Chapter 6 Chapter 5 Jigsaw Puzzles

"Have you ever suspected that I killed the man?" "Of course not." Zhong Yi replied. "You're lying," I said. The layout of the room was similar to last night.The room is slightly smaller, but newer. There is still a small round table between me and her, and the two sofa chairs have been moved to a position opposite to each other. Last night, we were sitting side by side. With such adjustments, the positioning is very clear. The state of our conversation. Of course, the biggest difference from last night was that the mattress was flat. Facing my accusation, she just smiled.

"The air conditioner is too cold." She got up and went to turn off the air conditioner. I don't think she's a good counselor yet.A qualified psychological counselor, in this case, no matter what she thinks in her heart, she must try her best to show that she is on my side and never believes that I have ever killed someone.She had to make her relationship with her client as smooth and smooth as possible. In fact, no matter how much she emphasizes her trust in me, I will not believe it; on the contrary, it will not make me particularly uncomfortable, so I will have resistance in the following conversation.From this point of view, her acquiescence shows her understanding of me.

"After lunch today, you talk less." She sat down again and said. "I've never talked much." She waited for me to speak. "I... was thinking, did I kill the person?" I took a sip of tea, which was already cold.The sound of the porcelain cup lid touching the cup rim is a bit loud, the action is a little heavy, or the hands are shaking. She didn't seem to notice, she looked at me calmly, her expression was even close to gentle. "An excellent writer needs to possess many talents, one of which is to firmly believe in the world he created, and even be able to see, hear, smell, touch that world, walk between the two worlds, and at the same time Living in different worlds. I can often see some pictures, pick some of them and turn them into novels, and the remaining fragments return to the depths of unknowable consciousness. Sometimes I talk to the people in the pictures, some of them are dead, Some are still alive. I've always felt, this is my gift."

I swallowed my saliva, as if my throat was extremely dry, and the tea I drank just now had no effect at all. "From Jiayuguan's stage in the rain, the empty iron hooks on the city wall that seem to be poking people's heads, to the abandoned roads and houses by the Gobi Desert today, there are all those pictures. Distorted but very realistic. Blurred like near and far The silhouette of the man, the dancing fire, the blood slithering on the ground, and the smell in the wind. This feeling seems to have traveled through time and space, connecting a thread between the murderer and my heart, and using his eyes to see Look, use his heart to feel. Sometimes, it is a picture scroll that unfolds quietly and slowly in front of me, and sometimes, the pictures overlap to form a box that compresses the messy sound, and I am locked in it."

I glanced at Zhong Yi, she was listening very carefully, I think, she has been pulled into the kind of hallucination I described. "I always thought that it was my talent, that the factors buried in my blood were stimulated. I even wondered if I would be a serial killer in my previous life. But I never thought that I have killed people in this life. But, now that I started to think, I couldn't help it. A voice whispered in my ear, those pictures were not the atmosphere of the scene, the small traces left by various murders, and my imagination. That's my memory, my memory, my memory, they were dead, buried stiff in the ground, and now they come alive, rising from the earth wagging their hands."

I laughed, and the laughter felt weird even to myself. "Why did I never consider the possibility of myself being a murderer at the very beginning? According to the logicism I always follow, since I can't remember what I did in those five years, since I I have a talent beyond the reach of ordinary people in describing murder psychology and murder methods. Since there will be autobiographical novels with a writing style very similar to mine appearing on my computer, and these novels have been proved to be unsolved headless cases that actually happened. , I have no reason to pick myself out. But I seem to have never considered this possibility. Now that I think about it, this is a kind of rebellious mentality, which violates my usual standard of denial, denial and denial. It only shows that in my subconscious In the depths, a big secret is hidden, and another me is hidden."

"You said, my novels are getting better and better, is it because my buried memories are slowly recovering? A real murderer, a perverted serial killer, sits in the study in a transformed form, changing the things of the past Write it down?" I suddenly asked Zhong Yi. Zhong Yi still tried her best to maintain her original demeanor, but her face had obviously turned pale. I couldn't help giggling again, is another personality in my subconscious starting to make trouble.I let myself stop and return to the state of being as normal as possible, otherwise, if this continues, I am afraid that Zhong Yi will rush out of the door.

