Chapter 23 Hola

nice weather!I spent the whole morning lying on the grass in front of the house, under the tall sycamore tree that shaded the whole house.I love this place in the country, I love living here, these deep and thin roots tie a man firmly to the land where his ancestors lived and died, and this connection is made by the way people think, the food they eat , their habits, local dishes and dialect, the smell of the earth, the smell of the village and the air itself. I love this house I grew up in.Looking out the window, I can see the Seine flowing by the edge of my garden, which is just across the road, almost part of my property.This deep and wide river flows from Rouen to Le Havre, and the river is full of boats.

To the left is Rouen, a city of many blue roofs, which crouches under the towers of a large group of Gothic churches; , we heard the soft bronze bells now loud and now muffled from a distance. The weather is fine this morning. At about eleven o'clock, a long line of boats passed by my garden gate, pulled by a tugboat not much bigger than a fly, making puffing noises with great difficulty and puffing out thick clouds of smoke. The red merchant ensigns of two British brigs fluttered in the breeze, and behind them followed a handsome Brazilian three-masted ship, all white, neat and dazzling.I tip my hat to it, because somehow it looks so elegant and luxurious.

I've been having a bit of a fever for the last few days.I've been feeling bad, or rather I've been a little bit depressed. Where do those mysterious influences that turn our joy into depression and our joy into anxiety come from?It seems that the atmosphere is full of invisible and unknowable forces directly affecting us.I wake up feeling refreshed and wanting to sing; I don't know why.Later, I went for a walk by the river, and when I came back, I thought that there must be some bad news waiting for me at home.I can't understand this.Did I catch a cold, which threw me off my nerves and caused this depression?Are those cloud shapes or changes in light making me feel bad?I have no idea.Everything around us flashes invisibly before our eyes, affects us unknowingly, and only our subconscious mind has contact with them. What we are blind to is to us, to our organs, to our thoughts, even to our hearts. , with immediate, astonishing, immeasurable impact.

This formless mystery is utterly inexplicable; we cannot probe it with our poor senses—our eyes see neither the very small nor the very large; , nor too close; neither planetary objects nor microbes in a drop of water—our ears trick us into hearing sound waves as musical notes.Our ears are like magicians, magically turning these air fluctuations into sound, so that music can be born, creating harmony from the otherwise meaningless fluctuations of nature.Our sense of smell is far less sensitive than a dog's, and our sense of taste has a hard time detecting the age of wine. well!How many new things we could discover in the world around us if we had some other organ that endowed us with magical powers of perception!

I'm sick, sure yes, and I've been fine for the last month!I have a fever, or rather a febrile neurasthenia, which affects not only my body but my spirit as well.I couldn't get rid of this terrible feeling that something was going to happen.This premonition of disaster or death is a sign of some unknown disease in the body and blood. I just went to the doctor because I can't sleep at all.He noticed my pulse was racing, my eye sockets were enlarged, and my nerves were tense, but nothing to worry about.He wants me to take a shower and take Potassium Bromide. No change!My situation is really bad.As night approached, I felt an indescribable anxiety, as if some terrible threat lurked in the night.I hurried through my supper, and tried to read, but I could not read the words, nor distinguish the letters.So I walked up and down the drawing-room feeling a vague and irresistible terror.I was terrified of going to bed and even more terrified of falling asleep.

It was about two o'clock in the morning before I went to my bedroom.As soon as I got into the bedroom I bolted the door and double-locked it... I always felt terrified, but I don't know why; I've never been jumpy before.I opened the closet and looked under the bed - I listened and listened to - what?A little discomfort, perhaps a slight disturbance of the blood circulation, a disturbance of the nervous system, a disturbance of the digestive system, any disturbance in our fragile physiology can turn a most cheerful man into a depressed one, Is it strange to make a coward of the bravest man?I lay down on the bed and waited for sleep like an executioner.I waited in utter horror, my heart pounding and my limbs numb.Despite the warmth in the quilt, I shuddered until I fell asleep like a suicidal person jumping headlong into an abyss.I was, as usual, unaware of sleep's approach; sleep now hid beside me like a cunning enemy, ready to spring upon me, close my eyes, and destroy me.

I slept for a while, maybe two or three hours; then a dream, a nightmare, took hold of me.I knew perfectly well that I was lying on the bed and fell asleep—I knew it and could see myself; but then I realized that someone was walking towards me, looking at me, touching me; On my chest, hold my neck and strangle me desperately, trying to strangle me to death. I struggled desperately, but I couldn't resist the ghost who framed people in my dream; I tried to scream, but I couldn't; Shake it off—but I have no strength at all. Suddenly, I woke up in extreme fear, drenched in sweat.I lit a candle, but there was no one in the room except me.

After this struggle, which was repeated every night, I finally fell asleep and slept peacefully until dawn. My situation is getting worse and worse.What's wrong with me?Potassium bromide and baths have no effect.Today, although I am also very tired, I went to the Luma Forest and was exhausted.I thought at first that the air, so soft and fresh, with its scent of grass and leaves, would be good for my blood and heart.I chose a wide hunting path, and then turned to a small road with towering trees on both sides towards Le Bouy. Those big trees set up a dark green tent above my head. Suddenly, I shivered all over; it was not a shiver of cold, but a shiver of fear.

