Chapter 6 All my life -1

one I read books when I was young, although not many, but enough to read Seven Heroes and Five Righteousness and Romance of the Three Kingdoms.I remember several passages of Liaozhai, and even now I can still speak them in a complete and pleasant way. Not only the listeners praised my good memory, but I also feel that I should be happy.However, I don’t understand the original text of Liaozhai, it’s too deep; the few paragraphs I remember are all read by the tabloid’s “Comments on Liaozhai”—turning the original text into vernacular, and adding some jokes , It's really interesting! My handwriting is not bad either.Comparing my handwriting with the official documents in the yamen in my old age, I really believe that I can make a very good "pen post style" in terms of the uniform size, the smooth ink color, and the neatness of the ranks.Naturally, I dare not make high claims, saying that I have the ability to write memorials, but the ordinary official documents in front of me are guaranteed to be good.

With my ability to read and write, I should have worked as an errand.Although being an errand may not necessarily bring glory to the ancestors, it is at least more respectable than doing other things.Besides, no matter how big or small an errand is, there will always be a promotion.I have seen more than one of them, who has a great official position, but the handwriting is not as good as mine, and I can't even utter a whole sentence.Since such a person can be a high-ranking official, why can't I? However, when I was fifteen years old, my family taught me to be an apprentice.It is not a cheap thing to learn the skills of five elements and eight works, to be the number one scholar in all walks of life; but it is a little less vigorous than working as a job.If you learn crafts, you can't escape being a craftsman for the rest of your life. Even if you can make a lot of money, you won't be as good as a high-ranking official, right?But I didn't quarrel with my family, so I went to apprentice; fifteen-year-olds naturally don't have many ideas.What's more, the old man in the family also said that if he has learned enough arts and can earn money, he will marry me.At the time, I imagined that getting married would be fun.Then, after two or three years of hard work, and then earning money by doing crafts like an adult, and having a young daughter-in-law at home, it will probably be fine.

I studied as a paper maker.In those days of peace, the framer did not have to worry about food.At that time, dying alone was not as easy as it is now.This is not to say that old people have to die several times over and over again, or simply die all at once.I mean, at that time, the dead and the bereaved family had to spend money desperately, and did not spare any effort and money to talk about ostentation.Take things related to Mingyipu as an example, and you have to spend a lot of money.As soon as a person loses his breath, he immediately has to confuse the "reverse car"-now, many people may not even know this term.Immediately following is the "connection of three", which must be somewhat burnt: chariots, sedans, mules and horses, pier box spirits, soul-inducing banners, spirit flowers and so on.If the confinement patient dies, another cow and a chicken hood must be pasted.When I rushed to the "17th" to read scriptures, I had to paste buildings and warehouses, mountains of gold and silver, ingots on the ruler, clothes for the four seasons, flowers and plants for the four seasons, antiques and furnishings, and various wooden utensils.When it comes to the funeral, besides the paper racks in the paper pavilion, there are still a lot of burning work, and if it is not enough, you have to get a pair of "children" to hold them. "May 7th" burns umbrellas and pastes boat bridges in 60 days.It takes sixty days for a dead person to dissociate himself from our paper-painters. In a year, if a dozen or so rich people die, we will have food and drink.

Paper-makers do not only serve the dead, we also serve the gods.The gods in the early years were not as shabby as the ones tonight. Let’s take Master Guan as an example. In the early years, every June 24th, people would paste yellow banners, treasure covers, horse boys and horses, and seven-star banners on him. of.Now, almost no one thinks about Guan Gong anymore!In the event of "smallpox", we have to work for the ladies for a while.The nine empresses have to prepare nine sedan chairs, one red horse and one yellow horse, nine phoenix crowns and Xiapei, and they have to prepare the robes, boots and hats of the brothers and sisters, and various deacons.Nowadays, the hospitals all give vaccinia, and the women have nothing to do, so the paper-painter will accompany them to idle.In addition, there are many "voting" things that need to be pasted, but they are all followed by the breaking of superstitions and no one mentions them anymore.The year has really changed!

In addition to serving gods and ghosts, our profession naturally also does something for the living.This is called "waste work", that is, to paste roofs for others.In the early years, there were no bungalows, so whenever moving, marrying a wife, or other happy events, the room would always be painted white to give it a new look.That wealthy family even hired us to paste windows in spring and autumn.People are getting poorer day by day, and it is not necessary to paste the roof when moving, but for those who are rich, the house is changed to a foreign style, and the roof is plastered once and for all; the window is changed to glass, and there is no need to paste paper or gauze. .Everything is good in Western style, but those who play crafts will have nothing to eat.It's not that we don't work hard. When foreign cars are in fashion, we just stick to foreign cars; when cars are in fashion, we stick to cars. We know how to improve.But how many dead people come to paste a foreign car or car?Once the major improvements are made at the beginning of the year, our small improvements are all useless, and the water is too big to fill the ducks. What can we do!

two It has been explained above: If I have been relying on that skill to eat, I am afraid I will starve to death.However, although this ability cannot be used forever, three years of learning art is not without great benefits, and I will never be able to enjoy this benefit throughout my life.I can leave the guy and do something else; the good thing stays with me.Even after my death, if someone talks about how I was, they must remember that I was an apprentice for three years when I was young. Apprentice means to learn half of the craft and half of the rules.When I first went to the shop, no matter who I was, I had to be afraid, the rule in the shop was to be wronged.To be an apprentice has to go to bed late and get up early, to listen to all commands and orders, to serve others in a humble manner, to suffer hunger, cold and toil happily, and to swallow tears.Like the place where I learned art, the shop is also the home of the shopkeeper; if you receive from the master, you must also receive from the teacher's wife, plywood!To be able to survive these three years, the most stubborn person has to be soft, and the most soft person has to be hard; I can literally say that the temper of an apprentice is not born, but beaten out by the board ;Like forging iron, what you want to strike will become what you want.

At that moment when I was being beaten and angry, I really wanted to commit suicide, that kind of anger is simply unbearable!However, thinking about it now, this kind of discipline and training is really worth gold.After this kind of rehearsal, nothing in the world can't stand it.Just mention anything, for example, teach me to be a soldier, well, I can be a good soldier.The drills of the army sometimes last for a while, and the apprentices don't have any rest time except sleep.I took the time to go to work, and I could take a nap while squatting, because when I met night work, I could only sleep for three or four o'clock a night.I can swallow a meal in one gulp, and just as I picked up the rice bowl, either the master or the master's wife called, or there was a caregiver who came to order the work, I had to treat him respectfully, and listened carefully to what the master said about the work bargain.What if you don't swallow the whole meal?This kind of rehearsal taught me that I can stand up to any difficulties, and I am still very kind when I take it out.People who read books, according to my brute, will never understand this.Now there is a sports meeting in the foreign school, and the students run two laps as if they have made great contributions, drink!He was helping, hugging, slapping wine on his thighs, throwing temper tantrums, and riding in a car!How can such a young man know what is called rules, what is called rehearsal?In other words, the hardships I have suffered have laid the foundation for me to work hard and bear no complaints. I will never be idle, and I will never know how to lose my temper and play awkwardly when I work. I can suffer like the soldiers, and the soldiers They can't be as nice as I am.

