Chapter 4 Chapter Four

"I promised to put aside love, and in exchange for the right to continue with him. I really never thought about divorcing Richard. Instead, I learned to treat marriage with a numb attitude. In this way, life became easier. "Once people give up their delusions, they will become contented and happy. From now on, when I date William again, I don't have to force myself to smile. William's attitude towards me has relaxed a lot, and we get along more intimately than before. Except for going to bed In addition, he gradually became interested in talking with me. I asked him to accompany me to watch shows, play golf, go to spa, and other boring things. If he was not too busy, he would occasionally agree and waste time with me happily. He is so charming when he is happy. At first, I was often confused whether he was trying to make me happy or I was trying to make him happy. Then I figured it out. Since I can’t even mention love, why bother with these insignificant issues? Woolen cloth.

"Things have developed to this point, I should completely give up on love. But every time I dream back at midnight, when I wake up from the nightmare and be hugged by the sleepy William stretching out his arms, I really feel heartache Unbearable, love screamed silently in the silence of the night, but I could only put tears all over my face on his plump forehead, and he couldn't wake up even after taking powerful sleeping pills. "Our relationship was finally noticed by my husband. Due to various reasons, of course, the most important thing is William's authority, Richard had to swallow this cup of bitter water. I took it as a deaf ear. On the one hand, I despised my husband’s cowardice, and on the other hand, I was also surprised at my ruthlessness. After all, I once loved him—is love really so vulnerable? Or William trained me to be Have a heart of stone?

"Although I didn't tell William about Richard's reaction, he knew it very quickly. Our good life was facing a huge threat. When I asked William to date again, he became very irritable and found out all kinds of things. Reasons to reject me. I am really anxious, hated and afraid. Since I am willing to give up even love, why should he care about other things? I don’t care, I just want to pester him in every possible way. Anyway, I have learned to behave, so I won’t say anything The silly words of love or not, as long as he stays with me, or just pretend to be so pitiful and weak, so that he can't get out of it. I saw William's mood ups and downs, and I felt what was going on in his heart. Contradictions, pain and pleasure at the same time - entangled to this day, I can finally let him suffer a little bit!

"We continued and developed awkwardly like this, until William suffered a huge blow not long ago. "How did this blow come about? On the surface, it was just a scandal between William and the driver's wife, but I knew in my heart that there were other people who played the most critical role in this matter. Because of the relationship with the driver surnamed Zhou. People who have experienced similar situations and hate William even more are by my side. If I hadn’t lost my mind and lost my judgment in emotions, I could completely distinguish the kind of self-suppressed gnashing of teeth, and I should be able to Remind William to be vigilant in time.

"I failed to help william avoid danger. Instead, I contributed to it with my own actions. Is this my love? I first betrayed my husband, and then I killed my lover. It's all because of love in the name of... "After William's accident, I just wanted to end my marriage in name only as soon as possible, and I also hoped to make amends to William as much as possible. But I couldn't contact him for a long time, and I was going crazy. I found out that he would go to Hong Kong first after leaving the United States. I asked the manager in charge of hotel reservations in my company to check the reservation information of five-star hotels in Hong Kong, and finally confirmed his address, so I rushed to see him immediately.

"It was a weekend, and it had been raining non-stop since the morning. I waited in the hotel lobby until nearly ten o'clock before I saw him rush in. It was raining very hard, even though he had an umbrella in his hand and his body was covered. His clothes were still mostly wet. Other than that, he actually looked good, not particularly sluggish or depressed, but for some reason, seeing him broke my heart. "William didn't notice me at first, so I had no choice but to walk towards him trembling. He saw me before entering the elevator, without even showing a trace of surprise, he calmly motioned me to go upstairs together.

"In the elevator he said: 'Didn't expect you to come, I already have someone waiting in my room.' "I was stunned when the elevator stopped. He stepped out and looked back at me: 'If you don't mind, you can come together...' "I couldn't say anything, and the elevator doors closed. I didn't know how I got down to the lobby on the ground floor, and suddenly I was standing in the pouring rain. Hong Kong in June was very hot during the day, but the rain at night was freezing cold." , I seemed to hear what he said at the airport that day again, I collapsed in the rain all over the place trembling, and lost consciousness.