"No matter what these speculations point to, what they mean, how terrible they are, I think I have to try to be as objective as possible. I will face it all, no matter what the end result is. I hope you can help me, I need someone who can help me Point out the problem when it is too biased. Heh... I noticed that you are scared, it's normal, if you don't want to, you can refuse." Then the room fell into dead silence. I waited for a while and started to drink tea again. The lid and cup clinked again, which seemed to activate the bell and make her make a decision. "If a famous writer like you is finally found to have killed someone, do you know what that means?" Zhong Yi said.

"A big scandal." I shrugged, "That's all." "For millions of your fans, this is a catastrophe. It will destroy their beliefs and change their outlook on life. People who like to read murder novels can often gain strength from the cruelty of the novel, and gain strength from death. The courage to live. And you, originally their idol, the godfather full of dark wisdom. The collapse of the statue will make many people collapse. Are you really planning to do this?" "Crash?" I couldn't help laughing again: "Don't talk about it, where do so many heavy symbols and meanings come from? It's just a scandal. The most important meaning is that it will become an excellent conversation piece. , if I really did that, I might be able to write my last novel before being hanged. Anyone who dismisses my work will read it seriously. I bet the sales of this novel will be ten times that of my previous novel. Oh, it should be banned in China, so I forgot about it.”

"Finally I look like you again. Those words before really seemed to be spoken by another person." Zhong Yi's previous nervous expression was gone.Her mental adjustment ability is better than I imagined. "It seems that you are really planning to dig deep into your memory. I am very glad that you trusted me and made it possible for me to know what happened in your mysterious five years. This is the biggest mystery that all your readers are eager to know .but I have a question." "Please say." "I think that any successful suspense novelist will have dark elements of violence and perversion in the novel, and the world in their eyes must be different from that of ordinary people, but this does not mean that they may kill people, let alone kill people. People. And about the few novels on your computer, I also agree with you before that someone set up a game. Although it is shocking that the novels actually happened, it is not explained clearly How the novel appeared on your computer at the right time is not evidence that you may be a murderer. You are very clear about this and have analyzed it with me in detail.”

Zhong Yi straightened up, sat upright on the sofa, looked at me solemnly, and asked: "But now that your attitude has suddenly changed, there must be a strong reason that can overturn the extremely reasonable things you have done to yourself before. Only defense can make you turn around 180 degrees, and start to doubt whether you have really killed someone. Since you hope that I can provide some help, please tell me frankly, what is the reason?" reason? What reason can there be? To be honest I was stuck.How should I answer this question, I like smart people, but smart people can always create unexpected troubles. One lie needs another, and it's such a hassle that I now have to invent convincing reasons for my fabricated self-doubt. It is obviously a blank piece of paper, so it is fine to say it is black, but it is difficult to explain why it is black.Of course, I did not kill the father and daughter in the auto repair shop, nor did I put their heads on the top of Jiayuguan City. Even if all the novels that came out of the computer had happened, they had nothing to do with me.I knew this clearly, but I insisted on feigning self-doubt, and I was at a loss for what to do for a while. I didn't expect Zhong Yi to be so serious.I originally thought that if she was just a simple reader, facing the huge gossip that her idol is a murderer, she must have a strong voyeuristic desire to find out. When I started to let go, she should pretend to be calm I am extremely curious in my heart; and if she has other motives, she is the one who set up the situation, then since her purpose is to convince me that I am a serial murderer, now I am starting to waver and see the situation, she is of course happy to see it happen cooperated. Maybe the whole thing has nothing to do with her, she is just my admirer, and my image in her heart is too glorious and majestic for her to want me to be a criminal; Sort out for me without hesitation, without letting go of any slight doubts? At this time, I was not allowed to think about it, and I had to answer the question as soon as possible and tell the "reason". "It's...uh, it's the death of the daughter and the head on the iron hook. These things that are not written in the novel, or are different from the novel, suddenly