Chapter 6 Chapter 5 In 2004, continue to die

If the summer of last year was the beginning of He Xiaobing's restlessness, then this summer is not the end of He Xiaobing's restlessness.At this time, he was shirtless, wearing only a pair of underwear, lying on the bed and sleeping. A fly flew around He Xiaobing's head and landed on his face, He Xiaobing pursed his lips, the fly flew and he woke up.want to drink water.Sitting up from the bed in a daze, and inspecting the room, I couldn’t even find a cup. I really don’t know how the past two years have passed. There are several empty drink bottles piled up on the ground, and two of them are still full. cigarette butts.

He Xiaobing got out of bed and was going to drink water in the courtyard. He was about to open the door when he realized that he was wearing a little less clothes. He put on a pair of big underpants and went out of the house.Go straight to the water pipe, come to the front, lower your head, raise your neck, open your mouth, unscrew it and drink. "Just pour cold water in the morning, okay?" The landlady, who was sitting on the small bench at the door of her house, was choosing beans and throwing them into the enamel basin on the ground, looking at He Xiaobing and said anxiously. He Xiaobing didn't care about the old lady, he just wanted to drink to his heart's content first.

"It's okay!" After drinking enough, He Xiaobing turned off the tap, wiped his mouth and said, and then wobbled back to the house. When I entered the room and looked at the watch, it was only past seven o'clock. It was like this every time. If I drank too much, I woke up early.He Xiaobing felt a little pain in his arm, he lifted it up and saw that it was bruised and his leg was broken, and then he remembered what happened last night, it seemed that he got into a fight with someone after drinking too much. Yesterday He Xiaobing was called back to school by his college classmates for a break-up meal. When He Xiaobing received the call, he was taken aback: he thought they would stay at school forever, so there was a day when they would leave school.

He Xiaobing didn't know most of his classmates very well, so he didn't have to go, but he also wanted to see how these people who had been in college for four years became when they graduated, and whether they still made him look down on them. At the same time, He Xiaobing is also willing to help them share the hard-won happiness that took four years to get. But after sitting down, He Xiaobing regretted it.There were three tables in the San Huo meal, and two and a half tables were talking about finding a job, buying a house in Beijing, and what kind of car to drive.He Xiaobing was very puzzled why no one talked about what he was thinking recently, even if he was reading some books.Therefore, when there was a person who didn't speak, but silently raised his glass to touch He Xiaobing, He Xiaobing felt that this person could be a friend, but unfortunately he didn't find out when he enrolled.

Breaking up meals always makes people associate it with sadness, but for some reason, everyone was beaming at this meal, and it seemed that they were all graduate students. The fact that they are about to leave school does not mean that they will never see each other again, but that they are on vacation and wait for the school to start. Now, I can sit in the same classroom and teach again. He Xiaobing was very puzzled, he could be forgiven for not being sentimental, and he hadn't established much relationship with them, but they were not sentimental at all.I don't know if they are all tense and embarrassed to let go, or except for He Xiaobing, in fact, everyone has no unforgettable friendship in the four years of college.

After eating for a long time, there was still no beer. The waiter brought six boxes and only drank more than one box.There is an unwritten rule in the school, and students of all grades follow it. Every year they graduate, they must drink and lie down a few times, so that the graduation will be heroic and the class will appear united.If this standard is quantified, no matter what, each table needs to drink two cases of beer to count as a breakup meal. The squad leader looked at his watch, it was getting late, he had to stand on the last post, lead everyone to complete the task, and finish the wine.Although few people would remember that there was such a monitor after leaving school, he had to start well and end well, and take himself seriously, otherwise he wouldn't like being the monitor.

The squad leader must always protect the collective honor, and his task at this time is to take care of everyone getting drunk.In fact, there are also many people who want to get drunk. After four years, they finally got through it, or they think, four years, it's all a fucking delay!But no one took the initiative, and they didn’t know who to drink with, so they all got stuck. Now the squad leader took the lead and organized a drinking game, so the bottle opener became a hot commodity, and every table took turns shouting: "Where is the opener?" He Xiaobing looked at these unfamiliar students pushing glasses and changing glasses. Some students who couldn't drink had already fallen down and were carried aside. They made up three chairs and put him on top of them. In order to prevent him from rolling down, the chairs Place it against the wall, with the back of the chair out.

Some people fell down one after another, but the squad leader still did not forget his role, taking care of the sleeping classmates, in order not to let them lie on the ground and catch cold, he kept calling the waiter: "Two more chairs!" Every time a person falls down, the classmates who are familiar with him will start to talk about the embarrassing things about that person during school, and the classmates who are not familiar with him only then find out that he is such a person. He Xiaobing looked at those classmates who were unconscious after drinking. On the eve of parting, they left a deep memory on the students in such a way. After many years, when they mentioned him, the students would think: Is he sober? ?Will he know that the friend he considers himself has said in front of everyone what he doesn't want others to know?

He Xiaobing wanted to leave, but every time he was about to get up, he was held down by a classmate who came over with a glass of wine: "Brother, although we don't know each other well, I have heard about your deeds, don't say anything It’s done, it’s done, let’s go all the way!” He Xiaobing had no choice but to raise his glass, finish it, and then sit down, hoping to leave when no one is paying attention, but as soon as there is a chance, the next person will come over with a glass: "Dude, I really hope you didn't leave that year Ah, as soon as you leave, I will be at the bottom of the class, and I have experienced what you were like back then, let's leave a phone call later, and you can talk when you need me in the future!"

After the six boxes of beer were finished, no one was sober, and the monitor was also dizzy, but he still felt that there was something he hadn't done. After thinking about it for a long time, he finally remembered that it was time to cry, otherwise this university would not be complete.So the class leader made the audience quiet, raised his glass and said some sensational words: Four years ago, we came here from all corners of the country to form a class; in four years, we studied, lived, and grew together; in four years, we will ... We will be scattered in the end of the world like the song of Pu Shu.There will be a day when we are old, and I hope we can still remember each other. Fortunately, we have been with each other and opened up!

