Chapter 4 Chapter 4 Punishment

How was your Christmas, doctor?Hope Santa has sent you nice presents.With sick people like me on a weekly basis, you're guaranteed to be on Santa's list of "good kids."I?While I try to avoid any kind of holiday cheer, it still came knocking on my door.It's really knocking on the door.Some boy scout boys came to sell Christmas trees, maybe because of the Christmas wreath at your door last time I saw it, or maybe because of the courage of those boys, they dared to knock on the only one that didn't have any Christmas trees Illuminated doors, in the end, I still bought them a tree.I can't always resist men in uniform.

The thing is, mom has thrown all my Christmas decorations away and the thought of going to the store...forget it, people are staring at me like I've got an elf growing out of the back of my ass, even though Without such eyes, I don't want to go to the store at this time and be crowded with people. I would rather dance on broken glass with bare feet.So, there was no decoration on the tree, and it stood pitifully in the corner.I finally got fed up and dragged it to an urban shelter.Someone should like it. Besides, I don't have anything to put under the Christmas tree.I told friends and family that I didn't want any presents and I wasn't going to any Christmas parties.That, I feel, is my gift to society—there's no need to bring everyone else down.Compared with last year, Christmas this year was quite successful.

The morning after that pervert tried to rape me, he asked me to shower with him.He helped me wash my whole body, just like bathing a child, without leaking a single place.Then, he asked me to wash him - all over. While he shaved himself, I was facing the wall, with my back to him.How I longed to get that razor and castrate him.This time, he didn't shave me. "I'll shave you in the tub," he said.After we got out of the bathroom, he brought me some clothes. "Where did you put my dress?" "Don't worry, you'll never have to go back to the office anyway."

he smiles.Today it was sexy lingerie, the white of a wedding dress, and the dress was pastoral, with a creamy white base and printed with pink heart-shaped flowers.I would never have chosen this dress myself - it's a little too cute.He gave me a pair of disposable slippers and sat me on a high stool while he made breakfast—porridge with dried blueberries.He sat across from me while I ate breakfast and explained all the rules to me.In fact, at first, he was explaining how unlucky I really was. "There are miles around here, there is no one, even if you can escape, you can't live outside for a few days. If you are worried about how we will live, then I can tell you, don't worry. I have already taken care of everything. We'll live off nature, and the only time you'll be alone is when I go hunting or go shopping in town." I suddenly have energy again—going to town means he has a car.

"You'll never find that car, and even if you do, I can assure you that you won't be able to start it." "How long are you going to keep me here? Someday you'll run out of money." he laughed. "I didn't deserve this, and neither should my family. You just have to tell me what I have to do before you let me go. I would do anything. I swear, I would do anything." "I've tried playing games with you women before and failed, and I won't make that mistake again." "Perfume in the trunk, perfume on the blanket...is that another woman's? Are you..."

"Don't you understand? What a wonderful gift it is. This is your chance of redemption, Anne." "I don't understand anything. It doesn't make sense. Why are you doing this to me?" He shrugged. "There was an opportunity, and you showed up. Sometimes good things happen to good people." "It's not a good thing, absolutely not." I glared at him. "You can't take everything from me..." "What the hell am I depriving you of? Your boyfriend? We've already talked about him. Your mom? I think the average person is boring enough, but look at the two of you eating together. Human body language shows Lots of stuff. The only thing you really care about is your dog."

"I have my life." "You don't, you just exist in this world. I gave you a second chance, and I advise you to be serious—there won't be a third chance. After breakfast every morning, it's our Morning exercise time, and then take a shower. We have taken a shower before eating today, but in the future, this rule cannot be changed.” He went to the front of the wardrobe and unlocked it. "I'll help you pick out what to wear." He picked up two dresses similar to the ones I'm wearing, one with dark blue hearts on a light blue base and a light pink one.My aversion to pink is getting stronger and stronger.The top half of the closet was filled with dresses of various colors, all presumably of the same style.He reached into the cabinet and took out a light purple woolen sweater. "It's going to be very cold here in winter."

The lower part of the cabinet is covered with many sets of clothes that are the same as his, beige shirts and trousers.Next to the closet, I found two beige sweatshirts.He noticed the direction of my gaze, smiled, and said, "You're the only color I need." Then he continued. "When you get dressed, I'll go out and run some errands. Everything you'll do is at home. You'll do the dishes, make the bed, and do the laundry." He took a plate from the cupboard and slapped it hard. Knock on the countertop. "Incredible, isn't it? Made by the same company as the glass." He took out another pan and swished it in the air like a baseball bat. "Light as a feather and unbreakable. I don't know how they made it." He shook his head.

"I'll spray cleaner on the stove." He opened the cabinet under the sink and pulled out a bottle of household cleaner.I noticed it was biodegradable but didn't recognize the brand. "All the cleaners will be locked in the cabinet at all times, you can't touch hot water or any utensils that I don't think are safe. When you are done cleaning, I hope you can clean up. Your fingernails are a mess, you should Make it pretty and I'll file it for you. Your feet should stay soft and your toenails should be painted. Women should have long hair and I'll condition you to make it grow faster Son. You don't need any makeup."

