Chapter 20 Chapter Twenty

Wang Jingyi was noncommittal, and she felt relieved that her daughter was finally getting rid of the heaviness and depression of these days.It seems that with the approach of the United States, Zuo Feiya's mood will continue to improve, how realistic... Wang Jingyi thought to herself, this child really has the inheritance of his parents.Her left hand holding the boarding pass tightened involuntarily—if, if they hadn't separated at the beginning; if fate had been lenient to them; if they could overcome their own weakness, then maybe, maybe now, she would have something to do with him A child, Wang Jingyi believes, this child's personality must be completely different from today's Zuo Feiya.

It was 1984, when the sun was scorching hot, Wang Jingyi was sitting in the dormitory of the medical school, reviewing for the exam.This summer is extremely hot, and the windows are open to the end, but there is no cool breeze.On the lush trees on the campus, all the leaves seemed to be stuck by the heat, and they remained motionless from morning till night.The green is solidified like ink, and the edges are almost scorched. Wang Jingyi was sitting at the desk by the window, flipping the pages of the book with her right hand and shaking the fan with her left hand, but the weak wind was of no help at all. The thin goose-yellow dress on her body was almost soaked, and it was all stuck to her skin, feeling sleepy , no way to vent.The whole afternoon passed, and Wang Jingyi didn't even read a single word.In the summer afternoon, there are no students walking around on the campus, and the surroundings are so quiet, only the cicadas hit Wang Jingyi's ear sockets, bringing the blood from her body to her forehead over and over again, and when she retreated, it was like an ebb tide. Slash across the sandy beach of my heart, and carve deep broken marks on it...

In fact, she read it all afternoon, not the page in front of her, but a letter.After reading the letter for the first time, Wang Jingyi tore it into shreds with trembling hands, and threw it into the pond behind the teacher's office.However, every single word and sentence in it, as well as the flowing handwriting, seemed to be burned into Wang Jingyi's pupils, so that she read the letter again on every piece of paper in front of her: After being in a secret relationship for three years, Li Weilian never wrote a love letter to Wang Jingyi, and this was the only letter he wrote to her.

More than twenty years have passed, and Wang Jingyi is still able to recite the letter word for word that has only been read once.At that time, she tore it out of fear, and it was not until recently that she fully understood what it was that she was afraid of. She originally thought that what she was afraid of was the desolation that this relationship had to come to an end.Now she understands that what really scares her is Li Weilian, his inner world expressed in that letter, his arrogance and self-esteem, and his emotions are so deep that a realist like Wang Jingyi can't face the point.

In fact, shortly after Li Weilian missed the appointment, Wang Jingyi learned the details of the explosion at the Jinshan Petrochemical Plant.She really didn't take the initiative to inquire about it, because at that time her public boyfriend was the son of the dean of the medical school, so everything between her and Li Weilian was purely an underground affair, and she must always be careful.While Wang Jingyi was anxiously guessing the reason why Li Weilian missed the appointment, several graduate students from the medical school who were interns at the local hospital in Jinshan returned to school and talked about the accident and the situation of the wounded.

When she heard the name Li Weilian and heard that he had injured his spine and was in a bad condition, the other details of the accident didn't make any sense to Wang Jingyi.At that moment, she was like a thunderbolt, and it took a lot of effort to keep herself from losing her composure in public.In the next two months, she didn't know how many times she hid by the river pond behind the teacher's office and cried, but she never had the courage to visit him.The last time the seniors brought back news that after the initial surgical treatment, Li Weilian would probably be able to stand up and walk again in a month. Unfortunately, this was only a temporary improvement.If he could not be completely cured within half a year, he would still be paralyzed for life, and this kind of radical surgery was beyond the reach of the domestic medical level at that time.

Just when Wang Jingyi was feeling cold, she received a letter from Li Weilian.When she clutched the letter and rushed to the back of the teacher's office of the attached middle school, Wang Jingyi couldn't imagine what she would read after opening it. What she read was in the calmest tone, and even the handwriting was the most chic she had ever seen.He didn't say a word about his predicament and the terrible reality he was about to face.In this letter, he just bought a buffer period for their love and left enough room for both parties to maneuver. By the last day of August, either he or she can choose to continue or break their romance.The most important thing is that if he knows that he can't be cured by then, he will definitely miss the appointment again.All he has done is to make her not have to bear any responsibility for the disillusionment of this love.His pride has reached such a level that the sentences that should be full of affection, nostalgia and expectation are written indifferently by him.Perhaps it was precisely because of the desperate situation that Li Weilian could fully reveal his true nature—extremely masochistic self-esteem.

However, he finally showed his feet.At the end of the letter, he wrote down the word "missing", and it was every moment of his thoughts in the past two months.It's not that he lacks words, it's just that he is unwilling to express the deep affection buried in his heart, because what he is facing is a lover that he thinks he is not qualified to have and cannot be disclosed.Every moment of the past two months, every moment of struggling with loneliness, despair and fear, during the most difficult days of his life at only twenty-one years old, has he not longed for the company and support of his lover ?

All the pretending to be calm, all the pretense collapsed at the end of the letter, Wang Jingyi saw through his weakness, Li Weilian was no stronger than others.This discovery made her cry bitterly, and it also made her decide that she should do the heartless thing. Between the two of them, she is actually the colder one. Wang Jingyi could also recite this reply letter backwards.The snowy plateau is a pure lie, she is not afraid of being exposed quickly, only in this way can he completely give up.As for Li Weilian's feelings when he received this reply, Wang Jingyi never thought about it, and he didn't mention a word after the reunion.But fifteen years later, when Wang Jingyi saw Li Weilian's upright figure again, she firmly believed that no matter what her intentions were, she still did the right thing back then.

Does Li Weilian hate her?Originally Wang Jingyi thought so, but these days she began to doubt again.In fact, it doesn't matter if you hate it or not.If there is any regret for Wang Jingyi, it is that Li Weilian always made love to her with clothes on and never slept with her. Trauma, she has been brooding about it, because she owed him so many years of touching... "Mom, it's time to board the plane!" Zuo Feiya called in Wang Jingyi's ear. Wang Jingyi nodded, stood up and walked towards the aisle of the first-class passengers, Zuofiya followed behind her, her pretty little face turned pale with tension.

Goodbye China.Goodbye, Shanghai.Goodbye, my former home.Farewell, Willian—my love.