Chapter 10 Master Niu's spittoon

Dr. Niu, my lord, my lord, such and such a committee member, one is tall and the other is long, he is a remarkable person.He was a scholar when he was young, he was a doctor in Meide at the age of 28, he was a high-ranking official after the age of 30, he had five concubines after the age of 40, and he smoked a lot of opium. Dr. Niu's knowledge is not deep, but he has a lot of knowledge.Because of his erudition, he pays attention to things and is careful in everything; even though he is a high-ranking official, he is still as meticulous as a hair, and pays attention to the smallest details; when he is lying on the bed smoking opium, he still thinks about this family and state affairs.Such officials are talented, so they are not easy to serve.Wherever Dr. Niu was an official, he lost his temper the most, which made his subordinates tremble, even in the weather when they were wearing summer shirts.The more everyone trembled, the more majestic Niu became. He knew that he was a great person, while everyone was mediocre.No matter how courteous and ingratiating everyone is, they will never get anything good, because Mr. Niu's thinking is so sophisticated and complicated, ordinary people can't guess the benefits anyway.Ordinary people, who understand old things, don't understand new things; Private and convenient, but also in line with physical chemistry and social economy!

When Mr. Niu was working as a tax supervisor, he once slapped the chief of the general affairs department twice loudly in the mouth. Not only did the chief go to the hospital to check his teeth, but Supervisor Niu also went to the hospital to get a booster shot—he used it. Those two mouths that were punched with all their strength, otherwise they wouldn't be so loud!Although he received a shot in the arm, Mr. Niu was very happy, because this time his mouth really broke the record.Besides, the hospital's medicine list was sent to the general affairs department as usual, so Master Niu didn't lose anything because of seeing a doctor.The reason for the slap was due to buying a car.The chief of the General Affairs Section is a modern figure who knows the style, structure, comfort, speed, and how to get a discount on a car.This time, it hit a snag.The car, if viewed by ordinary modern people, is really a good car, with a new style, comfortable seats, and stable and fast travel.But he is not as knowledgeable as the supervisor; he only cares about modernity, but forgets that the supervisor was once a scholar.

The section chief took the new car and proudly drove it to the supervisor's door.The supervisor is reading a book in the study.The so-called reading means lying on the bed and smoking, and there is a book next to the pillow; this book is a Chinese book bound in a Western style. When a guest comes, the supervisor will smoke a cigarette, flip through the book, and be on the same side as ordinary people. Like smoking while reading a book.If the guest is old-fashioned, he will talk about foreign books; on the contrary, if the guest is modern, he will talk about old knowledge; his Chinese book in a suit is almost a heavenly book, covering everything and changing at any time.

The section chief went into the study, but the supervisor didn't look through the bible.The section chief is not a guest, so the supervisor doesn't need to be polite.After several puffs of cigarettes, the supervisor said, "Do you know why I bought this car?" "The one in the yamen is too old," the section chief tried to say, "It's still—" he wanted to say, "I bought it last year," but felt the difference between "last year" and "return". His writing style is not very smooth. The supervisor shook his head: "That's not right at all! I just want to see how well you are capable of doing things. To be honest with you, my resume is earned by my shrewdness. Everywhere, I am very good at doing things. Seriously! True gold is not afraid of fire, and my subordinates have to stand my test. The first thing I want to ask you, you know that my house is newly rented, and there is no carport, and at the same time, you know that I have to By car, why not send someone to build a car shed first?"

"I'll send someone to fix it right away! Right away—" The section chief suddenly stuttered. "Immediately? What are you doing here? Look at the car first!" The section chief hurried out, feeling a little relieved, thinking that the supervisor would turn his anger into a smile when he saw the car. After taking a look inside the car, the supervisor gave the section chief two mouths.Supervisor Niu has studied it from Chinese and foreign knowledge: a high official must not be bureaucratic, but should have iron-like discipline for subordinates. "Let me ask you," the supervisor pointed at the section chief's hot face with his hot fingers: "Do you know that an older person like me sometimes spits? Is it hygienic to spit in the car? Then, why don't you install a spittoon in the car?" "I'll install one right away!" said the section chief, covering his face.

"What does An look like? How is Anfa? Let me ask you!" The supervisor's green face was full of greener veins, like a disheveled pumpkin leaf. "Buy a small cupronickel one, probably—" "Buy one, maybe? You will never develop this thing, you don't take things seriously at all! You come in!" The section chief followed the supervisor into the study, and there was a young woman sitting in the room, the supervisor's third concubine.Seeing his concubine in the room, the supervisor softened his expression a lot, as if to show to the section chief that he respects women very much.