jumped out of my head. Although When I tell you, it is logical, it seems that after a step-by-step derivation, the final conclusion is formed, but in fact they appear in my mind so suddenly, but it is so natural. It is simply ...as if I knew how it all happened. You know what I mean." Zhong Yi frowned, apparently not agreeing with my improvised reason. "But many times, when an idea suddenly pops up in your mind, there is an internal logic to be found. It is not uncommon for the answer to come out first, and then to reverse the previous logic, because sometimes the brain is in your mind. Part of the work will be completed automatically before an instruction is given, especially in a field that a person is particularly familiar with." Zhong Yi said. "What's more, if you really killed someone, and you wrote those novels yourself, why didn't you write clearly the ins and outs of the case, and how could you make mistakes?" she asked again. I was prepared for this question. "Assuming that these novels are written in my abnormal state, it is possible to have reservations or mistakes. That is another personality, or another me. What exactly do I want to do, what do I have? Planning, I don’t know what you are doing. Another possibility is that although I killed people in those five years, I didn’t write this novel. Maybe it’s someone who knows, maybe it’s a... An avenger related to a certain case. This person only knows that I am a murderer. If she is a witness, she will only be very clear about a certain case. Other things can only be speculated, so it is not comprehensive and has errors .” When talking about the Avengers, I noticed the change in Zhong Yi's expression.It was a look of concentration with some doubts, and she was thinking hard. These three words didn't seem to have any fluctuations on her, and there was no flaw. "In short, although these pictures that popped up at the scene of the crime, as you said, can be explained by subconscious thinking, they cannot be any solid evidence, but..." I shook my head slightly, and pointed to my heart: "But it shook my confidence. Confidence is illogical, just as I never considered whether I might have really killed someone before, At that time, my belief was also illogical. If everything was logical and rational, then there would be no miracles in this world, and... there would not be so many ugliness. There would be no heaven or place, and people would only be in the middle Walking. In fact, the essence of human nature is desire, not logic and rationality. Therefore, this is more effective than any evidence, and now I feel that I really killed people in those five years." I pulled out these words as a shield, and the focus is on fuzzy logic.It seems that when I talked with her last night, I said that I often recalled the "lost five years" these years, and wondered if I had killed someone. Said to be contradictory.But now that I have said that confidence and logic have nothing to do with each other, I can get away with it.Sometimes I have confidence, and sometimes I don't have confidence... Uh, this mentality is weak like an adolescent boy who is struggling to confess his confession, but if he wants to justify himself in such a short period of time, he can only use this kind of self-slapping bad trick. "But I think you set yourself up as a murderer all at once, which also...you need a middle ground for analysis." I spread my hands: "This is your value." "I thought I just needed to be a psychiatrist." "It's one thing. Oh, I mean, I expect them to be one thing." Zhong Yi looked at me suspiciously. “Hopefully we can finally come to the conclusion that your self-doubts are just figments of the imagination. I don’t want to be a psychiatrist, a detective, a judge, and a victim all at the same time.” She smiled. "No matter what I did in those five years, I am another person from the current me. But if I really have a dual personality, you have to be careful not to draw him out. This will test your business ability, Doctor Zhong." "Oh, good. Since you mentioned confidence and illogical feelings, let's put aside logical issues such as how the novel came about." Zhong Yi slowed down his speech, and his voice became softer and more soothing. "I don't have a complete memory of what you did in those five years, but I believe that there will always be some pictures and some sounds that will appear occasionally, even if they are fragmented. These fragments of memory must have their own unique atmosphere, can you tell me , Whenever you think back on those five years, what is the strongest feeling. I only need one sentence, or even just one word." Those five years? I never thought of summarizing my life in those five years in one word.Now that I think about it, two words just jumped out. dripping! Dripping freely, dripping painfully, in the lonely wilderness, among the jagged rocks, on the edge of the white river beach, in the forest with colorful lights and shadows.In addition to dripping, there is no other word that can