Chapter 6 Loner

Wei Lianshu and I got acquainted once, but in retrospect, it's strange, it actually started with the funeral and ended with the funeral. I was in S City at that time, and I heard people mention his name from time to time, saying that he was a bit weird: he studied zoology, but went to a middle school to teach history; he was always indifferent to people, But he often likes to meddle in other people's business; he often says that the family should be destroyed, but once he gets his salary, he must send it to his grandmother immediately without delay.In addition, there are many fragmentary stories; in short, in S City, he can be regarded as a person who is used as a conversation aid.One autumn, I stayed at a relative's house in Hanshishan; their surname was Wei, and they belonged to Lian Shu's family.But they didn't understand him even more, as if they treated him as a foreigner, saying that he was "different from us".

This is not surprising. Although China has established schools for 20 years, Hanshishan does not even have a primary school.In Quanshan Village, only Lian Shu is a student studying abroad, so from the perspective of the villagers, he is indeed an outlier; but they are also very envious, saying that he earns a lot of money. At the end of autumn, dysentery was prevalent in the mountain villages; I was in danger and wanted to go back to the city.At that time, I heard that Lian Shu's grandmother had contracted the disease, and she was very heavy because of her old age. There was no doctor in the mountains.The so-called family members actually have only one grandmother, who employs a female worker to live a simple life; he lost his parents when he was young, so he was raised by this grandmother.I heard that she had suffered a lot before, but now she is at ease.But because he doesn't have a small family, the family is very lonely after all, and this is probably one of the so-called abnormalities.

Hanshi Mountain is 100 miles away from the city by dry road and 70 miles by waterway. It takes at least four days for people to go there by Lian Shu.The mountain village is remote, and these things are big news that everyone wants to inquire about. The next day, it was reported that she was seriously ill, and the special mission also set off; but at the fourth watch, she died, and the last words were: " Why don't you give me a chance to die?..." The head of the patriarch, neighbors, relatives of his grandmother's mother's family, and idlers gathered in a room, anticipating the arrival of Lian Shi, and it should be time for encoffining.The shroud has already been made, so there is no need to plan; their first big problem is how to deal with this "grandson" [2], because it is expected that he will have to change all funeral ceremonies in new ways.After the discussion, three major conditions were probably agreed upon, and he must do it.One is to wear white, the other is to kneel and worship, and the third is to invite monks and Taoists to do things [3].All in all: it's business as usual.

After they had reached an agreement, they agreed that on the day Lian Shu arrived home, they would gather together in front of the hall, line up in formation, support each other, and try their best to have a very serious negotiation.The villagers all swallowed their saliva and listened to the news in novelty; they knew that Lian Shu was a "new party" that "eat foreign religions" and had always been unreasonable. An unexpected spectacle. Legend has it that Lian Shu arrived home in the afternoon, and as soon as he entered the door, he just bent over to his grandmother's grave.The patriarchs immediately proceeded according to the predetermined plan, called him to the hall, first said a big article, and then introduced the main topic, and everyone sang and talked, so that he had no chance to argue. .But finally he finished speaking, silence filled the hall, and everyone stared at his mouth in horror.Seeing that Lian Shu didn't move, he simply replied:

"It is all acceptable." This was quite unexpected for them. The burden on everyone's hearts was relieved, but it seemed to be aggravated, and they felt that it was too "weird", which seemed to be something to worry about.The villagers who inquired about the news were also very disappointed, and spread word of mouth, "It's strange! He said it's all right! Let's see!" It's all right as usual. It's nothing to watch, but they still want to watch it after dusk. , They happily gathered in front of the hall. I was also the one who went to see it, and I gave a set of incense candles first; when I got to his house, I saw Lian Shu dressing the dead.It turned out that he was a short and thin man with a square face, with fluffy hair and thick black eyebrows occupying a small half of his face, only his eyes glowed in the black air.The clothes are really well dressed, well-organized, as if he is an expert in embalming, which makes the onlookers feel admiration.According to Hanshishan's usual practice, at these times, no matter what, the parents of the mother's family are always picky; but he just silently changed his face when he encountered any pickiness, without changing his expression.An old lady with gray hair standing in front of me let out a voice of envy and exclamation.

Followed by worship; followed by crying, all the women are chanting words.Next is to put into the coffin; next is worship; and weeping until the coffin lid is nailed.After a moment of silence, everyone was disturbed suddenly, full of surprise and dissatisfaction.I couldn't help but suddenly felt: Lian Shu never shed a single tear, he just sat on the grass pedestal, his eyes sparkling in the black air. The funeral ended in this atmosphere of surprise and dissatisfaction.Everyone was disconsolate, as if they wanted to leave, but Lian Shu was still sitting on the straw meditating.Suddenly, he shed tears, then lost his voice, and immediately turned into a long howl, like a wounded wolf howling in the wilderness in the middle of the night, the pain was mixed with anger and sorrow.This appearance was not in the usual practice, and it was not prevented before. Everyone was at a loss. After hesitating for a while, a few people stepped forward to dissuade him. More and more people crowded him into a big pile.But he just sat and wailed, motionless like an iron tower.