The sound of girls sobbing came from the crowd, and some people began to cry alone in the corner. Following the monitor's speech, those who didn't cry comforted those who cried, but they also cried themselves. Bigger, more and more, and finally joined together, and finally graduated.At this time, the squad leader shouted out the door: "Waiter, take the napkin!" He Xiaobing also felt a little sad at this time, not because he was reluctant to part with a specific person, but because he felt the difference in life, which itself was quite uncomfortable. Fortunately, the rest of the class fee is enough to pay the bill, otherwise I really don’t know how the class leader will still charge everyone for the class fee at this time, how will those students whose eyes are red from crying will react? .If the amount is huge, I don’t know if someone will wipe away the tears, and suggest: “Give whoever’s money while everyone is here!” Some of the students who fell down had already woken up and went to the bathroom at night, while some were still asleep and were carried away by their classmates in the same dormitory. He Xiaobing parted with them in the night. Turning around the dormitory building and passing the teaching building, He Xiaobing felt the urge to urinate as he walked. There is a bathroom in the building, but he thinks it is more meaningful to leave the urine under the tree in front of the teaching building, especially in today's situation. a moment.Usually, I would look around to make sure there was no one there, so I would relieve myself in the open air. After drinking too much, I would also look around, and even if someone was there, I would urinate generously. After watering the tree, he felt refreshed, and He Xiaobing was ready to call it a day and leave.Suddenly, the window of a room on the first floor of the teaching building opened, but the lights in the room were dark.He Xiaobing thought it might be the wind, and planned to close the window, but just as he opened his legs, a black figure emerged from the window, carrying a bag.If he jumped out of the window openly, He Xiaobing would not think of him as bad, but with his sneaky appearance, He Xiaobing knew that he had bumped into a thief, and this thief, whom He Xiaobing still knew, was his classmate . Before He Xiaobing dropped out of school, their dormitory and several nearby dormitories were frequented by thieves. From the modus operandi, time of crime, and the circumstances of the theft, it could be concluded that the perpetrator was someone close to them, and there was a suspect. Did not catch current.The suspect also knew that everyone was looking at him with hostile eyes, but he still committed crimes against the wind and succeeded repeatedly.Always when everyone relaxes their vigilance, it may be that in a second, someone's CD player disappears, and a few days later, in the blink of an eye, another person's wallet is deflated.It seems that there are not many people who have not lost things during school. Fortunately, He Xiaobing dropped out of school, otherwise he would have to contribute something to this person.At this moment, it is estimated that this buddy is raising money for the train ticket home. He Xiaobing felt that he could no longer let this person walk away with his bag on his back. It wasn't that He Xiaobing had a hobby of being brave and uprooting evil, otherwise he would have applied for the Public Security University, but because he felt that life was too boring. I've been expecting something to happen, and it just happened to happen, so I can cheer myself up.He knew that the two of them would definitely have to do it, and he was looking forward to doing it, as activities would help drain his excess energy.In the past year, the number of times he fought people because of trivial matters exceeded the sum of the number of times he fought in the past.Today, he felt uncomfortable again and needed to vent. "The harvest is not small!" He Xiaobing stepped forward. The man was taken aback for a moment, and when he saw He Xiaobing's face, he panicked even more. He was obviously not prepared for a person who suddenly appeared from behind the tree and knew him. "I forgot whether you were present at the break-up dinner just now. Did you come after finishing your meal, or didn't you eat at all, and came here to cook for yourself?" He Xiaobing asked. "It has nothing to do with you, mind your own business." The man said and was about to leave. Seeing that he would miss this opportunity to vent his anger, He Xiaobing grabbed his bag. The man dropped the bag along the way and continued walking. "You just left?" He Xiaobing shouted at him. "I didn't hire you, did I?" the man stopped and turned around and said, "You play your guitar, I'll do mine. If you like the things in the bag, you can keep it for yourself." "What's in it?" "Open it and have a look." "I do not watch!" "What the hell are you trying to do?" "you guess!" He Xiaobing didn't want to call the police, which didn't match his original intention to stop this person.That person also felt that He Xiaobing was strange, meddling in his own business, but he couldn't see the motive of meddling in it. He Xiaobing looked at