Chapter 21 chapter 21

Now in order to convince those who might still be sceptical that husbands in China truly love, can deeply love their wives, I could produce abundant proofs from Chinese history and literature. on the death of his wife by Yuan Chen (TCHO, a poet of the Tang dynasty. But unfortunately the piece is too long for quotation here in this already too long article. Those acquired with Chinese, however, who wish to know how deep the affection, _affection, true love and not sexual passion which in modern times is often mistaken for love, _how deep the love of a husband in China for his wife is, should read this elegy which can be found in any ordinary collection of the Tang poets . The title of the elegy is, _ "Lines to ease the aching heart." But as I cannot use this elegy for my purpose, I will, instead, give here a short poem of four lines written by a modern poet who was once a secretary of the late vice roy Chang Chih-tung. The poet went togther with his wife in the suite of the Viceroy to Wuchang and after staying there many years, his wife died. Immediately after he too had to leave Wuchang. He wrote the poem on leaving Wuchang. The words in Chinese are

The meaning in English is something like this:_ This grief is common to everyone, One hundred years how many can attain? But this heart breaking, o waters of the Yangtze, Together we came, _but together we return not. The feeling here is as deep, if not deeper; but the words are fewer, and the language is simpler, even than Tennysons. Break, break, break On the cold gray stones, sea! But for the touch of a vanished hand, And the sound of a voice that is still! But now what about the love of a wife in China for her husband? I do not think any evidence is needed to prove this. It is true that in China the bride and bride-groom as a rule never see each other until the marriage day , and yet that there is love between even bride and bride-groom, can be seen in these four lines of poetry from the T ang dynasty: _

The meaning in English of the above is something like this, In the bridal chamber last night stood red candles; Waiting for the morning to salute the father and mother in the hall, Toilet finished,_in a low voice she asks her sweet- heart husband, "Are the shades in my painted eyebrows quite a la mode." But here in order to understand the above, I must tell you something about marriage in China. There are in every legal marriage in China six ceremonies : first, asking for the name, ie, formal proposal; betrothal: third fixing the day of marriage; fourth fetching the bride; fifth pouring libation before the wild goose, ie, plighting troth, so-called because the wild goose is supposed to be most faithful in connubial love; These six ceremonies, the last two are the most important, I shall therefore describe them here more in detail.

The fourth ceremony, fetching the bride at the present day, is, except in my province Fukien where we keep up the old customs, _ generally dispensed with, as it entails too much trouble and expense to the brides family. The bride now, instead of being fetched, is sent to the bride-grooms house. When the bride arrives there, the bridegroom receives her at the gate and herself opens the door of the bridal chair and leads her to the hall of the house. There the bride and bride -groom worship Heaven and Earth, ie to say, they fell on their kness with their faces turned to the door of the hall with a table carrying two red burning candles before the open sky and then the hushand pours libations on the ground, _in presence of the pair of wild geese (if wild goose cannot be had, an ordinary goose) which the bride has brought with her. This is the ceremony called Tien yen pouring libation before the wild goose; plighting of troth between man and woman_he vowing to be true to her, and she, to betrue to him, just as faithful as the pair of wild geese they see before them. From this moment, they become, so to speak, natural sweetheart husband

and sweetheart wife, bound only by the moral law, the Law of the Gentleman, _the word of honor which they have given to each other, but not yet by the Civic Law. This ceremony therefore may be called the moral or Religious marriage. After this comes the ceremony called the mutual salutation between bride and bride-groom. The bride standing on the right side of the hall first goes on her knees before the bride-groom, _he going on his knees to her at the same time. Then they change places. The bride-groom now standing where the bride stood, goes on his knees to her, _ she returning the salute just as he did. Now this ceremony of chiao pai mutual salutation, I wish to point out here, proves beyond All doubt that in China there is perfect equality between man and woman, between husband and wife.

As I said before, the ceremony of plighting troth may be called the moral or Religious marriage as distinguished from what may called the civic marriage, which comes three days after._In the moral or religious marriage, the man and woman becomes husband and wife before the moral Law_before God. The contract so far is solely between the man and woman. The State or, as in China, the Family takes the place of the State in all social and civic life_the State acting only as Court of appeal, _the Family takes no cognizance of the marriage or contract between the man and woman here in this, what I have called the moral or religious marriage. In fact on this first day and until the civic marriage takes place on the third day of the marriage, the bride is not only not introduced, but also not allowed to see or be seen by the members of the bride-grooms family.