Chapter 11 Chapter 8 Confused Memory

"Doctor, recently I often have some weird dreams, and what's even more strange is that every time I wake up, I don't dare to judge whether it's really just a dream!" Zhang Ke sat on the white medical chair carelessly and asked his psychiatrist. The doctor made a serious record and judged: "There is nothing wrong with your physical condition. I think you are too tired. I suggest you stop working and go to some beautiful places to relax. Also, try to think about it. Take things easy on yourself, and things will get better after a while." "But recently I have also found that I have started to stutter. You know that I have been articulate since I was a child, but now as long as I am nervous, I will stutter and cannot speak. What is going on? ?” He scratched his head in distress.

"It's still because you're too tired, and your spirit is too depressed." The doctor frowned, "I'll prescribe you some tranquilizers later, and you take one tablet a day. If you still have this condition next week, then it's best Go to the hospital for a brain scan." Back home, looking at the empty home and the room like after the war, Zhang Ke was very annoyed. It seems that Qian'er still hasn't come back. Did that incident really make her very angry?Hey, woman, I really don't understand this creature more and more. He thought for a while, sat down in front of the computer and started writing.

Qianer: Hi. After you hang up the phone, your whole body is cold.It is now 2:49 pm on April 10, 2005, and I am in an Internet cafe near the small thatched cottage. I don't drink alcohol and have the urge to smoke for the first time in six years.I bought a pack of cigarettes, opened it, picked one up and put it in my mouth.But the right hand holding the lighter was trembling constantly. I am afraid, I am afraid that I will be more irritable after smoking. So I went out, bought a cup of coffee, took a sip, and decided to write you this letter. I don't know why you are upset.After biting the filter of the cigarette, my dimly lit mind came up with four points.

First, because that day I unconsciously called out the name Miaoer, which was unnecessary. Although this possibility is unlikely, I still want to clarify one point, it looks like I was talking nonsense when I didn't wake up! I thought you knew it too, so I didn't explain much these days, thinking you were just joking with me for hours and days. However, I don't want you to suspect my love for you. I can't afford this kind of joke. Second, living in the house where you handed in your handkerchief these days, what did that sparrow say to you? I'm sorry for saying this, but I finally ignited the lighter, and the owner of the Internet cafe was staring at me, as if he thought I might be arsonist. I'm afraid it's because my face is really ugly now.

Although I'm in a really bad mood right now and want to burn this Internet cafe down to vent. Well, how should I put it, please believe in yourself and me more, okay? I'm a man, and I also like face, but for you, I don't even want face, and do some little tricks that I despise. Falling in love with someone means having a lot of fear and suspicion. I am afraid that you will not be safe when you go home, that you will be in danger on the road, and who will bully you when you are working. I always want to share your unhappiness, troubles and pain. Because I think it's my duty, so as long as I don't send you home, I will feel very guilty, and I will call again and again to make sure you are safe.

You may not know that when you hung up on me in the past few days, I thought something happened to you and almost didn't call the police. I know you are someone who is easily influenced by others.But other people's opinions and words are not important, really not important, the most important thing is your own opinion, your opinion of me. Third, maybe your menstruation is coming, if so, tell me, I will make Siwu soup for you, this is my best. A friend said that the predecessor of the word "love" was "begging", and I took it for granted, but I never practiced it.

Now I finally have a taste of it. Many times, I am begging you to love me. I know that the relationship between us is not as strong as I believe, but I know very well that you love me as much as I love you, and you have always known it. It is now 3:29 pm on April 10, 2005. I finally lit my first cigarette in six years.I put it in my mouth and put it on the ashtray, but I still didn't have the courage to smoke it. I swear to you that I will never smoke again, and the swear to you is absolute to me. Sometimes I am really too horny, too ridiculous, right? Huh, my heart is so heavy, it's like a stone weighing ten thousand catties is pressing on my heart, so heavy that I don't even have the strength to lift my fingers.

I still feel the pungent smell of cigarettes, and watching the smoke curl up, I feel a sense of loneliness inexplicably. do you know?When you hung up on me just now, I was in the coffee shop. I put the phone close to my ear and sat motionless for more than half an hour. I broke my mobile phone, broke my bank card, and propped my head on my left hand, suddenly wanting to cry. Please, if there is anything, please tell me the truth. I'm your boyfriend, what can't you tell me?If you are dissatisfied with me, tell me and I will change it. Don't say nothing, avoid me, and don't answer my calls. That won't solve any problems, and it will only make me feel uncomfortable afterward.