him motionlessly, hoping that the other party would make a move that further stimulated him. He wanted to make a move, but now he couldn't find a reason to make a move, and his emotions were not in place. "Why don't you make an offer?" the other party said. "What's the price for?" "Don't you just want to blackmail some money? Is one thousand enough?" "not enough!" "two thousand?" "not enough!" "Three thousand?" "not enough!" "Did you learn from your mother? If you are not old enough, your mother will tell your father that at night!" This sentence made He Xiaobing happy, he finally waited for the opportunity to make a move, kicked the man's belly with his legs. When young people fight, if they don't fight hard, it's not a fight, it's just a joke.Since He Xiaobing wants to fight, he must strike hard, and it is impossible for that person not to fight back.In less than a minute, both of them were painted. When the fist landed on the man's cheek and was bitten by his teeth, the impact of this kind of force made He Xiaobing sing happily, and even felt grateful to this man. In the middle of the fight between the two, the school security team came and took them away. After asking the reason, they called the police station, and the two were picked up by a car from the police station. Yes, that person stayed. As for what kind of future that person will face, He Xiaobing doesn't care, as long as there is a fight, he will be satisfied. After leaving the police station, He Xiaobing felt much more comfortable.Forbearance is calm for a while, these words are for people after middle age, for teenagers, it is calm after a dozen blows.When encountering a problem, He Xiaobing always chooses to fight. After the fight, he feels more comfortable physically and emotionally. When he gets irritable, he begins to long to meet someone quickly so that he can fight with himself.Of course, sometimes He Xiaobing will meet someone he can't beat, and the only thing he can do is to be beaten, and it's more enjoyable to be beaten than to be beaten. Leaving the police station, He Xiaobing felt that because the fight was only halfway through and he hadn't vented completely, he needed to find something else to do.Irritability and anger are due to dissatisfaction, including sensory dissatisfaction.With Gu Lili, he can obtain sensory satisfaction. He Xiaobing called Gu Lili and told her that he was going to find her, and Gu Lili said you come. Recently, He Xiaobing found his place between Xia Huguo and Gu Lili. Emotionally speaking, He Xiaobing was convinced that he liked Xia Huguo, and expressed his wish to reunite with her. Xia Huguo asked He Xiaobing: "Can you guarantee that after we reconcile, you will never think about it again?" Are you alone?" He Xiaobing didn't want to lie to Xia Huguo, so he could only tell the truth: "I can't guarantee it." "Then do you think I will agree to make up with you?" Xia Huguo asked He Xiaobing back. He Xiaobing felt that Xia Yuguo's question made sense. He only thought about himself, and didn't consider Xia Huguo's feelings. Maybe he is not suitable for dating.At this time, He Xiaobing believes that people should live for themselves, which is more important than living for love.Living for yourself also includes finding love for yourself, but love is just love. If a person is full of love 24 hours a day, then there is nothing else to do, and an important part of living for yourself is, When you want to do something, you don't have to think about others, just do what you want.At the mercy of love alone, life loses everything more charming than love. For example, if you accompany the other person to do what she (he) likes to do, then in the time spent, you will stay away from those things you like.Of course, it is possible that two people like the same things, but it is impossible for two people to like exactly the same things, otherwise, they will not be two people, but one person, what is the point of falling in love with a person who is exactly like oneself , It's better to look in the mirror and stay by yourself.And if you don’t sacrifice yourself during the relationship and just let the other party accompany you to do what you like, you still feel that the other party has taken advantage of your time and lost yourself, and it’s too selfish. no difference. He Xiaobing felt that he was not born for love, and his interest was more in life itself. Therefore, when Xia Huguo reported to Southern University, He Xiaobing did not go to the station to see her off. Of course, she did not let He Xiaobing deliver. Xia Yuguo didn't let He Xiaobing give it to her, not because she really didn't want him to give it, but because she was angry and playing petty temper. She hoped that He Xiaobing could surprise her by appearing downstairs or anywhere on the way to the train station.Xia Huguo also bought five picks. She knew that He Xiaobing would break a pick in a month, so she planned to hand over the picks to him in person, enough for him to use during the winter vacation.After the winter vacation, Xia Huguo will return to Beijing and buy it for He Xiaobing at that time. But He Xiaobing really didn't show up. Xia Huguo was getting closer and closer to