Let’s take another fact to prove this: After I became a teacher, I was the same as other craftsmen. In order to show that I am a person who earns money by ability, I first bought a cigarette pouch. I twisted a bag and slurped it, as if I was very dignified. Slowly, I learned to drink again, and I often took two cups of cat urine and smacked my mouth to take a few sips.Hobbies are afraid of getting started, and it is not difficult to learn the second after knowing one thing. It is just a game anyway.There was something wrong with this.I love cigarettes and alcohol. It's not a rare thing at first, everyone is almost like this.However, I learned to eat opium over and over again.In those days, opium was not illegal, and it was very cheap; I smoked it for fun at first, but later I became addicted.Soon, I felt that my hand was tightening, and I didn't work as hard as before.I didn't wait for anyone to persuade me. Not only did I quit opium, but I also poked out the dry pipe, and I didn't smoke or drink anymore!I entered the "Limen".At the door of reason, smoking and drinking are not allowed; once you break the precept, you will have bad luck.So I not only quit my hobby, but also entered the gate of rationality; bad luck is waiting for me there, how can I break the precept again?This bit of heart and toughness, now that I think about it, was acquired by apprentices.I can bear no amount of suffering.Quitting smoking and drinking on the first day of junior high school, watching others smoke and others drink, how sad it is!It's really sad that there are a thousand bugs crawling and scratching in my heart.But I can't relapse because I'm afraid of bad luck.In fact, bad luck or bad luck is something that will happen in the future, and the sin in front of you is not easy to bear!Stiffness, only toughness can succeed, fear of bad luck is the second.I actually survived, because I have been apprenticed and rehearsed!

When it comes to my craft, I also feel that the three years of apprenticeship were not in vain.All skills must be improved at any time. The method is dead, but the application is alive.Thirty years ago, a bricklayer paid attention to how to grind the joints of bricks and do fine work; now, he must know how to use cement and inlay artificial stones and so on.Thirty years ago, a carpenter was particular about being able to carve wood, but now he must be able to make foreign-style wooden utensils.Our business is the same, but more active than other trades.Our business pays attention to being able to blur anything we see.For example, when someone has a funeral, teach us to paste a whole table, and we can paste chicken, duck and fish.Catch up with a dead girl who has not left the court, and teach us to paste the whole dowry, no matter it is forty-eight or thirty-two, we can paste it from powder cans and oil bottles to the dressing mirror in the wardrobe.What the eyes see, the hands can imitate, this is our skill.We are not very capable, but we have to be a little clever. A person with a hole in his heart will never make a good paper poster.

In this way, we work and play while working, as if.Our success or failure depends entirely on how to properly mobilize the various colors of paper, which is a matter of tricks.In my own words, I am a little clever.The beatings I received when I was an apprentice were seldom because I couldn't learn to survive, but mostly because I was smart and mischievous and disobedient.My cleverness may not be revealed at all. If I learn to blacksmith or pull a big saw-I always hit and pull like that, and there is no change at all.Fortunately, I learned how to make paper paper, and after I learned the basic skills, I started to create tricks on my own, how to make them as cleverly and realistically as possible.Sometimes I wasted a lot of effort and materials, and I couldn't make what I thought, but this taught me to try harder to figure out and mobilize it, and I had to make it into something.This is really a good habit.Being smart and knowing how to use it, I must thank my three-year apprenticeship, during which I developed the habit of using my own smartness.It is true that I have never done a big thing in my life, but no matter what it is, as long as it is something that ordinary people can do, I can understand 50-60% of it at a glance.I can build walls, plant trees, repair clocks, check the authenticity of leather goods, choose a date for marriage, know the tricks of the jargon of five elements and eight works... I have never learned these things, I only see with my eyes, my I have the habit of being hardworking and watching more and learning more; this habit was developed as an apprentice in Mingyipu for three years.It's only now that I understand - I'm starving to death! ——If I study for a few more years, just holding on to the books and chewing on them, like those scholars and school graduates, I may spend my whole life in a daze without knowing anything!The craft of paper paper did not bring me official position and wealth, but it made me live a very interesting life; poor, but interesting, with a touch of humanity.