Remember your brother's birthday?When I made a toast to your brother, I originally wanted to say, thank you for caring for Qian'er for so long, she will be handed over to me in the future, and I will make her happy! I know that she is not in good health, and I know that she has many bad habits, but I will tolerate her, and I will always be by her side and accompany her. I'm sorry, it may be the smoke, or it may be that the Internet cafe is too windy and sandy, I cried. Sorry, sometimes it's good to shed a little tears, it's good for the eyes, I really hope we get to know each other better, and you get to know me better.

Don't be silent with me, I'm afraid of that feeling, because I can't know anything, and I can't guess it.In that indistinct darkness, I couldn't move at all. It is now 3:55 pm on April 10, 2005. My hands also started to become stiff, and the air conditioner of the Internet cafe didn't seem to bring me the slightest temperature.I just feel cold and shivering. Five years ago, I was goalless, lazy, and endlessly decadent.I thought I would survive forever alone on this crowded planet of six billion people. Then you show up.Perhaps it was your appearance that completely changed my mind.

Then I fell in love with you inexplicably and for no reason, and I loved you very, very much, far more than you imagined.I hope that every day you stay by my side will be a happy life. So when I saw your haggard look after work, I was really heartbroken. I decided not to let myself have a way out, love you, share everything about you, and make you happy. I found the goal of life again, I regard you as the pillar of my heart, let myself have a desire to work hard, I want you to live well, happy, forever. I don’t know if you still remember, when you were on a business trip last week, I called you at night and said at the end, I love you. Please don't doubt, I do love you.I can't help but want to vent my thoughts to you. Although I really want to hear you, one day you suddenly said to me, you love me.Or when I proposed again, suddenly said to me, I am willing. But I don't expect so much, as long as you are by my side, you encourage me, you care about me, and you can often see your happy smile, everything is enough. So, please, love me more, okay? I really want to be able to have my own business, make money, and let you do whatever you want.I will give you wings and let you fly. Between the two of you, I just need to work hard, I really don't want to see you haggard again. It is now 4:25 pm on April 10, 2005. The first cigarette had already burned out, so I lit the second one, brought it to my mouth, and took a puff. It feels so spicy, I really wonder why I used to like to smoke this stuff?If relationships were as simple and clear as smoking, you and I would be much happier. Are you tired of me?This is the fourth point I can think of. If you are tired, just say it frankly and give me a happy time!Don't hang me there, suffering in pain every day and every night, that feeling, I hate and fear it. You say you hate people who are in two boats, but in fact, I am the one who really hates two boats, and it is something I will never do. For me, all the energy added up can only fall in love with one person. So, when I propose, don't say to me another day. This kind of uncertain words makes me painful, makes me want to cry, and feels that I am getting weaker and weaker. Seeing your brother treat you so well, I am really envious and also very upset.I try to be nicer and more attentive to you than he is.I try everything, as long as it is for you. It is now 4:36 pm on April 10, 2005. All that needs to be said has been said, waiting to be judged!Whether you are considering breaking up with me or not, I just hope that you can confirm my feelings for you. I said to take care of you, love you, and all the sweet words I said were true. Although there were some literary exaggerations, they were indeed from the bottom of my heart. If you still feel that I have not done enough, let me know. It's cold, be careful of catching a cold.I know you have hay fever allergies, just be careful and don't eat anything too spicy. Also, you are too thin, eat more, I am going to throw the cigarettes into the river near the Internet cafe. Maybe you think I'm long-winded, but I'm really afraid of losing you. When you have loved and lost, your heart will never become stronger, but will be more fragile. I don't know what will happen if you lose the person you love the most... Ichliebe Dich!It is now 4:40 pm on April 10, 2005. I'm afraid, this is the last time to say to you, I love you. Your Gram (Maybe) (AD 2005/04/10) After writing the letter and sending out this Eamil, Zhang Ke rubbed his temples. For some reason, his mind has always become blurred recently. The two names Zhao Qian'er and Cui Miao'er are always confused by myself. After all, who is that Cui Miaoer?Alas, Qian'er has never been home since she heard her name was Miao'er that day, and she has a headache because her cell phone doesn't work. Zhang Ke flipped through the photo album as if he was sure, looking