Chapter 6 Chapter 5 Hurt Everywhere

There is indeed a piece of news about Xiang Hanlan in the evening paper: Xiang, a resident of this city, died at home for dozens of days, and was finally found by friends who came to visit. His body had decomposed. Based on the analysis of the situation, the possibility of homicide cannot be ruled out. The news is very short. In the lower left corner of the third page of social news, there is a small block of tofu, which is very easy to be ignored.Su Xiaosan felt extremely sad in her heart.Holding a thick stack of newspapers in her hand, she stood under a sycamore tree, letting the cold wind of late autumn blow her hair.

At this time, Su Xiaosan's cell phone rang.It was Wang Ba who called. This guy must be here to urge the manuscript.She didn't want to answer his call, but the phone rang relentlessly.In a sense, Wang Ba is a persistent person, obsessed with urging manuscripts, and obsessed with suppressing authors' royalties.Su Xiaosan was flustered by the ringing of the mobile phone, so she had to bite the bullet and answer his call. "Hey, Xiao Su, why haven't you answered the phone for a long time?" "I'm busy." "Xiao Su, how is the progress of those book covers?"

"It's being designed." "You'd better hurry up, these books have to catch up with the Beijing Book Fair in January next year! If it's too late, it's too late." "I see." "Also, you do the book "Dark Kiss" first, and the author waits to see the cover." "This--" "Any questions?" "I thought, how about letting someone else do the book "Dark Kiss"?" "No, it's too late to find someone else. Our own editor has no feeling for designing the cover of this kind of novel. Besides, the author of this book asked you to design it. He has seen the book cover you designed and said it suits him well." appetite."

"Then let me try." "You can't try it, you have to make sure you do it well. It's best to send me the sample draft of "Dark Kiss" within two days." "You're urging me to die!" "Hey, there's no way." "Ok!" "These books are ready, I invite you to dinner!" "Thanks, you don't need to deduct my design fee anymore, just burn the incense." Wang Ba hung up the phone amidst a burst of dry laughter. Su Xiaosan was very anxious. She still had to live in this world. If she didn't submit the manuscript to Wang Ba on time, her reputation would be affected. Who would dare to ask her to design the cover in the future.So many things happened all at once in the past few days, beyond her imagination.Su Xiaosan sighed, thinking, go back to work!On the way back, she tried not to think about Xiang Hanlan, but thought about the frightening "Dark Kiss".She touched her left cheek, wondering if the dark red hickey was still there?

Back home, Chen Huaiyuan was gone, and the TV was off. I searched the house again, but found no trace of him.Su Xiaosan's first feeling was that this bastard disappeared after playing with her again!His dirty suitcase is still there, maybe it won't go far.Su Xiaosan thought, he can go wherever he likes, anyway, he won't worry about him anymore, people are free and have the right to choose what they do, including life or death!In the past, when Chen Huaiyuan was about to disappear, Su Xiaosan would go crazy, her heart ached, she would be absent-minded and in a trance.It was a real heartache, so painful that you could touch the wound and see the bleeding.That kind of worry and concern is so specific, specific to his shivering expression in the cold wind.The waiting every day and night was actually a dying struggle... Later, this feeling gradually faded away, and her heart became farther and farther away from Chen Huaiyuan.

Su Xiaosan turned off the TV. She sat in front of the computer, hoping to sort out her emotions and get into work as soon as possible. Even after the weasel left my body, the guilt and fear still persisted.After being discharged from the hospital, I lost a lot of weight and walked a lot easier, probably because the weasel left my body.In the dead of night, it is difficult to fall asleep.I seem to hear the mournful call of the weasel in the dark wilderness.Is it expressing nostalgia and resentment for me?Tears would fall from the corners of my eyes, and the weasel full of mysterious power was as lonely and helpless as me.What hurts me even more is that Wang Hairong's soul was also lost, perhaps taken away by weasels.

