Chapter 8 Chapter 8 Fighting Wits and Bravery

Yes, doctor, I have also started to seriously think about my attitude, yes, yes, I know I have a temper.Now, that state of affairs is really starting to affect things.For example, my life.In fact, before I was kidnapped, I wasn’t a happy little Miss Sunshine. Of course, there were reasons for this—my sister died, my father died, my mother was an alcoholic, and my stepfather was so stupid—but at least I didn’t tell everyone The world vents my grievances.What now?It seems that everyone can make me lose my temper.You, the reporter, the police, the postman, a stone in the middle of the road, etc.Nope, I probably wouldn't be mad at stones.Anyway, what I mean is, I used to like to get along with people.It can even be said that I am a very easy person to get along with.What now?

Take my friend for example.They call me, or plan to visit me, and invite me to various events, but I immediately start thinking that they just want to get information from me to see how the police investigation is going. Or, they just think I'm poor and should invite me.And when I say no, they'll probably sit around and talk about me. Look, this kind of malicious and naive thing should not even be thought about, let alone brought up.Everyone cares about me, and I should be grateful, right? The problem is, I have nothing in my life to share with others, and most of the topics discussed are unfamiliar to me.The latest movies, world events, fads, technological developments... I'm all out of date.So, if I occasionally go out into the world and run into someone I know, I'll ask them how their lives are going, and they all seem relieved and start blah blah blah blah. A problem, or a new boyfriend, or an upcoming trip.Even though my life is a mess, I tell myself that it gives me some comfort to hear people still get out of bed every morning and go on with their lives.Maybe one day, I will be able to complain about my work to others.

However, after we said our goodbyes and I watched them walk away and go back to their nice, normal lives, I started getting angry again.I hate them, hate that they don't suffer like I do, hate that they can still enjoy their lives.I also hate myself for having such thoughts. I'm even alienating Christina.She has been trying to help me, and when I first moved home, she was busy helping me clean up and organize the furniture.He also helped me buy all kinds of food and put them in the refrigerator.Her housekeeper personality was what I liked best about her before, and I would be more than happy to let her run my life.But this time, when she was walking around my house with a feng shui book trying to rearrange the furniture so I could absorb more healing energy, when she brought me a string of calls to a therapist number — before I knew you, of course — and nursing home brochures for rape victims, I was getting more and more irritable and she was getting more aggressive.

Then, she started the "let's talk" thing again, and she came to my house with wine and tarot cards.Spread the cards and read aloud some of the words, "You've been fighting against yourself for a long time. Now, it's time to share your burden with those closest to you."She was also afraid that I would not understand, so she would stop and look into my eyes every time she finished a sentence.Although I don't like it very much, I can bear it.Until one day, when she put the card down and said, "If you don't talk about it, you'll never put it down," I suddenly lost my temper.

"Christina, if you insist on listening to my experience, it only means that your own life is not much better." The look on her face was so sad.I muttered an apology and she left quickly. The last time we spoke was a few months ago and we made an appointment and she said she would bring me some of her old clothes.I tried to say no, but she was insistent, insisting it would make me happy.An hour before she was due to come, I suddenly felt angry and resentful.I left her a message to cancel the meeting, and then drove around for three hours.When I got home, there was a large box of clothes at the door, and I immediately stuffed the box into the basement.

The next day, she called me, I didn't answer, she left a message, sounded happy and excited, asking if I got the clothes, and said she couldn't wait to see me wear them on body.I called back and thanked her for the message, but since then, I haven't returned any calls from her. what's wrong with me?Why am I so angry at everyone? One night, I'm pretty sure I heard the psycho say someone's name.It's not loud enough that I can't catch it, but it's definitely not my name.I'm not stupid enough to ask him, I'm just guessing in my own mind. He's pretty normal in terms of sex.Thank goodness.I guess, of all the freaks out there, this one I've come across is pretty good.I'm not praising him.Only, he didn't force me to anal or give him oral sex - he probably knew that if I did, I might bite his cock off.Under normal circumstances, I know where to touch, how to touch, what to say, and how to say it.I'd do anything to get it over with quickly, and I'd do well.

On the surface, being obedient and helpful to him made things easier, but emotionally, I felt like a part of me had given up and disappeared. After that pervert knew I was pregnant, he didn't seem to care whether he had to have sex every night, but the process of taking a bath never stopped.Sometimes he just rests his head on my chest and talks to me until he falls asleep.His voice was soft, and he would tell me all his theories, about dust, about morning sickness.Most of the time, he will talk about the topic of love and society.For example, he's always saying that our society is too focused on access—but didn't he kidnap me and lock me up too?

