've been through." "Yes, I don't know. You won't tell me." "How could you say those things to me? My mother kidnapped me, Christina." "Yes, she did it." "She lied to me." "She lied to everyone." "She left me there alone. Alone." "Yes, alone." "My mother did it." "Yes, your mother did it, Annie." "She's going to jail now. I don't have any relatives anymore, none at all." "You still have me." I finally couldn't help crying. I was crying and Christina wasn't holding me.She sat on the ground with me, sitting next to me, shoulder to shoulder, and I cried out all my resentment and sadness for my mother.Every injustice she has done to me since I was a little kid, every broken dream and unfulfilled wish I have, I let them flow with tears.Every time I said something, Christina would nod and say, yes, she did that to you.this is not right.You are wronged. Finally, my wailing turned into a staccato sob, and I suddenly felt a strange peace. Christina said: "Why don't you take Emma out of the car and I'll make tea." We changed into pajamas, and Christina lent me one of hers. "Silk," she said with a smile, and I said "no wonder" and returned her a faint smile.Sitting at the kitchen table with a full pot of tea in front of us, I took a deep breath. "Remember my daughter? I named her Hope."