I quickened my pace, nervous about being alone in the woods, unreasonably stupidly terrified of the silence around me.I felt like someone was following me, walking right behind me, and bumped into me. I turned around sharply, but it was just me.There was nothing behind me, only a straight road, so empty and chilling. I closed my eyes and, not knowing why, started spinning one heel like a top; I nearly fell over.When I opened my eyes again, the trees were dancing and the earth was floating; I had to sit down.Afterwards, I forgot which road I had come from - I was completely confused and could not remember anything.I just turned to the right, and finally found myself back on the same road that had led me deep into the woods.

I had a horrible night.I'm going away for a few weeks.A little travel would definitely do me good. I went home and got better!I had a great vacation; I went to Mont Saint-Michel, a place I had never been before. Those who, like me, reach Mount Afrancie at dusk will find how beautiful it is!The town was built on a hill, and I went down to the park on the edge of the town: it was amazing.In front of my eyes, there was an endless bay; the two sides separated by a distance could not see each other, only a vast white mist.In the middle of this vast bay, under a golden sky, rises a wonderful reef island, surrounded by sandy beaches.As the sun sets, this mirage-like reef island is very clear under the sunlight.

The next morning, I walked towards it.The tide had receded like last night, and as I approached I was amazed to see a monastery standing before me.After walking for more than an hour, I landed on the huge rocky island. The monastery was built on the highest point of the island, and there is a small town below.I climbed up the steep narrow road and soon entered the most admirable Gothic building in the world, built for God.It was as large as a city, full of vaulted halls and columned cloisters.I wandered through this massive, elaborate granite building, with its clusters of towers and spiraling staircases.These towers point straight to the sky no matter in the bright day or in the dark night. The tops of the towers are carved with strange animals, monsters and ghosts, and they are connected with each other by delicate arcs. When I climbed to the highest point, I said to the monk who was my guide: "Father, you must be very happy here." "It's just windy, sir," he replied, and we began talking, watching the tide rise;The monk told me many stories and legends about this place. I am deeply impressed by one of them: the locals living on this reef island said that there will be a sound on the beach at night, followed by two goats, one loud and one soft.Unbelievers think that it is only the cry of sea-birds, sometimes like sheep, and sometimes like the sighing of men.But the fishermen who came home late at night reported with plausibility that they had seen an old shepherd haunting this lonely mountain town, and always wading across the shallows between high tides; In the clothes, there are two sheep behind, one is a ram with a man's head, the other is an ewe with a woman's head. Understood; then they stopped suddenly and bleated with all their might. I asked the monk, "Do you believe it?" He replied in a low voice: "I don't know." I added: "If there were ghosts besides us, we should have found them by now; you and I must have seen them." He replied: "We probably haven't seen even ten percent of what exists in the world, have we? For example, take the wind, which is the most powerful thing in nature; it blows people down and houses Blows down, uproots trees, lifts up waves, blows down cliffs, blows ships to pieces on rocks; it kills, it howls, it groans, it roars; but have you ever seen it ? Can you see the wind? And the wind exists." I have no answer to what he said; the man is a philosopher—or is he simple-minded?I wasn't sure what kind of man he was, but I was silent anyway; I've often thought the same thing myself. I slept very badly.There must be something here that makes me feverish, for my coachman suffers from the same problem as I do.When I came home yesterday, I saw his face turned pale, so I asked him, "What's the matter with you, Juan?" "I can't sleep, sir; I can't if I don't sleep well at night. Since you left, sir, I seem to be possessed." However, other servants are good.Still, I was terrified of getting sick