contain all kinds of tastes in this life. I'm never afraid to think back on those five years, even in the most... drastic details.That is fertile soil, not only for my novels, but also for my life today.That let me know what is life and what is death. Not only am I not afraid of recalling, on the contrary, it is a holy place in my heart, and I go to worship it from time to time.Those fragmented memories are divided by myself, flying and circling around me from time to time, sometimes in the front and sometimes in the back, sometimes I take a piece casually and play with it carefully, and then throw it back casually.Is it contradictory to pilgrimage, not at all, it is like the rings of Saturn, with a mysterious and holy beauty, but if you plunge into it and land on a debris, you will know that it is a desolate and rough stone or ice. Just like now, some fragments naturally emerge from my heart: the beautiful jade in the palm, the rough hand holding the jade, the pool of delicate white.Seeing that they were about to fade away and become a whole piece of memory, I rubbed the root of my nose, the soreness of Jingming acupoint pierced my brain, and I immediately erased them. Think about how to answer Zhong Yi.Of course you can't tell the truth.dripping?Then she will definitely continue to ask questions all the way, because dripping means clarity, deep bone, and joy full of life and death. If a person thinks of a certain period of life as dripping, how could he have no memory? It is his deepest memory.Facing Zhong Yi, I have to be more careful, don't ask for trouble. If I want to continue the play of "The Lost Five Years", I have to give a vague word with many possible interpretations. "Close your eyes." "what?" "It's like closing your eyes. It's not complete darkness. There are many points of light in the darkness, which seem to swim irregularly. They will form many patterns, even the image of some people, but they always fall apart at the last moment. .Yeah, like closing your eyes." "When you 'close your eyes' and those points of light appear and swim, what is your mood? Is it calm, or is there intense emotion?" "Nostalgia, nostalgia, mainly like this." When talking to me, Zhong Yi took a pen and jotted down something in the notebook, which was probably used as a key point in psychoanalysis.Because of this, she would lower her head from time to time, thus naturally avoiding my eyes.Just like now, I really want to know what kind of light will flow in her eyes when she hears me say this, whether it is disdain, anger, or calm thinking like a psychiatrist.But she just dropped her head again. "Isn't it that kind of intense emotion, such as fear or anger? If it's just nostalgia and nostalgia, then I think your five years of memory should be full of good things." The subtext of these words is, since it is a good memory, then I should not have killed anyone.Of course, it is absolutely impossible for her to really think so. This is nothing more than releasing a message that makes me relax. If I switch roles, this is exactly the method I will use, slowly inducing, pretending to stand in the other party's position, Let the other party relax their vigilance and open their defenses, and do not make a move until they are absolutely sure. Should I think of others to this extent, of course. Self-confidence and arrogance are two different things, especially on this journey with murderers, so be careful.No matter who the murderer is, he has proven his intelligence, even Fan Sicong and Yuan Ye, who seem to be stupid, must be treated with caution.In fact, if the setter is really one of the two of them, it will be more dangerous because they act too much alike. Chen Ailing, Fan Sicong, Yuan Ye, Zhong Yi.There is always one who is the murderer.Not that they've killed anybody, I mean premeditated murder, kill me. I've figured this out a long time ago, from the very first moments of my journey. Really interesting ah. I grinned and began to release some fragments of "good memories" following Zhong Yi's words. The wind with the smell of green grass, the rushing Yulong River, the ringtones that fluctuate up and down... These are not so much fragments as materials, and with a little imagination, they are enough to be extended. Zhong Yi is doing the jigsaw puzzle as a matter of course, connecting the dots into a line, and turning the coil into a surface, and then blowing the air to inflate it into a story of a teenager who ran away from home because of love. "That girl with skin as white as jade was a very important person to you in those years. The memory fragments connected with her, the color and breath are different from what you said. If it is because of the seasons, such as spring and winter, then You have been with her for a long time. Moreover, you mentioned pagoda tree when you talked about her just now. There is a pagoda tree in front of your house. As a common tree species in Xinjiang, you can especially remember it , in addition to the one you woke up, there should be only