Chapter 45 Forty-four, the real end

Four days later is Armistice Day.Reports in the morning said that some commemorative activities in the Kanto region had been postponed because of a typhoon in the forecast.But the noon news also said that the typhoon was different from the forecast. It suddenly slowed down before it landed, and the weather will not change until midnight today.In fact, looking out of the window of the room after dinner, although the clouds were thick and the wind was blowing slightly, there was still not a drop of rain falling.I propped my elbows on the window sill and looked out at the cloud-obscured night sky.Looking at the gray clouds billowing and spreading like waves in the sky, I suddenly remembered the day of the holiday.The sky seen from the glass windows of the classroom at that time seemed to be the same as it is today, only brighter.I still remember when I was drawing Mika on the end of my desk in the classroom.Although Yagang said that I drew a crocodile.On the windowsill, to my right, were bottles containing Meixiang and Grandpa side by side.Both of them were very safe, as if they were quietly listening to the wind before the arrival of the typhoon.During these four days, I learned that grandpa likes to eat aphids, and from then on, grandpa's three meals are all aphids.The old man chewed fragrantly and ate several of them in one go.Mei Xiang's rice was as usual a fly.Only that day's dinner I caught Baidie for her.In the evening, in a corner of the yard, a white butterfly seemed to be tired from flying, half of its body was buried in the grass, and it moved staggeringly.At this moment, I pinched the white butterfly's wings and caught it.I was worried that this white butterfly was not very healthy, and Mei Xiang might not like it.But Meixiang seemed very happy and ate deliciously.

A damp wind blows from the window, and the yellow curtains flutter. "The typhoon is coming." I said casually. "Who knows?" the old man muttered. "The sound of the wind is terrible." Meixiang said quietly. Ten years ago— Where and for what reason did they die?What was "I" like before I came into this world as the person I am today?Suddenly, this thought came to my mind. It is said that in the war a long time ago, the atomic bomb explosion claimed many lives. What are the reincarnations of those who died?Are there some people who are still human after reincarnation?I saw on TV that many people put longevity lanterns in the river.Both children and adults.Perhaps among those people, someone inadvertently placed a long-lived lantern for himself in the previous life?

No-- The chances of that are too low.almost impossible.Because there are so many countries and so many people in this world.But also insects, fish and so on. "Hey……" I suddenly thought of.What is the probability that people around me will reappear around me after they die? This is the first time I have such doubts. "Brother. What are you doing? You mumbling alone." "No—nothing." Not really nothing. I'm starting to notice a few things. Silvery threads of rain began to fall in the wind, and I closed the window.Then I heard the sound of going up the stairs.

"Xiao Meixiang, it's time to go to bed." Mom said as she always sang, and opened the door of the room. "Okay, okay, lie down here and close your little eyes—Little Meixiang is a good baby." I didn't want to sleep yet, but I just stood by the window and watched my mother bend down and give a goodnight kiss.There was a bang, still the same sticky sound as before.Mom straightened up, glanced at me with a sharp look, turned off the light and walked out of the room. "I said, Master Dao." The old man spoke slowly. "I have a lot of things I want to ask you. I haven't asked because of your mood. I still don't understand a lot about this time."

"what?" I was a little surprised and turned to the old man. "First of all, it's about Mr. S." The old man squirmed and adjusted his posture. "It is said on TV that we don't know whether Mr. S committed suicide or homicide. Is that actually suicide?" This question is difficult for me to answer. "Is it strange that you ask me this question? I also don't know anything other than TV reports. All I know is that the old man moved the body of Mr. S who killed the kitten and puppy, and killed him. So mother-in-law and Daji..." The old man didn't say anything, he just stared at me with his round eyes.Outside the window, the wind was getting stronger, rattling the windowpane. "Tell me tonight."

Soon, the old man said. "I promise you, I will forget everything I asked you tonight. I won't bring it up again, and I won't ask any other questions. I won't tell you anything about your story. Just like a typhoon, only when Tonight, the sea will be calm from now on. Today is also a very special day for you, so—" The old man stopped suddenly, and then fell silent again. After I've been confused for a long time—— "I see." I sigh.nodded. "If you want to know that much, I'll tell you. But you must promise me that you will really forget it. It is necessary."