In my early twenties, I became an important person among my relatives and friends.Not because I have money and status, but because I am careful and tireless in my work.Since I graduated from the teacher, I have been waiting for my colleagues to invite me to help me in the teahouse at the street corner every day.I became a person on the street, young, sharp, and understanding the scene.When someone came to make an appointment, I went to work; if no one came to make an appointment, I couldn't stay idle: my relatives and friends asked me to do a lot of things, and I even acted as a matchmaker for other people's homes right after I got married. Helping others is tantamount to pastime.I need some entertainment.why?I have said before: There are two kinds of work in our business, burning work and white work.Burning work is fun and clean, white work is not.To paste the ceiling, the old paper must be torn off first, which is quite painful. Those who have never done it before would never imagine that there will be so much dust on the ceiling, and it is accumulated over time. It is dry, thin, and sticky to the nose. After tearing down the sheds of the three houses, we all became soil ghosts.When the sorghum stalks were tied up and the new paper was pasted, the face of the new silver flower paper was smelly and sticky.Dust and paper faces can teach consumption--what is now called consumption.I don't like this kind of work.However, when waiting for a job on the street, if someone comes to make an appointment, you can't refuse it, and you can do whatever you want.In response to this kind of work, I almost always cut paper, pass paper and apply paste, so that I don't have to "fight", and I can work with my head down and eat less dirt.Even so, I have to get all covered in ashes, and my nose has to be like a chimney.After working for a few days, I would like to do something else, to change.Well, if relatives and friends ask me to do something, I will be happy to help. Besides, let's do burning work, let's do free work, this kind of work is always related to people's weddings or funerals.When acquaintances ask me to make an appointment, they often entrust me with other matters, such as setting up tents for weddings and funerals, talking about deacons, hiring a cook, ordering carriages and horses, and so on.I gradually found joy in these things, and I knew how to grasp the ingenuity, make it beautiful for my relatives and friends, and save some money, so as not to be caught "big head" by others.When I was doing these things, I gained a lot of experience and understood a lot of human relationships. Over time, I became a very shrewd person, although I am not yet thirty. three Judging from what has been said before, anyone can see that I cannot keep earning my living by paperwork.It's like going to a temple fair and suddenly encountering rain. When the year changes, everyone has to run around.All my life, I seem to be going downhill, unable to hold my feet.The more I wished for peace in the world, the more I slipped down.This change is not slowing down, and it seems that once the change is made, it will be changed to the end.This is not a change at all, but a gust of wind, blowing people in a daze to nowhere.Many, many occupations and things that made me rich when I was a child suddenly came to an end, and I never saw each other again, as if I had fallen into the ocean.Even though the pasting industry is still alive and well, it probably won't be able to raise its head one day.I saw this early on.In those peaceful years, if I wanted to, I could open a small shop, take in two apprentices, and settle down for two meals.Fortunately I didn't do that.If you don't get a big job a year, how can you eat if you only need to cover a car or two houses?Open your eyes and see, in the past ten years, have you had a decent job?I have to change my career, I sort of guessed right. However, this was not the only reason why I suddenly changed my career.The changes of the year are not something that individuals can resist, and the arms can't twist the thighs, so it's just trying to find trouble with the year.However, something unique to the individual often comes more strongly, and it can drive people crazy in an instant.It is not a novelty to throw oneself into a river to find a well, needless to say, put down one's own industry and do something else.Although personal matters are small, they can't bear it when they are added to the individual; a grain of rice is very small, and it takes a lot of effort to teach the ants to carry it.The same goes for personal matters.Human beings live on breath, and if there is something wrong with them, if they hold this breath, they will have convulsions.What a little thing man is! My shrewdness and kindness have brought me bad luck.At first glance, this sentence seems unreasonable, but it is absolutely true, and it is not false at all. If it does not fall on me, I may not believe that such a thing will happen in the world.It found me; at the time, I was almost a real madman.After such a lapse of twenty or thirty years, when I think of that incident now, I can smile slightly, as if remembering a story.Now I understand that personal good doesn't have to be good for me.One person is good, everyone is good, this benefit is useful, it is like a fish in water.A person is good, but everyone is not good, and personal goodness may be