this one. Mention the tree and her at the same time, then maybe the two appeared in the same scene, that is to say, she once passed in front of your house, then It must have happened before you left. So, it is probably because of this girl that you ran away from home. " "I think it should be because I didn't read the book too badly at that time, so I didn't want to read any more." I said. "Maybe there are both. You mentioned jade just now, the gentle and beautiful Hetian white jade. Thinking of the suet white jade on your body after waking up, your life in those few years was probably related to jade." A rebellious teenager who is tired of studying, followed a girl who made his heart move, left his hometown, and embarked on an adventurous journey. They walked in the river beach, wasteland, Gobi and desert, and the most pure emotions became more and more mellow. Meiyu witnessed the warmth and warmth. .Of course there are other people in this story. The rough hands holding the beautiful jade in the fragments may belong to the old man. They may be a pair of jade hunters, father and daughter jade pickers. "Do you think I was looking for jade in those years? With a father and daughter?" "According to the memory fragments you just had, this is a very reasonable guess." "Conjecture, there are too many of your imagination." "It's a lot of imagination. I guess there are still many fragments that you haven't said, or that are difficult to organize in words. Now close your eyes and think about it. Is there any conflict with the assumption I just made in those fragments?" I closed my eyes. No. There is no conflict.What Zhong Yi described was very close to what I experienced.Those things and those situations have all happened before, and now, they are still flowing slowly in my memory like old photos. The so-called memory fragments are all randomly picked up from my real memory, but Zhong Yi's recovery ability still surprises me.That requires a good intuition, and a lot of imagination, or... She already knew those things.Damn it, I still can't tell whether it's the former or the latter, because a major source of the attractiveness of Zhong Yi that fascinates me is her intelligence and spirituality.Ha, another big source is the danger, last night in bed this excitement culminated, I kept wondering if this woman who was making love to me wildly wanted to kill me. I opened my eyes and smiled at her. "Maybe not." If she was that person, she wouldn't stop at recreating those good times. "Really not?" "Maybe it's just because there is a large piece of memory that I haven't been able to touch. Even the fragments of those memories are hovering far away in the cold and dark shadow. I don't want to touch them subconsciously. Those are... Something I'm uneasy about." I was very "cooperative" and guided the situation in the direction she wanted, which is exactly what I wanted. Last night she had no flaws when she saw the piece of suet jade, and she had no flaws when she talked about the "Jade Girl". If she could still have no flaws when analyzing and guessing my "uneasy memories", then... maybe it really wasn't her. I can't help but think of last night when I kissed her all over her body.Her body is also as flawless as beautiful jade, but there is always no familiar feeling. Maybe it's really not her, I just miss her too much, this kind of miss is so strong that I forget the details of her appearance, leaving only an invisible but deep feeling like a knife mark in my heart.Like a person who has lost his sight, I can smell her, hear her, and this breath is far more real than seeing her. "Maybe this uneasiness is related to your injury when you woke up." If she is really her, then she must find ways to remind me, especially the last things. "Maybe," I said. "Over the years, have you looked for your own memory?" "what?" "What happened to you during those five years was a mystery, and as your fame and status grew, the mystery became more and more famous. There were many people who claimed to have seen you during those five years, of course grandstanders accounted for it." Most of them, but you seem to have never seen any of them, as if you are not enthusiastic about pursuing your own memories. That's why some people say, you don't have amnesia at all!" I smiled and didn't speak.It's safe not to speak until you know her intentions. "Just like you would avoid 'uneasy memories' and indulge in those nostalgic and nostalgic safe memories, maybe if you don't meet those witnesses, you are subconsciously unwilling to face the past. This past, of course, is not wrapped in The wind that tastes like green grass is not a girl like jade." I remain silent. "If you are a jade hunter, then this explains why there are no witnesses who have been in contact with you for a long time. Because the jade guest's network is very simple, it is nothing more than collecting and selling jade. It takes many years to collect jade In the wild, and at your age, I'm afraid it's not your turn to sell jade. So in