Everyone had to disperse bored again; he cried and cried for about half an hour, then suddenly stopped, did not greet the hangers-on, and went straight to the house.Then there were reports from snoopers: he went into his grandmother's room, lay down on the bed, and seemed to be fast asleep. Two days later, the day before I was going to return to the city, I heard that the villagers were talking like a demon, saying that Lian Shu would burn most of all the utensils to his grandmother, and the rest would be donated to serve in life. , the female worker who died when she died, and even the house was lent to her indefinitely.Relatives and family members all talked about the burning tongue and burning lips, but finally they couldn't stop it.

I'm afraid most of it was out of curiosity. I passed by his door on the way home, so I stopped by to comfort him.He appeared in a white coat with fringe, and his expression was still the same, cold.I was very comforted, but he only answered one sentence other than promises, which was: "Thank you for your kindness." two The third time we met was at the beginning of winter this year, in a bookstore in City S, everyone nodded at the same time, finally we knew each other.But what brought us closer was after I lost my job at the end of the year.Since then, I have often visited Lian Shu.One, naturally because of boredom; two, because I heard people say that he is very close to frustrated people, even though his nature is so cold.But the world is full of ups and downs, and frustrated people don't know it. As soon as I voted for my business card, he received it.There are no furnishings in the two connected living rooms, just some bookshelves besides the tables and chairs. Although everyone says he is a terrible "new party", there are not many new books on the shelves.He already knew that I lost my job; but as soon as the routine was finished, the host and guest had to face each other in silence, which gradually became dull.I saw him smoking a cigarette very quickly, and the cigarette butt was about to burn his fingers before throwing it on the ground.

"Smoking." He said suddenly as he reached for the second cigarette. I also took one, sucked it, and talked about teaching and books, but it still felt dull.When I was about to leave, there was noise and footsteps outside the door, and four boys and girls broke in.The older one is eight or nine years old, and the younger one is four or five years old. Their hands, face and clothes are dirty and ugly.But Lian Shu's eyes immediately shone with joy, he stood up quickly, walked to the room next to the living room, and said: "Da Liang, Er Liang, come here! I've already bought the harmonica you asked for yesterday."

The children rushed in together, and immediately rushed out, each playing a harmonica. As soon as they left the living room door, they started playing for no reason.One was crying. "One for each person, they are all the same. Don't fight!" He still followed behind. "Who is this group of children?" I asked. "It belonged to the owner. None of them had a mother, only a grandmother." "Is the landlord alone?" "Yes. His wife probably died for three or four years, and she didn't remarry. Otherwise, he would not rent the remaining house to a single person like me." He said, smiling coldly.

I really want to ask him why he is still single, but because I don't know him very well, I can't ask him in the end. As long as you are familiar with Lian Shuyi, you can talk with him.He talked a lot, and often quite strangely.What makes people impatient is that some of his visitors, most of whom have read "Sinking"[4], often call themselves "unfortunate youth" or "surplus people", and they pile up lazily and proudly on big chairs like crabs. Going up, moaning and smoking while frowning.And the house-owner's children, who were always arguing with each other, knocking over dishes, begging for snacks, and getting dizzy.But when Lian Shu saw them, he was no longer as cold as usual, and regarded them as more precious than his own life.I heard that once, Sanliang suffered from erythematous Sha, and the blackness on his face became more and more anxious. Unexpectedly, the disease was mild, so he was later passed on as a laughing stock by the children's grandmother. "Children are always good. They are all innocent..." He seemed to think that I was getting impatient, so he took the opportunity to say to me one day. "Not really." I just answered him casually. "No. The bad temper of adults is not found in children. The later bad temper, such as the bad temper you attack on weekdays, was taught to be bad by the environment. It was not bad in the first place, naive... I thought the Chinese could hope , just at this point." "No. If there