the train station, thinking He Xiaobing would show up next time again and again, but was disappointed again and again.In the end, when the train started and He Xiaobing still didn't appear in Xia Huguo's sight as Xia Huguo wished, Xia Huguo cursed in his heart: He Xiaobing, you bastard!He also took out five picks that he had already prepared in his pocket, and tried to throw them out of the window, but he couldn't open the window, so he had to keep them in his pocket. After arriving at the school, Xia Huguo received a text message from He Xiaobing, but because of anger, he didn't reply to He Xiaobing.Soon, she changed her local mobile phone number without telling He Xiaobing.Therefore, when He Xiaobing repeatedly sent text messages but received no reply, so he had to make a phone call, the answer he got was always: "The user you dialed has turned off the phone, please try again later." He Xiaobing thought, it seems that this time Xia Yu really made up his mind to cut off contact with him.He Xiaobing was a little sad, thinking that the love affair with Xia Huguo was over, and had a drink with his buddies in the band as a sign of the end.Yan Kuan advised He Xiaobing: "Don't be sad, find another one, and the pain of falling out of love will be replaced by the joy of falling in love again. Otherwise, I will register an account on the dating website for you, and tomorrow there will be a large number of pictures of girls appearing on In your mailbox, you can choose." He Xiaobing and Xia Huguo did not break up to find another new love, he just wanted to be alone, so when Yan Kuan wrote down the membership name and password of the dating agency website on a piece of paper and handed it to He Xiaobing, He Xiaobing didn't know it after a while. I don't know where I got the paper. When you are alone, you will be lonely and irritable, and you need to find a companion, but if you spend a long time with your companion, you will become more irritable and lonely than when you are alone.He Xiaobing feels that no matter how alive a person is, he is not happy. Once He Xiaobing drank too much and went to find Gu Lili. "Didn't you say that I would come to you if I had something to do? I have something to do now!" He Xiaobing said drunkenly after seeing Gu Lili. "what's up?" "Fire!" "roll!" "Don't get out!" He Xiaobing sat down on the sofa, picked up the water on the coffee table and drank it. "Did you drink too much?" Gu Lili snatched the water glass and splashed the water on He Xiaobing's face. He Xiaobing closed his eyes, fell down on the sofa, and fell asleep. When he woke up the next day, He Xiaobing found that he was sleeping with Gu Lili on the same bed.From then on, He Xiaobing went to visit Gu Lili every now and then. He felt that there was no limit to him. Although he couldn't guarantee that he could go if he wanted to, he needed to see Gu Lili's situation, but at least He Xiaobing could guarantee that he could leave when he wanted, and Gu Lili would also Don't ask him anything. You love me, He Xiaobing can see that Gu Lili is quite boring when she is alone.If He Xiaobing didn't look for her for a few days, Gu Lili would call He Xiaobing and chat with him if he had nothing to do, to remind He Xiaobing that he could come to her.If He Xiaobing wanted to go, he would go to Gu Lili. If he didn't want to go, He Xiaobing would find a reason, and Gu Lili didn't force it. Later, He Xiaobing simply didn't want to go, and just said that he didn't want to go today. Gu Lili Don't say anything.Of course, when He Xiaobing took the initiative and was rejected by Gu Lili, He Xiaobing also understood Gu Lili.After a few days, the two got in sync and met again.He Xiaobing thinks this is very good, it not only relieves one's loneliness, but also does not lose one's freedom. When alone, He Xiaobing can clearly feel that this kind of life is problematic and unreliable, let alone whether he is satisfied, first of all, life itself needs to change the status quo, but He Xiaobing doesn't know where to start to change, change. What is it like.Just like before learning multiplication, knowing that 100 multiplied by 100 is definitely not equal to 200, otherwise why do you want to multiply, but you don’t know how much it is equal to. This is something you will definitely know in the future.Therefore, He Xiaobing's attitude is to live one day at a time and wait for the day when he gets the answer. Before that, he can only make do with it. It's useless to be dissatisfied. Let fate and life develop on its own! When he was bored, He Xiaobing went to find Gu Lili, exhausted his energy on her, and made himself exhausted, thinking that he would not be bored anymore, but when he lay on the bed afterwards, he found that time seemed to stand still, and he became even more boring.Not only He Xiaobing felt that there was a problem in life, but Gu Lili also felt it. "Do you think we are so energetic all day long?" Gu Lili once asked He Xiaobing. "It's quite boring." He Xiaobing looked up at the ceiling and said, "It's even more boring otherwise, do you have any good ideas?" "No." "Then let's do it first!" Faced with the problems in their lives, the two were helpless, or in other words, they