again. I must be sick again.That nightmare came again.Last night, I felt as if someone was lying on top of me, mouth to mouth, sucking my vitality from my lips.Yes, he sucked my life out of my mouth like a vampire.He got up when he was full, and I was so sleepy when I woke up, I was so weak that I couldn't even move.If this happens again in a few days, I will have to leave here again. Am I losing my mind?What happened last night is really inexplicable, and I feel dizzy when I think about it. I locked my bedroom door as I did every night; then, feeling thirsty, I drank half a glass of water, occasionally noticing that the water bottle was so full it was almost overflowing. I went to bed after this and had another horrible nightmare which I awoke about two hours later feeling even worse than the nightmare. Think about it, a person is killed in his sleep, wakes up with a knife in his chest, gurgles in his throat, covered in blood, has difficulty breathing, is about to die, and doesn't know what happened What's the matter- well, that's how I am. When at last I came to my senses, I was thirsty again; so I lit a candle, and went to the table where the water-bottle was, and lifted it up and poured water into the glass; but there was not a drop of water, and the water-bottle was empty, quite empty !At first I was bewildered; then suddenly I understood, and with a shudder I sat down, or rather collapsed on a chair!A minute later, I stood up and looked around, only to sit down again, staring in shock and horror at the empty water bottle.I stared blankly at the water bottle, trying to find some explanation.My hands are shaking.Someone drank the water!who?Of course it's me, there can't be anyone else here!So I must have suffered from somnambulism; I didn't expect that I was leading this mysterious double life that makes us wonder if we have a double personality, or if some unknown, invisible outsider has entered us inside of us without knowing it.This outsider controls our body, and our body obeys him as it obeys us, or even more submissively. oh!No one can understand my inner anxiety; no one can imagine what it must be like for a sane, able-bodied person to wake up, find that the water in the water bottle has disappeared, and can only stare in horror at the empty water bottle.I stayed like this until daybreak, not daring to go to bed any more. It drives me crazy!Someone else drained my water bottle this night - or rather, I drank it myself.But is it really me?Who else?my God!I'm going crazy - no one can save me! I just did some experiments with amazing results.I must be crazy--isn't I? Before I went to bed on July 6th, I put wine, milk, water, bread and strawberries on the table.Someone—probably myself—drank all the water, and some milk; the wine and strawberries were left untouched. I did the same experiment on July 7th with the same result. On July 8th, I didn't put water and milk, and it turned out that no one touched anything. Later, on July 9th, I put only milk and water on the table, and carefully tied the mouth of the bottle tightly with white gauze, and painted black lead powder on my own lips, mustache and hands, Then go to bed. I slept soundly and then woke up in a miserable state.I never got up in my sleep, because there was not even a black stain of lead powder on the quilt.I rushed to the table.There is no stain on the white gauze covering the mouth of the bottle.I untied the string from the neck of the bottle.God!Water and milk are all drunk! I must set off for Paris at once. Paris.I've been dizzy for the last few days!If it wasn't for sleepwalking or the influence of that unexplainable "psychological suggestion", then I must be a neurotic fantasist.But despite my extreme fear, which bordered on madness, within twenty-four hours of being in Paris, it returned to normal.Yesterday, I went to the store and did some shopping, which made me feel a lot easier.I spent the evening at the Théâtre de France, where Dumas fils was being played, and the brisk and moving drama brought my mind back to normal.Indeed, it is dangerous to brood alone in solitude; we need the society of thoughtful and talkative people.Long periods of isolation can lead us into illusions.I walked back to the hotel along the avenue.In the midst of the crowd, I am amused to think of my fears and hallucinations of the previous week, when I actually believed that something