Chapter 4 There is a Qin Shihuang in Langfang

The first time Yun Mao took a plane, he was assigned a seat by the aisle. It took him a lot of talking and a red sandalwood fasting badge to switch seats with the person by the window.It turned out that the person by the window was a fat man. He twisted his body to change seats, and said, "If you say you, I will let you if I let you. You still say that this piece of broken wood is a treasure, a Qianlong workman, or something. Manufacturing office. People from the north, I have never seen you so unreal." Yun Mao ignored him, the plane took off, and through the porthole, Yun Mao saw the Great Wall on the ridge of Yanshan Mountain for the first time, up and down, left and right, like a little boy's toy.

"It's different from the street of Langfang's hometown. Qin Shihuang has never seen the Great Wall from this angle." Yun Mao thought. The fortune teller in the town said that the five elements in Yunmao's life lack wood, and Yunmao liked grass and trees when he was young.There is nothing to see in the town, just a few dogs and a few human faces toss and turn. Every few months, there is a widow who looks good for a while. , the six legs were unstable, slipped and fell, ate oral oil, and flew away.But these widows know that they are good-looking, and every step they take, they feel that people are watching her from all directions, and often they will not go on the road.So when Yunmao is doing nothing, he doesn't look at people, but plants and trees.

After seeing a lot, Yunmao observed many details and changes of vegetation.There are many locust trees in the village, which gather together to form a forest. In late spring, white and purple flowers bloom. The ones that fall first cover the floating soil, and the ones that fall later cover the ones that fell first. If they accumulate more, they can be half an inch thick. Stepping on the snow, the difference is that stepping on it and smelling it carefully, there is a fragrance of grass and trees that snow does not have.Yun Mao sat on the floor paved with locust tree flowers, the floor air was warm, and the external hemorrhoids at the anus gradually closed up, and the pain became less painful.Yunmao thought, there are all kinds of vegetation, every kind of vegetation is beautiful, and so are people, but why is it that not everyone is beautiful?Plants and trees are also born, old, sick and die, and so are people, but why are people so reluctant?Why do trees in the north have less hardwood?Why can't the trees fly long like Er Tijiao, leaving the ground and flying into the air, flying higher than the mountain, higher than the Great Wall on the mountain, and the whole root system is like a dug out ginseng, exposed in the air?

One foot kicked Yun Mao's ass upwards at a 45-degree angle, and then he added another kick. The flowers of the locust tree and the dust flew up together. Yun Mao's father gasped and said, "After you poke your dick, you play handguns, you Do you still want Daiyu to bury flowers after shooting pistols? It’s time to feed the pig and fuck your mother.” The village is divided into families, and the heads of households all gather in the brigade headquarters.It doesn’t take long to divide it into parts. Each family only has this little property, and it is very transparent. Your family killed a chicken, stewed it, gnawed it, and threw the chicken bones at the door. All the neighbors have been talking about your family’s food for a month. A whole chicken was eaten.The Yunmao family had never eaten a whole chicken. The first one was classified as a poor peasant. Yunmao's father thought it was very honorable, but later found that many of his family were classified as poor peasants. He felt that it was not honorable enough. Go and compare who is poorer with others.

"I only have one pot at home." "One pot in my house is leaking, so there is no pot in my house." "There are five children in my family, and none of them are over ten years old." "None of the seven children in my family is over ten years old. There were seventeen, only these seven survived." "My family has only one decent pair of pants, all year round, all year round, and they can only stay on the kang after washing, because there is no need to change them." "There are nine people in my family, seven children and two adults. There is only one pair of decent trousers. One person goes out, and the other eight people can only stay on the kang because they have nothing to wear."

When Yun Maoniang heard it, she shouted from the kang in the room to the venue: "Father Yun Mao, you shameless old man, come back quickly, give me the pants, I want to go back to my mother's house." Yun Mao is the eldest of the seven children. When he was ten years old, he got his first pair of pants and wanted to go to school. Yun Mao's father said: "It costs two yuan a month to go to school. Do you still eat? Where can I find the two yuan a month?" Yun Mao said, "I want to go to school, but I don't eat." Yun Mao's father said: "It's okay not to eat, but where can I find these two yuan every month?"

Yun Mao said: "My uncle and my aunt both work on the railway, I begged them, they can pay some money every month." Yun Mao's father said: "You go to study, and your younger brothers and sisters will have no books to study. You are only one uncle and one aunt. You can't keep borrowing money from others. How can you pay back so much money?" Yun Mao said: "I'm going to study, I don't eat, my brothers and sisters eat." After graduating from high school, Yun Mao became the most knowledgeable person in the entire brigade and worked as an accountant in the brigade.

