Chapter 12 birth and death

"Mei!" Wen called out in a low voice, and suddenly all the words he had thought up were lost; he moved his eyes away from Mei's face, and smiled at Xiaochun. Xiaochun, a little chubby tiger of eight months, laughed with his father, and there were several meat pits on the left and right sides of his nose. Wen lowered his head; he smiled innocently, at this moment, he was more powerful than a knife. Xiaochun lost his father's eyes, bumped into his mother's chest, and looked up at his mother.The mother was facing the window in a daze, looking far away so as to hold back the tears.Xiaochun was bored for a while, and the pink gums in her mouth were exposed.Usually under the lamp, Wen always sticks a piece of cotton on the tender chin and takes a picture of it on the wall; speak up.Tonight, Niang just held him loosely and looked at the window; the green curtain had not been drawn down yet.

Xiaochun made three or four more voices, and composed them into short sentences confidently, trying to call out the love in adults' hearts.The mother couldn't bear it anymore, she lowered her head and kissed Xiaochun's short hair fiercely a few times, the pain dripped on her hair along with the tears. "It's not a stomach problem!" I wanted to say more, but the pain sealed my heart again with this brief outbreak, like the water in the stern of a boat reunited.Instead of wiping her eyes, she gently wiped Xiao Chun's hair dry with the palm of her hand. Wen felt like an animal.What kind of happiness hadn't been promised to her back then?It's all deception, deception!He himself suffers; but how much bigger should hers be?He thought about the pre-marriage scene...she at that time...less than two years...he couldn't think about it any more; if he continued to think about it, he couldn't admit the truth of the past, and he couldn't get any comfort.He couldn't completely abandon hope.Only hope can reduce the guilt, although it has often been done in the past, and it is not very useful. "When there is no Xiaochun, don't you often not like to eat?" He smiled weakly.I thought of Mei before she was pregnant with Xiaochun. At that time, her paleness was occasional, like a cuckoo that just bloomed, and it turned red after a while.Now... "Don't be too timid, it can't be that one." He hugged Chun and looked at Mei; Mei's face, after two years, seemed to be another person; compared with Chun's opalescent face Wake up, she is indeed a mother.How could she be sad when she looked in the mirror? "Hey, tell Dad, sing." But he didn't sing, he couldn't find his own voice.It's just the pure cool and smooth face, giving his lips a kind of comfort, and his heart is also quieter.

May fell on the bed, her face buried in the pillow. Wen Dian moved Xiaochun around the room, letting Xiaochun pull his ears and scratch his hair.His eyes didn't leave May: Is that May?He had studied with Mei for four years, and even the first meeting—outside the registration room—he still remembered very clearly.At that time, Mei was like a kingfisher.Could it be that the figure on the bed is still her?What is she thinking?Is life so elusive and bleak?His legs seemed to go limp, and he sat on the edge of the bed.A shameful and smirking face pressed against Xiaochun's chubby cheeks, "Mom doesn't cry, Xiaochun doesn't cry." Xiaochun didn't cry, but just hid from his father's face—at night, the beard stubble hardened again—and pulled out his mouth middle finger paints on dad's face.

Mei turned her head slightly: "Try it with some milk replacer, Chun, come!" She slowly sat up and glanced at her abdomen inadvertently; she wanted to hiccup, but she didn't. "The stomach is bad, but the milk is of course not good," Wen was extremely embarrassed and thought broadly.He read the instructions on the can. "Hurry up, it's time to eat; sleep well after eating!" Mei became anxious. This is not the kind of urgency that usually occurs in small conflicts between husband and wife. Wen can see that this is a kind of irritability that is somehow good, a kind of sadness that is on the verge of breaking out.Wen forgives her, it's not up to her; but he feels a little horror in forgiving.He was busy mixing the powder.

Xiaochun swallowed her head in one gulp.Mei's heart calmed down a little, and she went to get the second spoonful very lightly but seriously.Wen looked at her hands, they were still white and moist, but they were slightly swollen and unnaturally white.After discerning the taste, Chun put the second sip of white juice in his mouth, thinking about it, and then took a sip in the way he practiced spraying his teeth, the white juice flowed down the corner of his mouth, and a few small white stars fell on his nose.Wen's throat choked, and he couldn't even say "good boy". "Bao Chunchun!" Mei calmed down in her panic, and turned her attention to Chun's body. She was completely a mother again: "Come, eat, eat—" she clicked her mouth, and gently Gave him a spoonful.