chose the current countermeasures. Last night, when He Xiaobing arrived at Gu Lili's house, it was already midnight, and she was used to it.When He Xiaobing changed his slippers, Gu Lili saw the injury on He Xiaobing's elbow. "Are you fighting again?" Gu Lili asked. "I fell by myself." He Xiaobing didn't want to say anything more. Gu Lili took out the medical kit and cleaned He Xiaobing's wound, and put on a Band-Aid. Gu Lili once commented on He Xiaobing, when he fights, he has a ruthless energy, because he doesn't have to think about the consequences, he has nothing, except for a little injury, he won't lose anything, and even hopes that after the fight, he can change anything, even if It's a bad mood.He Xiaobing couldn't deny that Gu Lili could see something about any problem, but he didn't want to expose himself too much in front of Gu Lili. He Xiaobing didn't mention it.For example, except for the time when he drank too much, He Xiaobing never stayed overnight at Gu Lili's house. No matter how late he had to leave, he didn't want to feel at home and live here. Gu Lili never asked him why, and never stopped him. When Gu Lili and He Xiaobing were together, they were like a parent watching their child grow up. Although He Xiaobing didn't realize it, it was the fact.The things He Xiaobing thinks, the words he says, and the manner in which he speaks are all familiar to Gu Lili, and they have also appeared in her body, pure and beautiful.Now, Gu Lili can no longer find these things in herself, and she believes that as He Xiaobing grows up, these things will disappear with time. He Xiaobing went back to his place last night. He also felt a little guilty for disturbing Gu Lili at such a late hour and then left without mercy, so he found another reason before leaving: "I haven't practiced the piano today. !" Gu Lili smiled and waved at He Xiaobing: "Have a good rest, don't forget about the exam tomorrow afternoon!" An art troupe was preparing to recruit some newcomers. Gu Lili asked He Xiaobing to sign up for the exam after she found out about Xin'er.Gu Lili told He Xiaobing the various benefits of this kind of unit, such as not having to sit on shifts, and having a basic salary. He only needs to take on some performance tasks appropriately every year, without delaying his own work.He Xiaobing thought, let's try it, if he really passes the exam and finds that it is not suitable for him, at worst he will quit. After He Xiaobing got up, he picked up the guitar and practiced for a while, playing and playing, he didn't want to take the exam anymore, he felt bored.First, he felt that he would definitely not pass the exam, because when he went to the on-site registration, the attitude of the staff made He Xiaobing feel that this was an unfair thing, and there must be tricks behind it; second, he felt that he passed the exam So what, this is not my ideal. But He Xiaobing still decided to give it a try, not because he was still holding on to the hope that he could pass the exam, but because he wanted to see how dark it really was.If you pass the exam, you will not sign a work contract with them, and let them know that not everyone takes it seriously to have a job with them. He Xiaobing finished his lunch and went with his guitar.The art troupe is in an alley, and the alley entrance is already full of cars, and people are walking into the alley one after another. Looking at their clothes, they know that they are also here for the exam.This time, we are not only recruiting instrumentalists, but also vocalists, performers and folk artists. All the people who walk in the alley look full of ambition. Entering the art troupe compound, the examination process and candidate numbers are posted on the bulletin board. The examination starts at two o'clock, and all examination personnel enter the rehearsal hall to prepare for the field at one thirty.Those who arrive early are waiting in the square in front of the building.Some people are sharpening their guns before the battle, some are putting their legs on the window sill on the first floor to press down, some are wearing Chinese tunic suits and reciting poems against a wall, and some are arrogant, looking at everyone with disdain, like swans, walking to Stretch your neck everywhere.He Xiaobing thought, there are quite a few grandsons here pretending to be B! He Xiaobing lit a cigarette and walked to the side of the building to smoke in the shade. He saw two people, one fat and one thin, talking about cross talk. There was no audience, and they talked with great interest. The fat man was sweating.He Xiaobing squatted aside and smoked a cigarette. After listening for a while, he didn't know why they chose such a joke, it wasn't funny at all. It was half past one, and the candidates were taken to the rehearsal hall, where they found their own seats. The host introduced the exam rules, and when it was almost two o'clock, the head of the art troupe came with the heads of each individual event, and sat in the front row of the judges' seats. After sitting down, a staff member immediately came forward to pour tea into each cup. The team leader hiccupped and asked the staff member, "Do you have a toothpick?" The