are no bad roots and seedlings in the child, how can there be bad flowers and fruits when they grow up? For example, a seed can produce these things when it grows up because it contains the embryos of branches, leaves, flowers and fruits. Is there no reason... ..."Because I have nothing to do, I am reading Buddhist scriptures just like adults and gentlemen who are going to eat vegetarian food and talk about Zen when they leave the wilderness[5].Naturally, I don't understand the principles of Buddhism, but I don't check myself, and just say it arbitrarily. However, Lian Shu became angry, and only glanced at me, but didn't speak anymore.I can't guess whether he has nothing to say, or whether he doesn't bother to argue.But seeing him show the cold attitude that I haven't seen for a long time, I silently smoked two cigarettes in a row; when he took the third one, I had no choice but to run away. It took three months for this hatred to dissipate.The reason is probably half because of forgetting, and half because he himself was hated by the "innocent" child, so he felt that my blasphemy towards the child was justifiable.But that's just speculation on my part.At that time, after drinking in my apartment, he seemed to show a slight sadness, half raised his head and said: "It's really strange when I think about it. When I came to you, I saw a very small child on the street. He pointed at me with a reed leaf and said: Kill! He can't walk very well..." "It's a bad environment." I immediately regretted my words.But he didn't seem to mind, just drinking hard and smoking hard in the meantime. "I forgot, I haven't asked you yet," I said in other words, "You don't usually visit people, why are you so interested in coming here today? We have known each other for more than a year, and you came to me. It's the first time I've come here." "I'm just going to tell you: you don't come to see me in my apartment these days. There are very annoying big and small people in my apartment. They don't look like human beings!" "One big and one small? Who is this?" I was a little surprised. "It's my cousin and his young son. Haha, the son is just like the old man." "I came to the city to see you, so why don't you take it with you?" "No. He said that he came to discuss with me, and that he would adopt this child to me." "Oh! Adopted to you?" I couldn't help but exclaimed, "Aren't you still married?" "They know I'm not going to marry. But it doesn't matter. They're actually going to give me that shabby house in Cold Stone Mountain. I don't have anything else, you know; the money is gone when I get it. That's all." A shabby house. Father and son's life's work is to drive out the old maid who lives there." The coldness of his words really terrified me.But I also consoled him by saying: "I don't think your family is like this. They are just a little old-fashioned. For example, when you cried a lot that year, they all enthusiastically surrounded you to persuade you..." "After my father died, they robbed me of my house and asked me to draw monograms on the paper. When I was crying, they were so enthusiastic and tried to persuade me..." He stared upwards, as if to Find out the scene at that time in the air. "In short: the whole point is that you don't have children. Why on earth have you never been married?" I suddenly found the words to turn the steering wheel, which were also the words I had wanted to ask for a long time, and felt that this was the best opportunity. He looked at me in surprise, and after a while, his eyes moved to his own knee condyle, so he smoked without answering. three However, even in this kind of boring situation, Lian Shu was not allowed to settle down.Gradually, anonymous people came to attack him in the tabloids, and there were often rumors about him in the academic world, but these were no longer just rumors like before, and probably hurt him.I know this is the result of his recent love of publishing articles, but I don't mind. People in S city are the last ones to want someone to make unscrupulous comments. Whenever there is any, they must secretly attack him. This has always been the case, and even Shu himself knows it.But in the spring, I suddenly heard that he had been dismissed by the principal.This made me feel a bit abrupt; in fact, this has always been the case, but because I hope that the people I know will be spared, so I just think it is abrupt, and the people of S City are not particularly evil this time. At that time, I was busy with my own livelihood, and at the same time I was discussing the matter of going to Sanyang to become a teacher this autumn, so I didn't have time to visit him.When I had some free time, it was almost three months since he was dismissed, but there was no intention