Chun’s fat legs kicked up, although he didn’t cry—he didn’t like to cry—but ah ah, expressing that he would never eat this new thing. "Forget it," the man said impatiently, "Ah—" But there was nothing I could do. Mei sighed, not fully admitting failure, and unwilling to force the baby, so she untied her arms: "Eat it, it's not nutritious!" Xiaochun ran to the nipple like a bee returning to its nest, and Wan glanced at Dad in his busy schedule.Pa was going to get into the ground.Jun ate very sweetly, fingering the spare nipple.Mei Buhao stared at the doll's cheeks, as if she had no thought at all; willingly, without hesitation, she would give herself to Chun.But "no nutrition"!She stared blankly at the pair of small cheeks, the infinite emptiness.Wen looked at his wife's chest.The breasts that once fascinated him lost their charm because of Xiaochun, and now they have become pure poison - no nutrition!He listened to the soft sound of sucking breasts, and gently announced the adult's crimes.He felt his dignity gradually disappearing.Xiaochun's eyes gradually closed, and she completely trusted the adults, so she had to sleep with her breast in her mouth.After finishing eating, he changed direction, opened his eyes again, and curled his wet lips into a half-sleeping smile.Wen turned away.Mei mechanically patted her calf, and Chun fell asleep.

What an awkward silence.Wen's heart seemed to explode if he didn't say anything else.Leaning next to Mei's ear, he said softly, "Go to old man Meng's place tomorrow to have a look; take medicine to see." He also hoped that it was a stomach problem, which is necessary at this time, life-saving! Mei nodded, "Take soup and medicine, and the milk will be even worse." She has to be careful for Xiaochun, and she herself is nothing. "Tell Lao Meng, it's clear, there are children who are breastfeeding." Wen's hope is endless, as if his faith in a Chinese medicine doctor can save everything.

The husband and wife didn't sleep well all night; Xiaochun woke up after a while, he was hungry.When the two little hands were stretched out, they lifted up as if frightened, and then grinned a few times with their eyes closed; they reluctantly fell asleep when they heard the mother's moaning; they woke up again after a while.Mei Qiang groaned vigorously, patted him lightly, and sometimes sighed slightly, a sigh mixed with fatigue, forbearance, remorse, love and so on.Wen couldn't breathe, and stared at the darkness with his eyes open.He didn't dare to think about anything, but he thought of everything, and the more he thought about it, the more confused he became.An act of love causes life and death, pain, and all kinds of inextricable oppression.Who ever thought that, two years ago?

Chunchen was not delighted, Mei's eyes were blue and her face was ashen.Wen didn't dare to look at her carefully.He kept yawning, tears streaming down his face, like a fool.He went to ask for leave and rushed back to see the child; Mei Hao went to see a doctor. Xiao Chun is arrogant, tearing up paper and playing with Dad, pulling Dad's nose... However, when he was playing, he woke up and seemed to be slightly anxious.Pa would find a new way to make him laugh again, but he was very sad.He kept looking at the can of milk replacer.Money is hard to earn, and it is still possible to provide Xiaochun milk replacer powder, if he likes to eat; but he does not eat.Xiao Chun lost weight and cried all day long, so that... he didn't dare to think about it.Take a look at Chun immediately, has she lost some weight?Chun's eyes seem to be a little sunken, the grooves of the double eyelids are deeper, and the poor one is even more handsome!

money!Don't want to think about it; dare not think about it?Everything has its value printed on it!He gets sixty dollars a month.He is not too little.But housing, clothing, food, socializing, and raising children all depend on the sixty yuan;For Xiaochun, they haven't made a single piece of clothing or gone to a movie or play for almost a year.For Xiaochun, Mei resigned.Mei has to drink five yuan of milk a month.But Xiaochun is everything; less money means less spending, except for Xiaochun's.Who would have thought of being a parent?When you get married, money can be spent as you like.Are the two college graduates afraid that they won't be able to catch the money?After getting married, both of them go to work, although the salary is not as high as expected, but if you have more flowers, if you don't have less flowers, isn't it very free?Going out in the morning and coming back in the evening, the three-room home is nothing more than a long-term hostel. "Casual" heightens the romantic appeal.Love to go out to eat, stand up and go; love to do by yourself, then work together.Life is as lively as a swallow, and everything is skipped by the beating of the heart, like a hurdle race.Meeting every night is a new test of love... Only the different and mixed smells of the two of them are fixed, hanging and flowing on the curtain, the rim of the cup, and the towel. "We're always like this!"