staff quickly brought a can of toothpicks, the group leader took out a can of toothpicks for a long time, broke three toothpicks, and finally took out what he wanted to pick out, drank a mouthful of tea with satisfaction, and waved to the host, who came over , the head said: "Let's start!" The host walked to the center of the venue, made an opening speech, and then asked the head of the group to speak, and the audience applauded. The head of the troupe stepped onto the stage, holding a microphone in one hand, and resting the other on his stomach. First, he introduced the great achievements of the art troupe and its strong talent lineup, mentioned a few stars, and then talked about the exam situation this time. The major only recruits one or two people, so most of the people present will fail the exam, but it doesn't matter if they don't pass the exam. The head of the group also cited a few examples of first-line stars and singers, saying that they also took the exam here at the time. If you fail the exam, you will still achieve remarkable results in your respective fields of work in the future. Therefore, there is more than one road to the palace of art.The celebrities cited by the head of the group are all more famous than the members of the group. In order to give himself a little feeling when playing, He Xiaobing bought two cans of beer, and while the head of the group was speaking, he sat down and drank it.The person preparing for the exam next to him asked He Xiaobing: "Dude, are you here to accompany someone to take the exam?" "Accompany me to take the exam!" He Xiaobing said. "Are you taking an instrumental music test?" the man said when he saw He Xiaobing's guitar. "What's wrong?" He Xiaobing said. "Can you still play the chord after drinking?" "If I don't drink, I won't be able to play accurately, anyway, it's just playing blindly." The man nodded: "I think with your mentality, you will definitely pass the exam!" The exam has started, and they will appear on the stage according to the serial number. He Xiaobing is number 23, and there are more than one hundred numbers in total.The first ones to play were the two who talked about cross talk. They bowed, announced their family background, and then started talking.The host has already said that because there are too many candidates and the time is limited, the show cannot be finished one by one. As long as the examiner feels that it is almost done, he can stop it.Probably because this was the first group of candidates to take the stage, and the examiners still had time to appreciate it, He Xiaobing had already felt that it was time to stop, and they let these two people continue talking.There was already commotion in the audience, and the examinees on the sidelines were impatient, and started chatting, texting, eating, and going to the bathroom with people around them. , indicating that he can stop, it is too uncomfortable to go on, the examiner in charge of opera felt that he had given the cross talk actors enough face, so he raised his hand and called stop.The fat man and the thin man bowed and stepped down with relief, and the examiners wrote something in their notebooks. At this speed, it would be He Xiaobing's turn after two hours. He left the rehearsal hall and went out to breathe.He Xiaobing doesn't like to stay in a room with many people, especially those who have nothing to do with him. After breathing enough, He Xiaobing returned to the rehearsal hall. Just on the 11th, the man wearing a Chinese tunic and reciting poems came on stage and introduced that he came here from the depths of the mountains with a dream in mind, and hoped that the examiners would like him. After performing, he cleared his throat, put on his clothes, and put his hands palms up and down in front of his abdomen: Please listen to the poem recitation - "Nostalgia". Then began the dull performance: When I was a child/Nostalgia is a small postage stamp/I am here/Mother is there, when I grow up/Nostalgia is a narrow ticket/I am here/The bride is there, later/Nostalgia is A low grave / I'm outside / Mother is inside, and now / nostalgia is a shallow strait / I'm here / The mainland is there... Thank you!I know I won't pass the exam, but I have been to Beijing, I have performed here, thank you teachers for letting me finish the performance, I will never regret it in my life. After speaking, he bowed and stepped down, which took less than a minute.When he opened his mouth, an examiner picked up the teacup to drink water, the water was too hot, the examiner kept blowing, and felt that he could finally take a sip, just after he drank it into his mouth, before swallowing it, the Chinese tunic suit stepped off the stage, and the examiner was stunned For a moment, I felt like I hadn't heard anything, and then I didn't write anything in the notebook, I just continued to drink tea and watched the next person come on stage. Zhongshan suit took a train of more than 2,000 kilometers to Beijing, just to recite a poem in his native Mandarin with a blank face in less than a minute, and then go back. He Xiaobing didn't know what to do with him. how to see. It was the turn of the person sitting next to He Xiaobing just