Grandpa agreed.I started talking. "Mr. S did commit suicide." "Is that really the case?" "Yes. I made him kill himself." Grandpa's long tentacles trembled in shock. "You let him kill himself?" "It's not a difficult thing. It's just asking him. I just said to him: 'Can you die?'" The old man was at a loss for words.After a while, the old man's voice became very soft. "Why did you do that?" "Because I hate going to the theater." I looked away from the old man and looked at the dark ceiling. "After the summer vacation is over, there will be a school-year play. Mr. S and I are grouped together. Mr. S seems to be very happy. But I am bored to death. I am tired of being on the stage of the gymnasium, in so many To perform a play of one's own making in front of people."

"So you want Mr. S to commit suicide?" Grandpa didn't seem to believe what I said. "Yes. If Mr. S is gone, I don't have to act. So I went to Mr. S's house on the way to school on the morning of the holiday. It was about eight o'clock. I told Mr. S about the situation, and I Please, die for me. But to be honest, I didn't expect Mr. S to really commit suicide." "Mr. S, what did you say at that time?" The grandfather spoke intermittently, as if he was very surprised. "He only said one sentence. Mr. S only answered one sentence."

The scene of that morning came clearly before my eyes. Mr. S's squinting eyes kept staring at me.Then-- ——Do you want me to die——Mr. S said this. It's the first time I heard Mr. S speak with such a clear voice.Normally, Mr. S always speaks vaguely, but at that time the voice was so clear and powerful, it was hard to imagine that it came from Mr. S.The thought of being heard by someone made me panic.At that time Mr. S's expression was a little sad and a little angry. "I nodded in acquiescence. I didn't say anything other than that, and then left Mr. S's house. After arriving at school, Mr. S never came. After the graduation ceremony, the students returned to the classroom, Mr. S still did not come. I thought at the time that it might be me, but right away I thought, it might be because of my physical discomfort. I don’t want to admit that Mr. S may really do what I said. Moreover, Mr. S’s physique is very bad. Weak, often ask for leave. At this time, Teacher Iwamura asked if anyone would go to Mr. S's house to help him bring the materials back. I raised my hand."

"Then why?" "I don't know why. There may be two reasons. One is to apologize to Mr. S in person. The other is to see with your own eyes whether Mr. S really committed suicide." "Oh, have you ever thought about apologizing?" "That's why I said I don't know why." I really can't find the right words to express my feelings at that time. "I understand, I understand. Well, anyway, you went to Mr. S's house. Then you looked into the house from the yard, and saw Mr. S hanged?" "Right. So I ran back to school right away to report." I sighed to the ceiling as I thought about what had happened since then. "Then things got serious. Both Mr. Iwamura and the police said Mr. S's body was missing. And I did indeed see it with my own eyes."