"I told you that I asked you to do this to see how well you can handle things." The supervisor lay on the bed again, but he didn't bother to smoke. "You have to know that China's decline is all because you young people are unwilling to work hard and use your brains to think about things. You just pay your salary, fall in love, and talk nonsense!" The section chief covered his face, glanced at his aunt, and felt a little calmer. The supervisor really wanted to spend his concubine so that he could play to the fullest, but was finally stopped by the spirit of respecting women.After taking a sip of tea, took a breath, and continued to lecture: "Take a spittoon and tell me how much knowledge and thought there is here! Buy one, is it still a rough idea? Huh! From a scientific standpoint, you are not allowed to talk about things. Let me tell you, from an artistic point of view, this spittoon must be extremely beautiful, and you must not just buy one. Its quality and shape must be studied. According to my opinion, the copper one is too bright. The iron ones are too stupid, the silver-plated ones are too vulgar, and jade is the best. Chinese jade is famous all over the world, you may know? As for the shape, there are two kinds: antique and new creation. If it is antique, you can imitate ancient pots or You, engraved with Zhong Dingwen on it, if it is a new creation, it should be drawn first, and then decide what to engrave on it after reading the picture. However, in addition to quality and shape, hygiene conditions must also be taken into account. There must be a non-obtrusive underside The leather tube or steel pipe leads to the outside of the car, so that the sputum slides out of the car and falls on the street, instead of accumulating in the bowl for a long time. This requires the knowledge of mechanics. Related to this, the position and relationship of the spittoon should also be studied. Safety method: Needless to say, the location must be extremely convenient; Needless to say, the safety method must use the knowledge of mechanics, Gail can rise and fall automatically, and the bowl itself can also rotate, so that it is not troublesome when there are more than two people in the car As for being able to spit, I am just giving an overview, but it already includes several kinds of knowledge; if you think about it with peace of mind, there are still many problems! You, young people, are at a disadvantage because you don’t know how to use this. ,” the supervisor pointed to his head.

The aunt went out automatically.The section chief didn't seem to hear what the supervisor said, but let out a "huh". "Hmm what?" Seeing his aunt going out, the supervisor became tough again: "I said you have no brains!" The section chief was puzzled, covering his face with one hand and scratching his head with the other. The supervisor sighed. "Go back and send four carpenters, four plasterers, two painters, and two mechanics. I don't need you, I will tell them what to do. Carport, spittoon, floor, bathroom, children's toys, I have to tidy up and build, you don’t need to be distracted, I will do it myself! Go back and send the workers here first. These workers must work here in Changchuan, so as to save you trouble!" The supervisor decided Don't say anything anymore, because I'm very tired.The section chief first sent the carpenters, and then went to the hospital to see the dentist.Although he was beaten, he didn't hold any grudge against Supervisor Niu.On the contrary, in the second half of the day, he went to the supervisor's house to see if there was anything else that should be done.The next day, the third day, almost every day, he always went to the Supervisor's house to take a look, as if he liked Supervisor Niu very much.

In the supervisor's house, he met the chief accountant.He guessed right away, the supervision was to see how the head of the accounting department was capable of handling affairs.He admired the head of the accounting section quite a lot, because not only did the head of the accounting section not get slapped, but he was also allowed by the supervisor to pay the wages of the cooks and male and female servants in the supervisor's home; No problem.More than a dozen workers work almost non-stop. Even the small bench for the supervisor's children to sit and play is designed by the supervisor himself. The surface is made of mahogany and clam flowers are inlaid.

He didn't see them making the artistic, scientific and hygienic spittoons.It was only later that I found out that the supervisor had already decided to go to Fujian to order fifty Fujian lacquer inlaid silver. Just go up and hand over the account slip to the accounting department. After Minqi's spittoon arrived, Superintendent Niu—despite his temper—was a little satisfied; he kept five of the spittoons, and gave the rest to his friends.So everyone in the city who owns a car has an exquisite spittoon, which is beautiful, easy to use, and very honorable, because it was given by the supervisor.Soon, word spread from one city to another that a car would be a little imposing without a "supervisor spittoon".According to the supervisor's secretary's calculations, within one month, the supervisor received more than 500 letters, of which 125 were earnest requests for a spittoon from the supervisor.Supervisor Niu had no choice but to order two hundred more, which were much more exquisite than the first batch, and the price was one-third more expensive; the section chief also sent the bill to the accounting department.

In addition to the spittoon, Supervisor Niu has many other inventions, all of which are art, science, and hygienic compounds, and the creations of the communication between Chinese and Western cultures.Wherever the supervisor is an official, he will invent some things with local materials, and use the supervision and accounting of these things to see the ability of the subordinates to do things. Among these inventions, the "supervisory spittoon" must be considered a proud work.However, now Master Niu does not allow anyone to mention this matter again.This is not because he no longer acts as a supervisor and thinks that "supervising spittoons" has become a term of the past, but because when the second batch of spittoons arrived and he was busy distributing them to his friends, the third concubine somehow secretly He ran out and never came back.Therefore, he forbade people to mention these spittoons again, and he no longer slapped the head of the general affairs section when he was an official everywhere, although his temper was still very strong. Published in "People's Daily" in Qingdao, March 13, 1937