was at work in my house.Those of us are really pitiful. When we encounter trivial things that we can't explain, we are frightened and disturbed, and even go crazy.We don't want to admit outright, "I don't understand this because I don't know why." Instead, I immediately think that there must be some terrible, mysterious, supernatural force at work. Republic Day.I've been walking the streets, and the firecrackers and flags have made me happy like a child, although I always feel it's a foolish thing for the government to designate a day as a holiday and celebrate it with such fanfare.The common people are like a group of imbecile cows, sometimes obedient to the point of ignorance, and sometimes irritable to the point of rebellion.When they were ordered, "Rejoice!" they obeyed; and when they were ordered, "Go and fight your neighbours!" they obeyed.Command them to support the emperor, and they kowtow; then they are commanded: "Hand the republic!" and they cheer. Those who control the people are equally stupid; only, they obey not some master, but certain principles.These principles, just because they are principles, must be absurd and false, because they want to establish certain eternal and immutable ideas, and in this world, there is nothing constant at all-what we see and hear. They are all illusions. I came across an incident yesterday that confused me quite a bit.I dined at the house of my cousin, Madame de Sable, whose husband was commander of the seventy-six hussars stationed at Limonges.There were also two young ladies at the dining table, one of whom was married to a doctor named Baron, a neurologist who was well versed in hypnotism and suggestion, which are very popular nowadays. He talked a lot about the amazing achievements of the British experts and doctors of the Nancy College.The facts he declared seemed absurd to me, and I declared aloud that I did not believe them. "You know," he persisted, "we are about to discover one of the greatest secrets of nature, a secret of great importance to our world; and no doubt to the rest of the universe as well. Important, because they will be dominated by us.Since human beings have the ability to think and express their thoughts through language, human beings have always felt some mysterious phenomenon, but they can't know it only with their rough senses, so they try to Use wisdom to make up for the lack of sensory ability. Because people's wisdom is also very shallow, they only feel general fear of these invisible mysterious phenomena. This is why people generally believe in supernatural phenomena, gods, dead souls and evildoers. However , For more than a century, new progress has been made in this area. Mei Simei (Mei Simei (1734-1815), a German doctor, the founder of the biomagnetic field theory, once practiced medicine in Paris and performed hypnotism.) and some others has opened up an avenue that no one thought of before. And so, especially in the last 40 or 50 years, we have achieved a lot of amazing results in this direction." My cousin didn't believe his words as much as I did and just smiled.Dr. Baron then said to her: "Madam, would you like me to perform hypnotism?" "Of course I would." She sat down in an armchair, and Dr. Baron began to gaze at her with fascinated eyes.I suddenly had a vague sense of unease; my heart was pounding, and my throat was a little constricted.I saw my cousin close her eyes; her mouth moved and her chest rose and fell. Ten minutes later, she fell asleep. "Get behind her," Dr. Baron said to me. I sat down behind her.Dr. Baron stuffed a business card into her hand and said at the same time, "This is a mirror. What do you see in the mirror?" My cousin replied, "I saw my cousin." "What is he doing?" "I'm pinching my mustache." "Okay, what are you doing now?" "Taking a picture out of his pocket." "Whose picture?" "himself." Not bad at all!This photo was just received at my hotel in the evening. "What does he look like in the picture?" "He was standing with his hat in his hand." She actually saw my picture on that business card, that white piece of paper, like she saw it in a mirror! The two young ladies were frightened and cried out, "There, there, stop!" But Dr. Baron was still giving her instructions: "Tomorrow morning at eight o'clock, you get up and go to the hotel to find your cousin; you borrow the five thousand francs from him, which your husband