the root of his misfortune.What's the use of being shrewd and kind!Now that I have realized this, I just nod and smile when I think of that incident.At that time, I really couldn't swallow that breath.I was very young then. Which young person does not love beauty?When I was young, no one dared to say that I was a craftsman because of my appearance and demeanor when doing favors or doing things for others.In the early years, leather goods were very expensive, and they were not allowed to be worn indiscriminately.Today, people who get betting tickets or lottery tickets today can wear fox fur coats tomorrow, whether it is a fifteen-year-old child or a twenty-year-old boy who has not yet shaved.Not in the early years, age and identity determine a person's clothing.In those days, it seemed very beautiful and luxurious to put a squirrel collar on a mandarin jacket or waistcoat.I always wear such a collar, and the mandarin jacket and waistcoat are made of blue satin—the satin was not so strong at that time, and a Feng jacket can be worn for at least ten years.When I was pasting the roof for others, I was a soil ghost; when I got home and washed up, I immediately became a handsome young man.I don't like that soil ghost, so I love this handsome young man even more.My braids are black and long, my forehead is clean-shaven, and I wear a satin waistcoat with a squirrel collar. I really look like a "man"! Perhaps the worst thing a handsome boy fears is marrying an ugly wife.I have already told the old people intentionally or unintentionally: It's nothing if you don't marry, if you want to marry, you have to be decent.At that time, of course, free marriages were not practiced from time to time, but there was already a way for the two parties to see each other.If I want to get married, I have to go to the match by myself, and I can't just rely on the smooth words of the matchmaker. When I was twenty, I got married, and my wife was one year younger than me.Wherever you put her, she must be considered a pretty and neat little daughter-in-law; before getting engaged, I saw it with my own eyes.Whether she is beautiful or not, I dare not say, I say she is pretty and neat, because these four words are my criteria for choosing a wife; if she is not enough for these four words, I would never have nodded.In these four words, it is easy to see what kind of person I am.At that time, I was young, beautiful, and quick at work, so I must not have a wife who is like a stupid cow. It cannot be said that this marriage is not a match made in heaven.We are both young, neat, and not tall; in front of our relatives and friends, we are like a pair of light tops, spinning in all directions, which makes the older people smile.The two of us competed to show off our personal alertness and eloquence in front of everyone, and we were eager to win everywhere, just to teach people to praise us as the most promising young couple.Others' compliments increased our respect and love for each other, a bit like a hero cherishes a hero, a hero loves a hero. I am very happy, to tell the truth: my old man has not earned any property, but has a house for children.I live in a house that doesn't cost rent. There are many trees in the yard, and a pair of yellow birds hang in front of the eaves.As for me, I am skilled, popular, and a lovely young woman.Isn't it self-inflicted to be unhappy? I can't find anything wrong with my wife.Yes, sometimes I think she's a bit too wild; but what neat little wife is unhappy?She loves to talk, because she can talk; she doesn't avoid men very much, because this is the benefit that a daughter-in-law should enjoy, especially a young daughter-in-law who is just married and has some skills, so she is naturally willing to put away her shyness when she was a girl. Some, and generously call themselves "daughter-in-law".This is really not a fault.Besides, she is so kind, considerate and considerate when she meets elders, so it is only natural for her to be more casual with younger people; she is straightforward and generous, so she is willing to treat the old just as she treats the young. Show affection and week to come.I didn't blame her for her frankness. She is pregnant and a mother, she looks better and more generous-I just can't bear to use the word "wild" again!Is there anything in the world more pitiful than a young pregnant woman, and a cuter young mother?Seeing her sitting on the threshold, showing some breasts, feeding the little baby, I can only love her more, and I can't think of blaming her for being too unruly. By the age of twenty-four, I had a son and a daughter.What credit is a husband for having sons and daughters?When he was happy, the man picked up the doll and played with it for a while; the rest of the troubles were all women's.I'm not a fool, and I didn't have to wait for someone to tell me this to understand.It is true that it is useless for a man to help in childbirth and child rearing; but a man who understands human affairs should naturally make the wife happy and free; bullying a pregnant woman or a young mother, according to me Look, what a jerk!As for my wife, I have been more indulgent since having children; I think this is of course reasonable. Again, husband and wife are trees, and