To my Mum, Nellie, for not being like Bridgets Acknowledgments With particular thanks to Charlie Leadbeater for first suggesting the column at the Independent. Thanks too to Gillon Aitken, Richard Coles, Scarlett Curtis, the Fielding family, Piers, Paula and Sam Fletcher, Emma Freud, Georgia Garrett, Sharon Maguire, Jon Turner and Daniel Woods for inspiration and support, and especially, as ever, to Richard Curtis. New Years Resolutions JANUARY An Exceptionally Bad Start FEBRUARY Valentines Day Massacre MARCH Severe Birthday-Related Thirties Panic APRIL Inner Poise MAY Mother-To-Be

JUNE Hah! JULY Huh AUGUST Disintegration SEPTEMBER Up The Firemans Pole OCTOBER Date With Darcy NOVEMBER A Criminal in the Family DECEMBER Oh, Christ