Zhao Yan and the others said that I still had a bright smile, without any gloom.I really rarely smile, probably because of the influence of my mother Xiao Sanniang.They accepted me and asked me to go with them if they had anything to do.I also want to take this opportunity to adjust my emotions and integrate into the collective life. I know very well that my lonely personality will affect my future work and life. If I can change it, that would be a very good thing. In fact, it is not satisfactory. Even when I was with them, I was always taciturn. Watching them talking and laughing, my thoughts left indistinctly, and what was with them was just a shell.This is obviously very bad, and it cannot escape Zhao Yan's intelligent eyes.She would pull me back to reality from the distant wilderness: "Ah Hong, you still look preoccupied!" I said in a panic, "No, no!" She said, "You don't have to hide it, we understand you, you Still haven't gotten out of the shadow of Zhu Nanhai's death. Think about it, if you live in his shadow for a long time, you will collapse. Understand?" I nodded, she was right, I was living in the shadow, Not only Zhu Nanhai's shadow, but more shadows.I will not really open my heart to them, which is why I will always have a gap with them. Friends should get along with each other with heart. I understand this truth, but I can't do it.If I can do that, then I set myself free.

Zhao Yan's family conditions are quite good, they often go out to buy clothes and cosmetics, and eat in restaurants outside.Going out with them makes me feel very uncomfortable.I don't have any spare money to buy those things, and I won't waste Xiao Sanniang's hard-earned money.Once, they took a fancy to a facial cleanser, and each bought a box.Seeing that I didn't buy it, Zhao Yan said: "Ah Hong, you can also buy a box, this is a new product, very useful!" I said no.They took turns persuading me to buy it.No matter how hard they try, I just grit my teeth and refuse to buy.Zhao Yan saw something and told the students not to persuade me.She paid for the box of facial cleanser, handed it to me, and said with a smile: "Ah Hong, I know your family is poor, so this is my gift to you!" It was the early 1980s, and the box of facial cleanser To me it is extremely precious.I flinched, afraid to accept it.Zhao Yan said: "Take it, I don't want your money!" They all looked at me strangely, I stood there, very embarrassed, at that moment, I had a strong sense of inferiority.

Before that, I didn't know what low self-esteem is, but when I took the box of facial cleanser from Zhao Yan, I felt ashamed.From then on, I avoided them on purpose and didn't want to be with them anymore, as if they were not from the same world as me.Although I don't want to go back to loneliness, I still choose to be alone most of the time, that is, with them, with many, many people. I am also lonely in my heart, and loneliness is my destiny.When I was alone, I especially missed Xiao Sanniang.Ever since I was a child, she didn't say anything to me, and she didn't even show a smile in front of me, but I can feel her warmth all the time, and being with her is the safest and most reliable.

I know what she's relying on to put me through college now. Xiao Sanniang raised more than a dozen hens.Every market day, she would take the eggs to the town to sell, and when she got home, she would hide the money from selling the eggs in a clay pot under the bed.Selling eggs alone can't solve the problem at all. Xiao Sanniang's most important way to make money is her status as a witch.In fact, during the ten years of the "Cultural Revolution", some villagers secretly asked her to exorcise evil spirits for patients. They always went out quietly in the middle of the night and sneaked home at the darkest time before dawn.She never took me there.After she went out, I would keep my eyes wide open in the dark, anxiously waiting for her to come home, and only after she got home safely would the stone in my heart fall to the ground.I was worried that she would be caught, and if she was caught, she would be beaten and tied up to fight in the village streets.In those days, the villagers had no money, so they would give her a little rice after finishing their work. She accumulated the rice and saved it until the spring when the crops were scarce.Now, Xiao Sanniang can openly help others, but there are still not many people who give money, but they are much more generous than before. They will give a chicken or a duck, or even a rabbit.In this way, when every market went to sell eggs, they also sold the things they got from doing things.At the beginning of each month, Xiao Sanniang will send me money on time.In fact, it was very hard for her to do that kind of thing. After finishing a job, she was so tired that she went home and slumped on the bed for a long time without getting up.The important thing is that Zheyangshou did that, even Zheyangshou, she also firmly supported me to go to college.