"We're always like this!" Always like this, who is afraid of less money?Just enough to eat and drink.Who wants to save?The two college graduates still worry about not having small things to do. "We will always be free like this, and always love each other like this!" Life is like a flower without worries, accepting the warmth of the spring sun.Slowly, but, in this simple hut a terrible new phenomenon began to develop, a living being stretched its power, and it would turn this little nest into a prison of life!They are afraid! What's the use of being afraid, after all, Xiaochun is here.Maternal pride bears the pain; Mei's surprise and crying make Wen uneasy and hopeful.In order to alleviate her pain, he stopped her from working and found him a maid.They both hoped and both feared.Who knows how to be a parent?The most obvious is feeling oppressed by money.Of the two college graduates, one is unable to work.Wen is not afraid; Mei said: As long as the child is weaned, he will still go to work.But in the end they are afraid.The arrival of unprecedented experience made them less confident, knowing how many unexpected burdens a child brings.Can't help but doubt this future life.No one would say that they managed to get rid of it, but there was no light in sight... Wen and Chun sometimes looked out of the window at the same time; Chun already knew how to find a mother, and Wen waited to see Mei's face.He could memorize her different faces and expressions.If her face is like this... or that... Wen's heart beats up and down, panic and hope fighting each other in his heart.Xiaochun was a little anxious, grabbed the table and beat hard. "Dad take me to the courtyard?" Putting on the white hat and going to the courtyard, Chun smiled again. "Mom is here!" Wen heard footsteps on the brick floor.The brisk footsteps are a good omen; sure enough, a smiling face turned from behind the screen wall.She held a small leather bag, raised her head, and regained her pre-marriage slenderness. Wen's heart seemed to melt in a smile. Not caring about taking off the robe, Mei took Xiao Chun over and put her face against her face.There was a large oil stain on the lapel of the robe, but she didn't care about it; a year ago, even if she killed her, she wouldn't wear it to walk all over the street. "Ask old man Meng, it's not Xi; the old man said with a smile, I'm not afraid of him!" Mei's eyes were very bright, adding some strength to her words. "Give me the prescription, how many doses?" Wen regained his human qualifications by himself. "I said I can't; how can I be more cautious? Is it okay to kiss it—it's okay!" Taking out the prescription from Mei's purse, "The pulse is strong, and the gas in the diaphragm..." While reading, walking, nothing. Care to wear a hat. After taking two doses, it still didn't improve.Xiaochun's fleshy wings under the sun obviously fell.May also feels nauseous from time to time. Wen hopes to leave him.The phenomenon is bad.Mei was in a daze again, crying all day long.Xiaochun still doesn't recognize the milk replacer.During the day, he used porridge and tender chicken to deal with it, and he obediently kept quiet; at night, he didn't sleep without milk. At night, Wen frowned and thought about it.The phenomenon is bad!How is it so easy?It was always his own fault; how could this fault be corrected or diminished; he could not stop the slight crackling in his throat.Mei didn't fall asleep either, she understood the sound.She whimpered. Wen wanted to comfort her, but he couldn't open his mouth; Ye seemed to seal his seven orifices, trying to crush him to death secretly.He can only think wildly.Ever since they had Xiaochun, the poisonous hand of money has grabbed them by the throat.I don't know how many things to buy, and unexpected expenses almost always reach out; they never thought of saving money before!But Xiaochun is everything.He is not only love, but also the growth of love, the tangible, elusive, fragrant and warm living treasure of love.The intimacy between husband and wife is shared, increased, reconciled, balanced, and completed by a third party.Love will flow from Xiaochun to his or her heart; Xiaochun does not block, but can conduct.The couple who should be critical of each other forgive each other because of Xiaochun.They understand life better, life is responsibility, hope, and continuation.The distress of money oppression is adjusted by Xiaochun's cuteness; the baby's smile is the light of many years; what are you planning?Besides, Mei worked hard, she resigned the maid after the full moon, and she took care of everything.She washes, makes, and buys.Wen felt sorry for her, but she was happy to do so.She had to suffer for Xiaochun.After he leaves, she can earn money again... But if this one is going to save the day, what about another one?What if the big one is delayed, and the small one can't be raised well?Mei took care of the two alone, one fell asleep and the other woke up, sixty yuan, how would sixty yuan treat Mei?Do you want to be a mother forever?Can the child not go to school when he grows up?Money creates great darkness!May whimpered! The next day, Mei decided to go to the hospital for an examination.When discussing with Wen, no one dared to look at anyone.Mei is courageous. Apart from being afraid of black tide bugs, she is braver than Wen—she is braver than Wen when it comes to negotiating a few things, paying prices, finding a doctor, and so on.She decided to go to a western doctor.Wen smiled, hiding his eyes. "Poor Chun!" The two whispered at the same time.Xiaochun is sleeping on the bed.For poor Chun, another life is not allowed to see the light of day.Wen has to take half a day off. After Mei left, Xiaochun still didn't wake up.Wen Dai stood in front of the bed and looked at Chun's long eye hair, which clearly crawled under the eyelids one by one.He doesn't know what to do.Watching Mei go to the hospital was different from watching her go shopping for