children are flowers; only a tree with flowers can show its deep roots.All suspicions and worries should be reduced or completely eliminated; the child will tie the mother firmly.So, even if I think she's a bit wild--I hate to use that word--I can't help but feel that she's a mother. Four To this day, I still don't understand what happened. The thing I can't understand is the thing that drove me almost crazy at the time, my wife ran away with someone. I repeat, to this day I still don't understand what it was all about.I am not a stubborn person, because I have been on the street for a long time, understand human relations, and know how to find out my strengths and weaknesses.However, regarding this matter, I have searched all my shortcomings, and I can't find a place where I should suffer this kind of shame and punishment.Therefore, I can only say that my cleverness and kindness have brought me trouble, because I really can't find any other reason. I have a senior brother, and this senior brother is also my enemy.On the street, people call him Heizi, so I'll just call him that; it's inconvenient to tell his real name, even though he is my enemy. "Heizi" has this nickname because his face is not white; not only is it not white, but it is also very dark.His face is really like an iron ball that people kneaded in the early years, black, but very bright; black, but smooth; black, but glossy and cute.When he drank two cups of wine, or when he had a fever, his face turned red, like some black clouds in the setting sun, with some red light shining through the blackness.As for his facial features, there is nothing to look at. I am much more beautiful than him.He was tall, but not necessarily burly, tall and slack.The reason why he didn't make people hate him, in a word, was because of his shiny black face. I am very good friends with him.He is not only my senior brother, but also so stupid and thick, even if I don't like him, I can't doubt him for no reason.My intelligence did not prepare me to be suspicious of people; on the contrary, I knew that there was no room for sand in my eyes, so I trusted others because I trusted myself.I thought that none of my friends would secretly play bad tricks on me.Once I figure out who is a good guy, I really treat him as a friend.For my senior brother, even if he has doubts, I have to respect him and entertain him, because no matter what, he is my senior brother.I learned the same craft from the same school, and I lived together on the same street corner, and I had to meet at least a few times a day if I had a job or not; how could I not take him as a good friend to such a familiar person? Where are your friends?If there was work, we would go to work together; if there was no work, he would always come to my house for dinner and tea, and sometimes he would play around with a few handles—"Mahjong" was not very fashionable at that time.I am kind, and he is not polite; he eats and drinks whatever he encounters. I never prepare anything special for him, and he is never picky.He eats a lot, but he doesn't know how to picky eaters.It was really a joy to see him holding a big bowl and eating hot soup and noodles with us.He ate until his neck was sweating, his mouth was gurgling, his face became more and more red, and gradually turned into a big half-red coal ball; who can say that such a person can have any evil intentions? Woolen cloth! After coming and going, I can see from everyone's eyes that the world is not very peaceful.However, I didn't take this matter much to heart.If I were a muddleheaded person with only one mind, I probably would not fail to hear that the wind is raining, and the sky and the earth would become dark immediately. Maybe I would get to the bottom of the matter immediately, or maybe I would catch the wind and get confused.I have a lot of thoughts, and I definitely don't want to be so confused and fool around. I have to think about it calmly. Think about myself first, I can't think of anything wrong with me, even though I have many faults, at least I am more beautiful, smarter and more human than my senior brother. Let's look at senior brother again, his appearance, behavior, and financial resources can't teach him to do evil, he is not the kind of person who can seduce a woman as soon as he meets. Finally, I thought about my young wife in detail: she has been with me for four or five years, and we are not unhappy together.Even if her happiness is fake, and she is willing to go with someone she really likes - which was almost impossible in the early years - maybe Heizi will never be this person, right?He and I are both craftsmen, and his status is not higher than mine.Similarly, he is not richer than me, not more beautiful than me, not younger than me; so, what is she coveting?Can't figure it out.Dozens of people said that she was fascinated by his temptation, but what did he use to lure her? It was that black face, that talent, that clothes, and the money in his waist?joke!Hmph, if I want to, I can definitely seduce women; although the money is not much, at least I have a look.What does Heizi have?Besides, even if she was lost for a while and couldn't tell the good from the bad, would she be willing to part with those two children? I