Thinking of Xiao Sanniang, my eyes are hot and painful. Because of my eccentricity, Zhao Yan and the others gradually distanced themselves from me.They basically thought I was boring and rustic, from the way I dressed and never went to school dances. Later, they stopped asking me to go to any activities together, and told me not to go either.I won't explain anything to them, including those secrets buried deep in my heart. My relationship with them has returned to the state before Zhu Nanhai's death. Even worse. They looked at me with contempt and didn't talk to me. Occasionally, they deliberately hurt me in the conversation.I didn't bear any grudge against them. I blamed myself for causing this embarrassing situation. They gave me a chance.Although I don't hold any grudges, I still feel sad to have such a stiff relationship with them. I silently suffer the consequences of my character.I don't want to hurt anyone, but Zhao Yan was hurt on that night of intoxicated spring breeze. There was no sign beforehand. That night, I walked out of the door of the girls' dormitory and walked towards the dark corner of the campus that I often go to.There are a few big trees in that corner, and the ground is covered with luxuriant grass, which is very quiet. I often sit on the grass, breathing the sweet smell of green grass, as if I have returned to the wild boar village where I was born and raised, but here sky without bright stars. When passing by a field, I found a few boys chasing a small animal yelling.Are they chasing feral cats?There are a lot of wild cats on campus. They will make childlike calls on spring nights, which makes people panic.It was not a wild cat, it turned out to be a weasel.The weasel ran towards me desperately, and the boys chased after me.It was such a beautiful weasel, with golden and smooth fur, and a smooth body, but it was so frightened that it broke my heart.My heart was pierced by a sharp arrow, and the pain was excruciating.When the weasel passed under my feet, it raised its head towards me. I saw its sad eyes, and for a moment, I decided that this was the weasel that had left my body. I stretched out my hands without hesitation, stopped those boys, and shouted: "You are so inhumane, you won't even let a small animal go! You are still a college student! If it were you who were hunted down, what would you think!" They stopped, looked at each other, and walked away in shame. I turned around and searched in the direction the weasel was running away, but it had disappeared without a trace.I was extremely sad, and kept saying in my heart: "I shouldn't have let you go, I shouldn't have let you go, what a cruel world this is, you are so helpless, we should have depended on each other—" I walked towards that dark corner silently, with a strong feeling in my heart, it must be waiting for me there.For so many days, we spent long and lonely hours talking with each other there.During the period of separation from it, it was like losing my soul.Walking to that dark corner, it seems to have heard its cry.I couldn’t see anything on the grass, but I felt it was sitting on the grass, its amber eyes were dripping with tears, and I also felt that there was a green grasshopper on the grass beside it, which should be Wang Hairong’s soul. .People in the village of Yezhuao believe that the ghosts of the dead will turn into green grasshoppers and return to the world. I murmured: "You guys come back, come back to my body, I won't let you leave again." Suddenly, a whirlwind enveloped me.I am in a coma.When I woke up, I was lying on the grass, believing that the weasel had re-entered my body.I was filled with the power of happiness and felt that I would never be alone again. Walking into the dormitory with a happy mood, Zhao Yan and the others stared at me with hatred.What's wrong?The frozen air was filled with the smell of gunpowder. I was stunned for a while, ignoring them, and came to my bed, lifted the quilt, and a book fell on the ground.It was Alexandre Dumas.I understand something. A few days ago, Zhao Yan yelled that hers was missing, and asked me if I saw it, and I said no.Now, after falling out of my quilt, I couldn't wash it off even if I jumped into the Yellow River.Obviously planted, who is so vicious?Why do you want to do this? I'm dumbfounded. Zhao Yan picked up the book on the ground, patted it, put it in front of me, gritted her teeth and said, "Xiao Ahong, open your eyes and see clearly, this is my book, not yours! If you need it, I can send it to you." Here you are, but I hate petty thieves! I didn't realize that you are such a worthless person! It is a shame to us that you live in the same room with us!" I said tremblingly, "I didn't steal your book, I didn't steal it, someone was going to frame me." Zhao Yan sneered and said, "Someone framed you? We are all kind to you, why framed you! Tell me, who is framed you?" I was speechless and incapable of explaining, as people often do. Another female classmate said: "Zhao Yan, forget it, just see her true face, let's be more careful in the future! It's a pity that