at the memories left by him since dating with the person he loves the most, always smiling silly, always distressed, it seems that only at this moment, Cui Miaoer's name will be temporarily erased from his mind . I met Zhao Qianer five years ago, when I was still studying at university in the Netherlands.Speaking of which, their meeting and falling in love are full of romance, shock, drama, and chance. five years ago…… Look for someone? Someone to fall in love? There is no CHOICE but step into the Love Escalator! The song echoed in his ears, but Zhang Ke was not in a good mood.To be honest, he was broken in love. On the second day after he broke up in love, he met a girl by chance in the library.Looking at the back, it looks like someone in the class.So he went up and patted her on the shoulder and said, "Hey, why don't you go to class?" The girl turned her head and looked at Zhang Ke in surprise. At that moment, he was stunned. She may not be a first-class beauty, but she made him hear his own heartbeat exactly. That was the first heartbeat in his life, maybe for him, she was a 100% girl. From the moment he saw her figure, Zhang Ke's chest trembled like a rumbling, and his mouth was rustling like a desert. "Are you Chinese?" Zhang Keqiang asked while suppressing the excitement in his heart. "Yeah." The girl nodded, her expression was still the same astonishment. He laughed, looked back into the girl's eyes, and at the same time, a story popped up in his mind for no reason. One is a story that begins "Once upon a time" and ends with "Don't you think this is a tragedy". "Hey, can I tell you a story?" Zhang Ke completely ignored her surprise and kept on telling... Long, long ago, there was a boy and a girl in a place.Sixteen boys and sixteen girls. Boys are handsome, girls are beautiful, their hearts are like lonely and ordinary boys and girls that can be seen everywhere.But the two have always believed that somewhere in the world, there must be girls and boys who are 100% suitable for them. Yes, the two believed in miracles, and miracles did happen. One day the two met unexpectedly on the street. "What a coincidence! I've been looking for you. Maybe you won't believe it, but you're a 100% boy to me, just like I imagined from head to toe. It's a dream." The two are sitting on a park bench, holding hands, talking endlessly, they are no longer alone, they need each other 100% and are needed by each other 100%.And what a wonderful thing it is to need the other party 100% and be needed by the other party 100%!This is already a miracle of the universe! But a small, indeed small, doubt flashed in the hearts of the two of them: Is it a good thing that dreams come true so easily? When the conversation was interrupted suddenly, the boy said: "I said, try again! If we are really a couple of 100% lovers, we will definitely meet somewhere again one day. If we still feel that each other is 100% when we meet next time, we will Get married there right away, okay?" "Okay." The girl replied. So the two separated and went their separate ways. However, to be honest, there is no need to try at all, it is purely superfluous.why?Because the two are indeed a pair of 100% lovers, because it was a miraculous encounter. But the two are too young to know all this, so ruthless fate begins to play tricks on them. One winter, both of them caught the vicious flu that was raging that year.After hovering on the death line for several weeks, the memory of Cha Cha was completely lost. The thing was really weird. When the two woke up with their eyes open, it was like D in their heads. The piggy bank of H Lawrence's boyhood was also empty. But after all, the young men and women are bright, open-minded and extremely persevering. After unremitting efforts, they finally gained new knowledge and new emotions again, and even went abroad happily. Ah, my God!These two are impeccable!They are fully able to transfer to the subway and deliver express letters at the post office.And experienced 75% and 85% of love respectively. In this way, the boy is twenty years old, and the girl is twenty years old.Time passed at an astonishing speed. On a sunny morning in February, the boy walked east along the school corridor to buy a can of Coke, and the girl walked east to west along the same corridor to surf the Internet. The two missed each other just in front of the library door. The glimmer of memory illuminates the two hearts in an instant. Their chests throbbed suddenly, and they learned that she was 100% girl to me; he was 100% boy to me. However, the candlelight of their memories is too weak, and their words are not as clear as they were four years ago. As a result, he passed by without saying a word, and disappeared into the crowd forever and ever. "Don't you think it's a tragedy?" The girl laughed, and said beyond Zhang Ke's imagination: "This is Haruki Murakami's novel "Meet a 100% Girl". "You're smart too." Zhang Ke also smiled. "It's nothing, I even know what your next sentence will say. You must want to say let us change the ending, haha, right?" "Very