now, and he started to introduce himself, with a bit of a tongue. If this was at school, there must be a lot of laughter below, but at this time, no one in the audience laughed, I don’t know if he was holding back I still feel that we should respect the same kind after living here. He came to take the bel canto test, the track was "My Sun", he sang like thunder, he only played twice, and the examiner didn't give him a chance to play the third.The buddy suddenly started to rain and cried loudly: "Teacher, you give me another chance. You haven't fully appreciated my talent yet. I can't pass the exam. It is the loss of your group and the failure of the Chinese literary and art circles." loss!" "Thank you, we have already appreciated it, please calm down, go home and wait for the news!" The buddy still refused to leave, so two security guards came up and escorted him away.He Xiaobing stood at the door of the rehearsal hall and watched. When he passed by He Xiaobing, he said: "Goodbye!" "Goodbye!" He Xiaobing replied, in the dark, the two of them had known each other once. There are also some candidates who performed well, their performance time will be a little longer, and they will be called to the front by the examiner at the end of the performance. I don’t know what they talked about, but they always leave with a smile on their faces. He Xiaobing finally waited for himself to play. Before he played, he felt that he would be stopped in less than a minute. The result was beyond his expectation. He played for two full minutes before he heard the examiner in the audience say that enough was enough.He Xiaobing got up and walked past the examiners with his guitar in hand. They were either drinking water or smoking. It was obvious that no one was interested in him, so he was allowed to leave like this. No one asked him to ask anything. . This was the expected result, He Xiaobing left the examination room, took a piss, got on the bus and went home. Sitting in the car, He Xiaobing looked out the window at the traffic flow, the crowd, the city gate, the moat, and the towering office buildings, all of which were familiar to him. This was his fourth year in Beijing, but at this moment, But they suddenly become strange, rejecting He Xiaobing thousands of miles away.I still don't belong here, the future is unknown, maybe I'm just a passer-by in this city, He Xiaobing thought while sitting in the car. The streets here are wider than in my hometown, the buildings here are taller than in my hometown, there are more people here than in my hometown, they walk faster than in my hometown, the cars here are better than those in my hometown, and the sky here is not as blue as my hometown.Except that the gray sky here belongs to me, everything else seems to have nothing to do with me.Looking at the unfriendly scene outside the window, He Xiaobing thought of the home where he used to live with his parents, his mother, and He Jianguo. Ever since He Jianguo found out about He Xiaobing's dropout, and the two had a phone call, they hadn't contacted each other again.He Jianguo once asked He Xiaobing's mother to deliver a message to He Xiaobing. If He Xiaobing still wants to go home, he is welcome at any time. If he wants to drink, he will have a drink. He will also help him find a job in his hometown. He wanted to get married, and they would introduce him to someone, buy him a house in his hometown, and let him live a stable and healthy life, but He Xiaobing refused. Obviously, these could not shake his determination to stay in Beijing. But what did Beijing bring to He Xiaobing? After much deliberation, He Xiaobing found that Beijing was not suitable for living at all, but only for dreaming here.When you wake up from the dream, you should do what you want to do, but before you wake up, you can only indulge in this beauty willingly, and would rather endure hunger, hunger, suffering and cold. After dropping out of school and living alone in Beijing for the past three years, He Xiaobing suffered a lot.Take the last six months as an example. Six months ago, when it was the coldest time of the year, He Xiaobing built a stove in his bungalow. For some reason, the room was not warm, and his hands were wet when he played the piano. Stiff, you have to wear a coat in the house, and when you sleep, you have to cover the coat and all the things that can keep out the cold under your feet.Even so, I often wake up in the middle of the night from the cold, so cold that I dare not get out of the bed when I want to urinate, for fear that the urinating will take away the hot air in my body, and it will be even colder after urinating.The most painful thing is to see my breath when I wake up, as if I am in a world of ice and snow. It takes a lot of courage to put on clothes at this time. With a loud cry, I climbed out of the bed in awe-inspiring manner, and put on my clothes quickly-this is how I live One month later, He Xiaobing felt that he could put on clothes faster than firefighters.After putting on the clothes, I found that it was even colder, because the clothes were cold, as if I had entered a cellar.如果这时候在自己家，有暖气，暖气不够热就开电暖气，电暖气还不够热就开空调，怎么暖和怎么来，反正也不用操心电费的事儿。