you are so kind to her, and you even gave her facial cleanser. I didn't expect her to be such a person, disgusting." !" Zhao Yan didn't say anything, but it has already hurt me deeply.I took out the wooden box from under the bed, took out the undamaged box of facial cleanser, and silently stuffed it into Zhao Yan's hand.Zhao Yan stared at me blankly, at a loss.I went to bed, covered my head with the quilt, and couldn't help sobbing. I didn't let myself cry, but my body kept twitching. They don't understand my pain and don't want them to. The dormitory quickly became quiet, someone turned off the lights, and the tide of darkness engulfed me. The humiliation keeps me awake.I am an innocent person. My mother Xiao Sanniang taught me since I was a child that even if I die of poverty, I should not reach out to steal other people's things.Why did they insult me ​​so much?Is it because I don't play with them?I have no malice towards them, and even hope that they will be so happy forever, how could they treat me like this! In the dark, I suddenly heard the weasel saying in my stomach: "Hateful Zhao Yan, she shouldn't insult you like this, everything is her own idea, she will be cursed! Just wait and see, there will be soon!" Nemesis! She'll fall off the bed—" I thought it was too late to stop it. I heard Zhao Yan fall from the bunk above me. Accompanied by a sharp scream... "Dark Kiss" is suffocating. The dark red hickey on the neck of the hero of the novel reappeared, and this time it did not disappear quickly, and did not disappear for several days. He had to wear a scarf to go to work. This is summer.Colleagues gave him weird looks, as if he was a psycho.What he couldn't bear in particular was the whispering and strange laughter of those beautiful female colleagues.A colleague couldn't help asking him, what's wrong with your neck?He said in a panic, nothing, nothing!Originally, he was relatively introverted, and it was impossible to tell his colleagues anything at this time.Seeing him like this, the female boss of the company was also suspicious.Originally, I wanted to talk to him, but because I had just divorced and felt irritable, I gave up the idea.As time passed, the hickey on his neck not only did not fade away, but became extremely itchy.He can still scratch at home, but it will be troublesome after work. After a while, he will go to the bathroom to scratch his neck, and the itching will make him collapse.The horror has just begun.A few days later, the hickey began to fester, oozing dark red mucus.In the middle of a certain night, there seemed to be a woman who said eerily in his ear: "As long as you kiss 100 women, you can be saved, the hickey marks on your neck will disappear, and everything will return to normal, otherwise, festering It will spread to your whole body, and you will die of pain..." ... Su Xiaosan couldn't take it anymore. She felt that her left cheek was also numb and itchy. What should I do if my left cheek also starts to fester. That would be a torture worse than death. Su Xiaosan suddenly hated Wang Ba very much, and asking her to design the cover of "Dark Kiss" was actually casting a vicious curse on her. She decided not to read this novel any more, and directly designed the cover, and let it go hastily, even if Wang Ba didn't give her a penny! Su Xiaosan quickly drew a sketch of the cover of "Dark Kiss" on the computer. It seems that it is easy to do anything without being responsible.Yes, why do you have to be so serious? There are too many people in this world who are dawdling, and they live a very comfortable life. Those who do things seriously live too tired and are often thankless!When Su Xiaosan thought this way, she still felt a little guilty, after all, this is not her principle of life. She had just finished sketching the cover of "Dark Kiss" and lit a cigarette when her cell phone rang suddenly.Wang Ba came to press again?Only Xiang Hanlan and Wang Ba are the ones who often call her. Now that Xiang Hanlan is no longer alive, it is impossible to call her again. Who else is it if it is not Wang Ba? Su Xiaosan picked up the phone and looked at it, her heart trembled, it was an unfamiliar call. She usually does not answer calls from strangers, and now she is the same, refusing to answer.If she had done this in the first place, then she would not have known Chen Huaiyuan.At that time, she was not so vigilant about strange calls.One night, while drawing illustrations for a novel, I suddenly received a strange call.It was Chen Huaiyuan's call. He had drunk too much and dialed a wrong number, so he called Su Xiaosan's cell phone.It is also normal to dial the wrong number. What is abnormal is that after Chen Huaiyuan sobered up the next day, he called again to apologize.That's not to mention, for quite a long time, he called her every day, Su Xiaosan thought this person was very interesting, so she chatted with him.Then Chen Huaiyuan wrote a short poem every day and sent her a message. After Su Xiaosan read those nasty poems, her heart fluttered... Think how stupid she was at that time! The phone