of visiting Lian Shu.One day, I passed by the street and stopped by a second-hand bookstall by chance, but I couldn't help but feel horrified, because the first printed edition of Ji Gu Pavilion, "Historical Records Suo Yin" [6], was exactly Lian Shu's book. .He likes books, but he is not a bibliophile. This kind of book is regarded as a rare and precious book to him, and he is not willing to sell it as a last resort.Could it be that he has been so poor since he was unemployed for two or three months?Although he has always dispersed as soon as he has money, he has no savings.So I decided to visit Lian Shu, and bought a bottle of soju, two packs of peanuts, and two smoked fish heads on the street. The door of his room was closed, and he called twice, but there was no answer.I suspected that he was asleep, so I screamed louder, and reached out to pat the door. "Get out!" Daliang's grandmother, the fat woman with triangular eyes, poked out her gray hair from the opposite window, and said loudly, as if impatient. "Where did it go?" I asked. "Where did he go? Who knows?—Where can he go? Just wait and see. He'll be back soon." I opened the door and walked into his living room.It was really "not seen in a day, like three autumns" [7], the eyes are full of desolation and emptiness, not only are there not many utensils left, even the books are only a few foreign-style books that no one in S City will want.The round table in the middle of the room is still there, and it used to be surrounded by melancholy and generous young people, underappreciated talents and dirty and noisy children, but now it is very quiet, with only a thin layer of dust on its face.I put wine bottles and paper bags on the table, dragged a chair over, and sat down by the table facing the door. Indeed, it was only "for a while", when the door opened, a person came in quietly like a shadow, it was Lian Shu.Maybe it's because of the evening, it seems darker than before, but the expression is still the same. "Ah! Are you here? How long have you been here?" He seemed to like it a little. "Not long," I said. "Where have you been?" "Not going there, but just walking around." He also drew a chair and sat down at the table; and we began to drink schnapps and talk about his unemployment.But he didn't want to talk about it; he thought it was something he expected, something that happened to him from time to time, nothing to be surprised about, and nothing to talk about.As usual, he just insisted on drinking soju, and still made some comments about society and history.For some reason, I saw the empty bookshelf at this time, and I also remembered the first printed version of "Historical Records Suoyin", and suddenly felt a kind of indifferent loneliness and sadness. "Your living room is so deserted....Has there not been many guests lately?" "No more. They thought I was in a bad mood, so it was meaningless to come. Being in a bad mood can really make people uncomfortable. No one goes to the park in winter..." He drank a couple of sips of wine, thinking silently, and suddenly raised his face to look at me and asked, "Are you still not sure about the career you're planning?" Although I knew that he was a little drunk, I couldn't help feeling annoyed. I was about to speak, but when he listened, I grabbed a handful of peanuts and went out.Outside the door are the voices of the Daliangs laughing. But as soon as he went out, the children's voices fell silent, and they seemed to have all gone.He still chased after him and said something, but he didn't hear an answer.He also came back quietly like a shadow, still putting a handful of peanuts in the paper bag. "Don't even eat my food." He whispered, mockingly. "Lian Shu," I felt very sad, but forced a smile, and said, "I thought you were looking for trouble too much. You see the world too bad..." He smiled coldly. "I'm not finished yet. For us, who occasionally visit you, you also think that because we have nothing to do, we come to you and use you as a source of entertainment?" "No. But sometimes. Or something to talk about." "Then you are wrong. People are not like this. You actually made a one-headed cocoon [8] with your own hands and wrapped yourself in it. You should see the world better." I said with a sigh. "Perhaps so. But, you say: Where did that thread come from?