Chapter 10 chapter Ten

Dai Xi blushed slightly in embarrassment: "Professor, that's not the case! I don't want to continue my studies just because, because I have lost confidence in becoming a psychologist. I don't think I am suitable for research in this field. This decision was originally It has nothing to do with Feiyang, so I don't want him to be burdened unnecessarily." Professor Higgins stared into Dai Xi's eyes. Although the eyes were plain and gentle, there was real insight. Dai Xi sighed, intending to tie up his hands and serve as the object of psychological analysis again, but the professor seemed to have changed his mind again, and his tone was more Be kind just now: "Daisy, build a strong self and maintain harmony with yourself. You have learned these theories very well, but it is not easy to practice. Fully communicating with loved ones is the key to accepting yourself." The only way to go is also the most powerful means for you to grow together with him. I will not try to make you change your mind again, but please accept my advice, talk to Fei Yang about your thoughts, and discuss your plans for the future with him , which is beneficial to both you and him."

In the living room outside the study, the professor's Chinese wife Jane and Meng Feiyang sat side by side on the couch.Different from most Chinese home layouts, the opposite of the couch is not a TV, but a large floor-to-ceiling glass window.The balcony outside the window is more than five meters long, and it turns a corner along the outer wall of the house. The ivy on the outer wall has withered, but it can be imagined that after the severe winter, the deep green woven carpet is hung all over the wall, which is a sight to behold. It is a distant song that turns into life.Looking from the balcony leaning on the railing, it is a relatively desolate cityscape in the north of Shanghai. There are pieces of shanty roofs embedded in the modern buildings of different heights. It seems that the vicissitudes of the city have been deliberately fixed in this area. A slender river flows from Winding past, it takes away countless lingering love and hate, leaving only the ruthless years. This scenery can make people grow old just by looking at it.

"Feiyang, do you want to go out and have a look? But it's a bit cold outside." Jane asked softly, her voice was lower than the average female voice, it seemed mellow and warm, very pleasant.Meng Feiyang quickly replied: "Oh, no need. I'm just a little curious, why do you rent in this old-fashioned apartment instead of choosing a high-end residential area related to foreign affairs? Is it very popular to do so now? But the surrounding environment here is not suitable for foreigners. It's not very convenient." "But I'm not a foreigner." Jane replied with a smile. Her graceful and natural temperament perfectly set off her beauty. It was the mature beauty of a middle-aged woman, which made Meng Feiyang feel very comfortable. There were too many, and questions came up one after another: "Jane, where are you from?"

"I was born in Shanghai." Jane's tone of voice suddenly felt melancholy. She raised her left hand and brushed the ends of her hair at the side of her temples. Always a true Shanghainese.” Meng Feiyang felt that the sentence she used was a bit strange, but he didn't ask.After a moment of silence, Jane smiled wistfully, and turned to ask Meng Feiyang: "What about you? I seem to have heard Dai Xi mention that you, like her, were born in Shanghai. But today I heard you speak, and it seems that you have a northern accent." "I was born in Shanghai. My father is from Shanghai, and my mother is from the north. I went to the north with my parents when I was young, and I only returned to Shanghai when I was in high school, so...the accent is a bit mixed." Meng Feiyang explained in one breath After finishing it, I also feel strange, usually he doesn't like to talk about this topic, but today he took the initiative to explain it in such detail - probably, people always have the desire to confide, as long as they can meet a suitable partner.

"Are you going back to Shanghai to study?" Meng Feiyang was silent for a while before answering: "It's because - my parents are gone, and I became an orphan. Dai Xi's parents are my parents' middle school classmates and best friends, so they took me in. Shanghai. So..." He stopped suddenly, and Dai Xi and the professor were talking and laughing in the study. "That's why you and Dai Xi were childhood sweethearts. In today's world, how difficult it is." Jane then finished speaking, showing a gentle and encouraging smile to Meng Feiyang. "Daisy doesn't plan to continue studying for a Ph.D. in psychology—did you know this?" Jane asked Meng Feiyang.