asked you to borrow, and when he comes back tomorrow will ask you for the money." Then, he woke her up.I kept thinking about this eccentric show on the way back to the hotel.I started to have some doubts, not my cousin's sincerity, she was like my own sister to me since childhood, and I had absolutely no reason to doubt her—I suspected that the doctor might have set up a scam.Could he be secretly holding a mirror in his hand?When he showed the card to my cousin, he quickly replaced the card with a mirror?My cousin was so sleepy that she was easy to deceive, and this kind of trick is easy for any magician to perform.I went back to the hotel and went to bed. This morning, at about half past eight, I was woken up by a servant.He said to me: "Mrs. Sable is here, sir, and is anxious to see you." I dressed hastily and let her in. She sat down anxiously, her eyes fixed on the floor; then, without lifting her veil, she said to me: "My dear cousin, I would like to ask you to do me a favor." "What's the matter, cousin?" "It's hard for me to talk, but I can't help it. I, I want to borrow five thousand francs from you." "Are you kidding me!" "No, no, really, my husband really wants me to get the money." I was taken aback and stuttered a bit.I simply wondered whether she conspired with Dr. Baron to deceive me, whether she had arranged a conspiracy in advance, and then performed it for me in a grand manner.However, when I looked at her carefully for a while, all my doubts disappeared.She was trembling with anxiety, for her husband's request had caused her so much pain; and I saw that she had fought back her tears.Knowing that she was not really short of money, I asked, "You mean, is he really short of the five thousand francs? Come to think of it, are you sure he wants you to borrow money from me?" She hesitated for a moment, as if trying to remember something, and then replied, "Yes . . . yes! I'm sure." "Did he write to you?" She hesitated again, thinking.I could guess she was thinking hard.She knew nothing but that she would borrow five thousand francs from me for her husband.She lied to herself: "Yes, I received his letter." "When? You didn't mention Youxin yesterday." "Just received it this morning." "Can I see it?" "Oh, no... There are some personal matters in it... Besides, I... I have burned the letter." "Then your husband must be in debt." She hesitated again, and then said in a low voice, "I don't know." I said frankly: "My dear cousin, to be honest, I can't afford five thousand francs now." She cried out in great pain: "Ah! Do me a favor, you have to find a way." She became very agitated and clasped her hands as if in prayer.Her tone changed, too; she sobbed, distressed by the implication of her instructions. "Oh! Please...if you knew how I feel...I must get this money today!" I feel sorry for her. "Well, I'll find a way, and I'll give you the money as soon as I get it." "Oh! Thank you! You are so kind!" I went on to say, "Do you remember what happened at your house last night?" "Remember." "Do you remember that Dr. Baron once hypnotized you?" "Remember!" "He asked you to come this morning and ask me to borrow five thousand francs, and now you are following his suggestion." She thought for a while and replied, "But this is what my husband wants!" For a full hour, I tried to convince her, but without success.Immediately after she left, I went to Dr. Baron's.He said with a smile on my face, "Now you believe it?" "I have to believe it." "Let's go to your cousin's." The cousin was leaning on the couch dozedly, as if she was very sleepy.Dr. Baron felt her pulse, stared at her for several minutes, raised a hand to her eyes, and her eyes closed automatically as if possessed. After she fell asleep, Dr. Baron said to her: "Your husband doesn't need five thousand francs at all. So, forget that you ever borrowed money from your cousin. Even if he mentioned this, you would not understand him." What are you talking about?" After speaking, he woke her up.I took out my wallet and said to her, "Dear cousin, this is the money you borrowed from me earlier in the morning, and I will give it to you now." She quickly refused, and she was so determined that I didn't dare to insist.I tried to remind her that she had indeed come to borrow money from me earlier in the morning, but she denied it.She thought I was joking with her, and finally got close to being