smart." Zhang Ke was ecstatic, but if he knew what she would say next, he would never be so happy. "Then, let's just pass each other as written in this script, and the next time we meet by chance, we'll date." There was a sly gleam in her eyes. Haha, just like that, Zhang Ke fell out of love again. His second love affair lasted less than five minutes. After that, he frantically went looking for the girl. Finally, Zhang Ke learned from a friend that she was not a student of this school. After another round of tossing and turning, it seemed that he finally knew her name, Zhao Qian'er. But the sea of ​​people is vast, and after missing one chance, it is very difficult to have a second chance. That is really a weird and extremely powerful girl, and the words of refusal were thorough enough. I still remember Zhang Ke had a ridiculous dream on the night of the second lovelorn. He dreamed that he miraculously met that girl again on a sunny morning.In his hands he holds a bouquet of roses and green leaves. He smiled and said to the girl: "If we meet again, will you choose me? Or will you choose to pass me by again?" Perhaps it was because that dream encouraged Zhang Ke. In this way, half a year of unremarkable life was spent in constant search and disappointment. Zhang Ke did not find her, and there was no accident that he expected at all times. The story between them seemed to end like this. After another half a year, at the end of that year, he was really unwilling to spend New Year's Day alone, and planned to go to Germany to find some friends.But unexpectedly, on a sudden whim, he took a boat to Blouk, the most prosperous city in Belgium. how to say?The feeling of Bullock is very strange. It is not full of melancholy like most European cities, but more like the combination of Venice, the water city, and London in the sixteenth century. There are constantly shuttle boats under its streets, and tall carriages are constantly flowing on the wide streets, which is very Romantic. He wandered around that city for several days before slowly boarding the train back to Holland. Once again, when he stepped out of the train, he felt something was wrong, because the signboard opposite clearly said Welcome to Luxsmallbourg! Huh?Hehe, just like that he got on the wrong train and arrived in Luxembourg a few hours before the new year. Zhang Ke was originally not a person who liked to use his brain, and his easy-going mentality made him careless, calm, indifferent, with no regrets about making mistakes, and wandered around in this strange city for the first time. "Tch, it's only thirty seconds before twelve o'clock. I never thought that a year would go by so quickly!" After an unknown amount of time, the night came and the moon rose to the sky. He looked at his watch casually and walked to a nearby square indifferently. At that moment, the sound of firecrackers sounded everywhere, and the surroundings were filled with the colors of fireworks. "Happy new year!" People on the street said this sentence to the people closest to them, they said it to their relatives, friends, and lovers. "Happy new year!" A group of children holding fireworks said to Zhang Ke and circled around him. "Happy new year!" He replied, his expression was still indifferent, but he clearly felt an unknown heat rising up in his throat. Looking for a bar, Zhang Ke unexpectedly ordered a cup of chocolate ice cream. It's the New Year, there are fireworks and firecrackers, but he still feels that something is missing. By the way, I feel lonely!It's the new year, and I am still alone, looking at the last digit of the four-digit number of the era, and adding another number in a very sci-fi way. Although he felt depressed, he rarely wanted to drink. He seemed to have a premonition that he didn't want to get drunk. At this moment, no matter how strong and mellow the Luxembourg beer is, it will not make him feel like a toast. Perhaps, the sixth sense is not entirely a woman's patent, and men occasionally have it. Looking out the window, what lingers in my mind is still the matter of that 100% girl. Maybe I will never see that girl named Zhao Qian'er. Zhang Ke suddenly felt very sad, he smiled wryly, and told himself again that he should give up.When he looked out of the window again, at that moment, he never believed in fate or that there was a god in the world, and he became a devout believer ever since. Outside the window, in the night filled with fireworks, there was a slim figure in thin clothes, standing quietly under the green and patina-covered statue. She was silently watching the group of laughing teenagers lighting up the fireworks... As if aware of it, the girl's clear eyes slowly moved towards Zhang Ke, and finally the eyes of the two finally met! The girl looked at Zhang Ke with a silly face, and was also stunned. At that moment, time seemed to have stopped, there was no distance, no noise, only him and her were left... I do not know how long it has been?100% Zhao Qianer smiled softly, 100% beautiful smile. So, Zhang Ke also laughed, smirking. At that moment, his mind