Chapter 13 Chapter Thirteen

It is said that human memory is quite unreliable. The first factor that destroys memory is time.Each of us has experienced the forgetting brought about by the passage of time. Many experiences that we once thought would be unforgettable and unforgettable, but when we look back after a few years, we find that the people, things, feelings and scenes have long been blurred, and even the unforgettable I can't find the clips for Xie's sigh. Psychologists explain that forgetting is a natural defense mechanism formed by human beings in order to maintain mental health.If a person can clearly remember all his experiences from childhood to adulthood, his reason will sooner or later be submerged in the ocean of memory.

It makes sense when you think about it. In addition to forgetting, another type of memory impairment is called distortion, or distortion.That is, people tamper with the facts in their minds, so that the memory cannot exactly restore what happened, just like taking a photo on a photo, and after removing the truth from the false, what remains is fiction, imagination, creation, and lies. Only not - the truth. Do memories that have morphed into lies still have meaning for us? Psychologists also explained that, in fact, this distorted process is a subconscious choice of people. The deep-seated reason may be that they pay special attention to or resist a certain fact, or even reject it... So it is ridiculous to reform the memory in the mind. It is the reformer himself who is often unaware of it, and instead firmly insists that everything is "I saw it with my own eyes, heard it with my own ears, and even did it myself!..."

Because people often lie unconsciously, witness testimony must be taken with care.Those who know the secrets of it can even deliberately implant, extract, etc., the memory of others to achieve the effect that even the owner of the memory is convinced, which cannot be detected by a lie detector. Why are we talking about this? Maybe it's because the curtain of the past is being lifted layer by layer, and the following stories will shuttle back and forth between the islands of memory, carrying heavier and heavier emotional loads along the way. The boat of life heaves and tosses in the turbulent waves of fate, and only these true or false memories guide the direction, emitting a blurred and sharp light in the overwhelming storm!

Will they make it to the other shore safely - can these good and evil people, these poor people, be saved in the end? Zhang Naichi became more and more convinced that there was something wrong with his memory. The Huangpu River flows quietly under the window, and the magnificent river scenery on both sides of the Huangpu River can be seen at a glance. The clear blue sky seems to be within reach. What a rare fine weather, there is not even a cloud on the entire blue sky. In front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, Zhang Naichi fell into deep despair.If he was often plagued by nightmares in the past few years, then these days he is living in nightmares day and night.

Who knows?Maybe he can also perceive subconsciously that in reality, he is heading towards the abyss. In contrast, the nightmare has become a gentle place for Zhang Naichi to escape from. In Zhang Naichi's memory, the night of the typhoon in 1991 was divided into two parts.Everything in the first half is as clear as yesterday, and he can recall every detail meticulously, but the second half is like a drunken dream. Was he drunk at the time?Zhang Naichi couldn't be sure, the second half of the memory seemed real and illusory, both lingering and lingering, but also sad and desperate like a cuckoo crying blood, and this was the last image of Yuan Jia left in his heart.

The memory of the first half starts from the platform of Shenzhen Railway Station. The train from Shanghai did not enter the station until the evening, four hours late.The typhoon that blew all day and all night showed no signs of decline, and the downpour of rain kept pouring on and off the platform, with the sound of raindrops falling to the ground.The railroad tracks seem to be immersed in a shallow river. The "river water" is blue-yellow in color and full of rust, silt, fruit peels and paper scraps floating in it. The rainy and stormy evening was gloomy, waiting and waiting, finally a dazzling yellow light pierced through the rain curtain, and the train with green wagon whistled to a stop.

At last the exhausting long-distance journey was over, and the passengers, like parasites separated from their hosts, crowded into a pile and fell out of the car door.Zhang Naichi stood in the distance, hesitating, not knowing whether he should meet him or not.These disheveled, haggard-faced people reeked of stench, and even the footprints they stepped on and the air they passed by became dirty immediately, and he almost wanted to turn around and run away. "Huabin..." That trembling soft call could not hear much joy, but seemed to be composed by infinite anxiety and guilt. Without paying attention, Yuan Jia was already standing shivering in front of him.I haven't seen her for four years, but Zhang Naichi is no stranger to her appearance today. After all, she has intentions and keeps sending him photos, which has subtly influenced the passage of time and the perishability of youth.At this time, the woman who fell into his eyes was still beautiful and beautiful, with slightly curled long hair draped over her shoulders, adding a bit of mature charm.