—Naturally, there are such people in the world, such as my grandmother. Although I didn't share her blood, I might inherit her." fate. But it doesn't matter, I have already cried together..." I immediately remembered the scene of his grandmother's funeral, as if I was right in front of my eyes. "I always don't understand your crying at that time..." So Falcon asked abruptly. "When my grandmother was buried? Yes, you don't understand." He said calmly while lighting the lamp. "Your society with me, I think, is because of crying at that time. You don't know, This grandmother is my father's stepmother; his biological mother died when he was three years old." He thought, drank silently, and finished a smoked fish head. "I didn't know about those past events. It's just that I found it incomprehensible when I was a child. At that time, my father was still there, and my family was in good condition. During the first month, I must hang the statue of the ancestor and make a grand offering. Looking at these many Portraits in full costumes seemed to be a rare sight for me at that time. But at that time, a female worker holding me always pointed to a portrait and said: This is your own grandmother. Bye, I wish you a lifelike life Hurry up. I really don't understand how I can have my own grandmother when I have a grandmother. But I love my own grandmother. She is not as old as the grandmother at home; She wears a beaded crown, similar to my mother's. When I look at her, her eyes are fixed on me, and a smile gradually grows on the corner of her mouth: I know she must also love me very much. "However, I also love the grandmother at home, who sits under the window all day and slowly sews. Although no matter how happy I am in front of her, I can't make her laugh. It often makes me feel cold, It's a little different from other people's grandmothers. But I still love her. But later, I gradually alienated her; it's not because I got older and knew she was not my father's biological mother. Doing needlework is like a machine, so it is inevitable to be annoying. But she is still the same as before, doing needlework; she manages me and loves me. Although she rarely smiles, she doesn't scold me. Until my father died, she was still like this; afterward , we lived almost entirely by her sewing, and naturally more so, until I went to school..." The lamp was down and the kerosene was almost dry, so he stood up and took out a small tin pot from under the bookshelf to add kerosene. "Only this month, the price of kerosene has increased twice..." He turned on the lamp and said slowly. "Life will become more and more difficult every day.——She will still be like this until I graduate and have something to do, and life is more stable than before; I am afraid that it will not be until she is sick and can't stand it anymore, so she has to lie down. .... "Her old age, as far as I think, is not very hard, and her life is not too young, so I don't need to cry. Besides, aren't there many people who cry? Even the people who tried to bully her before cried, at least It’s a miserable face. Haha!… But at that time, I somehow shrunk her life in front of my eyes, created loneliness with my own hands, and put it in my mouth to chew. And I think there are many such people. These people made me cry, but most of it was because I was too emotional at the time.... "Your opinion of me now is the same as my opinion of her before. However, my opinion at that time was actually not right. It is myself, since I knew a little about the world, I have gradually become estranged from her... ." He was silent, holding a cigarette between his fingers, lowered his head, thinking.The lights were trembling slightly. "Oh, it's not easy for a person to make no one cry for him after death." He said as if talking to himself; after a short pause, he raised his face and said to me, "You can't even think about it. I have to find something to do..." "Do you have no more trustworthy friends?" I just couldn't think about it at this time, even myself. "There are probably a few more, but their situation is similar to mine..." When I said goodbye to Lian Shu and went out, the full moon had already risen in the middle of the sky, and it was an extremely quiet night. Four The state of education in Sanyo is very poor.I went to school for two months and didn't get a single penny of salary, so I had to save even cigarettes.But the people in the school, even though they are small employees with a monthly salary of fifteen or sixteen yuan, are not optimistic about their fate. Relying on the copper tendons and iron bones of their success, they work sallow and emaciated from morning to night. Tall people have to stand up respectfully. In fact, they are all people who don't need to "know etiquette with enough food and clothing" (8).Every time I see this situation, somehow I always remember the words that Lian Shu entrusted me at parting.At that time, his livelihood was even worse, embarrassment appeared from time to time, and he seemed not as deep as before. Knowing that I was about to leave and came to visit late at night, he hesitated for a long time before he said hesitatingly: "I don't know if