can't believe everyone's words, I can't alienate Heizi immediately, and I can't question her like a fool.I have thought about it all, there is nothing wrong with it, I can only wait slowly for everyone to understand that they are worrying too much.Even if they are not spreading rumors out of thin air, I have to observe slowly, and I can't roll myself, my friends, and my wife into the black soil for no reason.Someone who is a little bit smart can't act recklessly. But soon, Heizi and my wife disappeared.Until now, I have never seen them again.Why is she willing to do this?Unless I see her and let her tell the truth, I won't understand.My own thoughts are never enough for this. I'm really looking forward to seeing her again, just to understand this matter.To this day I am still in a gourd. I don't need to elaborate on how sad I was at that time.No one can imagine how sad it is for a young and beautiful person to guard two children who have lost their mothers at home; for a smart and well-behaved person, how his dearest wife ran away with his senior brother, how he felt on the street. Embarrassed.Those who sympathize with me are speechless, and those who don't know me, when they hear this, they will never blame my senior brother, but keep calling me "bastard".In our society of filial piety, loyalty and trust, people like to have a bastard, so that they can teach everyone how to put their fingers.My mouth is closed, my teeth are clenched, I only have the shadow of the two of them and a piece of blood in my heart.Don't teach me to see them, seeing them is a knife, and there is no need to say anything else. At that time, I just wanted to risk my life, so I felt a little human.Now, it's been so many years.I can think carefully about the role of this incident in my life. My mouth was not idle, and I asked for news about Heizi everywhere.It was useless, they were like a stone sinking into the sea, they couldn't get any definite information, slowly my anger dissipated a little; strange to say, once the anger dissipated, I felt pity for my wife instead.Heizi is just a craftsman, and this kind of craft can only be found in the big cities around Beijing and Tianjin, and there is no need to pay attention to burning in the countryside.So, if they had fled far away, what would he have to support her?Well, if he would steal his best friend's wife, wouldn't he sell her?This fear haunts me from time to time.I wish she'd come back suddenly and tell me how she's been tricked and what she's suffered; if she'd really knelt before me, I don't think I'd have refused her, a beloved woman, always beloved, No matter what wrong she did.She didn't come back, there was no news, I hated her for a while, and pitied her for a while, thinking wildly, sometimes I couldn't sleep all night. After more than a year, my random thoughts have become much lighter.Yes, I can't forget her all my life, but I don't think about her anymore.I admit that this is an absolutely true fact, so I don't need to worry about it. What happened to me?That's what I'm going to say, because the thing I'll never figure out is really a huge thing in my life.This incident seemed to be like losing my dearest person in a dream. When I opened my eyes, she really disappeared without a trace.The dream was incomprehensible, but its truth was unbearable to anyone.A person who has had such a dream, even if he has not become a lunatic, will have to change greatly; he has lost half his life! Fives At first, I didn't even want to go out of the house, I was afraid to see the bright and warm sun. The most embarrassing thing was going out on the street for the first time: keep your head up and walk openly, someone will say that I was born shameless.Walking with his head down, he admitted that his back was weak.Nothing is right.I have a clear conscience and have never done anything wrong to others. I broke my vows and started smoking and drinking again.What is unlucky or unlucky? What is more unlucky than losing your wife?I don't ask others to take pity on me, and I don't want to play tricks on anyone deliberately. I smoke and drink alone, so I just keep my grievances in my heart.There is nothing more superstitious than accidental disasters; before, I dared not offend any gods; now, I don't believe in anything, not even living Buddhas.Superstition, I figured it out, is to hope for some unexpected benefits; when you encounter unexpected difficulties, you don't expect anything, and naturally you are no longer superstitious.I burned the shrines of the God of Wealth and the Stove King - which I pasted up with my own hands.Many relatives and friends said that I had become a dude.I won't kowtow to anyone anymore.If people are unreliable, gods are even more likely. I didn't become a depressed person.This kind of thing could have caused people to worry to death, but I didn't dig into the horns of dead bulls.I was originally a lively person, well, if I want to live, I must not lose my lively spirit.It is true that accidents and catastrophes often change a man's habits and temper suddenly; but I am determined to keep my vivacity.I smoked, I drank, I stopped believing in gods and Buddhas, but these were all ways to keep me alive.Whether I am real or fake, I am happy!When