But after all, it has changed! Zhang Naichi felt this change from Yuan Jia's eyes, not from her appearance.A brand new image that I haven't seen in four years, it doesn't belong to her but belongs to him!In just a short moment, he read surprise, admiration, love, fear and... shame from her eyes.The deep chasm was drawn in front of her hesitant figure, and it could never be crossed again.For her, it is impossible; for him, it is unwilling. Zhang Naichi only took a small step forward symbolically, his shiny boss leather shoes carefully found a piece of pure land amidst the smudges all over the floor, and he refused to move again.

"elder sister." That's what he's called her since he was a child, but it seems to have a special flavor when he calls her today.He flashed her that charming smile again, a new skill he had honed in Hong Kong—the professional smile of a flight attendant on a passenger.Zhang Naichi spread this smile on every woman facing him like sunshine. In the midst of shouting and laughing, Yuan Jia was embraced by Zhang Naichi, and walked side by side to the exit of the station.As they walked, Yuan Jia also smiled, but her smile was full of sadness, as if she was responding to his smile instinctively, without any joy from the heart.Women are the most sensitive, maybe when she saw him from a distance across the crowd, she knew it in her heart, but it takes a process to cool down her heart, not to mention that this heart has been burning in the fire of love for so many years, it must be done first. Burned to ashes, it can be scattered around with the evening wind.

When we walked out of the station, the rain was still pouring down, and it was almost completely dark.Zhang Naichi stopped a taxi and drove towards the most luxurious five-star hotel in Shenzhen. Shenzhen in 1991 was much more prosperous than Shanghai at that time, and the city lights outside the taxi window were rendered more and more unreal by the rain. The two of them are really not like a pair of lovers who have reunited after a long absence, and they are always silent to each other.Zhang Naichi was rehearsing and silently reciting tonight's lines in his heart. These lines were too cruel, and he still needed to accumulate courage.As for Yuan Jia, just put her hot face on his shoulder, her left hand was holding his right hand tightly, the taxi's stereo was playing Cantonese, maybe she was telling some joke, and the driver burst out from time to time. There was a burst of laughter.Amidst this rough laughter, Zhang Naichi felt cool and wet on his shoulders, as if the heavy rain had leaked in through the window.

