Chapter 8 Chapter 7 If I get along well, my home won't be what it is now

This evening, when I dragged my exhausted body back to "home", a woman surnamed Jiang was sitting on the sofa in the living room chatting with her mother-in-law. The reason I put "home" in quotation marks is because I never managed to fit in with this family.Zhou Yuan's family are all urbanites, and I am an authentic ruralite, with differences in living habits and values. These can still be adjusted, but because I don't have a house, I have to live in my father-in-law's house, and I have become the de facto door-to-door son-in-law. If I mix well, I can talk and laugh with my father-in-law's family, and the psychological advantage will work.

But I don't mix well. When Zhou Yuan married me, apart from having no house, everything else was fine, and my father-in-law's family didn't dislike me. Now that I'm not doing well, will they despise me?I always feel like I'm being underestimated. There was no communication between us, coming back, going out, coming in and out like air.They never ask me anything.Don't ask, maybe it's just an attitude. Many late nights, when Zhou Yuan and her son were sleeping soundly, I was still smoking in the living room, and the flickering cigarette butts told me of my insomnia.

I'm thinking about my future, I'm sure my future is not a dream, but it's really a mess. I also think about my marriage with Zhou Yuan. Even though I'm a bad person, Zhou Yuan doesn't mean to dislike me, but I don't think I have gained enough understanding from her. Like, sometimes I need a little reassurance that I'm not alone and that someone is with me, but she doesn't. She can't do this. What she is best at is making the petty temper of women in the city to get angry with you at every turn.Don't expect her to walk into your heart and understand your difficulties.

Therefore, in this family, I did not experience the feeling of a team, and everything was carried by me alone. I'm very lonely. The woman surnamed Jiang is a former friend of my mother-in-law, who is now a salesman of an insurance company. I really don't like selling insurance.These salesmen come across as trained in pyramid schemes, exaggerating the benefits of insurance.I think those who rely on bragging to pull business are not very reliable. So I just said hello politely, and I was about to go to the back room. But the woman surnamed Jiang stopped me. She told me that Zhou Yuan and her mother-in-law decided to buy two education insurance plans for my son two days ago. Diverse, you have to pay every year, today is an invoice.

Surprised, I instinctively responded, "Have you already bought it?" It turned out that the woman surnamed Jiang had already paid the insurance premium to the insurance company after negotiating with Zhou Yuan and the others not long ago, and she came to collect the money from me tonight. Why didn't you discuss with me about buying insurance for your son, and why did you come to me directly when you received the money?I was a little sullen, but in front of the woman surnamed Jiang, I couldn't say anything, I just said that I didn't bring any money today, and I will give it to her another day.

After the woman surnamed Jiang left, I called Zhou Yuan to the bedroom and asked her why she didn't discuss with me about buying insurance for her son.Zhou Yuan said: "The insurance company said, this is just to save money for my son, and it won't lose money." I said: "You pig brain, how can you believe what others say?" Zhou Yuan said, "The insurance seller is a friend of my son's grandmother, not an outsider. What can't be believed?" Zhou Yuan's words choked me.I can't slander my mother-in-law's friends, can I? I said, "Then how is your money prepared?"

Zhou Yuan said: "I still expect you to take the money, I don't have so much money." I said, "How can I have any money now? Why don't we refund the insurance, and we won't buy it for now, and wait until the conditions are a little better." Zhou Yuan said: "I'm afraid it's not good. That person is my mother's friend. I'm afraid she will lose face." I am speechless. In a daze, I owed more than 3,000 yuan in bills, and I was very depressed.But I always have to pay back the debts, and I began to worry about the insurance premium of more than 3,000 yuan.

Zhou Yuan and I definitely can't afford so much money, the only way is to borrow from others. To be honest, although I'm not doing well, I have never had the habit of borrowing money from others. This is my last bit of self-esteem. I am poor, you can look down on me; you are rich, but have I borrowed money from you?No, so we are equal. In fact, I have no place to borrow money anymore. The friends I used to talk about have not been in contact with each other for a long time, so I can't come to borrow money.If so, how will others see it? How many close relatives?I shake my head.The three older sisters are all in the countryside, and their lives are tight.Besides, in their eyes, I should be considered a rich person, and there is absolutely no reason to ask them to borrow money.Even if you borrow, you will not only borrow 3,000 yuan. In the eyes of rural people, 3,000 yuan is not a big amount. Am I even short of this 3,000 yuan?

I have a small expectation in my heart, looking forward to the fact that my mother-in-law will help us pay the premium.After all, the mother-in-law also played a catalytic role in purchasing insurance. She loves her only grandson. If she knows my situation and pushes for insurance, does that mean she's going to help pay for it? It's a shameful thought, but I have to admit, I had this expectation. When I had no money to buy milk powder for my son, didn’t my mother-in-law help to buy it? So although I worry about insurance premiums, I don't worry about it day and night. The woman surnamed Jiang came to me again and asked for money, but I continued to delay on the excuse that I didn't have any money with me.But I can't always find all kinds of excuses to procrastinate.Several times, I was going to ask Zhou Yuan to ask her mother for help, but I didn't say it in the end.

I think I have already dragged Zhou Yuan's family down. Although I have never borrowed money from Zhou Yuan's parents, I have not paid them living expenses for a long time, and they have never said anything.So, if they don't offer to help me, I'm embarrassed to ask them for help. I don't know if it's because of my psychology. Since I owed the insurance premium to the woman surnamed Jiang, in the next process of getting along with Zhou Yuan's family, there was less communication between us, and there was some embarrassment in the air. Once, my son asked me: "Dad, are you poor?"

I felt sore for a while. A father faced with such a problem with his son, besides soreness, there was also pain. I feel that I am losing something, at least, I am losing the patience of Zhou Yuan's family for me. Two days later, I received a call from my mother-in-law on the bus, and she said that the woman surnamed Jiang came to pay the premium again. I felt that I couldn't afford to default any longer, so I tentatively asked my mother-in-law if I could advance the payment for me first, and then give it to her later when I have money. The phone disconnected. I was stunned for a while. I began to think about my relationship with Zhou Yuan.I have been married for five years, and during these five years, I have not brought Zhou Yuan any hope.The first two years were fine, especially in the past three years, life was getting worse day by day.Zhou Yuan and her parents didn't say anything, but the disappointment in their hearts was fully revealed. In fact, they are already revealing their attitude.When I was in trouble, they did not express dissatisfaction with me, which is an attitude in itself; and it is another attitude when it comes to buying insurance for my son. I've been marginalized, although I've never been core. Will I be given up?I don't know, the initiative is not with me.A person like me who can't even support himself can still control the initiative in marriage? It's just my son that worries me.I don't want my son to grow up in a single-parent family. Whether he is with me or with Zhou Yuan, it will leave trauma in his young heart. But what can be done?There are many things that should be endured and must be endured. I want to live with my brother for a while, firstly, I can temporarily avoid the embarrassment of having no money to pay the insurance premium; secondly, I want to set aside such a blank time to see the future direction of Zhou Yuan and me. I sent Zhou Yuan a text message, telling her that my financial situation is very bad and I cannot pay the premium for the time being. I will not be able to go home for a while, and I will bring back my son's premium when I go home. Zhou Yuan did not reply to the text message.