there is a way to think about it? - It's just banknotes, twenty or thirty yuan a month is fine. I..." I was very surprised, I didn't expect him to be so accommodating, and I was speechless for a while. "I..., I still have a few days to live..." "Go over there and have a look, and try your best." This was the answer that I took to heart that day, and later I often heard it myself, and at the same time, Lian Shu's face appeared in front of my eyes, and I said hesitantly, "I still have a few days to live."At this point, I tried to recommend it to various places; but what effect is there, there are many people with few things, and the result is that when others send me a few words of apology, I will send him a few letters of apology.Towards the end of the semester, the situation worsened.In the "Scholarly Weekly" run by some gentlemen there, they started attacking me. Naturally, they never named me, but the wording was very clever, making people feel that I was picking on the student movement[10], and I even recommended it. Even the matter of death can be regarded as calling friends. I had no choice but to stay still, except when I was in class, I closed the door and hid. Sometimes even cigarette smoke slipped out of the window, for fear of being suspected of picking on students.The matter of Lian Shu is naturally impossible to talk about.And so on until deep winter. It snowed all day, and it didn't stop until night. Everything outside the house was extremely quiet, so quiet that you could hear the sound of silence.In the light of the small lights, I closed my eyes and sat there, like seeing snowflakes falling to supplement the endless snowdrifts; my hometown is also preparing for the New Year, and people are very busy; I am still a child, in the back garden On the flat place, a group of children molded snow arhats.Xue Luohan's eyes were inlaid with two small pieces of charcoal, the color was very black, and with the flickering, his eyes changed into Lian Shu's eyes. "I still have a few days to live!" Still the same voice. "Why?" I asked for no reason, and immediately felt ridiculous even to myself. This ridiculous question woke me up, I sat up straight, and lit a cigarette; when I opened the window and looked, it was snowing harder.Someone knocked on the door; after a while, a person walked in, but he heard the familiar footsteps of the house servant.He pushed open the door of my room and handed me a six-inch-long letter with very scrawled handwriting, but at a glance he recognized the word "Wei Jian" and it was from Lian Shu. This is the first letter he wrote to me since I left S City.I know he is lazy, and I am not surprised that there is no news, but sometimes I also blame him for not giving any news.When I received the letter, I felt strange for no reason, and hurriedly opened it.The same scribbled font was also used inside, with the following words written: "Shen Fei.... "What should I call you? I leave it blank. You can add what you want to call yourself. I can do it." After the farewell, there were three letters, but no reply.The reason for this is simple: I don't even have the money to buy stamps. "You may want to know something about me. Let me just tell you now: I failed. Before, I thought I was a loser, but now I know that's not the case. Now I am really a loser. Before, there were people who wanted me to live for a few days. I also wanted to live for a few days, but I couldn't live; now, I don't need it, but I want to live.... "But live on? "If you want me to live for a few days, you can't live. This person has been trapped and killed by the enemy. Who killed it? No one knows. "How quickly my life has changed! In the past six months, I have almost begged. In fact, I have already begged. However, I still have something to do. I am willing to beg for it, starve for it, be lonely for it, and work hard for it. But death is unwilling. You see, there is one person who is willing to live for a few days, and that is so powerful. But now there is no more, not even this one. At the same time, I myself feel unworthy to live; what about others I don’t deserve it. At the same time, I feel that I have to live for those who don’t want me to live. Fortunately, there are no one who wants me to live well, and no one is sad. To make such people feel sad, I I don't want to. But now there is none, not even this one. Very happy, very comfortable; I have practiced everything I once hated and opposed, and rejected everything I once admired and advocated. Yes. I have really failed,—yet I have won. "Do you think I've gone crazy? Do you think I've become a hero or a great man? No, no. It's very simple; I've been working as a consultant to Mr. Du recently, and my monthly salary is 80% yuan. "Shen Fei.... "What do you want me to be, you decide for yourself, I can do it. "Perhaps you remember my old drawing room, the drawing room in which we first met and parted in the city. I still use it now. There are new guests, new gifts, new praises, new pursuits, new Kowtow and arching, new card games and finger-guessing, new cold eyes and nausea, new insomnia and vomiting blood...   "Your previous letter said that you are very dissatisfied with teaching. Would you like to be a consultant? You can tell me, and I will do it for you. In fact, you can also be a concierge, as there will be new guests, new gifts, and new praises... "It's snowing heavily here. What's going on with you? It's late at night, and I've spit out two mouthfuls of blood, which woke me up. I remember that you've sent me three letters since autumn. What an amazing thing this is. I must send you some news, and perhaps you will not gasp. "After that, I probably won't write letters anymore. You already know this habit of mine. When will I come back? If it's early, I'll see you again. But I think we probably didn't go all the way; then, please Forget me. I thank you from my heart that you used to plan my life before. But forget me now; I am well now. Even die.December fourteenth. " Although this did not make me "take a deep breath", after a cursory look at it and then a closer look, I always felt a little uncomfortable, and at the same time, it was mixed with some pleasure and joy; I also thought that his livelihood was finally over. The problem, my burden can also be let go, although it is still unthinkable on my side.Suddenly I wanted to write a letter to answer him, but I felt that I had nothing to say, so this idea disappeared immediately. I am indeed gradually forgetting him.Nor does his face appear so often in my memory.But less than ten days after receiving the letter, the Xueli Seventh Daily in S City suddenly mailed their "Xueli Seventh Daily".I don't pay much attention to these things, but once they are sent, I will look through them casually.This reminds me of Lian Shu, because there are often poems and essays about him, such as "A Snowy Night Visiting Mr. Lian Shu", "Elegant Collection of Lian Shu's Consultant Gao Zhai", etc.; Li also narrates with relish the things he had previously been rumored to be a laughing stock, calling it "anecdote", which has the meaning of "and a man who is an extraordinary man must be able to do extraordinary things" [11]. For some reason, although I remembered it, his face was always gradually blurred; however, he seemed to be getting closer to me day by day, and often felt a kind of uneasiness and slight tremor that even I couldn't understand for no reason.Fortunately, in the autumn, the "Scholarly Seven Daily" did not arrive; Sanyo's "Scholarly Weekly" published a long paper as scheduled: "Theory of Rumors as Facts".It also said that rumors about certain lords have been widely circulated among the fair gentry.This refers to several people, including me; I have to be extremely careful, and as usual, even the cigarettes from smoking rolls must be careful not to scatter.Being careful is a kind of busy pain, so everything will be wasted, and naturally there is no time to remember Lian Shi.In short: I have actually forgotten him. But I finally couldn't make it through the summer vacation, and left Sanyang at the end of May. Fives From Shanyang to Licheng, and then to Taigu, I moved around for more than half a year, and finally couldn't find anything to do, so I made up my mind to go back to S City.It will be an afternoon in early spring, the weather will be rainy or not, and everything will be covered in gray; there are still vacant rooms in the old apartment, and we still live in it.On the road, I thought of Lian Shu, and when I arrived, I decided to visit him after dinner.Carrying two packs of Wenxi's famous boiled cakes, I walked a lot of wet roads, giving way to many dogs lying in the way, and finally arrived in front of Lian Shu's door.It seemed very bright inside.I thought, once I became a consultant, even the apartment became extra bright, and I couldn't help but smile inwardly.But when I looked up, there was a blank sheet of paper [12] pasted on the side of the door.I thought again, Daliang's grandmother is dead; at the same time, I also stepped into the door and walked straight inside. In the courtyard illuminated by the dim light, there was a coffin, and beside it stood a soldier or a horse bien in military uniform, and someone who was talking to him, but it turned out to be Daliang's grandmother; Clothed rough man.My heart jumped immediately.She also turned to stare at me. "Ah! You're back? Why not a few days earlier..." She suddenly yelled. "Who... who is missing?" I actually already