The thought of my genes being combined with his genes makes me sick.The last thing I want is anything to do with him, how I wish I could miscarry when we lay in bed at night.I thought about every sad thought I could think of, about this little devil growing up inside me, about how he or she would look when he or she came out of my body.I would often have nightmares of ugly, horrific fetuses tearing my guts apart, and then I would wake up sweating profusely. All that winter, all I could think about was that I was going to have a baby in the company of that freak.He made me read aloud to him from a book on how to give birth at home, and I felt every word come out of my throat.I used to cover my eyes if I saw a baby being born on TV because I couldn't stand the look of a poor mother when a little thing came out of some screaming woman.I have always thought that if I want to have a baby, I must use a lot of anesthetics, and when I pass out, my husband will whisper in my ear to cheer me up.

The good mood my pregnancy brought to that freak only lasted a few months.After that, he went back to his old ways.One day, he thought my nails looked good, and the next day, he would order me to cut them all off.One minute, it’s okay to go to the bathroom at two o’clock, and the next minute, he will drag me out of the toilet and tell me that I have to wait until three o’clock.For a pregnant woman who constantly wants to go to the toilet, this is a real pain. In the morning, I would put on the clothes he chose for me, and at noon, he would let me change again.If he found even the slightest stain when he checked the dishes, he would have me rewash all the dishes.Once, I refused to clean the toilet, saying it was already clean, but he slapped me backhanded and forced me to wipe the whole room from top to bottom.I learned how to be just the right amount of submissiveness, forcing myself to lower my eyebrows and hunker my shoulders like a beaten puppy.

One morning towards the end of January, after breakfast, I was packing up.The pervert looked at me for a while and said, "I'm going on a trip." His tone was so ordinary, as if he was telling me that he was going out to throw garbage. "How long? Where? You can't leave me here alone..." "You or I, Annie?" There was no expression on his face. "You can take me with you. You can tie me to a car or something? Please." He shook his head: "You're still safer here." The pervert took some food from the cabinet, mostly vitamin drinks and protein powder mixed with water, and he put these things on the dining table.But no utensils were brought out.