"When I woke up, I found myself lying on the big bed in the hotel room. The scene a few years ago seemed to repeat itself. There was a clear, elegant, slightly bitter woody and spicy aroma in the room. As soon as I smelled this smell, I I knew he was by my side. But I immediately realized that there was a completely different atmosphere in the similar scene—this time he was not guarding the bed, but sitting far away on the sofa in front of the window, Backed by the fading lights on the other side of Victoria Harbour, his face sank into the shadows blackly. "'You're awake.' He said calmly, and when he saw me struggling to sit up, he raised his hand: 'Don't move, you must lie down absolutely still.'

"'Experience is a terrible thing. While making people calm, it also makes people indifferent. Look at Boling, I can handle your illness in an orderly manner this time, and sit here without panic When you wake up, you'll be in the mood for some whiskey." "I saw the wine glass in his hand, reflecting the flickering light spots on the windowpane against the night sky. I recalled what he said before he fainted, and tried to stand up again. "'You are too disobedient, Pauline.' He left the sofa reluctantly, sat down beside me, and pressed me back to the bed gently but firmly, 'Don't move...what are you looking for?'

"I want to find the woman he mentioned in the elevator, or her traces... but I dare not say it. "He must have guessed my intention immediately, a mocking chuckle flashed across his lips, but he ignored my inquiry. "'When I was waiting for you to wake up just now, I kept thinking that this is how people grow old, more and more experienced, and more and more insensitive, until they become a piece of rotten wood, and even a naked beauty stands in front of them. If you can't get interested, it's time to quit the stage. I'm looking forward to my moment coming soon... that might be a relief.'

"He stroked my cheek lightly, leaned his head down and asked me, 'What about you, Bowling? Aren't you tired of me, this scene, this scene and everything that's been going on between us?' "I was so weak, so weak that I couldn't even cry, I could only stare at him half-deadly, and it took me a long time to remember to answer him: 'I... don't get tired, I am very, very happy to be with you. ' "My words made him laugh, and then he lay down on the bed too, and held me tightly in his arms. "'Another good thing about experience is that you can tell. I've spent countless hours and energy on women over the years and I've finally been able to spot a woman's lies. Bowling, you're lying, I've never really pleased you Pass.' "I couldn't respond, so I pressed my face against his chest. The lights were not turned on in the room, and the grief of life and death condensed into a ball, which was a hundred times stronger than in that bright and spacious airport a few years ago, but I was not as helpless as before. William is right. Experience makes us mature, but also makes us lose passion. With the growth of experience, people will irreparably age. "He put his arms around me, and said the following in a tone of tenderness: "'Bowling, I should confess to you that I've been lying to you too. It's the so-called pleasure principle, the man's position... I knew from the beginning that it wasn't for you. I forced you to accept it, Out of pure selfishness, because I like you very much, Baoling, you are weak, romantic, and charming. Moreover, there is a strange sense of guilt and crisis when getting along with you, which give me a lot The stimulation I can't get from other women. So Baoling, you should realize that it's not that you pestered me unilaterally, and how did I really try to get rid of you? "'Bowling, if you came to see me today because you felt some kind of guilt about my situation, that's really unnecessary. What our relationship will bring to you, and what it will bring to me, even if I can't predict , I was somewhat mentally prepared, but I let it develop, and even put a nonsense happy principle on it, just to make you and I maintain it with more peace of mind, so I have to blame for everything today. On the contrary, I should apologize to you for repeatedly playing with you and failing your true feelings in order to satisfy my own selfish desires. I am definitely not a man worthy of your cherishment. "'Bowling, let's break up.' "Although our relationship has undergone several ups and downs in the past few years, this is the first time William has formally proposed to break up. I understand his temper and understand that everything has finally come to an end. The reasons he said were completely beyond my expectations, but he confessed It was terrible, and there was no way to refute it. At least this time I didn't cry, and I didn't try to redeem anything. I buried my head in his arms, breathed deeply the good smell of his body, and felt at ease in my heart, and soon Then he fell into a drowsy sleep. "When I woke up the next morning, William wasn't in the room. I saw the creases on the sheets beside me. He should have left immediately after I fell asleep. "Outside the window, there are golden waves rippling on the blue sea, and occasionally a ship slips quietly. For the first time, I found that Victoria Harbor in the morning is more peaceful and pure than at night. I lay in bed and looked at it for a long, long time, until my stomach I was about to get up when I felt hungry. At this moment, I saw a book on the bedside table."