knew about it, but I still asked. "Master Wei, there was none the day before yesterday." I looked around, the living room was dark and there was only one lamp; the main room was hung with a white filial curtain, and a few children gathered outside the room, they were Daliang and Erliang. "He stopped there," Daliang's grandmother stepped forward, pointing, "after Master Wei congratulated me, I also rented the main house to him; he is now parked there." There is nothing else on the filial curtain, in front of it is a table, a square table; there are a dozen bowls of food on the square table.As soon as I stepped through the door, two men in white long gowns suddenly appeared in front of me and stopped them. They stared at the eyes like dead fish, and the light of surprise came out from them, and they pinned my face.I hurriedly explained my relationship with Lian Shu, Daliang's grandmother also came to confirm from the side, their hands and eyes gradually relaxed, and they tacitly allowed me to approach and bow. As soon as I bowed, someone on the ground suddenly burst into tears. When I looked carefully, I saw a ten-year-old child lying on the straw, also dressed in white, with a large strand of ramie silk tied around his shaved head. [13]. After exchanging pleasantries with them, I knew that one was Lian Shu's first cousin, who was the closest relative; the other was a distant nephew.I asked to take a look at my old friend, but they tried their best to stop them, saying they "did not dare to do so".However, I was finally persuaded and lifted the filial curtain. This time I met the dead Lian Shu.But strange!Although he was wearing a wrinkled short shirt and trousers with bloodstains on the placket, and his face was extremely thin, his face was still the same as before, with his mouth and eyes closed quietly, as if he was asleep, and he was almost ashamed. I put my hand in front of his nose to test him but he was still breathing. Everything is as still as death, the dead and the living.I withdrew, but his cousins ​​came around again, saying that the "brother" had passed away suddenly when he was in the prime of life and had a bright future. .There is a sense of apology for Lian Shu in the words; it is rare for people in mountain villages to be able to say this.但此后也就沉默了，一切是死一般静，死的人和活的人。 我觉得很无聊，怎样的悲哀倒没有，便退到院子里，和大良们的祖母闲谈起来。知道入殓的时候是临近了，只待寿衣送到；钉棺材钉时，"子午卯酉"四生肖是必须躲避的。她谈得高兴了，说话滔滔地泉流似的涌出，说到他的病状，说到他生时的情景，也带些关于他的批评。 "你可知道魏大人自从交运之后，人就和先前两样了，脸也抬高起来，气昂昂的。对人也不再先前那么迂。你知道，他先前不是像一个哑子，见我是叫老太太的么？后来就叫老家伙。唉唉，真是有趣。人送他仙居术〔14〕，他自己是不吃的，就摔在院子里，——就是这地方，——叫道，老家伙，你吃去罢。他交运之后，人来人往，我把正屋也让给他住了，自己便搬在这厢房里。他也真是一走红运，就与众不同，我们就常常这样说笑。要是你早来一个月，还赶得上看这里的热闹，三日两头的猜拳行令，说的说，笑的笑，唱的唱，做诗的做诗，打牌的打牌……。 "他先前怕孩子们比孩子们见老子还怕，总是低声下气的。近来可也两样了，能说能闹，我们的大良们也很喜欢和他玩，一有空，便都到他的屋里去。他也用种种方法逗着玩；要他买东西，他就要孩子装一声狗叫，或者磕一个响头。哈哈，真是过得热闹。前两月二良要他买鞋，还磕了三个响头哩，哪，现在还穿着，没有破呢。" 一个穿白长衫的人出来了，她就住了口。我打听连殳的病症，她却不大清楚，只说大约是早已瘦了下去的罢，可是谁也没理会，因为他总是高高兴兴的。到一个多月前，这才听到他吐过几回血，但似乎也没有看医生；后来躺倒了；死去的前三天，就哑了喉咙，说不出一句话。十三大人从寒石山路远迢迢地上城来，问他可有存款，他一声也不响。十三大人疑心他装出来的，也有人说有些生痨病死的人是要说不出话来的，谁知道呢……。 "可是魏大人的脾气也太古怪，"她忽然低声说，"他就不肯积蓄一点，水似的化钱。十三大人还疑心我们得了什么好处。有什么屁好处呢？他就冤里冤枉胡里胡涂地化掉了。譬如买东西，今天买进，明天又卖出，弄破，真不知道是怎么一回事。待到死了下来，什么也没有，都糟掉了。要不然，今天也不至于这样地冷静……。 "他就是胡闹，不想办一点正经事。我是想到过的，也劝过他。这么年纪了，应该成家；照现在的样子，结一门亲很容易；如果没有门当户对的，先买几个姨太太也可以：人是总应该像个样子的。可是他一听到就笑起来，说道，老家伙，你还是总替别人惦记着这等事么？你看，他近来就浮而不实，不把人的好话当好话听。要是早听了我的话，现在何至于独自冷清清地在阴间摸索，至少，也可以听到几声亲人的哭声……。" 一个店伙背了衣服来了。三个亲人便检出里衣，走进帏后去。不多久，孝帏揭起了，里衣已经换好，接着是加外衣。 这很出我意外。一条土黄的军裤穿上了，嵌着很宽的红条，其次穿上去的是军衣，金闪闪的肩章，也不知道是什么品级，那里来的品级。到入棺，是连殳很不妥帖地躺着，脚边放一双黄皮鞋，腰边放一柄纸糊的指挥刀，骨瘦如柴的灰黑的脸旁，是一顶金边的军帽。 三个亲人扶着棺沿哭了一场，止哭拭泪；头上络麻线的孩子退出去了，三良也避去，大约都是属"子午卯酉"之一的。 粗人打起棺盖来，我走近去最后看一看永别的连殳。 他在不妥帖的衣冠中，安静地躺着，合了眼，闭着嘴，口角间仿佛含着冰冷的微笑，冷笑着这可笑的死尸。 敲钉的声音一响，哭声也同时迸出来。这哭声使我不能听完，只好退到院子里；顺脚一走，不觉出了大门了。潮湿的路极其分明，仰看太空，浓云已经散去，挂着一轮圆月，散出冷静的光辉。 我快步走着，仿佛要从一种沉重的东西中冲出，但是不能够。耳朵中有什么挣扎着，久之，久之，终于挣扎出来了，隐约像是长嗥，像一匹受伤的狼，当深夜在旷野中嗥叫，惨伤里夹杂着愤怒和悲哀。 我的心地就轻松起来，坦然地在潮湿的石路上走，月光底下。 一九二五年十月十七日毕 〔1〕本篇在收入本书前未在报刊上发表过。 〔2〕"承重孙"按封建宗法制度，长子先亡，由嫡长孙代替亡父充当祖父母丧礼的主持人，称承重孙。 〔3〕法事原指佛教徒念经、供佛一类活动。这里指和尚、道士超度亡魂的迷信仪式，也叫"做功德"。 〔4〕《沉沦》小说集，郁达夫著，内收中篇小说《沉沦》和短篇小说《南迁》、《银灰色的死》，一九二一年十月上海泰东图书局出版。这些作品以"不幸的青年"或"零余者"为主人公，反映当时一部分小资产阶级知识分子在帝国主义、封建势力压抑下的忧郁、苦闷和自暴自弃的病态心理，带有颓废的倾向。 〔5〕吃素谈禅谈禅，指谈论佛教教义。当时军阀官僚在失势后，往往发表下野"宣言"或"通电"，宣称出洋游历或隐居山林、吃斋念佛，从此不问国事等，实则窥测方向，伺机再起。 〔6〕《史记索隐》唐代司马贞注释《史记》的书，共三十卷。汲古阁，是明末藏书家毛晋的藏书室。《史记索隐》是毛晋重刻的宋版书之一。 〔7〕"一日不见，如隔三秋"语出《诗经·王风·采葛》："一日不见，如三秋兮。" 〔8〕独头茧绍兴方言称孤独的人为独头。蚕吐丝作茧，将自己孤独地裹在里面，所以这里用"独头茧"比喻自甘孤独的人。 〔9〕"衣食足而知礼节"语出《管子·牧民》："仓廪实则知礼节，衣食足则知荣辱。" 〔10〕挑剔学潮一九二五年五月，作者和北京女子师范大学其他六位教授发表了支持该校学生反对反动的学校当局的宣言，陈西滢于同月《现代评论》第一卷第二十五期发表的《闲话》中，攻击作者等是"暗中挑剔风潮"。作者在这里借用此语，含有讽刺陈西滢文句不通的意味。 〔11〕"且夫非常之人，必能行非常之事"语出《史记·司马相如列传》："盖世必有非常之人，然后有非常之事。" 〔12〕斜角纸我国旧时民间习俗，人死后在大门旁斜贴一张白纸，纸上写明死者的性别和年龄，入殓时需要避开的是哪些生肖的人，以及"殃"和"煞"的种类、日期，使别人知道避忌。（这就是所谓"殃榜"。据清代范寅《越谚》：煞神，"人首鸡身"，"人死必如期至，犯之辄死"。） 〔13〕苎麻丝指"麻冠"（用苎麻编成）。旧时习俗，死者的儿子或承重孙在守灵和送殡时戴用，作为"重孝"的标志。