生活环境的天壤之别，时常让何小兵在北京冬日的早晨怀念自己在老家的那个温暖的家，但很快何小兵就把它抛到脑后了，只要一弹起吉他，这些困难对他来说算不了什么，梦想的温度，能让何小兵感觉不到寒冷。 冷日子过去了，又到了雨季。下完雨，院里都是积水，得垫着板儿砖进屋，屋里也潮，墙是湿的，琴弦弹不到的部位都生锈了，有时候还能看见地上爬着蚯蚓，地下的湿度太大了，它们都从土里钻出来了。 何小兵自己不做饭，都在外面吃，这个岁数的人对吃没有概念，身体好，多一顿少一顿的没关系。何小兵吃饭不按点儿，从来都是饿了才吃，凑合买点儿什么，拉面、拉条子、手抓饭、盖饭、炒饼、炒面，总之，这段时间他出入于散落在北京各个地方的新疆馆、成都小吃和大排档，走到哪儿，饿了就吃到哪儿。 在北京生活，最需要的东西就是钱——在哪儿生活钱都是最重要的，在北京这种地方尤甚。在何建国知道何小兵退学以前，何小兵在钱上并不觉得吃紧，虽然要租房子，但是家里给他的学费、住宿费和书本费足够他支付房租的，生活费依然用在吃饭上，总体算下来，甚至还有剩余。但是退学的事情败露后，何建国就一分钱都不再给何小兵寄了，他以为何小兵到了弹尽粮绝的时候，自然就会回家了。但没想到的是，都一年了，何小兵还没有回家，而且也没在北京饿死。 何小兵还坚守着北京，也得益于他妈的暗中帮助。何小兵的母亲一直在偷偷给何小兵寄钱，虽然她也希望何小兵能早日回家，但不能因为他不回家就活活把自己生的孩子饿死。好在她掌管着家里的钱财，何建国每个月发了工资，都交给她，她就偷偷寄给何小兵，何建国不知道，只是隔断时间就像已经围困住城池，等着里面的敌人投降一样，唠叨一句：估计何小兵坚持不了几天了。 渐渐地何建国起了疑心，何小兵之所以还能顽强抵抗，会不会是自己的妻子、敌人的母亲，投敌叛国了？何建国审问了何小兵的母亲，但这个女性的回答让何建国觉得没有理由怀疑她：我和你一样希望儿子早点儿回家。 究竟是什么使何小兵还在坚守阵地呢，何建国百思不得其解。 其实何小兵并没有花母亲寄来的钱，母亲寄钱的时候，他劝阻了，他说自己已经长大了，不会再花他们的钱了。但母亲还是寄了，她劝何小兵，净说傻话，别饿坏身体。同时，她也向何小兵抛出橄榄枝：我还是希望你能回家来，我天天给你包饺子，想吃什么馅儿就什么馅儿！何小兵拒绝了，母亲越是这么说，他越不能回家，至少是不能现在回去，得等混好了再说，他要做一个有志气的人。 去年何小兵卖了几首歌，攒了点儿钱，到了这个月，那些钱也花得差不多了。何小兵不想再为生存而写歌卖歌了，因为写的都是应景之作，或者是因为快没饭吃了而无病呻吟，即使这事儿能解决生存问题，但不是长久之计，将来一定会后悔写了这样的歌，而且自己写起这种歌来，已经越写越差，有两首已经被好几家公司退回来了，而好歌自己又不舍得卖。 何小兵觉得，就是自己去卖血，也不能卖自己认为写得好的那些歌。卖了这些歌，就等于把自己卖了。他之前付出的一切——复读两年非得考北京的大学，考上大学后又迅速退学成了“北漂”，找各种老师学吉他，宁可在北京过潦倒的生活也不愿意回家过衣食无忧的生活——不都是为了他的音乐理想吗，而这个理想，说白了就是一张专辑，再具体点儿，就是十首歌。他得给自己攒这十首歌。 何小兵的母亲曾经向何小兵转达过她和何建国的不解：至于嘛，不就是一盘磁带吗？何小兵的回答是：当然至于，这是我的人生，不出这专辑我活着没意思！ 就是这口气，支撑着何小兵在北京待下去。 眼看又要交下季度的房租，生活捉襟见肘了，何小兵决定没志气一回。下车后，他把母亲寄给他的钱都取了出来。取完，为了断了自己第二次没志气的后路，何小兵把银行卡剪碎扔掉，并去银行挂失，冻结了卡号，也断了他妈继续给他寄钱的可能。 何小兵下定决心，花完这些钱，如果又活不下去，那就认清现实，找个工作，先在北京把自己养活，再考虑理想什么的。只要人活着，理想就不会泯灭。 到了家，刚进屋，顾莉莉的电话来了。 “考完了吗？”顾莉莉问。 “一帮傻B！”何小兵说。 顾莉莉知道这时候应该说两句宽心的话，但是她觉得更应该借这个机会教育教育何小兵，他总认为别人傻，从没想过自己傻不傻，这种自负，本身就是很傻的一件事情。二十岁出头正是装B还不觉得傻的年纪，站哪儿都觉得自己有型，坐在公共汽车上都觉得自己与众不同。 “你是不是觉得全世界就自己不傻？”顾莉莉问。 “没有，我觉得自己也傻，都他妈傻！”何小兵说。 “你这么认为想证明什么呢？” “什么也不想证明，就是觉得这是一个事实。” “这个事实你改变得了吗？” “当然改变不了，我也不愿意改变，管好我自己就行了。” “你就没想过，为什么事实会这样，也许事实本该就是这样，是你在自以为是呢？” “我不想和你争论这个，没意义，也许你说得对，但我现在只能这么想。” “你知道你最大的问题在哪儿吗？” “我现在最大的问题就是饿了，我要吃饭了。” “你过来吃吧，我下班了，路上买点儿菜。” “算了，我随便吃口吧！” “今天我生日，我没叫别人。” "Ok!" 何小兵买了一瓶红酒去了顾莉莉家，他并不爱喝这种酒，觉得事儿B，还是啤酒更简单、直接，但顾莉莉爱喝，今天只好由着她。 顾莉莉系着围裙给他开了门：“你先自己待会儿。”然后进了厨房。 何小兵除了煮面，基本不会做饭，知道自己帮不上什么忙，也不假勤快，坐在屋里看电视。 厨房里传来煎炒烹炸的声音和饭菜的味道，何小兵感受到久违的人间烟火味儿。他隐约记得，上次有这种感受，还是几年前在姥姥家过春节，一大家子从上午就开始宰鱼、炸丸子、炖肉，准备晚上的年夜饭，空气中飘荡着饭香和炮仗的火药味儿。这几年，何小兵的心思都在音乐上，过于专注个人的感受，忽略了生活的气息。现在顾莉莉家的味道，让他觉得既亲切又庸俗。亲切的是，这种味道是实实在在的人间的味道；庸俗的是，这种味道除了能填饱肚子外，并无更多意义，人应该把精力放在更有价值的事儿上。 何小兵还发现，顾莉莉家的床上用品竟如此丰富，床单、被褥、枕套、床罩，应有尽有，如此细致——他已不是第一次看到这些，但直到现在才发现这一点，对于住惯了学生宿舍的何小兵来说，有个枕头和被子就能睡觉了，他从没关心过这些，更关心自己心里的那点事儿。 饭做好了，何小兵坐在顾莉莉对面，给两人的杯里倒上红酒。 “先慢慢吃着，还有一个鸡汤，正熬着呢！”顾莉莉说。 “甭熬了，够吃了。”何小兵倒好了酒，手机响了，一个陌生的号码，何小兵接了，“喂？” "What are you doing?" 尽管很久没有听到夏雨果的声音了，何小兵还是一下就听出电话那端的人是夏雨果。 “吃饭呢。”何小兵有些准备不足。 “一个人啊？”夏雨果略带调侃地问，还有点儿抽查的意味。 “啊！”何小兵支吾道。 “一会儿你有事儿吗？” “一会儿是什么时候？” “两个小时以后吧，你能来北京站接我一趟吗？” 何小兵思索着，没有立即做出反应。 “来不了就算了。”夏雨果说。 “差不多，争取吧！”何小兵还是很想见到夏雨果。 “别差不多，能来就是能来，不能来也没事儿。” 何小兵看了一眼表：“能！” “那好吧，我现在说话不太方便，一会儿发短信告诉你为什么让你来接我，你一定开着手机啊，要是快没电了赶紧充上，除了接我，你还有别的任务呢，我发短信告诉你。”说完，夏雨果挂了电话。 何小兵也放下电话。 “谁呀？”顾莉莉问。 “夏雨果，放假了，回来了，让我去车站接她。” “那你去吧！”顾莉莉表情平静。 “我还是先跟你喝了这杯酒吧！”何小兵举起杯，“生日快乐！” "thanks!" 两人碰了杯。 “你要着急就走吧，不用不好意思。”顾莉莉说。 “不着急。”何小兵拿起筷子，若无其事地吃了起来。 何小兵为了让顾莉莉高兴，把每道菜的做法都问了个遍，顾莉莉说完他也记不住。顾莉莉也知道何小兵为什么问，他问什么就告诉他什么。 何小兵的手机一直在响，都是夏雨果发来的短信，每条何小兵都匆匆看一眼，对夏雨果说的事儿心里大概有个数了。最后夏雨果又打来电话。 “短信你都看了吗？”夏雨果问。 “看了。”何小兵说。 “看了怎么不回复啊？” “你没让我回啊！” "do you understand?" "Understood." “知道该怎么做了吧，不用我教你了吧？” "understood." “那你早点儿出发啊，别迟到！” 何小兵放下电话，继续吃菜。 “行了，吃饱了就别吃了！”顾莉莉说。 “还没喝汤呢！” “喝完汤你就走吧，我都替你难受了！” 何小兵从顾莉莉家出来，坐上去火车站的车，又把夏雨果的短信看了一遍，才彻底明白夏雨果为什么非得让他去接以及接站的时候自己需要做什么。 夏雨果到了大学里，很快就被男生注意到，其中有个男生和她一个班，多次被夏雨果拒绝后仍锲而不舍，时常做出一些自以为浪漫、会打动夏雨果，但其实很招她烦的事儿。比如这次，他想给夏雨果一个惊喜，偷偷跟着她上了回家的火车，打算一开车门就下车，出现在夏雨果的车厢前，假装做出接站的样子。但不幸的是，夏雨果因为一个人坐车无聊，在车厢里溜达的时候，发现了当时正在抠鼻屎的他。他看到夏雨果站在自己面前时，只好从鼻孔里拔出手指，坦白真相。 以前夏雨果为了摆脱他的纠缠，就说自己有男朋友了，在北京，他不信，说从夏雨果的神情里，看不出她像有男朋友，他要眼见为实，如果夏雨果真有男朋友了，他希望能考虑他做替补。为了让他断了这个念头，夏雨果只有想出找人冒充一下的办法，最合适的人选，就是何小兵。 何小兵患得患失地站在站台上，等待着火车进站。他对爱情没有什么理解，这个岁数的男生也做不出来宁可让自己失去也要让心爱的人幸福的壮举，他们会自负地认为：女生不跟自己在一起，肯定也幸福不了。而何小兵又怕假戏真做，跟夏雨果重归于好，但是没好几天，他又想一个人待着了。何小兵抽着烟，左右为难。 一束光从远处拐过来，火车进站了。顺其自然吧，这是何小兵所能想到的最好的办法。这时他的手机又响了，是夏雨果的短信：“我可进站了啊，做好准备了吗？” 何小兵回复：“请组织放心，时刻准备着！” 火车缓缓驶入站台，一扇扇窗口在何小兵眼前掠过，里面的旅客寻找着或参观着站台上的接站人，同时也被后者或欣赏着或寻找着。找到的，车窗里的人冲窗外的人招手，窗外的人跟着火车往前跑，恨不得拽火车一把，让它赶紧停下来。 何小兵知道夏雨果在最后一节车厢，所以也不着急，别的接站人打电话、奔跑、寻找，已经乱作一团，他就戳在站台的尾部等待。 夏雨果终于出现了，她站在列车的门里，正对着何小兵停下了。各节车厢的门都打开了，人群像水电站泄洪一样，从各个眼儿里涌了出来。 何小兵来不及做出反应，夏雨果已经热情地扑在他的身上。 “别那么僵硬，投入点儿！”夏雨果趴在何小兵的耳边说，“两手抱紧！” 何小兵照做。 “看看我身后有没有一个穿着黄色T恤长相猥琐的男生下车了？”夏雨果问。 “有一个黄背心下车了，但我不知道你对猥琐是怎么定义的？”何小兵看着车门说。 “行了，别看那边了，注意力放我身上，我数一二三，咱俩就接吻！”夏雨果趴在何小兵肩上，“一、二、三！” 两人的嘴没有牢牢贴在一起，夏雨果有意留出一条缝隙，供说话用：“他看见咱俩这样了吗？” 何小兵瞟了一眼：“应该看见了，正往这边走呢！” “那就好，眼睛看着我，亲得热烈点儿！”夏雨果搂住何小兵的脑袋，踮着脚尖。 何小兵没想到夏雨果能这么热烈，亲得他喘不上气来。其实并不是夏雨果演得像，而是她心里还有何小兵，她不是在演给谁看，而是自己想这样。 何小兵从夏雨果的身上闻到一股清爽的香气，像春风，沁人心脾，和顾莉莉身上的味道不一样，顾莉莉的味道是混合着香水和成熟的味道，也好闻。 何小兵陶醉在这种味道中。 “够了，别亲了！”夏雨果的话让何小兵回到现实。 夏雨果推开何小兵，转身寻找猥琐男，发现他就在自己身后不远处正看着自己。 夏雨果拉着何小兵走到猥琐男身边：“给你们介绍一下，这是我男朋友，这是我大学的同学。” 两个男人互相点头，猥琐男还伸出了手，出于礼貌，何小兵和他握了手。 刚才发生的一切，让猥琐男相信了夏雨果不仅有男朋友，而且相当恩爱，这太让他痛苦了。 “既然有人接站，那我就直接买票回去了。”猥琐男看着夏雨果说，“再见！” 夏雨果问：“在北京转转吧，你以前不是没来过北京吗？” “不转了，转不下去了！”猥琐男说完，坚决地转身离开。 何小兵拉着夏雨果的手，看着猥琐男的背影，作为同性，有点儿同情他。 “嘿，还不松开啊！”夏雨果举起自己被何小兵攥着的手说。 何小兵没反应。 “装听不见是不是？”夏雨果要抽出手，但何小兵还攥着。 何小兵得意地笑。 “我喊抓流氓了啊！”夏雨果脸色一沉。 何小兵见夏雨果要急，松开手。 夏雨果拎起行李，转身就走。 “哪儿去呀？”何小兵问。 “回家！” “我送你吧？” “用不着！”夏雨果冷漠地说，“对了，刚才谢谢你了！”说完头也不回地往前走，留下何小兵一个人孤零零地站在站台上。