Meng Feiyang was a little absent-minded, and he answered after a while: "She didn't tell me, but I... probably guessed it." Jane couldn't help laughing: "Do you two often guess like this?" "Ah, no." Meng Feiyang also smiled, "Maybe...we grew up together and know each other too well. We all have a tacit understanding on many things, so there is no need to talk too much." "Daisy went to the United States to study a master's degree in psychology. You have been separated for nearly three years. Is this tacit understanding the same now?" Jane's tone was soft, her eyes were calm and clear.Meng Feiyang remembered that Dai Xi once mentioned that the life experience of Professor Higgins' Chinese wife seemed very mysterious, but today, in his view, this kind of mystery is not offensive at all, but it seems to be buried in the dark depths A ray of light, warm and light, vaguely contains the unbearable past.

"I can't tell." Meng Feiyang thought for a while, and replied very frankly, "Before going to the United States, Dai Xi was just a little girl in my eyes. When I first saw her, she was wearing braces and glasses Her ugly appearance left a deep impression on me, hehe, it seems that I can’t change it. When I was with her in the past, no matter what I did, it was natural.” "What now?" "Since she went to the United States, the feeling between us has changed." Meng Feiyang showed a self-deprecating smile, "When I saw her at the airport, I suddenly felt very surprised and strange. My clown girl has become a Intellectual beauty. Later, when I thought about it carefully, she was actually very beautiful, but I never noticed it before. Two people separated for a long time, and there will naturally be a gap between them. But for me, the situation is not completely like this. I suddenly I felt ashamed for a while, that's why I became wary of Dai Xi."

Jane smiled and shook her head: "It's so frank. You don't worry about me telling her?" Meng Feiyang's face flushed red: "Please don't tell her." "Okay, I won't tell her." Jane sighed softly, "But why are you ashamed? You are so good. However, your mood makes me very emotional, as if... as if I saw my past." She raised her head slightly, stared at the night outside the window, and said leisurely: "Such subtle joy and such unreasonable shame only appear when we are young." Meng Feiyang was surprised: "I seem to have heard Dai Xi say Had something like that."

"Really? That's what one of my favorite Russian writers wrote in his book. The original words are: 'Such a wonderful night, such a night, only when we are young, will appear.'… …I am no longer young, and such nights can only be found in memories. So Feiyang, cherish the present, cherish every night, cherish her." Meng Feiyang nodded involuntarily, hesitated and asked, "Jane, can you tell me your Chinese name?" "Huh? Why do you want to know this?" "No why...I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't ask." Even though he said that, Meng Feiyang didn't feel embarrassed, he waited, and after a short silence, Jane replied: "My name is Lin, and my name is Lin Nianzhen."

"Lin Nianzhen? This name sounds good, as good as your English name." Meng Feiyang praised from the bottom of his heart. Dense crow's feet gathered at the corners of Jane's eyes again. She smiled, but her expression showed inexplicable sadness. "Clinton" is so outstanding in Professor Higgins' fish tank. Its color is different from any other fish. When all the fish are frantically chasing fish food, only it swims to the other side of the fish tank indifferently. side. "Professor, the 'Clinton' fish you picked is very different from Mr.President. How can a fish as a politician be so withdrawn?" Dai Xi asked standing in front of the fish tank.