serious, and seemed about to lose her temper. That's how it is!I'm back at the hotel now, so confused I don't even want to eat lunch. I told this story to some people, and they all laughed.I don't know what to do.It seems that there is a saying that is very reasonable, that is: You must believe it, and you must not believe it completely. After dinner at Boucis I passed the evening at a dance at the rowing club.Obviously, the environment determines everything about people.On Frog Island a man would have looked foolish to believe in the supernatural, but on the top of Mont Saint-Michel or among the Indians it was another matter.It is frightening how much the environment can affect a person.I'm going home next week. I got home yesterday.safe and sound. Still fine.weather is good.I pass the time looking at the Seine. The servants were quarreling.They said that the cups in the cupboard were constantly being broken.The manservant blamed the cook, the cook blamed the washerwoman, and the washerwoman blamed the other two maids.Who broke it?God knows! This time I am not crazy.I saw it with my own eyes... I saw it... yes, I saw it... there is no longer any doubt.I saw it! At two o'clock in the afternoon, I took a walk in the garden, the sun was shining, and the autumn roses had just bloomed. When I stopped to admire a giant rose bush with three blooming flowers, I clearly saw, just nearby, a rose branch bent down by itself, as if broken by an invisible hand. The flower soared into the air and drew an arc in the air, as if someone held it up to the nose and smelled it.Thus it hung in mid-air like a frightful bundle of sparks, only three yards from my eyes. I leaped to catch it, but there was nothing; it was gone.This annoys me; a sane person should not have such hallucinations. But is this really an illusion?I turned back to look for the branch and found it without any trouble among the two other flowers that were still on the branch - just snapped off! I went back into the house in a trance; for I was now sure, as sure as night follows day, that there was beside me an invisible, ghostly being who lived on milk and water, who could touch, Carries and moves objects; that is to say, He has a physical form, but is imperceptible to our senses; He lives in my house. I passed the night in peace.He drank from the water bottle but didn't bother me to sleep.I wonder if I'm crazy.As I walked along the bank of the river in the sun, I began to doubt my sanity; it was no longer a trance, as it had been in earlier days, but an absolute doubt.I have seen lunatics; I know many of them who, besides being delirious in one respect, were wise, even wise, in other respects of life.Their talk is clear, witty, and incisive, but as soon as one aspect of things is touched, they become confused.Everything crumbles and collapses; their sanity will be lost without a trace on the foggy, choppy sea of ​​madness. If I'm not clear headed, not fully aware of my condition, if I can't go on analyzing and probing it intellectually, then I'm pretty sure I'm crazy.In fact, I may well have been the victim of some sort of frenzied factor, while my mind was otherwise sane.Something mysterious must be at work in my head, something physiologists are trying to detect and explain.Due to this disturbance, a rift appeared in my psyche and in the logic of my thinking.This phenomenon occurs in dreams, and we are not surprised by the most confused hallucinations in dreams, because at this time our consciousness and intellectual faculties are weakened, and our imaginative faculties are active.Sure enough, there was a hidden key on the keyboard of my head that was malfunctioning.Some people lose their memory due to accidents and forget names, numbers or dates.It is an indisputable fact that the various functions of thinking are performed by different cells in the brain; so it would not be surprising if my brain's ability to control hallucinations was malfunctioning. These are the things that go through my mind when I walk by the river.The river is shining in the sun, and the earth seems to be smiling.Looking at this beautiful scenery, my heart is full of love for all living things. The swiftly flying swallows are pleasing to the eye, and the reeds on the river bank are rustling in the wind, which is so beautiful and beautiful. However, an indescribable feeling of unease slowly climbed into my heart.An