groceries; this was clearly a declaration of enslavement by day and ravages by night, and he felt that he was not at all human. Xiaochun woke up, rubbed his eyes, and smiled like a fool.Wen picked him up, a burst of piercing sadness.He was talking nonsense, just like making a phone call.Wen's heart is on Mei.Before, Mei was just his Mei; now, Mei is his mother.If there is no Mei, only him and Chun are left?He didn't dare to think about it anymore.Life and death, pain, love, killing, wife, mother... floating in his heart unsystematically, like scum on water. It was almost noon when Mei came back.She has some blue shadows at the moment.No need to ask, she didn't say anything, just sat on the edge of the bed in a daze.Only the pure ahh is the sound, and the room seems to be in the grasp of death.After a long time, Mei suddenly smiled, as helplessly and falsely as a condemned prisoner: "Death penalty!" After she finished speaking, she covered her face with her hands, crying silently with tears, and Xiao Chun ran to her mother for milk. There are many places to be sad; right now, Mei is crying because she is afraid of something.This kind of sadness cannot be stopped. It wipes out the previous happiness and implies that the future is unpredictable and the future is foggy.She couldn't believe it was true, but the doctor didn't lie.It has been more than two months, who would believe it? After venting her nameless misery, she made careful calculations: this evil must be eliminated.She loves Chun too much to starve Chun for a future.Pure being the first must also be the best.But should it be done this way?Motherhood made her hesitate, and she had to discuss it with Wen. The text makes no claims.Mei can do it if she wants to.However, I am afraid of danger!He is willing to spend some money as a penalty for atonement, but where is the money?He couldn't mention the difficulty of money to May, and May was not enjoying it.So what if May had delayed saving money until the new life was born?What child was not raised with gold?He has no idea, money locks the unborn life, and pain surrounds Mei—a woman.Pain always belongs to women. Several hospitals have inquired.French hospitals are Catholic and absolutely don't care about abortion.American hospitals are taught by Jesus and cannot do this kind of thing.Small private hospitals are willing to do this kind of business, but it seems unsafe.Only the Yalu Hospital specializes in this. The operation fee is high, and the board and lodging fees are high, but it has experience, equipment, and is willing to kill Chinese fetuses. To go or not to go? To go or not to go? Life or death?In this complex and meaningless culture? Mei made up her mind to go! Wen bravely became his watch, ring... go! Mei lived in No. 7 of the second class.I didn't bring bedding, and the hospital didn't prepare bedding; Wen had to go home to get it. Take the bedding, No. 7 is already full of aunts with little feet, waiting for Mei to choose.The nurses in the hospital only need to accompany the doctor and take the temperature; for the rest of the work, you must hire a lady with little feet, because the Chinese like this.Mei had no choice but to choose one—Aunt Wang. Aunt Wang was selected, and she reported everything immediately: No. 8 was an abortion—a fifteen-year-old girl with a seven-month belly who used a brace two days ago and screamed for two nights.It was played yesterday, and today it is sung and played.Her wild man belongs to the shopkeeper in his thirties.Number nine is an abortionist, a female teacher.Her wild man accompanied her in the hospital; the fight was over, and she was discussing marriage.Why not save the matter?who knows.No. 10 was aborted, not a young lady (Aunt Wang didn't seem to care much about her wife so she aborted), and the child was not her husband's.No. 11 did not have an abortion. She has lived here for more than two months. The couple both suffer from stomach problems and take Chinese medicine every day, so that they can enjoy opium here. She was just about to report on the twelfth when a group of people came in: the milkman asked for milk, the newspaper seller shouted for newspapers, the Sanxianzhai potsticker shop reported to cater for meals, the melon seed seller gave me melon seeds, cigarettes... Mrs. Wang explained on her behalf: "Ma'am, it’s more convenient than the market here. Otherwise, there will never be any spare rooms. They are always full and more expensive. It’s really convenient. No one dares to steal opium, and the police are also afraid of Japanese people, aren’t they?" The chick on number eight sang again, and then number nine turned on the phonograph and sang "Yutang Chun".Wen wanted to pick up Xiaochun and go home immediately.But Mei didn't move.Purity and bravery are his children and his wife, and they are placed here because of him—this is a place where the rape of women is advocated, this is a place where money is used to cover up so-called ugliness, and this is a place where foreigners kill fetuses! He wanted May to go home with him, but he was the culprit, and he had no right to govern her.He is of the same kind as those "wild men". Aunt Wang asked: Does Mr. live here too?It's time to find planks.A family can live here, and they can cook and eat as they please. Wen couldn't answer. "The young master is so handsome!" Aunt Wang praised Xiaochun: "How many months?" Seeing that they had no intention of answering, they continued: "How many young masters are there?" Mei smiled out of boredom and annoyance: "The first one .” "Hey! That's the only one!? Why, ah, why don't you keep the younger one? Isn't there only two?" Wen couldn't help picking up his hat.But Xiaochun didn't allow his father to leave, and stretched out his little hand towards him.He put the hat on his head, hugged Chunlai, and sat on the edge of the bed.On the 9th, the film was changed again. In the second issue of the third volume of "Literature" in August 1934