rang again. Still that strange call. It rang several times in a row. The caller was really patient. If she didn't answer, she might keep calling.Su Xiaosan was extremely helpless, so she had no choice but to answer this annoying call. After listening to the phone call, Su Xiaosan trembled with anger. The stranger who claimed to be the owner of the restaurant told her that Chen Huaiyuan drank too much in his restaurant and had no money to pay the bill, so he told her to hurry over.If she didn't pay the bill for Chen Huaiyuan, then they would take extreme measures to beat him up and throw him into the sewer!The stranger's tone was fierce, like someone from the underworld! Damn Chen Huaiyuan! Su Xiaosan gritted her teeth and said, "Chen Huaiyuan, whether you live or die has nothing to do with me! You'll be clean if you die! You won't bother me anymore! Chen Huaiyuan, don't tell me I owed you a debt in my previous life, and I will pay it back in this life?" ?” After all, she still took 2,000 yuan and rushed to the restaurant the stranger mentioned. It was late at night, and Su Xiaosan got into a taxi with trepidation. She really didn't understand why Chen Huaiyuan suddenly went to drink. Su Xiaosan felt sore when she thought of Xiang Hanlan.If you listen to her, don't be with Chen Huaiyuan, or you won't fall into such a situation, you will have a new life.When Xiang Hanlan met Chen Huaiyuan for the first time, she said straight to the point: "This man is not reliable, you will not have good results if you follow him!" At that time, Su Xiaosan didn't believe her words, Xiang Hanlan just sighed, knowing that Women who fall in love are blind and hopeless!Later facts confirmed Xiang Hanlan's words, Su Xiaosan's heart was already scarred, and it was too late to regret.That's it, Xiang Hanlan still said to her: "Break him completely, don't you still have fantasies about him? What a shitty poet, you don't even have a job, and you can't support yourself. You are just a lazy man." A bastard! Even a vampire! You fed him, lived in him, and slept in him. What did he give you? Maybe you would say, he gave you love. What is love? That is a lie! Xiaosan , Be realistic. Based on your conditions, it is very easy to find a rich person who can live a life without worrying about food and clothing. Then you can do what you like to do, such as painting, and don’t regard work as a job. The means of earning a living. You should carefully consider my words! To tell you the truth, even if you are a mistress for a rich man, it is better than following Chen Huaiyuan! He will kill you sooner or later!" Xiang Hanlan was lying in the refrigerator in the morgue at this time. She will never talk to Su Xiaosan again. Su Xiaosan lost a person who could tell her the truth forever.In this world, everyone wears thick armor and guards against each other, so there is no sincerity at all. She didn't dare to think deeply, because if she thought too much, she would feel desperate. Su Xiaosan walked into the restaurant the stranger mentioned. A sweaty fat man in a black suit came up to him and asked, "Are you Miss Su?" Su Xiaosan nodded. The fat man seemed to be grabbing a life-saving straw: "My aunt, I look forward to the stars and the moon, but you are here!" Su Xiaosan said coldly: "Who are you?" The fat man wiped the sweat from his forehead: "You see, I'm happy to be here. I forgot to introduce myself. I'm the owner of this restaurant. My name is Zhang Fatty. People who know me well call me Fatty." Su Xiaosan felt that this person was very simple and honest, he didn't look like a member of the underworld at all, if he was really a member of the underworld, why would he call her and just do something to Chen Huaiyuan?Su Xiaosan said, "Boss Zhang, what happened?" Fatty Zhang wiped off his sweat again, sighed and said, "Look, there are no customers in the store anymore. It's all caused by your husband. At noon, your husband and a group of people came to the store for dinner. I bought the biggest box and ordered a lot of food and drink. I was so happy when I saw it. Think about it, it’s not easy to do business now. With customers who eat and drink like this, can I not be happy! They can really drink, and they have been drinking from noon to In the evening, I drank more than 20 bottles of liquor. But in the end, all those who drank with your husband left, leaving only your husband. When they left, they all said that your husband will pay the bill. I believed what they said, and asked your husband to pay the bill, but he was so drunk that he snored on the table. I asked the waiter to fill him with hangover soup. After drinking the hangover soup, he became conscious. I told him , all his friends left. He looked very surprised, scolded those friends for being meaningless, and didn't take him with him. After speaking, he stood up and staggered to leave. If he left, I would ask someone for money Ah, they ordered so many drinks and food. If they ran away with the bill, I would have done nothing for the day. I would definitely not let him go, so I stopped him and asked him