A brigade didn't have much money, so Yun Mao went to the locust tree forest in his spare time.There is a lot of free time. There is a river beside the locust tree forest. There are fish in the river, mostly crucian carp.Yunmao often goes fishing and naps when the fish are not hooked.Across the river is another village. They are richer than Yunmao's village. They have their own land, 0.25% per household, and grow sorghum.Although fish is more delicious than sorghum rice, fish is not food after all, and sorghum rice is not as good as having fish. The team leader's family gave birth to twins, two sons. The team leader's wife had small breasts and had little milk, and even less milk for the two sons.The captain's wife said to Yun Mao: "At first, your captain wanted to taste the taste of human milk, but now you are completely blind. Every time these two cubs are hungry and watch me cry, I want to strangle them Then jump into the river. These two beggars sucked me to death, almost sucked my tits off."

Yun Mao blushed, not listening to what the nipples were sucked into.I went fishing by the river, and at night I went to the city to sell the fish I caught all day to individual restaurants that just started to appear. I bought milk powder early the next morning, two yuan seven a bag, and went back to the village to sleep casually until noon, and took a bite of rice. , to the brigade department. The team leader said: "My day is your mother, you just came, what time is it?" Yun Mao said: "Milk powder, for your son. After your two sons are fed, maybe you can taste human milk."

Yun Mao has been fishing for a year.Fishing and selling fish at night, sleeping in the morning, and managing the accounts in the brigade in the afternoon.Every morning, the captain of the brigade said to everyone that Yun Mao went out to do errands for the brigade this morning.Later, every afternoon and evening, he also said that when he met someone, he said that Yun Mao went out to do errands for the brigade this morning. A year later, Yun Mao felt that he could no longer be a fishing accountant. After selling fish to buy milk powder, there was still some money left over, and Yun Mao gave it to his father.After paying for more than half a year, Yun Mao and his father said: "Is it right to pay for my high school education? I have paid back all the money now." Yun Mao's father said: "Your mother is hospitalized, and your younger siblings are seeing a doctor. We are now together. I still owe him 300 yuan." Yunmao's head is getting bigger, 300 yuan, and he still can't catch fish after ten years of fishing.