I was learning art, I knew how to do this. After this change, I must do this even more.Now, I'm almost starving to death, I still smile, even I can't tell whether it's a real smile or a fake smile, anyway, I laugh, and I don't catch my tongue as much as I want.Since that incident, I have been a useful and warm man to this day, but there is a hole in my heart.This space was left for me by that unfortunate incident, like a bullet in the wall, and there is always a small hole.I am useful, I am enthusiastic, and I love to help others, but unfortunately, things don’t work out, or things get stuck unexpectedly, I am not in a hurry or angry, because there is a hole in my heart.This space will teach me to be calm when I am extremely enthusiastic, and a little sad when I am extremely happy. My smile often meets my tears, and I can't tell which is which. These are all the changes in my heart. If I don't say it myself-of course I can't fully explain it myself-it is probably impossible for others to guess.In my life, there have also been changes, which can be seen by everyone.I changed my career, I no longer work as a paper paper maker, I have no face to go to the street to wait for business, the people who go with me, who know me, must also know Heizi; they only need to look at me a few more times, and I can no longer eat go.In the days when newspapers were not popular, people's eyes were more powerful than news.Now, divorce can be explained clearly at the Yamen. In the early years, things between men and women could not be so casual.I let go of all my friends in the same industry, and even my master and mother didn't bother to look at it. I seemed to be jumping from this world to another world.That way, I felt I could keep that matter to myself.The change of the year has made the paperworkers' living conditions narrower and narrower, but if it weren't for that, I wouldn't have changed my career so quickly and so simply.放弃了手艺，没什么可惜；可是这么放弃了手艺，我也不会感谢“那”回事儿！不管怎说吧，我改了行，这是个显然的变动。 决定扔下手艺可不就是我准知道应该干什么去。我得去乱碰，象一支空船浮在水面上，浪头是它的指南针。在前面我已经说过，我认识字，还能抄抄写写，很够当个小差事的。再说呢，当差是个体面的事，我这丢了老婆的人若能当上差，不用说那必能把我的名誉恢复了一些。现在想起来，这个想法真有点可笑；在当时我可是诚心的相信这是最高明的办法。“八”字还没有一撇儿，我觉得很高兴，仿佛我已经很有把握，既得到差事，又能恢复了名誉。我的头又抬得很高了。 snort!手艺是三年可以学成的；差事，也许要三十年才能得上吧！一个钉子跟着一个钉子，都预备着给我碰呢！我说我识字，哼！敢情有好些个能整本背书的人还挨饿呢。我说我会写字，敢情会写字的绝不算出奇呢。我把自己看得太高了。可是，我又亲眼看见，那作着很大的官儿的，一天到晚山珍海味的吃着，连自己的姓都不大认得。那么，是不是我的学问又太大了，而超过了作官所需要的呢？我这个聪明人也没法儿不显着糊涂了。 慢慢的，我明白过来。原来差事不是给本事预备着的，想做官第一得有人。这简直没了我的事，不管我有多么大的本事。我自己是个手艺人，所认识的也是手艺人；我爸爸呢，又是个白丁，虽然是很有本事与品行的白丁。我上哪里去找差事当呢？ 事情要是逼着一个人走上哪条道儿，他就非去不可，就象火车一样，轨道已摆好，照着走就是了，一出花样准得翻车！me either.决定扔下了手艺，而得不到个差事，我又不能老这么闲着。好啦，我的面前已摆好了铁轨，只准上前，不许退后。 我当了巡警。 巡警和洋车是大城里头给苦人们安好的两条火车道。大字不识而什么手艺也没有的，只好去拉车。拉车不用什么本钱，肯出汗就能吃窝窝头。识几个字而好体面的，有手艺而挣不上饭的，只好去当巡警；别的先不提，挑巡警用不着多大的人情，而且一挑上先有身制服穿着，六块钱拿着；好歹是个差事。除了这条道，我简直无路可走。我既没混到必须拉车去的地步，又没有作高官的舅舅或姐丈，巡警正好不高不低，只要我肯，就能穿上一身铜钮子的制服。当兵比当巡警有起色，即使熬不上军官，至少能有抢劫些东西的机会。可是，我不能去当兵，我家中还有俩没娘的小孩呀。当兵要野，当巡警要文明；换句话说，当兵有发邪财的机会，当巡警是穷而文明一辈子；穷得要命，文明得稀松！ 以后这五六十年的经验，我敢说这么一句：真会办事的人，到时候才说话，爱张罗办事的人——象我自己——没话也找话说。我的嘴老不肯闲着，对什么事我都有一片说词，对什么人我都想很恰当的给起个外号。我受了报应：第一件事，我丢了老婆，把我的嘴封起来一二年！第二件是我当了巡警。在我还没当上这个差事的时候，我管巡警们叫作“马路行走”，“避风阁大学士”和“臭脚巡”。这些无非都是说巡警们的差事只是站马路，无事忙，跑臭脚。snort!我自己当上“臭脚巡”了！生命简直就是自己和自己开玩笑，一点不假！我自己打了自己的嘴巴，可并不因为我作了什么缺德的事；至多也不过爱多说几句玩笑话罢了。在这里，我认识了生命的严肃，连句玩笑话都说不得的！好在，我心中有个空儿；我怎么叫别人“臭脚巡”，也照样叫自己。这在早年间叫作“抹稀泥”，现在的新名词应叫着什么，我还没能打听出来。 我没法不去当巡警，可是真觉得有点委屈。是呀，我没有什么出众的本事，但是论街面上的事，我敢说我比谁知道的也不少。巡警不是管街面上的事情吗？那么，请看看那些警官儿吧：有的连本地的话都说不上来，二加二是四还是五都得想半天。snort!他是官，我可是“招募警”；他的一双皮鞋够开我半年的饷！他什么经验与本事也没有，可是他作官。这样的官儿多了去啦！上哪儿讲理去呢？记得有位教官，头一天教我们操法的时候，忘了叫“立正”，而叫了“闸住”。用不着打听，这位大爷一定是拉洋车出身。有人情就行，今天你拉车，明天你姑父作了什么官儿，你就可以弄个教官当当；叫“闸住”也没关系，谁敢笑教官一声呢！这样的自然是不多，可是有这么一位教官，也就可以教人想到巡警的操法是怎么稀松二五眼了。内堂的功课自然绝不是这样教官所能担任的，因为至少得认识些个字才能“虎”得下来。我们的内堂的教官大概可以分为两种：一种是老人儿们，多数都有口鸦片烟瘾；他们要是能讲明白一样东西，就凭他们那点人情，大概早就作上大官儿了；唯其什么也讲不明白，所以才来作教官。另一种是年轻的小伙子们，讲的都是洋事，什么东洋巡警怎么样，什么法国违警律如何，仿佛我们都是洋鬼子。这种讲法有个好处，就是他们信口开河瞎扯，我们一边打盹一边听着，谁也不准知道东洋和法国是什么样儿，可不就随他的便说吧。我满可以编一套美国的事讲给大家听，可惜我不是教官罢了。这群年轻的小人们真懂外国事儿不懂，无从知道；反正我准知道他们一点中国事儿也不晓得。这两种教官的年纪上学问上都不同，可是他们有个相同的地方，就是他们都高不成低不就，所以对对付付的只能作教官。他们的人情真不小，可是本事太差，所以来教一群为六块洋钱而一声不敢出的巡警就最合适。 教官如此，别的警官也差不多是这样。想想：谁要是能去作一任知县或税局局长，谁肯来作警官呢？前面我已交代过了，当巡警是高不成低不就，不得已而为之。警官也是这样。这群人由上至下全是“狗熊耍扁担，混碗儿饭吃”。不过呢，巡警一天到晚在街面上，不论怎样抹稀泥，多少得能说会道，见机而作，把大事化小，小事化无；既不多给官面上惹麻烦，又让大家都过得去；真的吧假的吧，这总得算点本事。而作警官的呢，就连这点本事似乎也不必有。阎王好作，小鬼难当，诚然！ six 我再多说几句，或者就没人再说我太狂傲无知了。我说我觉得委屈，真是实话；请看吧：一月挣六块钱，这跟当仆人的一样，而没有仆人们那些“外找儿”；死挣六块钱，就凭这么个大人——腰板挺直，样子漂亮，年轻力壮，能说会道，还得识文断字！这一大堆资格，一共值六块钱！ 六块钱饷粮，扣去三块半钱的伙食，还得扣去什么人情公议儿，净剩也就是两块上下钱吧。衣服自然是可以穿官发的，可是到休息的时候，谁肯还穿着制服回家呢；那么，不作不作也得有件大褂什么的。要是把钱作了大褂，一个月就算白混。再说，谁没有家呢？父母——呕，先别提父母吧！就说一夫一妻吧：至少得赁一间房，得有老婆的吃，喝，穿。就凭那两块大洋！谁也不许生病，不许生小孩，不许吸烟，不许吃点零碎东西；连这么着，月月还不够嚼谷！ 我就不明白为什么肯有人把姑娘嫁给当巡警的，虽然我常给同事的做媒。当我一到女家提说的时候，人家总对我一撇嘴，虽不明说，但是意思很明显，“哼！当巡警的！”可是我不怕这一撇嘴，因为十回倒有九回是撇完嘴而点了头。难道是世界上的姑娘太多了吗？I have no idea. 由哪面儿看，巡警都活该是鼓着腮梆子充胖子而教人哭不得笑不得的。穿起制服来，干净利落，又体面又威风，车马行人，打架吵嘴，都由他管着。他这是差事；可是他一月除了吃饭，净剩两块来钱。他自己也知道中气不足，可是不能不硬挺着腰板，到时候他得娶妻生子，还是仗着那两块来钱。提婚的时候，头一句是说：“小人呀当差！”当差的底下还有什么呢？没人愿意细问，一问就糟到底。 是的，巡警们都知道自己怎样的委屈，可是风里雨里他得去巡街下夜，一点懒儿不敢偷；一偷懒就有被开除的危险；他委屈，可不敢抱怨，他劳苦，可不敢偷闲，他知道自己在这里混不出来什么，而不敢冒险搁下差事。这点差事扔了可惜，作着又没劲；这些人也就人儿似的先混过一天是一天，在没劲中要露出劲儿来，象打太极拳似的。 世上为什么应当有这种差事，和为什么有这样多肯作这种差事的人？我想不出来。假若下辈子我再托生为人，而且忘了喝迷魂汤，还记得这一辈子的事，我必定要扯着脖子去喊：这玩艺儿整个的是丢人，是欺骗，是杀人不流血！现在，我老了，快饿死了，连喊这么几句也顾不及了，我还得先为下顿的窝窝头着忙呀！ 自然在我初当差的时候，我并没有一下子就把这些都看清楚了，谁也没有那么聪明。反之，一上手当差我倒觉出点高兴来：穿上整齐的制服，靴帽，的确我是漂亮精神，而且心里说：好吧歹吧，这是个差事；凭我的聪明与本事，不久我必有个升腾。