those few years, you may only have direct contact with girls and old people. But where did these two people go? Why didn't they Stand up and say I know you?" Because they died.I answer in my heart. "There are many possibilities. For example, they are in a foreign country and don't know your situation, but given your current popularity, this possibility is not high; or maybe you later became enemies and decided not to communicate with each other forever; there is another possibility Well, they did something sorry for you, they went far away, and dared not come to see you again." No, they died.I think. Why didn't she say it? I sat up straight and looked at her. She wasn't looking at me, she seemed to be thinking. "What are you waiting for?" I couldn't help clarifying the words: "The most likely situation is that they are dead and I will kill them." "Maybe. But if you killed them, then you couldn't have killed someone on the stage in Jiayuguan, or by the fire behind the auto repair shop in Dunhuang." "Why is it impossible?" "Because the reason why you said that you may have killed the girl and the old man is based on your injuries when you woke up, as if you had gone through a violent fight. Together, unless it is said that they were also involved in the two murders." "It makes sense, but this seems to form a paradox. The reason why I began to suspect that I had killed people was because of those novels. But if I had killed people, I should not have killed those mentioned in the novels." "Actually, I think your problem now is that you are too obsessed with killing someone yourself, so that when you make speculations, it is based on this obsession rather than logic. For example, the girl in your memory fragments Death is indeed a powerful explanation for why He and the old man didn't show up in the past few years. But it has nothing to do with you killing them, but you have connected the two together as if it were a matter of course." My heart skipped a beat. The difficulty of telling a lie is that if it is an important starting point, you have to construct a whole new logical world for it.Even for me, when facing an opponent like Zhong Yi, there are times when it is difficult to cover everything. "It seems that you really need a middle ground. You can't always assume that you have really killed someone, and you can't presuppose a position. All analyzes must start from the materials you actually have now. As far as what you just said Memory fragments, it is impossible to directly infer that you killed the girl and the old man, but what can be inferred is that something unpleasant must have happened to them, and this matter was suppressed by you under the happy memory. The source of your uneasiness." Qingqiaoqiao took the initiative, and I almost applauded her.That's it, first deny that I have killed someone, give me a reassurance, and then throw out "a very unpleasant thing happened", it seems that the matter is far from directly judging the seriousness of the murder, but it has solidified the way to the unfortunate event What a wonderful way to play with people's hearts.On this basis, I will deduce it to the next step, and when the judgment of "killing" appears again, I will be completely nailed to death. If I really am the role I played, then by then, I am afraid that the psychological level will be Accept her statement wholeheartedly.You see, people originally didn't want to believe that you were a murderer, and defended you time and time again, but after analyzing it all the way, now even people can only admit that you have killed someone, and there is nothing else to say. "So, do you still have some smaller and deeper memory fragments that you have missed? Or, you can try to find the uneasy feeling you mentioned, and focus on this uncomfortable feeling that you would ignore in the past. In terms of experience, try to magnify it, and in the process, no matter what you see or associate with, you can say it." Zhong Yi said in a low and pleasant tone. I pretended to close my eyes for a while, as if sinking into the depths of consciousness. "No." I opened my eyes and said, "I can't get in, maybe the repulsion in my subconscious is too strong. Or, you can help me see." "Me? How can I help?" "You have a good intuition and enough imagination. You can say whatever you want, any direction you think is possible, a word, a picture, a story, whatever you say, don't worry about the logic, just see if it can stimulate my memory." I released the winning hand. This kind of open guidance leaves enough space for Zhong Yi to play. If she is really that person, then during the guidance process, she will definitely say something corresponding to the events of the year.And I would slow down the biting process until she "just happened" to say the second and third, and let her unmask herself and reveal her true identity. "You mean casual talk in a divergent style, regardless of logic?" "Follow your feelings. You're a very spiritual woman," I said. Zhong Yi lowered her head