inexplicable evil seemed to be eating away at my energy and will; I just felt that I couldn't go any further and had to go back.I felt something urging me, urging me painfully to go back.This feeling is like a person who has just left the hospital bed of a close friend, and suddenly wants to go back, for fear that the condition of the close friend will worsen. So, involuntarily, I turned back, thinking that there must be some bad news waiting for me when I got home, a letter or a telegram; but there was nothing.So I was even more confused and surprised, because I was afraid that I would have some new hallucinations. Yesterday, I had a terrible night.Although he didn't appear, I always felt that he was close by, peeping at me, influencing me, and controlling me.His invisibility frightened me more than his appearance, which was but an invisible but constant supernatural phenomenon.Still, I slept through it and was not molested. All is well, but I'm terrified. Still nothing happened; but I couldn't bear this panic and inner torment.I can't stay home; I'm going out. 10 at night.All day I've tried to go out, but can't.I want to prove that I am free of action, and it is easy to do this, and that is to go out, get into a carriage, and go to Rouen.But I just can't do it.How is this going? Certain diseases seem to destroy a person's biological machinery, leaving him exhausted, his muscles flabby, his bones limp as flesh, and his flesh watery and deformed.This is my current state of mind, in a state of inexplicable defeat.I was powerless and sluggish; I couldn't even control myself, I had no willpower; I couldn't even make a decision, because something seemed to determine me, and I had to obey. I am done!Something outside controlled me, possessed me; it was true, it was.It was as if someone was controlling my every move, every thought.There was nothing I could do but obey like a trembling slave.I wanted to go out, but I couldn't--he wouldn't allow it; so I just stayed wretchedly, where he wanted me to be--wobbling in an armchair.I wanted to stand up, to prove that I was capable, but I couldn't - I was fixed to this chair, and the chair was fixed to the floor, and no force could pull me and this chair up.Suddenly, I felt that I must go to the garden to pick some strawberries to eat.Ah, my God!Where is God?If there is a God, come and save me from this torment!O God, forgive me, have mercy on me!Have pity on me, please help me!I'm in the throes of hell--ah!It was terrible! I am sure that when my poor cousin came to ask me to borrow five thousand francs, she was also subject to this control and alien domination.She was driven by some external force, some cruel tyrant, that had entered her.Does this herald the end of the world?What was this invisible, nameless controlling force, this supernatural intruder who ruled over me? It seems that the invisible exists!If so, why have they not manifested in this way since the beginning of the world?I have never read anything like this in my books.If I could get out of this house, go far away, and never come back, I'd be saved!However, I can't do it. Today, I managed to escape for two hours, like a prisoner who accidentally discovers that the door of his cell is unlocked.I felt free all at once, and felt that he was gone.I ordered the servants to prepare the carriage at once, and drove to Rouen.能命令仆人“去鲁昂！”而且仆人服从了我的命令，那真是莫大的快乐。 我在市立图书馆前停下，要求借阅赫尔曼·海勒斯托斯博士有关古代和现代隐秘人的大作。随后，当我钻进马车后，我本想说“去火车站！”但不知怎么了，我竟用根本不是我平时的嗓音大声喊：“回家去！”嗓音之大，使过路人都惊奇地回过头来，而我既恐惧又痛苦地瘫倒在座位上。他已发现了我，而且又开始控制我了。 我过了一个阴沉沉的夜晚，但我真应该感到高兴。我读书一直读到一点钟。赫尔曼·海勒斯托斯，哲学和宇宙学博士，记述了所有在人间游荡或者在梦中显现的不可见的存在物。他讲到他们的起源、影响范围和能力。但是，他们之中没有一个像现在纠缠着我的这个怪物。看来，自人类具有思维能力以来，一直万分恐惧地预感到有某种新的存在物，这种存在物胜过人类，必然要取代人类主宰世界；人类感觉到这种存在物就在自己身旁而又无法预知这位强者的性质，于是就在恐惧中幻想出种种虚幻而神秘的东西，种种出自人类恐惧的魑魅魍魉。 唉，读到凌晨一点之后，我走到窗户边坐下，在柔和的夜风中清醒清醒头脑。天气很好，很暖和。在过去，像这样的静夜该是多么可爱啊！ 没有月亮，星星在黑沉沉的天幕上闪烁。在那些星球上有生命吗？那里存在着怎样的形体、怎样的东西、怎样的动物和怎样的植物？也许，在那些遥远的星球上存在着比我们更聪明、更有能力的思想者。他们能看到我们一无所知的事物？他们中的某一个会不会在某一天穿越浩瀚的宇宙空间来到我们这个世界，并征服这个世界，就像诺曼底人过去曾跨越海洋以奴役弱小的民族那样？ 我们这些住在这个带着水旋转的泥团星球上的人类，是多么虚弱，多么无能，多么愚蠢而渺小啊！ 这样的思想在我头脑里盘旋着，我在清凉的夜风中瞌睡了。大约睡了四十分钟，我被一阵朦胧的焦躁不安弄醒，睁开眼睛，一动不动。我最初什么也没有注意到；但是，忽然间，我看到桌上放着的那本打开的书在自己翻动书页。窗户里并没有一丝风吹进来。I was stunned.大约四分钟后，我看见——是的，我亲眼看见的——又一页书自己翻了过去，好像有一只无形的手在翻着。我坐的那张椅子是空的——或者说看上去是空的——但我知道他在那儿，正坐在我的椅子上，在看我的书。我猛地蹦起来，像一只狂怒的畜生似的扑过去，要把它的主人撕得粉碎；我冲过去，发疯似的想抓住他，把他掐死。但是，没等我冲到椅子旁边，椅子就翻倒了，好像有人猛地站起来要逃跑；桌子晃动了一下，台灯落在地上熄了，接着窗户砰地一响，好像有一个窃贼受了惊，从窗户跳了出去，随手还把窗帘带动了一下。 