The captain's two sons are one year old, and they are much bigger than other one-year-old cubs in the village.After weaning, the captain's woman met Yunmao, and she kept saying, "I always dream that the two cubs are hungry and suck me to death, almost sucking my nipples off. , the nipples are still there, but I'm covered in cold sweat." The team leader's eyes started to look wrong at Yun Mao, and once the fish was sold too much, Yun Mao bought a bottle of Yingchun wine for the team leader, which was a sauce-flavored, Langfang Moutai.The team leader took Yun Mao to drink together. After drinking too much, his eyes sparkled. He asked Yun Mao, my woman has one big breast and one small breast, and the left breast is large and the right breast is small. How do you know?What does human milk taste like, tell me? "What are you doing here?" Yun Mao's second uncle asked. "I want to buy two packs of Evergrande cigarettes, and I want you to approve a note." Yun Mao replied. "Hengda Cigarettes? It's very expensive. It costs 40 cents a pack. Do you have any money?" The second uncle continued to ask. "Yes." Yun Mao continued to answer. "You don't smoke, you just idle around and listen to hooligan songs, but you don't smoke, why do you want cigarettes?" "I don't want to be an accountant of the brigade anymore. I want to go to the county to learn how to collect antiques. The last time I went to the county to work for the brigade, I saw the antiques collected by the old craftsmen in the county cultural relics station. I heard that they sent them to Beijing later. Go with Tianjin. The tickets ordered by the master are all ten or ten yuan! My family owes people money, a lot of money, too much money. Give the master a good cigarette, the master should teach me." The old master didn't let Yun Mao enter the cultural relics station at all.Yun Mao handed him an Evergrande cigarette, the master took it and smoked it, Yun Mao handed him another one, the master took it again and smoked it, but he was still not allowed to enter the door.Yun Mao went next door to buy a pancake, sat on the steps in front of the cultural relics station, and ate his fill.If there are boxes and furniture to be moved, Yunmao will help.The bicycle chain fell off, and Yun Mao helped put it on.When the old master was free, he sat on the steps and played chess, and Yun Mao helped the old master win a few games.When the master went out, Yun Mao followed him wherever he went. When the master went to the cooperative to buy toothpaste, Yun Mao watched the master take out his wallet.The old master turned his head to look at the widow on the street, and Yun Mao smiled at the widow.The master went to the toilet, Yun Mao also went to the toilet, the master peed, Yun Mao also peed, the master shook his dick, Yun Mao also shook his dick. The old master said: "Fuck your mother, you are a ghost, why do you always follow me? Stop peeing after me, just collect things after me, stay aside, watch more, listen more, think about why, don't talk .” Yunmao formed a habit when he was studying, and found a notebook to write down things that he felt should be written down. The following text is excerpted from Yunmao's notebook. "The first antique I collected was a porcelain pillow. White ground, soy sauce-colored patterns, flowers and plants. The master said it was Cizhou kiln, from the Song Dynasty. I said how do you know it? It's not from the Yuan Dynasty, Ming Dynasty, Qing Dynasty, Republic of China, From the People’s Republic of China? The master scolded me and said, how do you know it’s a horse and not a donkey? How do you know it’s a locust tree and not a willow? How do you know your father likes to fuck the cunt and not the ass? Listen, I basically understand it, and then I don’t seem to understand it very well. I know very well that this porcelain pillow earned me 80 yuan. I have been fishing and selling fish for a year, and I can’t have so much money left. Big bills of ten yuan a piece, eight pieces, each They all look the same, much better than a one-dollar note or a ten-cent note.” "For three days in a row, there was no place to eat in the countryside, and I didn't have my first meal until after ten o'clock in the evening when I went back." "I went to Shandong and was sent to the public security bureau and border station three times. There are border guards in every village along the coast. If they see anything suspicious, they will be arrested as Taiwanese spies. I said I have a Hebei accent, don't arrest me. They said Recently, Taiwanese secret agents have learned the accent of Hebei to facilitate their entry into the great capital of Beijing. I showed them my letter of introduction, from Tianjin Cultural Relics Store and Beijing Friendship Store. When I went to the Public Security Bureau and the border station, the person in official clothes read my letter of introduction and said, "Hey, wouldn't it be fine if you showed it earlier? Just let me go. In fact, if they asked me to explain, what would I do?" I will explain it right away. The electric baton, if you don’t get beaten, it hurts your butt. The first time I went in, I heard screams in the next room, and then a policeman came out. He smiled at me, and I peed at that time. I’m wearing cotton trousers, which can’t be seen from the outside, but the dick knows it. I began to doubt the movie. Can it be true that the underground gangsters in the movie said that they would not confess even after being tortured? I looked at the instruments of torture, and I recruited them. Therefore, I can’t be an underground party. I set rules with myself. In order not to go to prison, I can’t touch things that come out of the tomb first-hand. Don’t unearth things, but hand them down , passed it on several hands." "Wang Dawen hired five of us to collect antique furniture, no matter how big or small, each piece was paid two hundred yuan. I watched people move furniture from home, one piece after another. I stood at the door, my legs were shaking all the time, afraid that they would Say no to sell, at most, five pairs of armchairs were moved out of a shed next to a pigsty. The second time, I went to their house and talked to him, why are there so many things in your house? He said, they were all broken. They were collected in the city when they were old. They were cheap at that time. Armchairs with carved patterns cost five yuan a pair, or they could be exchanged for some sorghum rice. Not for sale? It would be a disaster to stay in the city. Good furniture, in the countryside Never, don't be stupid. Only the intellectuals and officials in the city do these things. The landlords in the countryside have money and only know how to buy land. The intellectuals are also pitiful. They dare not be shirtless when it is hot, and their dicks grow when it is cold Chilblains, sit on a good hardwood chair, and are said to want to restore, how to hide, can't hide from being fucked. But I like them, they are different, aura, stubborn." "I have received too much good furniture. The tabletops are all burnt blue and white porcelain, and the edge of the table is full of palindrome and Kuilong. The huanghuali is beautiful, and it is full of gall faces." "The