After entering the hotel room, Zhang Naichi asked Yuan Jia whether to rest first or go to the restaurant first, and she said to him the first sentence after meeting: "Put them away first." Zhang Naichi just noticed the big bamboo basket she brought up. There were some suspicious rustling noises, and a faint fishy smell wafted out: "This is..." "June Huang, you and Wei Lian have loved eating this since childhood. I thought Hong Kong couldn't get it, so I brought some here. Where do you put it?" "Put, put it in the refrigerator." Zhang Naichi lowered his head, not daring to look at that suddenly radiant face again. In the small private room of the hotel restaurant, Zhang Naichi ordered a table of dishes.The greedy eyes shot from the opposite side seemed to have all-consuming passion, which made him more and more restless.Zhang Naichi drank one cup after another. He wanted to get himself drunk, so that when he was drunk, he could escape from choices, greed, sin, and... conscience? "Hua Bin, don't drink too fast." She still stretched out her left hand, gently holding his wine glass, and said in the most gentle and earnest tone, "If you want to tell me anything, just say it." In the memory of the first half of the typhoon night, the last clear content is his own words.Zhang Naichi talked a lot, starting from the embarrassment when he first arrived in Hong Kong, talking about the humility in the hotel duty room, talking about the hardships of attending classes at night, and talking about the ups and downs and hardships in the new company... He didn't know Yuan Jia listened to it so much, she only remembered that her talking eyes were fixed on her face from beginning to end, the waves in her eyes were mellow and clear, neither joy nor sorrow. Finally came the most critical part - he made up a story about a rich girl falling in love with him passionately, and emotionally described the other party's beautiful appearance, rich and wealthy background, European and American famous schools and profound family background. His talent, temperament and demeanor, especially his infatuation that is willing to give everything for him... Zhang Naichi brought out all the prey that he tried to capture in the future, his dream of going to heaven in one step.With the endless narration, even he himself believed it a little bit, as if just across the Luohu port, the prosperous, romantic and noble rose-colored life was waiting for him, but he had to live in this messy, everywhere The gold diggers and prostitutes were detained in Shenzhen just to receive her and settle her... Is this "sister" with a strange identity? Yuan Jia finished listening in silence, and the golden light in the small private room could not cover her pale face.After a long day and night of traveling, her eye circles were originally blue, but now they turned slightly pink, as if she had drunk alcohol. Zhang Naichi was almost drunk, he muttered, and tried his best to say the last line: "Sister, I will take you to see the house tomorrow, and find a suitable place to live first. Don't worry about work, look for it slowly, you Good English will definitely come in handy... I, I will often come to Shenzhen to see you." "Hua Bin, don't be in a hurry." She caressed his cheeks with both hands, it was so cool and comfortable, "Oh... I forgot something just now, I should give 'June Yellow' to the kitchen here to steam before eating, now It's delicious." "Tomorrow and the day after tomorrow will do." "Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow?" She smiled, "I wanted to steam it for the two of you, but I was afraid that there would be no Zhenjiang vinegar and rice wine here, so I brought it specially. What a pity..." The first half of the memory ended here, and the subsequent half of the memory left only fragments in Zhang Naichi's mind, images of white light shining in the dark, like a lilac tree in late spring, falling silently and profusely in the dark night. He must be drunk, and the fragrance of cloves awakened him from his intoxication.In the blurred drunken eyes, the whole piece of white ups and downs attracted his hands, and the long black hair hanging down his shoulders, like a meandering black river flowing through the soft field.He buried his face deep into the ravine in the field, and bit down hard. With a very slight murmur, the fragrance of flowers poured into his lungs from the tip of his tongue and nasal cavity. land, and then got drunk again. It wasn't the only passage, there was another image that occasionally floated in his mind. She was sitting at the table writing something, the desk lamp reflected her face in the mirror, this face he had been familiar with since he could remember, but at this moment it was so beautiful that he felt strange. It's still late at night, why is she already dressed so neatly and beautifully?What caught my eyes in the dimness was another distracting cleanliness. It turned out that she had changed into a brand new white dress.He seemed to know where the fragrance of flowers came from... It was from the lavender flowers on this white dress. She finished writing, and the folded paper was placed neatly under the lamp.She raised her arms and brushed her hair up again, looking at her own face in the mirror.At this moment, she seemed to have noticed his gaze from behind, but she did not look back, but smiled in front of the mirror, just as the scent of flowers at the previous moment sucked away the blood in his whole body, the smile at this moment took it away again. His whole soul. The sound of wind and darkness came overwhelming, and the night came to an end. When he woke up the next day, Zhang Naichi was alone in the room.On the paper left on the table, she only wrote one sentence: "I'm leaving, I won't drag you down, I wish you happiness. Sister." He held the paper and looked at it for a long time, his chest was swollen and painful, but his eyes were dry.After tearing the letter into pieces, he went to check out the room.Yuan