Chapter 14 Part I, Verse 14: Cicadas on the Eighth Day (14)

February 8 I took some of Miki's old clothes, plus diapers, a full set of baby bottles, and Kaoru's clothes, and the travel bag was stuffed to the brim. I had lunch with Kangzhi, Meiji, and Xun. I decided to leave Kangzhi this afternoon. branch home. "You must communicate well. I believe it will be absolutely fine. Men will cheer up after marriage, so you must register your marriage early, you know?" Kang Zhi thought that we were going back to Kaoru's father, and he had been emphasizing this point repeatedly since morning. "However, I'm very lucky." When I was busy washing the dishes for lunch, Kangzhi stood beside me and said, "Xihe, didn't your family hold a funeral last year? Your mother passed away long ago, and you There are no brothers or sisters. So I have been worried that you will not be able to hold on. Before, I told you not to call again. But fortunately, you found a new partner, and you have Xiaoxun again. You are no longer alone. Get married soon and have more children of your own."

Kang Zhi, there is no new partner at all, I can't have children anymore, now I only have Kaoru--it would be great if I could say that.But I, can only nod to every word Kang Zhi said.Kang Zhi is always in a kind and upright environment, so he can be kind and upright. When I left the apartment, Kang Zhi asked me to leave a contact information, so I had no choice but to write down the Yongfu address and fabricated phone number that I just quit the lease with a sense of guilt. Kangzhi and Meiji sent us all the way to the station and waved goodbye at the ticket gate.I also turned my head and waved frequently, facing this friend who may never see each other in this life.

As soon as I boarded the upward tram, tears welled up.I no longer care about who will see it, and let the tears flow wildly.Kaoru touched my cheek stickily with her warm little palm, and stared at me intently with her big round eyes that were black and white.I suddenly felt that this child seemed to be able to see through my mood.She seemed to be comforting me. Last night I decided to change trains at Mitaka, head to the area where that person lived, and walk into the first police station that came into view to surrender.I am not intimidated by my actions.I think I still understand what I have done, and I think everything will go well.But I thought about it all night last night, and I still don't think I can do it.What can I give Kaoru?When she had a fever, when she vomited, when it was time to go to school, there was nothing I could give her.As long as you stay with me, this child will never have a father and no relatives.

"Oh, I laughed, I laughed. The baby is so smart." A voice sounded beside me, and I hurriedly wiped away my tears and raised my head.The old woman sitting next door was watching Kaoru closely.Kaoru leaned out from the baby carrier, put her face close to the old woman and smiled. "What a smart baby. Besides, how can you smile so cutely?" The old woman stared at Kaoru intently and said obsessively.Yes, I said in my heart.Smart, well-behaved, always smiling.When this kid smiles, it's as if there's a lot of light around him, right?So, it seems that even myself is soft in my heart, right?

Part I, Verse 15: Cicadas on the Eighth Day (15) "The eyes are exactly the same as my mother's. The eyes are so energetic." The old woman poked Kaoru's cheek lightly with her index finger.Kaoru grinned happily and held her index finger. "Oh, I'm not afraid of life at all. Such a smart baby." she said over and over again. Just like my mother.I regurgitated her words in my mind.exactly the same.Exactly the same as me. The old woman ignored me who was silent and continued to tease Kaoru, then got off at Asakusa Bridge and left.I also get off at Akihabara, the next stop.

a month.I have changed my mind.The Osaka couple, raising the baby for a month.Just a month.If I'm doing the same thing as them, shouldn't it be too much for me to ask for the same amount of time?I took off my beanie cap for Kaoru who was smiling like a bright light, and walked up to the platform of the Yamanote Line without bowing my head. We took the Shinkansen from Tokyo to Hakata.Although I bought a ticket to Nagoya, of course I had no destination.The windows of the Shinkansen will continuously flow the scenery of Tokyo to the rear. I will not go back to Tokyo again.Not so decided, but with this premonition.I held Kaoru Dingding and looked out the window.Kaoru also looked out the window like an adult.I came to Tokyo when I was eighteen, and I met that man when I was twenty-six.I thought I would live in Tokyo forever.However, I can't go back.The sun began to set and disappeared beyond the building.The orange streets are lined with neon lights.Discos and coffee bars, art galleries and fashion buildings are constantly being washed away.The first date, the petty squabble with a friend, the struggle of myself, all washed away.The time spent with that person, the memory of loving that person, is washed away.

That's good, I thought calmly.That kind of thing, it doesn't matter if it's all washed away.I am no longer who I used to be.I am the mother of this child. Walking out of the ticket gate at Nagoya Station, I looked for the signboard of the hotel.There should be automated hotels with no one at the counter. A few years ago, I used to go to hotels with that guy.Although he wants to come to my place, I'd rather go to a hotel.Because if it's in my residence, I'm afraid there will be an illusion.Because I can't help but believe that this person will sleep with me until dawn.

Before I was taken to the hotel by that person for the first time, I never thought that I would become an adult who went to the hotel.As a result, now, instead of being taken by men, I searched around for hotels by myself. Walking through the streets lined with tourist restaurants, I found a hotel in a back alley. "Coral Reef" Hotel.I decided to go to the entrance first and turn around and leave if there was anyone at the counter.Fortunately no one was there.I quickly entered and fed the 10,000 yuan bill into the machine that automatically dropped the room key.After taking out the keys and the change I found, I walked quickly to the elevator.

I begged Kaoru not to cry in my heart, and put Kaoru on the king-sized double bed when I entered the room.For the bed placed in the center of the room, illuminated like a crystal chandelier, Kaoru didn't seem to find it strange that the ambiguous atmosphere exuded faintly, and he groaned with his thumb in his mouth.In one corner of the room, there is a mini kitchen like a house wine, equipped with a kettle, microwave and coffee machine.I boiled water, washed the dishes, warmed bottled baby food, and sat on the bed to feed Kaoru.