"Didn't expect that." "Didn't I say that the other day, grandpa, if you don't do those things, everything will end at that point. A classmate hanged himself. It should be just such a thing." "It is precisely because Mr. S's body disappeared that a series of strange things happened afterwards." "Because of you, grandpa, I have been busy since then. First, Mr. Iwamura became the murderer who killed Mr. S and then took away the body and killed the kittens and puppies——and followed him, but found that kind of thing. Immediately afterwards, grandpa, you suddenly told me about the novel, and then Daji transported Mr. S's body back, and then the mother-in-law was also killed..." I turned to grandpa. "Actually, Mr. S gave me advice once during this period." —For now, it’s best to stop here— That's when I was discovered by Mr. Iwamura with the book "Judgment of Sex".On the way home from school. ——It’s too dangerous to continue—— "Then why didn't you listen to Mr. S's advice?" "I hate quitting. I figured if I kept going I'd find a way. But it turned out—" I sighed again. "The end was really unexpected." "Indeed, in the end I was the only murderer." "Yes. It's the first time for me to change the story from the beginning. However, I really can't find a more beautiful ending method other than this." "But it's a close call." The grandfather said with deep emotion, and then added: "Yes, yes." "It was said on TV that Daji's leg was also broken and soap was stuffed in his mouth. Is that what you did?" "Yes. After I killed you, I broke Daji's leg. Put the piece of soap found in a sunflower leaf into its mouth. Because I did, your body and Daji's When the body was found in the oak forest, the police immediately understood that you were the murderer who killed those kittens and puppies. That’s what it said on TV. Moreover, Mr. S’s body also had soap in his mouth, so it was also identified It has something to do with you. Although it was a matter of quick wit, it can be considered a success." "Oh……" The old man's voice was mixed with surprise and admiration. "Then I went through your trouser pockets. I thought it would be bad if there was something troublesome. Then I found my breastplate. It turned out that the old man picked it up." "Yes, I picked it up." The old man said a little proudly. The typhoon was approaching a little bit, and the low wind sound began to sound outside the window.From time to time, there was the sound of raindrops from Dashun Daying hitting the glass windows. "Mr. Daofu, can you tell me one more thing? When Mr. S turned into a spider and came looking for you, why did he tell you that he was killed by someone else? And why did he ask you to find his body?" ?” I don't quite understand the meaning of this question.The grandfather continued: "Because there is no need to make it so complicated. Mr. S turned into a spider and reappeared. There is no need for him to say that he killed him. Then I ask you to find his body or something. But you did So much. Why did you do that? I really want to know." After thinking about it, I opened my mouth. "I don't remember anymore." "No, you should remember." The old man immediately refuted me, as if he already knew the answer. "You should remember. Forgot? Can't remember? It's all a lie!" The old man seemed to have no intention of backing down, so I had no choice but to answer. "The reason I did that is the same reason Mr. S gave the old man the dead cat and puppy as a gift." "That, is that?" "I just want to do something for poor Mr. S. I hope Mr. S can ask me to do something for him. So I let him think that he committed suicide and hope to find his body. That's all." "Haha." The old man laughed dryly. "Don't put it so nicely. I won't be fooled." "Tricked..." "If you don't say it, I will say it for you. You just don't want to admit what you have done." One sentence sent shivers down my spine. "You asked Mr. S to commit suicide. But you are determined not to admit it. And you want to forget about it. So you came up with such a story. Isn't that right?" Like shouting into an iron barrel, it suddenly became very, very large in the depths of the ear. Before I knew it, I kept staring at my grandpa, and while staring, I said, "Isn't that how people are?" Grandpa seemed to be waiting for me to continue talking, and kept watching me. "It's not just me, isn't everyone living in a story they made up? And isn't that story just to hide something and forget something?" Once these words are spoken, they are out of control.I kept talking to the old man, blood welling up.Pain in the eyes.The old man didn't say a word, just looked at me, full of hatred and irritability.I poured out my heart desperately as if I forgot to breathe. "Everyone is the same. It's not just me. No one recognizes and accepts everything they do. There is no such person. Those who fail regret it, and those who cannot be redeemed want to restore it. If this is the case, that person will not be able to live Going down. That’s why everyone is making up stories. I did that yesterday, and I’m going to do this today. I just live while dreaming about it. If you don’t want to see it, you don’t see it. If you want to see it, you try to remember it. Everything People are like that. I just did the same thing as everyone else. Not just me. Everyone!" I repeat the same content.Neither sad nor remorseful.just lonely.I