我很留神看巡长巡官们制服上的铜星与金道，而想象着我将来也能那样。我一点也没想到那铜星与金道并不按着聪明与本事颁给人们呀。 新鲜劲儿刚一过去，我已经讨厌那身制服了。它不教任何人尊敬，而只能告诉人：“臭脚巡”来了！拿制服的本身说，它也很讨厌：夏天它就象牛皮似的，把人闷得满身臭汗；冬天呢，它一点也不象牛皮了，而倒象是纸糊的；它不许谁在里边多穿一点衣服，只好任着狂风由胸口钻进来，由脊背钻出去，整打个穿堂！再看那双皮鞋，冬冷夏热，永远不教脚舒服一会儿；穿单袜的时候，它好象是两大篓子似的，脚指脚踵都在里边乱抓弄，而始终我不到鞋在哪里；到穿棉袜的时候，它们忽然变得很紧，不许棉袜与脚一齐伸进去。有多少人因包办制服皮鞋而发了财，我不知道，我只知道我的脚永远烂着，夏天闹湿气，冬天闹冻疮。自然，烂脚也得照常的去巡街站岗，要不然就别挣那六块洋钱！多么热，或多么冷，别人都可以找地方去躲一躲，连洋车夫都可以自由的歇半天，巡警得去巡街，得去站岗，热死冻死都活该，那六块现大洋买着你的命呢！ 记得在哪儿看见过这么一句：食不饱，力不足。不管这句在原地方讲的是什么吧，反正拿来形容巡警是没有多大错儿的。最可怜，又可笑的是我们既吃不饱，还得挺着劲儿，站在街上得象个样子！要饭的花子有时不饿也弯着腰，假充饿了三天三夜；反之，巡警却不饱也得鼓起肚皮，假装刚吃完三大碗鸡丝面似的。花子装饿倒有点道理，我可就是想不出巡警假装酒足饭饱有什么理由来，我只觉得这真可笑。 人们都不满意巡警的对付事，抹稀泥。snort!沫稀泥自有它的理由。不过，在细说这个道理之前，我愿先说件极可怕的事。有了这件可怕的事，我再反回头来细说那些理由，仿佛就更顺当，更生动。it is good!就这样办啦。 seven 应当有月亮，可是教黑云给遮住了，处处都很黑。我正在个僻静的地方巡夜。我的鞋上钉着铁掌，那时候每个巡警又须带着一把东洋刀，四下里鸦雀无声，听着我自己的铁掌与佩刀的声响，我感到寂寞无聊，而且几乎有点害怕。眼前忽然跑过一只猫，或忽然听见一声鸟叫，都教我觉得不是味儿，勉强着挺起胸来，可是心中总空空虚虚的，仿佛将有些什么不幸的事情在前面等着我。不完全是害怕，又不完全气粗胆壮，就那么怪不得劲的，手心上出了点凉汗。平日，我很有点胆量，什么看守死尸，什么独自看管一所脏房，都算不了一回事。不知为什么这一晚上我这样胆虚，心里越要耻笑自己，便越觉得不定哪里藏着点危险。我不便放快了脚步，可是心中急切的希望快回去，回到那有灯光与朋友的地方去。忽然，我听见一排枪！我立定了，胆子反倒壮起来一点；真正的危险似乎倒可以治好了胆虚，惊疑不定才是恐惧的根源，我听着，象夜行的马竖起耳朵那样。又一排枪，又一排枪！没声了，我等着，听着，静寂得难堪。象看见闪电而等着雷声那样，我的心跳得很快。拍，拍，拍，拍，四面八方都响起来了！ 我的胆气又渐渐的往下低落了。一排枪，我壮起气来；枪声太多了，真遇到危险了；我是个人，人怕死；我忽然的跑起来，跑了几步，猛的又立住，听一听，枪声越来越密，看不见什么，四下漆黑，只有枪声，不知为什么，不知在哪里，黑暗里只有我一个人，听着远处的枪响。Where are you going?What is it?应当想一想，又顾不得想；胆大也没用，没有主意就不会有胆量。还是跑吧，糊涂的乱动，总比呆立哆嗦着强。我跑，狂跑，手紧紧的握住佩刀。象受了惊的猫狗，不必想也知道往家里跑。我已忘了我是巡警，我得先回家看看我那没娘的孩子去，要是死就死在一处！ 要跑到家，我得穿过好几条大街。刚到了头一条大街，我就晓得不容易再跑了。街上黑黑忽忽的人影，跑得很快，随跑随着放枪。兵！我知道那是些辫子兵。而我才刚剪了发不多日子。我很后悔我没象别人那样把头发盘起来，而是连根儿烂真正剪去了辫子。假若我能马上放下辫子来，虽然这些兵们平素很讨厌巡警，可是因为我有辫子或者不至于把枪口冲着我来。在他们眼中，没有辫子便是二毛子，该杀。我没有了这么条宝贝！我不敢再动，只能蒙在黑影里，看事行事。兵们在路上跑，一队跟着一队，枪声不停。我不晓得他们是干什么呢？待了一会儿，兵们好象是都过去了，我往外探了探头，见外面没有什么动静，我就象一只夜鸟儿似的飞过了马路，到了街的另一边。在这极快的穿过马路的一会儿里，我的眼梢撩着一点红光。十字街头起了火。我还藏在黑影里，不久，火光远远的照亮了一片；再探头往外看，我已可以影影抄抄的看到十字街口，所有四面把角的铺户已全烧起来，火影中那些兵们来回的奔跑，放着枪。我明白了，这是兵变。不久，火光更多了，一处接着一处，由光亮的距离我可以断定：凡是附近的十字口与丁字街全烧了起来。 说句该挨嘴巴的话，火是真好看！远处，漆黑的天上，忽然一白，紧跟着又黑了。忽然又一白，猛的冒起一个红团，有一块天象烧红的铁板，红得可怕。在红光里看见了多少股黑烟，和火舌们高低不齐的往上冒，一会儿烟遮住了火苗；一会儿火苗冲破了黑烟。黑烟滚着，转着，千变万化的往上升，凝成一片，罩住下面的火光，象浓雾掩住了夕阳。待一会儿，火光明亮了一些，烟也改成灰白色儿，纯净，旺炽，火苗不多，而光亮结成一片，照明了半个天。那近处的，烟与火中带着种种的响声，烟往高处起，火往四下里奔；烟象些丑恶的黑龙，火象些乱长乱钻的红铁笋。烟裹着火，火裹着烟，卷起多高，忽然离散，黑烟里落下无数的火花，或者三五个极大的火团。火花火团落下，烟象痛快轻松了一些，翻滚着向上冒。火团下降，在半空中遇到下面的火柱，又狂喜的往上跳跃，炸出无数火花。火团远落，遇到可以燃烧的东西，整个的再点起一把新火，新烟掩住旧火，一时变为黑暗；新火冲出了黑烟，与旧火联成一气，处处是火舌，火柱，飞舞，吐动，摇摆，颠狂。忽然哗啦一声，一架房倒下去，火星，焦炭，尘土，白烟，一齐飞扬，火苗压在下面，一齐在底下往横里吐射，象千百条探头吐舌的火蛇。静寂，静寂，火蛇慢慢的，忍耐的，往上翻。绕到上边来，与高处的火接到一处，通明，纯亮，忽忽的响着，要把人的心全照亮了似的。 我看着，不，不但看着，我还闻着呢！在种种不同的味道里，我咂摸着：这是那个金匾黑字的绸缎庄，那是那个山西人开的油酒店。由这些味道，我认识了那些不同的火团，轻而高飞的一定是茶叶铺的，迟笨黑暗的一定是布店的。这些买卖都不是我的，可是我都认得，闻着它们火葬的气味，看着它们火团的起落，我说不上来心中怎样难过。 我看着，闻着，难过，我忘了自己的危险，我仿佛是个不懂事的小孩，只顾了看热闹，而忘了别的一切。我的牙打得很响，不是为自己害怕，而是对这奇惨的美丽动了心。 回家是没希望了。我不知道街上一共有多少兵，可是由各处的火光猜度起来，大概是热闹的街口都有他们。他们的目的是抢劫，可是顺着手儿已经烧了这么多铺户，焉知不就棍打腿的杀些人玩玩呢？我这剪了发的巡警在他们眼中还不和个臭虫一样，只须一搂枪机就完了，并不费多少事。想到这个，我打算回到“区”里去，“区”离我不算远，只须再过一条街就行了。可是，连这个也太晚了。当枪声初起的时候，连贫带富，家家关了门；街上除了那些横行的兵们，简直成了个死城。及至火一起来，铺户里的人们开始在火影里奔走，胆大一些的立在街旁，看着自己的或别人的店铺燃烧，没人敢去救火，可也舍不得走开，只那么一声不出的看着火苗乱窜。胆小一些的呢，争着往胡同里藏躲，三五成群的藏在巷内，不时向街上探探头，没人出声，大家都哆嗦着。火越烧越旺了，枪声慢慢的稀少下来，胡同里的住户仿佛已猜到是怎么一回事，最先是有人开门向外望望，然后有人试着步往街上走。街上，只有火光人影，没有巡警，被兵们抢过的当铺与首饰店全大敞着门！ ……这样的街市教人们害怕，同时也教人们胆大起来；一条没有巡警的街正象是没有老师的学房，多么老实的孩子也要闹哄闹哄。一家开门，家家开门，街上人多起来；铺户已有被抢过的了，跟着抢吧！平日，谁能想到那些良善守法的人民会去抢劫呢？snort!机会一到，人们立刻显露了原形。说声抢，壮实的小伙子们首先进了当铺，金店，钟表行。男人们回去一趟，第二趟出来已搀夹上女人和孩子们。被兵们抢过的铺子自然不必费事，进去随便拿就是了；可是紧跟着那些尚未被抢过的铺户的门也拦不住谁了。粮食店，茶叶铺，百货店，什么东西也是好的，门板一律砸开。 我一辈子只看见了这么一回大热闹：男女老幼喊着叫着，狂跑着，拥挤着，争吵着，砸门的砸门，喊叫的喊叫，嗑喳！门板倒下去，一窝蜂似的跑进去，乱挤乱抓，压倒在地的狂号，身体利落的往柜台上蹿，全红着眼，全拚着命，全奋勇前进，挤成一团，倒成一片，散走全街。背着，抱着，扛着，曳着，象一片战胜的蚂蚁，昂首疾走，去而复归，呼妻唤子，前呼后应。 苦人当然出来了，哼！那中等人家也不甘落后呀！ 贵重的东西先搬完了，煤米柴炭是第二拨。有的整坛的搬着香油，有的独自扛着两口袋面，瓶子罐子碎了一街，米面洒满了便道，抢啊！Grab it!Grab it!谁都恨自己只长了一双手，谁都嫌自己的腿脚太慢！有的人会推着一坛子白糖，连人带坛在地上滚，象屎壳郎推着个大粪球。 强中自有强中手，人是到处会用脑子的！有人拿出切菜刀来了，立在巷口等着：“放下！”刀晃了晃。口袋或衣服，放下了；安然的，不费力的，拿回家去。“放下！”不灵验，刀下去了，把面口袋砍破，下了一阵小雷，二人滚在一团。过路的急走，稍带着说了句：“打什么，有的是东西！”两位明白过来，立起来向街头跑去。抢啊，抢啊！有的是东西！ 我挤在了一群买卖人的中间，藏在黑影里。我并没说什么，他们似乎很明白我的困难，大家一声不出，而紧紧的把我包围住。不要说我还是个巡警，连他们买卖人也不敢抬起头来。他们无法去保护他们的财产与货物，谁敢出头抵抗谁就是不要命，兵们有枪，人民也有切菜刀呀！是的，他们低着头，好象倒怪羞惭似的。他们唯恐和抢劫的人们——也就是他们平日的照顾主儿——对了脸，羞恼成怒，在这没有王法的时候，杀几个买卖人总不算一回事呢！所以，他们也保护着我。想想看吧，这一带的居民大概不会不认识我吧！我三天两头的到这里来巡逻。平日，他们在墙根撒尿，我都要讨他们的厌，上前干涉；他们怎能不恨恶我呢！现在大家正在兴高采烈的白拿东西，要是遇见我，他们一人给我一砖头，我也就活不成了。即使他们不认识我，反正我是穿着制服，佩着东洋刀呀！在这个局面下，冒而咕咚的出来个巡警，够多么不合适呢！我满可以上前去道歉，说我不该这么冒失，他们能白白的饶了我吗？ 街上忽然清静了一些，便道上的人纷纷往胡同里跑，马路当中走着七零八散的兵，都走得很慢；我摘下帽子，从一个学徒的肩上往外看了一眼，看见一位兵士，手里提着一串东西，象一串儿螃蟹似的。我能想到那是一串金银的镯子。他身上还有多少东西，不晓得，不过一定有许多硬货，因为他走得很慢。多么自然，多么可羡慕呢！自自然然的，提着一串镯子，在马路中心缓缓的走，有烧亮的铺户作着巨大的火把，给他们照亮了全城！ 兵过去了，人们又由胡同里钻出来。东西已抢得差不多了，大家开始搬铺户的门板，有的去摘门上的匾额。我在报纸上常看见“彻底”这两个字，咱们的良民们打抢的时候才真正彻底呢！ 这时候，铺户的人们才有出头喊叫的：“救火呀！救火呀！别等着烧净了呀！”喊得教人一听见就要落泪！我身旁的人们开始活动。what should I do?他们要是都去救火，剩下我这一个巡警，往哪儿跑呢？我拉住了一个屠户！他脱给了我那件满是猪油的大衫。把帽子夹在夹肢窝底下。一手握着佩刀，一手揪着大襟，我擦着墙根，逃回“区”里去。 Eight 我没去抢，人家所抢的又不是我的东西，这回事简直可以说和我不相干。可是，我看见了，也就明白了。明白了什么？我不会干脆的，恰当的，用一半句话说出来；我明白了点什么意思，这点意思教我几乎改变了点脾气。丢老婆是一件永远忘不了的事，现在它有了伴儿，我也永远忘不了这次的兵变。丢老婆是我自己的事，只须记在我的心里，用不着把家事国事天下事全拉扯上。这次的变乱是多少万人的事，只要我想一想，我便想到大家，想到全城，简直的我可以用这回事去断定许多的大事，就好象报纸上那样谈论这个问题那个问题似的。对了，我找到了一句漂亮的了。这件事教我看出一点意思，由这点意思我咂摸着许多问题。不管别人听得懂这句与否，我可真觉得它不坏。 我说过了：自从我的妻潜逃之后，我心中有了个空儿。经过这回兵变，那个空儿更大了一些，松松通通的能容下许多玩艺儿。还接着说兵变的事吧！把它说完全了，你也就可以明白我心中的空儿为什么大起来了。 当我回到宿舍的时候，大家还全没睡呢。不睡是当然的，可是，大家一点也不显着着急或恐慌，吸烟的吸烟，喝茶的喝茶，就好象有红白事熬夜那样。我的狼狈的样子，不但没引起大家的同情，倒招得他们直笑。我本排着一肚子话要向大家说，一看这个样子也就不必再言语了。我想去睡，可是被排长给拦住了：“别睡！待一会儿，天一亮，咱们全得出去弹压地面！”这该轮到我发