He ran away!他其实很怕我！既然如此……明天或者后天……我就会抓住他，把他按倒在地。即使是狗，有时也能胜过它的主人，咬住主人的脖子。 我一整天都在思考。yes!我会服从他，按他的意愿行事，执行他的命令，就像一个卑微的、恭顺的懦夫。他比我强，但有朝一日…… 现在我明白了，一切都明白了。我刚刚在《科学周报》上读到这样的消息：“从里约热内卢传来一则惊人的新闻，一种流行性疯病，就如中世纪在欧洲流行的那种严重的疯狂症，现在圣保罗省肆虐。患者抛弃他们的村庄和土地离家出走；他们说，有一种看不见的东西在逼迫他们，控制他们，并像驱赶牛群一样驱赶他们。这东西就像吸血鬼一样在他们睡熟时吸走他们的元气，还喝水和牛奶，但显然不碰其他任何食物。 “堂·彼得罗·亨里奎兹教授已带领一些医学专家前往圣保罗省对这种奇怪的流行病的起因与症状进行实地研究，从而向皇帝陛下提出治愈此病的最佳方案。” 现在我清楚地想起那条漂亮的巴西三桅船了，它曾在5月8日沿着塞纳河驶过我屋前。我当时还以为它是一艘那么漂亮，那么洁白而令人赏心悦目的船！现在我知道，这怪物就是乘这艘船从南美洲来的，那里是他的故乡。他一定注意到了我的屋子，因为它和那艘船一样白！于是他就跳上了岸。Oh!Oh my god!现在我知道了；原来是这样。人类的统治已经结束！他来了，这东西是原始人类所惧怕的，是忧心忡忡的教士想驱除的，是巫婆术士在夜间招来而又无法看到的，是激发人类想象力从而创作出种种神怪传说的源头。史前社会的人类出于恐惧对此只有模糊的概念，后来的科学研究却勾勒出了人类预感的大致轮廓。梅斯美猜测到了这东西的存在；近十年来，医生们又发现了这东西所具有的能力。他们借用这种能力来做试验，使人的灵魂服从于一个神秘的意志，服从于这个世界的新主宰，成为它的奴隶。他们把这种能力称之为磁感应、催眠、暗示，诸如此类。现在我知道了，他们就像孩子玩火一样在做一种危险的游戏。这东西是敌视我们的！是敌视人类的！他来了……他叫什么名字？ ……他好像正在大声呼叫，但我又听不清他在叫什么……哦，对了，他在叫，我听到了……再来一遍！ ……终于听清了，是“霍拉——”……“霍拉”……这就是他的名字……“霍拉”来了！ 老鹰杀死鸽子，狼吃掉羊，狮子吞食水牛；人类又用弓箭、刀剑或者用火药屠杀狮子。但是，“霍拉”只用他的意志力就能使人变成他的牛羊，变成他的仆人，变成他的食物。我们倒霉啦！ 然而，牲口有时也会反抗，也会杀死主人……这就是我要做的。我会成功的，但首先我得认识他，接触他，了解他！专家们说，动物的眼睛和我们不同；我们分辨得出的东西，它们未必分辨得出；同样，我们的视力也分辨不出这个正驾驭着我的新东西。 这为什么呢？what!我想起来了，圣米歇尔山上的那个修士说过：“世上所存在的，我们大概连百分之十都没有看到，不是吗？譬如，就拿风来说吧，它是自然界最有威力的；它把人吹倒，把房屋吹垮，把树连根拔起，把海浪高高举起，把悬崖吹得倒塌，把船吹到礁石上摔得粉碎；它杀戮，它呼啸，它呻吟，它吼叫；可是，您看见过它吗？您能看见风吗？而风是存在的。” 于是我想到，我的眼睛是那样有缺陷，那样不健全，即使是固体，若像玻璃那样是透明的，我就看不见了。如果有一长块透明的玻璃挡在路上，我就会看不到它而撞上去，就像关在房间里的鸟撞上窗玻璃一样；此外，还有许多事物会欺骗我们的眼睛，使我们误入歧途。这么说来，我们没能觉察出某个我们不熟悉的透明躯体，就一点也不奇怪了。 一种新的存在！Why not?这种东西是肯定要出现的。有什么理由说人类是这个世界上最后的存在？我们无法看到这一存在，因为它不属于和我们同时进化而来的东西。确实如此，因为它的性质更高级，它的躯体比我们更精妙、更完善。我们是那样脆弱，那样拙劣；我们的器官容易老化，而且像过于拉长的弹簧那样常常会崩断。人类的躯体就像植物或动物一样必须依赖空气，依赖蔬菜和肉类提供的营养，而且会生病、会伤残、会腐烂，难以操纵，易于出错，很不可靠；它是费力而拙劣地组合起来的，是一件既精巧又粗糙的产品，是一种为产生更优越、更精致的存在物而预制的坯件。 世上的存在物为数不多，即使把从蚝类到人类全部有形体加在一起，也寥寥无几。如果说进化的某一阶段已经完成，为什么就不应该有一种新的生命形式呢？ 为什么不能再有一种呢？为什么不能有一种新型的、开出的花巨大无比、颜色鲜艳夺目、香味弥漫全国的树呢？为什么除了金、木、水、火、土，就不能有另一种元素呢？它们只有五种，人类就是依赖这五种元素而生的。这太可怜了！为什么不能有五十种、五百种、五千种呢？这个世界实在太可怜、太贫穷、太简陋了！那么单调、那么寒酸、那么粗劣！还有什么东西比大象或者河马更笨拙，或者比骆驼更丑陋？ 但是，你会说，看看蝴蝶，真像一朵长着翅膀的花！是啊，可我能设想一只比地球大一百倍的蝴蝶，它的翅膀具有难以想象的形状、美色、光泽和动作。我能把它构想出来，并能看着它从一个星球飞向另一个星球；它的翅膀扇出的风，为宇宙万物带来清新和芬芳。我能透过稠密的宇宙空间看着它喜悦地、欢畅地飞翔。 what's wrong with me?一定是“霍拉”在我身上作祟，把这些疯狂的想法放进了我的头脑。他在我里面，占据了我的灵魂。我必须杀死他！ 我会杀死他的。我已经看到他了！昨天晚上，我坐在桌前，装着专心写东西。我知道他会出来游荡，会靠我很近，到时我就能摸到他，说不定还能抓住他。我要使出全身的劲，用我的手、膝、头、牙齿，抓他、蹬他、挤他、撞他、咬他，把他撕得粉碎。 我等着他，浑身紧张。 我把两盏灯都开着，还在烛台上点了八支蜡烛，好像光亮会有助于我觉察到他似的。 在我对面是我的床，一张老式的四柱橡木床；在我右边是壁炉，左边是门，已小心翼翼地关好了——我曾开过一会儿，目的是让他进来。在我背后是一只带镜子的高柜，是我每天对着它梳理和穿衣的；我每次走到它面前，总要从头到脚打量一下自己。 为了欺骗他，我假装写东西，因为他正注视着我。忽然，我感到，我敢肯定，他正站在我背后，俯身看我在写什么。我几乎碰到他了。 我跳起来，张开双手猛地转过身去，速度快得差点跌倒。房间里像白天一样明亮，但我却连镜子里的我自己也没看到！镜子里一片空白，亮晶晶的，就像一片反射着白光的水面。我虽然就站在它前面，可里面根本没有我的影子。我只看到一面空空荡荡的大镜子。我惊恐地瞪着眼，不敢往前走，甚至不敢动一动；我知道他就在那儿，但他又会从我身边溜掉；这怪物，他那隐匿的躯体吸掉了我的映象。 我害怕之极。不一会儿，我忽然模模糊糊地从镜子里看到了自己，就像从水中看到的某件隐隐约约的东西；那水好像从左边慢慢地流向右边；我的映象一秒钟一秒钟地开始清晰起来，就像月食快要结束时那样，而使我的映象变得模糊不清的那东西，好像没有明显的轮廓，但不管怎样，是一种半透明体，是逐渐变得透明的。 终于，我像往常一样从镜子里完全看到自己了。 我已经看到了他！恐惧依然占据着我的心，使我浑身颤抖不止。 我无法抓住他，怎么才能杀死他呢？Poison?但他会看到我往水里放毒。再说，我们的毒药对他无形的躯体会起作用吗？不，肯定不会起作用。那我怎么办呢？ 我已派人到鲁昂去请个修锁匠来，还为我的卧室定购了一扇铁窗，就是巴黎某些公寓里装在底层用来防盗的那种铁窗。我还要修锁匠为我安装一扇铁门。我这样做，好像患了恐惧症，但我已顾不上锁匠会怎么想了…… 鲁昂，大陆旅馆。我已经干完了……我已经干完了……但他会死吗？那情形真可怕！ 昨天，锁匠为我装好了铁窗和铁门；就这样，我把门窗都开着，直到半夜，虽然天气已经开始转冷。 忽然，我怀着一阵欣喜意识到他在屋里。 我慢慢地爬起来，来回踱了几圈，因为这样不会引起他的怀疑。随后，我脱掉鞋子，小心翼翼地穿上拖鞋；接着，我就关上窗，若无其事地走到门口，在门上加了两道锁。这之后，我又回到窗边，把窗也锁上，并轻轻地把钥匙放进了口袋。 我随即感觉到，他正在我四周活动，因为他害怕了，希望我打开卧室的门。我只能服从他，但没有完全服从；我回到门边，把门拉开一道缝，宽度只够我一个人侧身挤出。我长得很高，头顶可碰到门楣。所以我知道，他是不可能出去的——我把他单独关在房间里了。i did it!我终于抓住他了！我随即跑下楼到了客厅，抓起两盏油灯，把油撒在地毯上、家具上，撒得到处都是。接着，我点着火，逃出屋子，用两把锁把沉甸甸的后门锁得严严实实。 我飞跑到花园旁边，远远地躲在桂树丛里。我等着，时间过得真慢啊！周围一片漆黑，一片沉寂，毫无动静，既没有一丝风，也不见一颗星星；头顶上是大块的乌云，我虽看不见，但我感觉得到，哦！是那么沉重。 我眼睛直盯着屋子，等着。时间真慢啊！我开始想到，火一定自己熄灭了，或者被他扑灭了，但就在这时，只见底层的一扇窗户被热浪“哗”的一声冲开，一道火焰——金红色的火焰——顺着白色的外墙向屋顶升起，不一会儿就把屋顶吞没了。树丛和灌木丛一下子被火光照亮，好像在惊恐地发抖。鸟被惊醒，狗开始汪汪地叫；我觉得好像天亮了！又有两扇窗被热浪冲开，我看见整个底楼已成一片火海。但是，传来一声尖叫，一个女人发出一声恐怖的、撕心裂肺的尖叫，叫声在夜空里震颤；与此同时，顶楼上的两扇小窗砰地打开。God!我把仆人们全忘了；我好像看到了他们痛苦万状的脸和拼命摆动着的手臂。这时，我恐惧得发疯了，拔腿就向附近的村庄跑，一边跑一边大声呼喊：“救命啊！着火啦！”我在半路遇到了已匆匆赶来的村民，便和他们一起往回跑。 现在，整幢房子已经成了一堆熊熊的篝火，四周被照得通亮，令人心惊胆战。在这堆硕大无比的篝火中，人正被活活地烧成灰烬；还有他，被我关在屋子里的那个新的生物，那个世界的新主宰，那个“霍拉”，也正被烧成灰烬。 忽然，整个房顶“哗啦啦”崩塌了，火焰冲天而起。 从这个大火炉的窗口望进去，我看到炉膛里烈火焰焰，我想他就在这炉膛里，死了。 died?I can not believe it.他那看不见的、透明的躯体也许并不像我们的躯体一样会被火烧死？ 要是他没死，又怎么样？也许，只有时间才能最后摧毁他那可怕的、不可见的存在。但是，如果他也害怕疾病、伤残、衰弱和夭折，那他幽灵般的躯体为什么会是透明的、看不见的呢？ 夭折？这只有人类才会害怕。“霍拉”却是继人类之后的进化物。人也许在任何一天、任何一个小时甚至每一分钟都会意外死去，而继人类之后出现的一种生物，则只有到了某一天、某一小时、某一分钟，只有当生存极限到来时，才会死去。 yes!毫无疑问，毫无疑问的是，他没有死！现在，除了自杀，我已别无他路。 （“霍拉”原文为le horla，可能是莫泊桑杜撰的一个词，来源可能是诺曼底人使用的horzain一词，意为“陌生人”。）