think of the way Mr. S hanged, the face of my mother staring at me, and the sleepy eyes of my father.I also thought of myself when I was talking to my mother-in-law and when I was joking with Meixiang. "I see." The old man said with a sigh of relief. "I already understand. What you said is not wrong." Then, the old man touched the glass in front of him with his tentacles in a daze. "Brother, are you crying?" Meixiang asked sleepily.I shook my head.But the tears couldn't stop. "If you say something more, don't you feel bored?" said the old man.I lowered my head, hesitated a little, and replied: "It's okay.". "Brother, what's wrong with you?" "Nothing. I'm talking to the old man." "Did grandpa say anything bad about you?" "No. Grandpa wouldn't say that. Right, Grandpa?" "Huh? Ah, yes. Yeah." In the dark room there is only the whistling of the wind. Looking up at the clock on the wall, the pointer has pointed to eleven o'clock.Just then, the sound of something breaking came from downstairs.Then came the mother's hysterical scolding. "Mom is scolding Dad again." Mei Xiang said in a daze. "Master Taoist—" The old man asked in a whisper-like tone. "Can you tell me about your mother? How did your mother become what she is now?" When I was about to answer——You always lie!Always lying and causing trouble for others - inadvertently.In the depths of my ears, my mother's words sounded again.The day I found Mr. S hanged, my mother looked at me and said that sentence. ——Let me tell you the truth———When my mother heard about Mr. S from the teacher just now, I was thinking——You □□□□——I didn’t hear the last sentence at the time.Because my heart rejects that word.That is to protect myself, in order not to let myself be hurt.But I understand.I understand what my mother said at the end.As long as you think about it, you can remember it anytime. "It's all my fault. It's all my fault that Mom is what she is," I replied. "Your fault? Why?" "Because I lied." ——You □□□□—— "What are you lying about?" "Three years ago, on my mother's birthday, I bought flowers for my mother. It was a small potted petunias. I quietly hid the flowers in the shoe cabinet in the entrance. Mom was in this room at the time. Dad ordered I bought a bunk bed and mum is measuring the cushions to get the right futon for the bed." ——You □ kill □□—— "In the shoe cabinet? Potted plants? Why put them there?" "I wanted to surprise my mother. It was planned a few days ago. I hid the potted plant in the shoe cabinet and yelled all the way to the second floor: 'It's on fire! The shoe cabinet is on fire!' "—You kill me again—— "Oh, you're trying to do this to please Mommy?" "Mom's face turned pale, and she ran out of the room immediately. I looked at her and secretly smiled. Mom rushed down the stairs, but lost her foot halfway..." ——You killed again—— "Did you fall? That's the way it is. But, just because of such a small matter, your mother wouldn't treat you like this..." "At that time, the mother already had a baby in her womb. The baby was just one and a half months old. However, the baby died because the mother fell down the stairs." The grandfather was silent. "In the hospital, the doctor tried his best, but it still couldn't work. Dad was waiting in the hall, and then he was called to the examination room by the doctor. I followed. The doctor told Dad that the baby in the mother's womb died. Besides, mom can't have a baby anymore. Dad cried. But dad still told me desperately, it's not your fault, it's not your fault. But mom doesn't think so." "I've already died once." Mei Xiang interjected.The voice is still so cheerful. "But I will be reincarnated soon, and I will see my brother soon." The grandfather said "Oh" and continued to ask me: "How did you recognize Xiao Meixiang?" "At the hospital, my father asked the doctor to see the dead child. The doctor refused, saying no. But he said we could see the photos of my mother when she was taken to the hospital. We did." What happened at that time is still vivid in my mind.Against the black background, the white figure suddenly emerged, so inconceivable.There are two small hands and feet on the left and right sides, and a long tail is dragging on the buttocks. "The doctor said that the baby has not yet grown into an adult shape. It was several days later that I found Meixiang in the yard. Because she is exactly the same as the baby in the photo I saw in the hospital, so I I knew right away that it was her." "My brother recognized me at a glance!" Mei Xiang said happily.I nodded. "Oh, so that's the case..." Grandpa said to himself. "But I'm the only one who welcomes Mei Xiang. Dad doesn't care at all, and Mom always wants to kill Mei Xiang." "Kill it?" "Well, I'm not allowed to open the window in such a hot summer. As soon as I go out, my mother deliberately puts the bottle containing Meixiang under the poisonous sun. She knows that Meixiang is most afraid of heat. She did this because she wanted to kill Meixiang .Because she can't pinch Meixiang to death by herself, or throw Meixiang somewhere." "Why can't she do it?" "I think she will still blame herself. Because my mother knows that she is doing the same thing as me." "Same thing? Well, that's—" At this time, there was another scolding from my mother downstairs.I can't hear the content clearly, it's just a long series, I thought it stopped, but immediately