"We get up at seven o'clock every day, and lunch is at twelve o'clock sharp. In the afternoon, I will study the book I assigned you to read. I will check your work at five o'clock in the afternoon, and dinner is at seven o'clock. After dinner, you have to clean up again. Then read to me. After reading, I will give you a bath and turn off the lights at ten o'clock in the evening." He showed me a small pocket watch with a chronograph, like a stopwatch, which he kept on a fob in his front pocket.There was no other clock in the house, so I would never know the time unless he told me.

"You can rest four times a day, I'll supervise you, and the toilet door will remain open. Actually..." He glanced at his pocket watch. "It's time for your first toilet break of the day." I circled out of the kitchen, keeping as much distance between me and him as possible. "Annie, don't forget to leave the door open." After I was there for a few days, one time he was out and I decided to sneak a pee.I had just finished flushing the toilet when he came back and the water was still running.I stood by the bed, trying to look like I was making the bed.I thought maybe he wouldn't hear the water running in the toilet, but just as he was about to turn on the kitchen faucet to get a glass of water, he stopped, raised his head, and walked into the toilet.Seconds later, he was rushing towards me, flushed, contorted, yelling.I crouched in a corner, trying to get out of the way, and he grabbed my hair. He dragged me into the toilet and made me kneel in front of the toilet.Then, he lifted the toilet lid and pushed my head down, and my forehead hit the toilet wall hard.He pulled my hair by my hair again and pulled my head up, and with his free hand he brought a cup and filled the toilet bowl with water.He squatted behind me, pulled my head back, and poured water from the glass into my mouth. I struggled, trying to turn my face away, but the cup he was holding pressed my mouth tightly, and I was afraid that he would crush the cup.Water poured into my mouth and some up my nose.Before I could spit out the water, he covered my mouth with his hand and forced me to swallow it. Then he told me to brush my teeth twenty times—he was still counting out loud—and forced me to open my mouth so he could examine my teeth carefully.Next, let me gargle ten times with salt and hot water.Finally, he brought some soap and water and scrubbed my lips.I feel like at least two layers of skin have been brushed off my lips.Since then, I have never dared to go to the toilet without authorization. I don't think I'll ever escape these strange rules, doctor.Those rules are really weird.Although I knew they were pointless, I couldn't resist.The rules cannot be violated, and there is nothing I can do about it.In addition to the rules he set for me, I seem to have set some rules for myself psychologically-some of my former little eccentricities are now magnified twenty times, and I have become a strange lunatic. Every time I come to your place, I take the same route and stop at the same coffee shop for coffee.My clothes hang on the same hook in your office every time and I just sit in the same place.I have the same routine before I go to sleep, you should see for yourself - I check that all doors are locked, all windows are closed, all shutters are drawn .Then, I'd take a shower and shave my body—first my left leg, then my right leg, and finally my armpits. After I shower, I put moisturizer all over my body, and before I finally go to bed, I double check the windows and doors, put a few jars behind the door, double check that the burglar alarm in the house is on - in case it doesn't work, the door The last jar can also act as an early warning.Finally, I'll check to see if there's a knife already under the bed and pepper spray on the nightstand for self-defense. Many nights, I lay in bed, trying to fall asleep, but ended up just lying there, listening to everything going on.So, I simply got up, hid in the closet, and covered myself with a blanket—the reason why I climbed into the closet was that I was afraid that someone would peek at me from the window.Then, I'll cover the blanket and put all the shoes in the closet neatly in front of me. Last time, you said that these habits of mine may have brought me a sense of security.Yes, I have noticed that now and then you will occasionally ask me some questions pretending to be casual - what do you think, what have you thought about.As long as you don't ask too many questions, we'll be fine.But if you ever ask me how I feel right now, I swear to God I'm going to walk out of here and never come back. So, about this habit, at first, I thought you were talking nonsense, and then I thought about it, and I thought, those habits before I go to bed do give me a sense of security—it’s kind of ironic.I mean, during the time I was kidnapped, I was never safe.It's like riding a roller coaster controlled by the devil in hell. Only these habitual procedures are the only thing I can rely on and will not change. Every day, I force myself to make a little change. Some habits are easy to change, and some are not so easy.Last night, I drank a big pot of tea and sat on the toilet for almost an hour, at least I felt like an hour, just trying to force myself to pee outside the stipulated time.I almost peed a little, and at that moment, I wanted to thank God, but suddenly, my bladder tightened again.All this trying gave me another sleepless night. By the way, let me stop here today.I have to go home and use the bathroom, no, I don't want to go to your bathroom again.I just went in and all I could think about was you sitting here wondering if I peed or not.Thank you, or not.