Normally, I'm not allowed near the stove, but this time, he unlocked the screen door and took the screen away.Then he piled a pile of wood in the house, and lit a fire for me.I had no ax, nor newspaper, or anything to kindle the fire, so I had to make sure I never let the fire go out. He hasn't been away in months, so, I'm guessing our food stockpile is running low and he's probably in town to do some shopping.I don't know where he keeps his food and everything he brings into the house is in ziplock bags and I don't know what store he bought it from, but I guess he has one outside the house A big freezer, or a cellar or something.I hope he goes out this time just to buy something.Will he still meet Christina?What if he finds another woman he likes better and forgets about me?How long does it take for a person to starve to death without eating?Compared with getting along with him, I am more afraid of being left here alone. A girl went missing in Clayton Falls a few years ago, and when I took Emma for walks in the woods, I was always terrified that her bones would be found.Now, I wonder if there are many girls like me in this world.Their families have all moved on.They are no longer the headlines of the newspapers.They are locked in a hut or basement by those perverted kidnappers, waiting to be rescued. As I scratch another mark on the wall, I try not to think about how long I've been there.I try to make myself think that as the days go by, the more likely I am to be found.The longer I live, the better the chances of them finding me.I also wondered what would happen if I was rescued while pregnant?I'm almost five months pregnant and I'm pretty sure it's too late for an abortion.I also know that regardless of my feelings for this child, I cannot accept abortion.Not sure how my family and Luke would react to my pregnancy.I can't imagine Luke holding a rapist's child and welcoming him or her into his life.I don't even know if I can do it. You'd think I'd be glad the pervert was gone, but day by day, I was getting more and more anxious.I waited and prayed that the door would open soon.I hated him and couldn't wait to see him.I have become totally dependent on him. I didn't know how long he was going to be away, so I distributed the food he left behind.He's not there and won't tell me when I'm going to eat, so I try to follow my body's rhythm, but I'm always hungry all the time.I know a lot of pregnant women who feel nauseous at first, I never had it, just sleepy and hungry. I've always loved being outside—in the summer, I would swim every evening, and in the winter, I would skate every weekend.Now, I'm lying here, staring at the walls around me, walking around like a trapped animal.Many years ago, I saw a bear at the zoo running non-stop along the barbed wire, from one end to the other.The ground ran out of a deep groove.I still remember thinking, maybe it would rather die than live like that. When I stopped, I would lean against the wall and imagine what was on the other side of the wall, or sit in the toilet and put my eyes up that little hole in the wall and look out.If the sun is outside, a small beam of light shines through the hole and is projected on the back of the toilet door, and I'll sit for hours watching the spot of light slowly move down until it's gone. He was not there, and I couldn't read the novel, so I imagined a movie-like scene in my mind.I pictured my mom at home praying for my safety, briefing the police, calling me back on TV.I saw Christina and Luke taking Emma around the woods every weekend, hoping to catch a whiff of what I had left behind.The most wonderful and amazing thing is that Luke suddenly knocked open the door of the cabin and picked me up. I even imagined that Mom had recovered from her alcohol addiction and started a search and rescue team, like the mothers of missing children.I even imagined that she had woken up—realized how she had treated me all along, regretted it, and wanted to make it up to me in the future.Once I was rescued, our relationship became closer because of all this. I thought I'd never miss Wayne's silly jokes and the way he ruffles my hair like a twelve-year-old.And now, I'm praying to God, I'd listen to his crappy business ideas a thousand times if only I could go home. Many times, I touch my belly and imagine what a child looks like.There are books with drawings of embryos in various stages, and I find each one disgusting.I am sure that my child will be very beautiful, but with such a perverted father, what will the child be like? After five long days, he returned. "Sit on the bed, Annie," he said to me as soon as he came in, "we have to talk." I sat with my back against the wall, and he sat next to me, holding my hand. "I went back to Clayton Falls, and I don't want to tell you this..." He shook his head slowly. "They have stopped all search and rescue operations for you." Will not! His thumb slowly draws circles on my palm. "How are you, Anne? I know this must be a shock to you." I nod. "I have to admit, I was surprised to see your house put on the market so quickly, but I guess they all felt it was time to move on." I thought of my own house It was about to be sold, and the anger in my heart replaced the shock - it was a small Victorian three-storey building. When I first saw its beautiful stained glass windows, two-meter-high ceilings and original wooden floors , I fell in love with it.Would mom do that?She had always disliked the house, thinking it was too old and shabby.Did Wayne help her put up the for sale sign in the front yard?He would probably be glad to get rid of my self-righteous adopted daughter. "How did you know?" "It doesn't matter, what matters is that I care about you to tell you this. I also heard one thing while I was there." He paused.I know he's waiting for me to speak, and I don't want to be manipulated by him, but I also know that I have to take the initiative to ask him. "What's the matter?" Next, what are you going to say to hurt me?You scum. "There's an interesting thing about Luke..." This time, I forced myself to remain silent.After a few seconds, he broke the silence. "It seems that he doesn't want to wait for you anymore." "I don't believe it. Luke loves me..." "Annie, Annie, I saw him walking on the road with a beautiful blond woman on his arm, and whispered something in her ear. I don't think he was telling her how much he loves you." "You lie, he won't..." "He can't do anything? Can you tell me you never doubted Luke? He's a coward, Annie." I feel dizzy and stare at the far wall. The pervert nodded: "But you should start to understand now. What kind of person did I save you from?" Is it possible that Luke is already dating someone else?There used to be a blonde waitress, I don't remember her name, and I think she kind of liked Luke.Luke told me I was just paranoid. The day before I was kidnapped, I invited him to my house for dinner the next day, and his response sounded not at all happy.He was working in a restaurant and I guess he was just too busy.Or, he felt that I might break the appointment again.Did he already have another woman at that time?No, impossible.Luke never told me he was unhappy in any way, and he's not one to lie. The pervert squeezed my jaw and turned my face so I was looking straight into his eyes. "Annie, you're left with me alone." He must be lying.It's all just a new gimmick in his perverted game.His favorite thing is to torture me and break me down.There are many people who care about me, many, many people.Maybe I wasn't a perfect girlfriend, especially in the period before the kidnapping, but Luke wasn't going to just find someone else to replace me like that.Christina loves me too - she's been my best friend forever and I know she won't forget me.And Mum, Mum and I might argue sometimes—she and Daisy got along just fine—but she would be devastated by my disappearance.Even if she was actually selling my house, that wouldn't mean much.Maybe she's trying to cobble together a bounty to find me. But what if the pervert wasn't lying?What if they all stopped looking for me?What if they had all moved on with their separate lives?Luke may already have a new girlfriend, and this new girlfriend won't always be working overtime.Mom may have sold my house by now and is signing contracts.Emma may have completely forgotten about me, does it follow Luke and that new girlfriend now?Everyone is going on with their lives, and I'm going to be with this sadistic, rapist like a madman forever. That pervert spoke so truthfully, what evidence do I have that he is lying?So far, no one has found me, has it?I wanted to refute him and tell him that everyone loves me, but I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.I was reminded of the small animal shelter I used to work at. At that time, I was doing volunteer work there, mainly cleaning and walking the dog.Some dogs have been abused, but they will bite if anyone comes near; Some are so timid that they get scared incontinent even if you talk a little louder; some have given up entirely and just sit in their crates while their potential new owners pick out puppies Sometimes, they just stare at the wall. There is a puppy called Bubbles, very ugly and has a skin disease, he seems to stay in the shelter all the time, and whenever someone comes in, he will jump in front of the cage, as if he is the most beautiful and most beautiful dog in the whole world Like a cute puppy.It is always full of hope.I wanted to take it home, but I was living in a tiny apartment.In the end, I quit my volunteer job there because of work.Right now, I feel like a silly dog ​​waiting for someone to take me home.I hope that when Bubbles finally finds out that no one wants it, they will be able to euthanize it.