was blank, only a song that kept echoing in his mind remained. Look for someone? Someone to fall in love? There is no CHOICE but step into the Love Escalator! In two months, it will be time for the cherry blossoms to bloom again. Zhang Ke suddenly understood that when Midbrook's Spinning Cherry Blossom Festival comes, he will no longer be alone! In my memory, Zhao Qianer became his girlfriend on the day they met for the second time. Unexpectedly, time flew by, and in the blink of an eye, they graduated from university and returned to China to work. We've been dating for almost four years. Zhao Qian'er is the woman he loves the most in this life, so who is Cui Miao'er? Why is her name more and more frequently mixed into my memory, but I don't have any impression of her life?She is not a person in her own life at all, or even, she is an unwarranted character at all. but why?Why can't I always forget this name, why do I feel as if I had an unforgettable relationship with her? Zhang Ke covered his head in distress. He felt a pain in his brain and almost passed out from the pain. He frantically swept everything on the table to the ground, and finally couldn't bear the excruciating pain, and finally his vision went dark, and he fell backwards. "Do you know what Brain Death is?" Looking at Zhang Ke's brain scan, the doctor asked after a long silence. Zhang Ke had a bad feeling. He touched his nose and shook his head hesitantly. "It's brain death." The middle-aged doctor looked a little heavy. "Brain death is a concept that has been strictly defined and therefore has a clear meaning. It refers to the irreversible and permanent loss of all brain functions, including brainstem functions. "The scientific basis for this theory is that the central nervous system centered on the brain is the basis for the maintenance of the entire life. Due to the physiological conditions, once the nerve cells die, they cannot regenerate. Therefore, as the control center of the life system When the whole brain function falls into irreversible paralysis due to the death of nerve cells, it is only a matter of time before the loss of all body functions. In other words, brain death opens the door to death, and life is at an end from this moment gone." "You mean, I'm going to die?" Although Zhang Ke was a little nervous, he was not stupid. He was so shocked by the sudden bad news that his whole body trembled. The doctor shook his head, and said somewhat inexplicably: "Your situation is a bit strange, very strange. Generally speaking, patients who have lost their whole brain function are no longer living people no matter in terms of physiology or technology. , although some cells of the organism are still alive at this time, the person as a whole has passed away, and what will happen next is the so-called "biological death", that is, the heartbeat stops and the cells in various parts gradually die. "However, the death rate of your brain cells is slower than brain death, but much faster than normal death. Do you know what normal brain death is?" The doctor who obviously did not have rich experience in comforting others looked at Zhang Ke. The cloudy and gray face seemed to want to shift to a topic that he thought was relatively easy. "Ordinary people have about 14 billion brain cells. After the age of thirty, brain cells begin to die, and about 100,000 die every day. In fact, although the brain cells of middle-aged and elderly people die every day, when they are active, New cells are produced every day. With proper brain exercise and brain nutrition, new cells will outnumber dead cells..." "Doctor, do I have brain cancer?" Zhang Ke interrupted him impolitely with a trembling and dry voice. The doctor shook his head in confusion, "That's not true. Your condition is more similar to Alzheimer's disease, but there are obvious differences. The nerve cell thread protein that occurs with Alzheimer's disease, AD7cNtp may accumulate In the brain, and cause brain cells to die. But the brain cells in your brain are disturbed by an unknown factor, causing continuous death. It is also this unknown reason that makes you continue to have headaches and produce Lethargy and inexplicable dreams." "What's the unknown reason?" Zhang Ke really couldn't stand the idiot doctor's detailed explanation. Anyone who has nothing to do with himself will talk about his future death and become nervous. But the doctor obviously had a lot of patience, he said slowly: "Since it's an unknown reason, of course I don't know." Zhang Ke suddenly felt that all the strength in his body had disappeared without a trace. He slumped on the chair weakly and asked, "How long can I live?" "You can't die, but I'm afraid there is a great possibility that you will become a vegetable." "Then how long can I keep my consciousness?" "Seven days, if you follow the current rate of brain cell death. After seven days, you will fall into a long dream." "Seven days? Only seven days!" Zhang Ke murmured in despair, as if thinking of something, he suddenly lifted his expression, "Seven days! I think, maybe it's enough!"