to pay the bill before leaving. He stared He yelled at me, saying it wasn’t him who was paying the bill. I said, it was your friends who said that you would pay the bill. He was so angry that he cursed those friends as inhuman. After cursing, he told me that he I have no money, I don’t want money, I have one thing to do, I can figure it out. I think I met a rascal today, I am an honest person, but an honest person will get angry too. After hearing what he said, I became angry and put All the chefs in the kitchen called out, locked him in the box, and refused to let him go unless he paid the bill! He kept swearing at people and smashing wine bottles, which made our restaurant no business all night, and he wanted to eat when he came in All the guests were scared away by him. I was at a big loss! The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. I told you your phone number, let me call you, and said that you are his wife." Su Xiaosan's face was hot with embarrassment. She didn't see Chen Huaiyuan, there were a few chef-like people standing at the door of the box, they looked at Su Xiaosan coldly. She said: "I'm not his wife, he made a mistake! You kill him, he deserves it!" I'm leaving now. Zhang Fatty stopped her, pulled his bitter face, and begged: "Miss Su, you can't leave! It doesn't matter if you are his wife or not, after all, he has something to do with you, otherwise why would you come? I beg you Now, settle the bill for him! Take a step back and say, if you are angry and ignore him, please pity me. I am a foreigner. It is not easy to open a small restaurant in Shanghai to earn a living. I can’t make money. How many, still angry, living like a grandson, anyone can ride on my head to shit, what business, what hygiene, and hooligans, they don't treat me as a human being at all! Miss Su, look at you I'm beautiful and educated, just pity me once and settle the bill! How could I kill someone? Look at my face, does it look like a murderer's face? I'm just angry for a while. Don't take those nonsense words seriously. Please, Miss Su—" Su Xiaosan couldn't bear to look at his pitiful and humble appearance, everyone has difficulties! She sighed and said, "How much?" A smile appeared on Zhang Fatty's face: "Xiao Yang, bring the customer's bill here." The girl at the cash register came over with the bill, with resentment on Yuanyuan's face. Su Xiaosan took the bill, looked at it, and gasped, oh my god, so much money!The bill showed that they spent 2,635 yuan on the meal.She returned the bill to Xiao Yang and said embarrassingly, "Boss Zhang, I didn't bring so much money." Fatty Zhang said anxiously, "You, how much money did you bring?" Su Xiaosan said, "2000." Fatty Zhang murmured, "This, this—" Su Xiaosan controlled her bad mood, and said calmly: "I really didn't bring that much money. Look at me, I don't look like a rich person. It's pretty good to be able to bring 2,000 yuan. If at the end of the month, 200 is enough, you can see what to do. If you think it’s not possible, then I have nothing to do, I’m leaving, he has nothing to do with me, you can do whatever you want with him, I have no objection.” Fatty Zhang thought for a while and said, "Oh, I'm unlucky to meet such a group of people! 2000 is 2000!" After Su Xiaosan gave him 2,000 yuan, she walked out of the hotel without looking back. There were few pedestrians on the street, and the wind was blowing. She was standing on the street waiting for a taxi. Su Xiaosan trembled all over, feeling like a homeless child. She suddenly missed her stepmother Yang Xueli very much. If Yang Xueli was still alive, he would bring her home in this cold night.I also thought of my biological mother, who is she and where is she?If she knew that Su Xiaosan lived such a bleak life, would she feel heartbroken?Will you extend a warm hand to her? Su Xiaosan's eyes were wet and blurry. At this time, she heard Chen Huaiyuan, who was walking out of the restaurant, yelling drunkenly: "Songzhuang, you bastard, didn't you agree to treat you, you ran away without paying the bill, I'll fuck your eight generations! You fucking don't let me meet again! I beat you once I meet you!" Su Xiaosan turned her head and looked at him, suddenly felt that this person was so strange, as if she had never seen him before, they were people living in two worlds. Her heart is also very painful. Should this stranger be taken home? The taxi is coming. After the car started, Su Xiaosan found that Chen Huaiyuan was frantically chasing the taxi he was in on the lonely street, and then fell to the ground, unable to get up anyway. Su Xiaosan asked the taxi driver to reverse the car. The taxi driver was a kind person, and he helped Su Xiaosan get the corpse-like Chen Huaiyuan into the car.Chen Huaiyuan's head lay on her lap, and he fell into a deep sleep.Su Xiaosan looked out the window helplessly and desolately, her heart was like a huge ice cave without any warmth. She thought, is it true that the more people yearn for warmth, the less they will get it? The more people who don't want to be hurt, the deeper the hurt?