Standing opposite, Professor Higgins folded his arms and said in a serious manner: "A fish as a politician is certainly not, but for me, 'Clinton' is a fish as a mental patient. It is the inner world of Mr. President—— —Lonely, empty, always dissatisfied with desire. Therefore, it is a fish with deep inner fear, it lacks a strong and healthy self, and it can only prove its existence through sex. Unfortunately, as an oviparous fish It will only fertilize in vitro, otherwise we would probably see a fish mating 24 hours a day." Dai Xi laughed out loud: "Professor, actually as your graduate student, what I like the most is listening to you talk like this." "Of course. If you are a psychologist, you are wearing a white coat and doing experiments on pigeons and mice, or presenting theories to fish tanks. It is indeed very relaxing and pleasant." Professor Higgins said, "Daisy, you You can still choose to be that kind of psychologist.” "A psychologist who doesn't deal with people." Dai Xi shook his head, "No, professor. I'd rather give up." Professor Higgins sighed without showing any trace: "Daisy, your master's degree still lacks a project practice. It just so happens that I will be in Shanghai in the next year, so you can complete the project here." Dai Xi hesitated for a moment, then nodded: "Okay, professor. But I want to find an internship first, so that I can complete the project while working." "Which kind of work? Psychological consultation institutions or psychiatric departments in hospitals? As far as I know, there are not many job opportunities in these fields in China, and they are very immature. Maybe you can consult Professor Dai." "No need." Dai Xi plucked up his courage, "Professor, I want to find a job related to personnel in the company. If I don't want to major in psychology in the future, this kind of internship opportunity will be more beneficial to my career development. I I think my research topic can focus on the impact of the fierce modern professional competition on the psychology of Chinese people." Professor Higgins was silent for a while, and then said: "Okay. Dai Xi, I can write you a letter of recommendation. If you want to find a position in human resources in a large American company, my letter of recommendation may be helpful. you." "Thank you so much, Professor." Professor Higgins nodded, and suddenly showed his trademark sly smile: "But in exchange, Dai Xi, I would like to ask you to consider that the case I mentioned just now - the case of the Chinese people as well. How about one of your subjects?" Dai Xi's eyes widened: "Professor? Didn't you say that he has suspended the consultation visit?" "Yeah, so you will do research on this subject based on the written materials I collected. How is it? Is it acceptable?" Dai Xi pursed her lips: "Deal." Dai Xi and Meng Feiyang left, and Professor Higgins and Lin Nianzhen walked to the balcony hand in hand.The wind is not too strong tonight, it is a short-term warming process after the temperature plummets, and the starlight in the dark sky is inexplicably frightening, lest these mesmerizing spots of light will be swallowed up by the eternal night in the next moment. Lin Nianzhen leaned on the professor's shoulder and said, "Dai Xi decided to give up her studies for Meng Feiyang and to stay in China... It seems that you can only lose this most talented student." Professor Higgins pondered: "Daisy is indeed very talented. She has unusual sensitivity and compassion, values ​​that are not eroded by social utilitarianism, and solid logical ability. The conditions of a psychologist. But the problem is that she is too sensitive, and her sincere emotions make her often at a loss when facing the dark side of human hearts. Her sympathy even makes her empathize faster than patients. Hehe , not to say that psychologists should be cold, but Dai Xi's mental state is obviously not strong enough. For example, regarding the relationship between her and Meng Feiyang, Dai Xi can clearly recognize the psychological barrier between them, but she is afraid to go further According to the analysis, she is more inclined to escape than the other party, and would rather sacrifice her own feelings to accommodate the other party. This is also the root cause of her inability to have an open and honest conversation with Fei Yang to discuss their future." "I think it's all about love. They're so young and they really love each other." "Love is too cowardly. No, as a professional student who studies human psychology, Dai Xi should take the responsibility of guiding their love. She could have chosen to grow up with Meng Feiyang, but now she will only seek protection and support from him But if this is the case, Dai Xi will always be just a flower in the greenhouse, unable to cope with any major psychological blow... I hope Meng Feiyang can really help her shelter from the wind and rain, but I doubt it." Professor Higgins looked at Lin Nianzhen with affectionate eyes: "Jane, in fact, I don't want Dai Xi to suffer a major psychological blow more than anyone else, because she is so similar to you." Lin Nianzhen snuggled closer to Higgins' arms, and said as if in a dream: "Yes, looking at her is like seeing me many years ago, the dead me..." Professor Higgins and his wife rented an old apartment built in the 1920s.Walking along the C-shaped exterior wall of the apartment, crossing a bridge that is about the same age as it, you walk directly onto the narrow bank of Suzhou Creek.On a severe winter night, there are almost no pedestrians on this section of the road. The other