slightly, and unconsciously drew circles on the notebook. At this moment, I feel like she is like a snake waiting for an opportunity. Then she held her head up. ""In Jiayuguan" and "In Dunhuang", apart from these two, what other novels are there?" ""In Hotan" and "In Kashgar". But I didn't try out the password for these two articles, so I can't open them. I guess they are the same as the previous two articles. They are all about unsolved headless cases that actually happened in the local area between 1994 and 1999. .” "Hetian and Kashgar are two places on our route again." She met my eyes with seriousness, as if she wanted to see something from my eyes. "This morning, you led us to the grotto with the bloody handprints. I thought about it for a long time. That was not the place written in "In Dunhuang". You didn't explain your intention later. Looking back on your appearance at that time... "When she said this, she seemed to be hesitating what to say next, but she fell silent and did not continue. I was also silent and didn't answer. Since the novel on the computer coincides with the route of this trip, there must be changes along the way, and the planner can only control the plan calmly if he walks with me.I took them to the Grotto this morning just to find that person.Because only that person knows that the place written in "In Dunhuang" is not a grotto, so he or she is likely to show a strange expression.However, this trial was not successful. Looking carefully, everyone's performance was a bit suspicious. Chen Ailing didn't smoke like she did on the stage and in front of the auto repair shop after that. Fan Sicong's reaction was too exaggerated. Don't think about it, but Yuan Ye didn't follow at all.All suspicious, that is, a failure. Now that Zhong Yi mentioned this matter, obviously, she realized that I was probing.She hesitated to speak, because she was also the one under suspicion. And why is she bringing this up now? "Honestly, I think it's kind of weird," she said again. "That's a good move. Oh, I think, you can't deny it." She glanced at me, and I knew the best way was to find a perfect excuse to deny it, but the subconscious silence just now has been erased this possibility. Now that you guessed it, I'll admit it so it doesn't matter. She went on to say: "This is also completely your style. I mean, from the perspective of novels, you are a meticulous and step-by-step person who is never willing to lose the initiative. Such a person, in this morning , still thinking about the layout to find out the suspects, after passing the incident in front of the auto repair shop this afternoon, it immediately changed completely, so that now I hope to receive psychological treatment. I can’t say that what you just said is insincere, but I do find it weird .That's not the you I know, not the you who wrote those novels. How can you be so weak, even if you have doubts about yourself, how can you show this doubt, this weakness in front of me. Even if we slept once .you will not." "You are different." I said. She smiled and stuck out her tongue, looking playful. "It's a cliché, but I really believe it a little bit. It's late today, my brain is starting to blur, and I can't help but think about it. Tomorrow, if you still make this request tomorrow, I will just talk nonsense Yes. With your character, if you really have other schemes, you won't continue with a shy face after being seen through." I sent her out the door and waved goodbye gently. "When you woke up covered in bruises, were you also wearing gloves?" She looked at my hands and asked suddenly. I suffocate. "I have never dared to ask in depth, but from a psychological point of view, your hobby, whether it is cleanliness or something, is a very important part of your entire mental state. Then, I will save it for tomorrow. Well, if you still insist." not her. I closed the door, went back to the sofa chair and sat down, and saw her put the pen on the coffee table. Or, is it a good opponent? Does the memory of her have such scheming, schemes and performances? In my memory, she was just a piece of white and flawless. But anyone who has gone through all that, if he can survive, must become another person.那几乎是生命的升华了。 在关上门之前，她还问了最后一个问题，如果我是写了小说布下此局的那一个，会在这段旅途的哪一刻发动。 这话问出来，便是对我今晚表现出的诚意的最大质疑。 偏她漫不经心慵慵懒懒地随口问来，那神情竟似有些亲昵。 这是个问题，我得好好想想，我如此回答，然后在她脸颊上轻吻作别。 这是个预设了具体立场的问题，我若回答，就暴露了我的立场。 然而这真是个好问题，如果要杀我，会在何时，何地？ 嘉峪关，敦煌，和田，喀什。照理，会在最后一站喀什。但如果反过来想，为了出其不意，也可能在和田。 但……还是会在喀什吧。 戏台案的复仇之断首，汽修店案只为感受死亡快感的虐杀，《在和田》没打开，要猜的话，与性欲相关的变态奸杀？这所有的死亡能量，只为了在喀什的大爆发吧。那是一切之起源，自然也将是终结之地。嘉峪关和敦煌两站的情形太具有仪式感了，死亡之仪式，复仇之仪式，既然选择了这种堂皇的昭告方式，那么就不会单为了出其不意把终点提前到和田。 只能是喀什！ 坐着的沙发正对着门，我定定地瞧着门板，心里盘算着那人会在什么地方动手杀我，注视之处，却似有微光的变化。 我立刻回神，那门上并无异样。 细细回想刚才究竟看见了什么，象是原本暗着的东西亮了起来。那是极微小极微小的变化，以至于竟回想不起来了。 那么换一个思路，既然是微小的，门上有什么地方很微小？ 我在门上扫视一圈，就醒悟了。 猫眼。 刚才一直有人挡着猫眼，直到她走开，猫眼才透进外面走廊上的灯光。走廊上铺着很厚的地毯，她没有发出任何脚步声，如果不是猫眼的变化，我不会知道，钟仪竟一直没走。 她在门口干什么？ 我几步冲过去，拉开门。这么会儿时间，她来不及走回房间的。 门一开，我便看见了钟仪。却不是她的背影，她正走过来，冲我笑笑。 “我把笔拉下了。” 我转身把笔拿来给她，她说了声谢谢，道过晚安，便回房去了。 我看着她走到房门口，刷开门，进去，门关上，未再转脸看我一眼。 那是张极苍白的脸。