Jia didn't take anything away, and all the luggage was still in the room, which made Zhang Naichi very embarrassed.In the end, he decided to go to the train station, send his luggage to the lost and found office, and went to register for a missing person notice.The missing person notice was just to explain to Li Weilian. According to Zhang Naichi's understanding of Yuan Jia, she must be gone forever.The phone call to the Shanghai Research Institute is even more pretentious. In 1991, in China's public institutions, there is no way to go back after resigning. Zhang Naichi didn't think about how Yuan Jia would live. Anyway, he didn't say a word to drive her away. She wanted to leave on her own, so she must have considered the stakes clearly.Fortunately for him, he had been extra careful at the beginning and never disclosed the exact name of the "big American company" to Yuan Jia in the letter, and she knew nothing about his current identity as "Zhang Naichi". It was 1991. Even if Yuan Jia, a mainland resident, regretted it, it would be difficult to find relatives and friends in Hong Kong without direct clues. What's more, Zhang Naichi believes that Yuan Jia will never regret it. She is a typical character who is soft on the outside and strong on the inside.According to her mother-in-law who has passed away for many years: Jiajia is a silly girl who smashed her teeth and swallowed her stomach, just like her miserable mother... If there is still uneasiness in his heart, these uneasiness is only looming in the chaos of the second half of memory.The fragrance of cloves, the pure white smile, the two moments brought him the throbbing that even though he was dead, he never dared to think about it again. There is also June Huang in the bamboo basket, which really makes him feel at a loss.He wanted to throw it into the train station with other luggage, but unexpectedly, the bamboo basket overturned, and young hairy crabs were crawling around in the station hall, and the number was more than he had imagined.He took advantage of the chaos to squeeze out of the crowd, feeling very dazed.Not long after that, Li Weilian took him back to the mainland market and returned to Shanghai from south to north. It's a good memory?Or terrible memories?Is this a memory you don't want to remember?Or an unforgettable memory? Zhang Naichi stared blankly at his own shadow on the glass window. Once upon a time, he was quite disapproving of Li Weilian's nostalgic feelings, but these days he has somewhat understood Li Weilian. No amount of material can fill the void in the heart, and ambition and ambition can only act as a temporary excitement. The bigger the bet, the harder the fight, the more precise the calculation, the more you will be wrapped up in the loneliness of walking on thin ice.Only by going back to the long past, only there, can we find the true love that does not expect anything in return, and the eternal faith. The rain of lilac flowers fell one after another, leaving only the shadows in the Yiren's dreams.Zhang Naichi hid into the nightmare with a slightly painful conscience, which made him feel safer than the wealth and prosperity of the CBD in front of him. He curled up in a ball on the leather chair, half asleep, until the phone rang like a death knell. "Good morning, Gilbert?" He greeted feebly. The holiday was coming, and the Jews returned to Rome two days early. "richard, what are you doing?!" Zhang Naichi sat up straight suddenly. The Jew made an international long-distance call at 1 o'clock in the morning local time, apparently not to greet him.Before he could speak, English with an Italian accent hit like missiles: "How did that Mr. Zheng promise you? Huh? Did he really promise to only inquire about our company? Do you know that he What exactly do you want to do?!" "I don't, I don't understand..." Zhang Naichi was completely confused. "Let me tell you if you don't understand!" Gilbert's gritted teeth can be heard from the phone, "Just yesterday, nearly ten of the largest chemical companies in Europe all received hdpe inquiries from China, asking for quantity Each company has a few thousand tons. And this big customer from China is exactly what you call Zhongsheng Petrochemical that you absolutely hold in your hands!" Zhang Naichi opened his mouth wide: "What?!...Is this unlikely?" "How is it impossible?!" Gilbert yelled angrily, "I received a call from my friend as soon as I arrived at the Rome airport, and I have been verifying all kinds of information for the next few hours, and now I can tell with 100% certainty that You, Zhongsheng Petrochemical's inquiry behavior is unmistakable, and it is not only for European suppliers. You can ask those North American and Asia-Pacific manufacturers who have given us quotations, have they just received directly from Zhongsheng Petrochemical? To the inquiry request?!" Zhang Naichi was speechless, sweat dripped from his forehead unknowingly, and his eyes felt astringent. "Hmph, this is the customer relationship you have mastered! This is the good business you swear will make you a lot of money!" If you could travel through time and space along the phone line, Gilbert would have grabbed Zhang Naichi's neck with both hands at this moment, "You Do you know what's going on in the market now? Suppliers are crazy with joy. HDPE, which has always been unsalable at this time, has become a hot commodity. Originally, everyone's stock is not much, so they all plan to sit on the ground and raise prices. In just a few hours, hdpe The quotation has risen by 20%, and there is a further upward trend! Richard, our business is completely dead!" "It's over..." Zhang Naichi murmured, "No, definitely not." Gilbert said sharply: "Okay, if you don't believe me, you can confirm it yourself with Mr. Zheng. I think he has played a trick on you, Richard. It is better for you to deal with him less in the future. Fortunately, we reported It's a false offer, just wait and see their further reaction." "Yes, it is……"