Chapter 11 to pray

Outside the window was snowing like a fist, and the city of the North, buried in the silence of the north wind, seemed to be resting from its year-long drama, and now it was already sleeping deeply in the dark night. Although the electric lights in the room were shining strangely, the leftovers on the table, and the slow movements of the old maids to clean up, did not fail to report the depression of this colder night.The paws in the front hall seemed tired too.Except for one or two tired voices, there was no anger at all. I was lying on the easy chair in front of the fire, although I was smoking in my mouth, but my eyes were longing to close.Brother Yin never came back. I really hated those curious guests who called the note in this cold night.

Brother Yin's mother went out to make a phone call to urge her to come back. In the front room illuminated by the bright light, only I was alone and the sound of the wind and snow blowing the window. ...Simply sink to the bottom, ...Try to see how much the fascination of wine and sex is, ...Before setting off anyway, before making a big decision...but...but...this...this poor brother Yin...why did she come here, she doesn't seem to realize that she is just a kind of me A test piece of caprice (English: willful)...but where does a kind of caprice come from? ...Ah, loneliness, loneliness, this eternal loneliness that accompanies life! ...

The thoughts that echoed in my hazy consciousness at that time were nothing more than this.Suddenly the side door facing the courtyard opened, and the lightning shot out, and many snow flakes appeared in the light.There were many snowflakes dotted on the head and shoulders. Brother Yin's mother, with a wry smile on her face, came in and begged me and said: "The guests in the Yiqing Room of Guanghan Immortal Pavilion are throwing a temper tantrum, saying that Brother Yin is too arrogant, and they will not let her come back tonight." I have been staying with brother Yin for four consecutive nights because of the wind, rain and snow in the north. If she doesn't come back tonight, I will be clean and sleep alone for a night.But when I thought about the call from the Guanghan Immortal Hall in the middle of the night, Brother Yin wanted to excuse his illness, but after I repeatedly urged her to drag her out, I felt a little sorry for her.Besides, Yiqing's guest was originally a vulgar thing.He only believes in the power of money, and doesn't know a person's emotional personality.About tonight, Brother Yin suffered again there.

Before going to bed, I thought about the plots before and after, and almost lost the courage to take off my clothes and go to sleep.However, the sexual pleasures of the past few days have worn down my body to the point of being as weak as cotton, so after sitting silently in front of the fire for a while, I finally couldn't bear it anymore and had to go to bed to sleep. The sound of opening the door and the sound of calling woke me up from my sleep. Before my mind recovered, I felt a sudden pressure on the quilt.Then he felt a icy cold touch on his face.Before my eyes were fully opened, a mournful intermittent sobbing rose up in my ears.

It turned out that Brother Yin, as soon as she entered the room, didn't take off her leather shoes, she ran over desperately and threw herself on the bed, blaming me for causing her to suffer in the middle of the night.After crying secretly for a long time, she said one sentence at a time: "...I...I...can't say it...you...you want to drive me...drive me out,...to suffer their frivolity..." Having said this, she cried again: "...Here...the guest...the girl who only knows how to take care of herself...and you...how about you...you want to make fun of me..." At this time, it was already dawn, and the snow light reflected from the window revealed her sleepless complexion, her eye circles were very black and black, and there were two greasy oil stains in the crevice of her nose.

I talked about good and bad things for a long time, made some troubles with her, and promised her that I would never leave Beijing again, so she took off her clothes and went to bed to sleep. After falling asleep, she snored and fell asleep, but my nerves were stimulated, but I couldn't calm down no matter what.Thinking back, it was also my fault. I couldn't grow up with her in the first place, so why bother to plant such a bad root.Besides, although I am immersed in this kind of red and green wine every day, the feeling of loneliness has never left me.Especially in the dead of night, after the feast is over, when my limbs are too tired to move, this feeling of loneliness becomes more and more intense.

On this cold and snowy afternoon, I lay on the bed, listening to the passers-by in the alley, feeling as if my family was buried alive in a grave. I reached out and took a cigarette, and while I was smoking it, I was thinking about the date of leaving Beijing and the steps of how to separate from her.Quietly finished smoking two cigarettes, thinking about many indescribable fantasies, and hearing that someone had gotten up in the front hall, I put on my clothes and wanted to run home while she was still awake. But as soon as I got out of bed, she called from behind: "Do you want to run away again! It won't work today, no, I can't let you go back!"

I got up in a hurry and changed my clothes, and had some snacks with me. Before the hairdresser came, she asked me to go out of the city with her. The sky was clear and the sun was shining blindingly.The cloud cover of the night before was cleared away by the north wind. Under the blue sky, there was only a vast expanse of snow and a black muddy road.She and I were sitting in a carriage. After exiting the Yongding Gate, what we could see beside the road was a desolate snow scene except for a few small village houses.There were a few crows on the branches, but when our carriage passed by, they yelled relentlessly.

Grandma Wang's Hall in Yintan, outside the city, was originally a holy place for the girls in the alley, and they would come here to pray if they had any doubts or prayers. When we arrived at the gate of Guanyintan Temple, she piously bought a pair of incense candles and asked me to go in with her and go to Grandma Wang's hall to pray sincerely. I stood beside her, saw her serious face, and the earnest look when she bowed down, and my heart became sour unknowingly.After she bowed down, she didn't get up for a long time, as if she was in the middle of silent prayer. I felt that I couldn't help it anymore, so I gently called her to say:

"Brother Yin! Brother Yin! Get up! Let's go back quickly!" August 13, 1927 (Originally published in the third volume of "The Complete Works of Duff", "The Past Collection", according to the second volume of "Duff's Short Stories Collection")