Chapter 18 Chapter 16 St. Matthew's Institute

Interview Note No. 45, Patient ID 3643, Dr. Cannis Crowe, and Assistant Physicians Anthony Fowler and Salle Van Abala Dr. Crowe: Hi Victor, may I come in? 3643: Of course, doctor, this is your clinic. Dr. Crowe: But this is your room. No. 3643: Please come in, please come in. Dr. Crowe: You seem to be in a good mood today. How are you feeling? 3643: Awesome. Dr. Crowe: I'm glad there hasn't been any violence since the last time you left the infirmary.You take your meds on schedule, and you attend group therapy.You're making progress, Victor. 3643: Thank you doctor, I will do my best.

Dr. Crowe: Great, as we have said before, I will give you hypnotherapy today.This is Dr. Van Abbala, a therapist and hypnotist from India. No. 3643: Doc, I'm not sure I'm going to be a good candidate for this treatment. Dr. Crowe: This is very important, Victor, what we said last week, do you remember? 3643: Yes, I remember. Dr. Crowe: Let's talk it over, then.Dr. Van Abbala, where do you want the patient to sit? Van Abbala: He should be most comfortable in bed.Letting him relax is the most important thing. Dr. Crowe: Then he'll lie on the bed.Lie down, Victor. No. 3643: Listen to you.

Van Abbala: Excellent, Victor.I'll show you a pendulum, Dr. Crowe, please close the shutter a little, all right, that's it.Victor, please watch the pendulum. (Notes showing the progress of Dr. Van Abala's hypnosis. At his request, some pauses and reaction times have been removed for brevity.) Van Abbala: All right.The year is 1972.Do you remember anything from that time? Number 3643: My father, he never came home.Sometimes the whole family went to the factory on Friday afternoons to wait for him to get off work.Mom said he was useless and if we could find him we could stop him wasting all our money in bars.It is cold outside.One day we waited and waited, we stomped on the ground to keep our toes from freezing.Emile asked me for my scarf because he was cold.I didn't give it to him.My mom knocked me on the head and asked me to give it to him.Finally we got tired of waiting and left.

Dr. Crowe: Ask him where is his father? Van Abbala: Do you know where your father is? 3643: He got fired.He came back two days later looking bad.Mum said he had been drinking and sleeping with strangers.They gave him a check, but there wasn't much left.We had to go to Social Security to collect my dad's check, but sometimes he went first and drank the check.Emil didn't understand how a person could drink up a check, isn't that a piece of paper. Van Abbala: Did you ask for help? 3643: Sometimes the suburban priests bring us some clothes.The other kids got some clothes from the Salvation Army, so they had better clothes.But Mama says they're heathens and we'd better wear decent Christian clothes.Beria said his decent Christian clothes were full of holes.So he hates them.

Van Abbala: Beria ran away from home later, are you happy? No. 3643: I was sleeping in bed.I saw him come out of the bedroom in the dark, his boots in his hand.He gave me his key chain with a little silver bear on it and he told me I could put my keys on it.Emil cried after dawn because he didn't say goodbye to Beria, so I gave him the key chain.But Emil cried anyway and threw away the key chain.He cried all day.I tore up a comic book he was reading to try and shut him up.I shredded the book with scissors, and my father locked me in the house. Van Abbala: Where was your mother at this time?

3643: Playing bingo in the parish hall.It was Tuesday.She always goes there to play on Tuesdays.One penny per card. Van Abbala: What happened in your father's room? 3643: Nothing, I'm sitting there. Van Abbala: Victor, you have to tell me. 3643: Nothing, do you understand, sir.Nothing happened! Van Abbala: Victor, you have to tell me that your father locked you in his house and then he did something to you, right? No. 3643: You don't understand, I deserve it. Van Abbala: Why deserve it? No. 3643: To be punished.punish.I must always be punished so that I can have remorse for the bad things I have done.

Van Abbala: What's bad? Number 3643: Lots of bad things.I am a bad person.Like what I did to that cat.I threw the cat in the litter box, which was filled with old newspapers, and I set the papers on fire.The cat screamed.Its cry is like a human voice.I also worked a lot on those storybooks as well. Van Abbala: So how did you get punished, Victor? No. 3643: It hurts.He hurts me.He likes it, he says he hurts too, but he's lying.He speaks in Polish.Because he can't lie in English.He mixes up English words and every time he punishes me he speaks Polish. Van Abbala: Did he touch you?

No. 3643: He touched me from behind, he made me turn around, and then he put something in it, and it was so hot it hurt me. Van Abala: Do these penalties happen often? No. 3643: Every Tuesday.When my mom wasn't around, sometimes he'd finish his job and just lay there and sleep on top of me.It's like being dead.Sometimes he doesn't punish me like this, he hits me. Van Abbala: How did he hit you? No. 3643: He whipped me until he was tired.Sometimes he punishes me after beating me, and sometimes he doesn't. Van Abbala: Where are your brothers, Victor?Did your father punish them too?

No. 3643: I think he punished Beria too.He never punished the emir.Emil was a good boy, so he died. Van Abbala: Do only good people die, Victor? No. 3643: That's right, only good people die.Bad guys don't.