side of the river bank is full of simple old European-style buildings. They are not tall but very wide. shadows. Meng Feiyang walked all the way with Dai Xi in his arms, and taxis with empty lights on would pass by from time to time, but they didn't intend to call a taxi.Dai Xi's soft waist swayed lightly in Meng Feiyang's arms, and his heart seemed to be tied softly. He wanted to hug her tightly with all his strength, but he was afraid that he would lose such a beautiful rhythm because of it. .After walking for a long time, they were reluctant to speak. The sound of vehicles speeding up covered their breathing, but every time the white mist exhaled in front of them was gently entwined like each other's heartfelt voices. "Nights like that, nights like that, only come when we're young." In Meng Feiyang's mind, this sentence was repeated over and over again.After Daixi came back from the United States, he was always under great pressure, and he didn't even have the chance to take a walk with her like tonight.Now, all the troubles that troubled him seemed to disappear, at least at this moment, he felt that all of them were no longer important... "Feiyang, I won't go to America again." Dai Xi suddenly stopped in front of Meng Feiyang. Meng Feiyang didn't know how to answer for a while, Dai Xi stared straight at him without blinking his dark eyes, Meng Feiyang suddenly felt a little uneasy. Then she asked again: "Are you unhappy?" "Of course I'm happy." Meng Feiyang said quickly, "But Xiaoxi, didn't you wish to become a psychologist since you were a child? Like... Freud." "I've been looking forward to this before." Dai Xi turned around and walked across the narrow street towards the bank of the river as she spoke, "But, I failed the exam!" Meng Feiyang wanted to follow to cross the road, but Dai Xi yelled at him like an order: "Don't come over!" Meng Feiyang had no choice but to stay on this side of the street, and shouted at her: "What exam?" "Yes, the test!" Dai Xi emphasized again, "Before doing psychoanalysis for others, the psychoanalyst must first accept the psychoanalysis. I accepted it, but failed!" "Oh..." Meng Feiyang nodded half-understood, "But I still don't understand, Xiaoxi, why can't you pass? There should be no definite standard for this psychological analysis, right? Is there anything you can't pass?" The embankment in this section is very low, and you can step up it in one step.Dai Xi moved backwards to the embankment: "Freud said that there are two kinds of energy in people, life and death. It is precisely because of the existence of death energy that human beings tend to harm themselves and others, even if social laws and morals try to Restrain this kind of energy, but still can't completely eliminate its existence, and even more terrible power will rebound due to suppression. Death energy can't be eliminated, but can only be transferred and sublimated. Psychologists must first be able to help others. Control your own death energy well. But I..." At this point, she suddenly stepped onto the embankment, and the sloping embankment on both sides was very narrow. Meng Feiyang was stunned and terrified.The number of vehicles on this small street seemed to increase all of a sudden, blocking him and Dai Xi endlessly. The distance of only three or four steps seemed like an insurmountable gap. Facing the river, Dai Xi said loudly as if no one was there: "I am afraid. When I see the boundless darkness of my heart, I will tremble with fear, but I will be strongly attracted. Just like now, you know how much I miss Throw it into the river in front of you?" Her body swayed, and the high heels of her boots slid to the outside. "Xiao Xi!" Meng Feiyang turned pale with shock, and rushed towards Dai Xi.With a sharp brake sound, Dai Xi fell into Meng Feiyang's arms.Immediately afterwards, there was a furious scolding from behind: "Looking for death! Crazy!" Meng Feiyang turned a deaf ear, his heart was still trembling in shock, he stared at Dai Xi in his arms, and wanted to ask her what she was going to do.But before he could speak, Dai Xi had already raised her head, her face was pale, but her eyes were wide open, as if they had never been so bright.She gently opened and closed her lips, but Meng Feiyang couldn't hear the sound. Suddenly he understood that Dai Xi was asking him a question silently, he concentrated on identifying it, and finally read out what she asked: "Do you love me?" Meng Feiyang smiled: "Damn girl, I understand why you can't be a psychologist anymore. Because you are crazier than the craziest lunatic in the world!" Afterwards, he firmly pressed his lips against Dai Xi's. lips, and hugged her tightly with all the strength in his body, not letting her play any tricks. He didn't dare to answer her question, for fear that he would not be able to hold back his tears when he confided his heart.If so, it is really too bad!Behind them, the stunned driver was still yelling curses, all the more furious at being blatantly ignored.It was only at this moment that Meng Feiyang realized how close he and Dai Xi were to the darkness in the instant that just passed.Probably, this is the so-called death energy... do i love herFeeling Dai Xi's warm body in his embrace, Meng Feiyang asked himself quietly, he was really not sure.The only thing that was certain was that the whole world had disappeared before his eyes when he had rushed across the side street towards her. "Let's leave it to you to answer this question," Meng Feiyang said to Dai Xi in his heart, "I know you can read my heart, dear Miss Freud."