captain retired. He insisted on letting his woman follow me. He didn't do it himself. He asked his woman to do it. He earned money to buy him Spring Festival wine. His woman said that after the captain retired, he had nothing to do and always beat her. I also talked about how uncomfortable her nipples were. I told her that I didn’t want to hear it. If she insisted on telling how she was beaten or how uncomfortable her nipples were, then don’t do it with me. Later, I went to Shanxi to collect porcelain, silverware and Goldware, when you meet a car checker on the road, the captain's woman can endure hardships, and stuffs valuables into her chest. I finally know that the captain's woman really has one breast big and one breast small, the left breast is big and the right breast is small .There's a lot more silver and gold out of her right bra than in her left." The money Yunmao earned has been saved and never spent.Except for the captain, basically no one knows.Yun Mao warned the captain, if you dare to say that I made a lot of money outside, I will let you have no Spring Festival wine for the rest of your life.Yunmao thought, if you save a lot of money, spend it together, like the flowers of the pagoda tree by the river, which are half an inch thick, and you can sit on it with one buttock. The homestead of Yunmao's family is on the central street of the village.On the night of the sixteenth day of the first lunar month, Yun Mao took out the big woven bag containing banknotes from the cellar, put it on the scale and weighed it.The moon was perfectly round, bigger and brighter than a street lamp. Yun Mao sat on the woven bag containing banknotes and quietly smoked two cigarettes.In recent years, I have eaten too much spicy peppers, and my hemorrhoids have become more and more painful. Every time the moon is full, I have stools and blood. Yun Mao built a small two-story building at the back of the old house, which cost 58,000 yuan, and the exterior walls were covered with tiles.The tiles cost sixty cents a piece and are shiny. The current village head, town head, and district head all come to see, take pictures, and drink tea.The village head said, dazzling, next time you come, you have to wear sunglasses.Yun Mao wanted to build a three-story building in front of the house. Yun Mao's father said: "You were burned by money? Burned your dick? I want to live a few more years. Our family built the tallest building in the village." If the sky falls, the tallest one will be crushed to death.” Yun Mao recalled Beijing, where he often visited, and built a two-entry courtyard in front of the old house.The villagers had never seen it before, and said that Yunmao's family committed too many crimes and had too much money to spend, so they built a temple.Yun Mao said in his heart, fuck your mother. With the rest of the money, Yunmao bought two motorcycles, a Honda 125, for 14,000 yuan each. There were only three in the whole county. Yunmao only had two for each village, and Yunmao had two for himself. Yunmao's uncle patted the fender of the Honda 125 and cursed loudly, you son of a bitch, you are going to be out of luck, the party is coming to clean you up!The government is coming to clean you up!The party will clean you up with a smile, and the government will clean you up with a smile. Do you believe it? After 30 years of making antique furniture, Yun Mao’s eyes were blurred. A pair of late Ming huanghuali matza bought for 50 cents in the early years was auctioned for 1.5 million. Yun Mao decided to quit. The last entry in Yunmao's work diary is as follows: "Now everyone says they are rich, but this is not called being rich. Every family in the village has built temple-style houses with tiles on the walls and public toilets.Yun Mao demolished the two-story building at the back of the old house and built a four-story building. On the fourth floor, workers used old bricks to build arrow stacks like the Great Wall.On the day of moving in, the boss and his wife both came. Their two sons had grown up, and they were still excited, jumping up and down on the four floors.Yun Mao drank half a catty of Yingchun wine.The old captain asked, why did you build the Great Wall?Who do you want to guard against?party?government?What are you thinking?Yunmao said, after drinking, I will tell you the truth, you crowd against me and build temples with a guilty conscience, don’t you all build temples now?If you build temples, I will build the Great Wall. I am Qin Shihuang, and you still have to call me Lord, and you are still grandsons. The intellectuals in the city call this a first-mover advantage. After Yunmao washed his hands and quit antique furniture, he did two things. First, design some wooden objects for your own use, all of which are huanghuali, mahogany and chicken wing wood.A chessboard with a Go board on one side and a Chess board on the other.A tea table and two chairs seem to be Ming-style, but not Ming-style. Thinking of the party and the government, Yunmao carved two lines of words on the side of the tea table: drink water and think of the source, and Yunmao is the supervisor.A Yunmao chair can adjust the angle of the footrest and the back of the chair. It can be used to sit or lie down. It can be bent down to grab the armrest of the chair to bloom flowers in the backyard. Second, to help a skinny guy realize some of his designs.Thin people grow small and are obsessed with big things.Buy a thousand old beds and put them together, a thousand old chairs and put them together, and a thousand door panels and put them together.The four-ton huanghuali is cut into thin strips and assembled into a three-dimensional map of the motherland with a mortise and tenon structure.Four tons of huanghuali are used to make public lattice bookshelves in the 1950s and 1960s, without a single nail.Yun Mao vaguely felt the raw talent of this skinny man, but he was still not completely sure whether the skinny man was creating new worlds or wasting wood. Yunmao felt the joy of creation for the first time in these two matters.In his wood processing factory, Yunmao smelled the slightly sour smell of Vietnamese rosewood when it was sawed, and remembered that the flowers of the pagoda tree were slightly astringent when they first bloomed. "Let's not talk about Qin Shihuang, Qianlong never used such a mahogany tea table with pears, and never sat on a Yunmao chair." Yunmao thought. Yun Mao remembered the first time he took a plane.The plane flew smoothly at an altitude of 10,000 meters, and there were clouds outside the cabin porthole.The fat man next to him asked Yunmao in a low voice with a painful expression: "I want to go out, what do you say? I want to pee, I want to shit, but I go to a public latrine, and no one is next to me in this narrow cunt latrine on the plane. I can’t urinate, I can’t pull it out. If the door of the house is closed all the time, I’m panicked and I want to go out, what do you say?” Yun Mao replied to the fat man beside him and said, "The plane has two emergency exits. Discuss with the stewardess that you may go out to get some air. After you go out, you will keep falling, and soon you will be able to see the Great Wall."