repeated it.As always, Dad's voice could not be heard at all. "Is that enough?" I turned to my grandfather. "I'm tired. I don't want to say any more." "Um - is it?" The old man was silent for a while, then changed his tone to ease. "One last question for you, please?" For some reason, at that moment, I seemed to know what the old man was going to ask me.And that's what the old man wanted to know the most. "Tell me about it." Grandpa asked me a very simple question. "Do you want to continue like this?" Sure enough, it was the problem I expected. "Do you want to continue like this?" the old man repeated again.I close my eyes.The room was dark, even closing your eyes didn't change anything.I take a deep breath.The sound of cicadas that I could not have heard sounded in my head. "—no," I answered. The old man replied, "That's it." The voice was full of loneliness. "Then what are you going to do? Since you already feel that you can't live like this." "Only destroyed." "Destroy what?" "Destroy the story." "Destroy the story? Can it be done?" "Yes. It's very simple." I stood up.Meixiang called out "brother" uneasily.I walked across the dark room, reached into the schoolbag hanging by the table, took out a plastic bag and brought it closer. "Brother! Don't!" "It's okay, Meixiang, it will be over soon." "elder brother……" I took out the fireworks box from the plastic bag, grabbed a handful of firework sticks from it and held it in my left hand, lit a lighter with my right hand, and moved to the firework sticks. "Brother! Don't!" "Xiao Meixiang—" The old man's voice drowned out Meixiang's. "It's his own choice. It's his own decision. Let's not say anything." "But……" While the two of them were talking, the fireworks sticks had already started to splash small sparks everywhere, and after a while they all sprayed together.Red, yellow, and pink flames spewed out of the firework wand made a loud noise, illuminating a corner of the dark room.I stared at the dazzling light.Then, covering my face with my hands, I brought the tricolored flame to the window's yellow curtain. "Brother, don't!" Mei Xiang yelled, but the curtains had already been lit.The flames ignited at the lower end suddenly jumped to the upper part, and the long flames wrapped the entire dry and soft curtain cloth in front of me, and gradually spread out.The heat seemed to be directly burning my face, I dodged instinctively, and turned my whole body to the back.Mei Xiang yelled loudly, but she spoke too fast and couldn't hear the content clearly.The bottle containing the grandfather was placed on the floor, and the grandfather kept jumping desperately in the bottle, hitting the bottle cap with his head, making bang bang noises.The old man kept repeating the same action, and happily said with the rhythm: "Okay! Okay! Well done! Well done! You can only do this!" Then the old man laughed out loud.Ahaha, ahaha, ahaha, ahaha.The old man covered the bottle cap with his head and let out a weird laugh.The flame at the front end of the fireworks stick weakened at some point.I threw the fireworks sticks into the trash can full of waste paper, and the trash can immediately burned.At the beginning, there were some scattered small sparks, and in an instant, a huge flame was ejected like a volcano.The fire in the curtains had blackened the ceiling, and orange flames were spreading in all directions.The wallpaper by the window hung down in this direction, and a wildest fire was burning there.I took out several new fireworks sticks from the fireworks box and inserted them into the burning flames on the wall.With a whoosh, bright green fireworks were sprayed out immediately.The whole room was surrounded by billowing heat waves. "I'm sorry, Meixiang!" It was so uncomfortable.What exactly is dripping from the sides of my nose, I don't know myself. "Thank you all this time, Meixiang!" At this time, I heard the sound of someone going up the stairs.The door was pushed open forcefully.Turning around, I saw my father and mother in pajamas standing there terrified in the hot air. "what are you doing!" It was Dad who spoke first.Then, mother yelled: "Xiao Meixiang!" and threw herself on the bed.I threw a bunch of burning firework sticks in my mother's face.My mother yelled "ah", she avoided her upper body and looked at me in astonishment.But my mother didn't give up, threw my arm away, and flew onto the bed while moaning. "Xiao Meixiang!" "No! Mom!" I said to my mother, "That's not Mei Xiang!" Mom turned her face away, the expression was not human at all.The eyes were hanging upward, the lips were curled, and there were ugly lines on the cheeks. I threw the firework stick in my hand at what my mother was holding on her chest.Maybe it was completely unexpected, but my mother didn't react right away.When Mother noticed the flames burning in her arms, she let out a long, flute-like howl, threw the thing on the bed, and covered her face with her hands. "Xiao Meixiang!" "That's not Meixiang! That's not Meixiang born by my mother! It's not my sister either!" I looked at the thing that was gradually blackened on the bed.said loudly. "It's just a doll." But my mother seemed to be trying not to listen to me, screaming desperately, shaking her head, and reaching out her hands to the burning doll to hug it.But the pajamas that the doll was wearing were imprinted with the pattern of baby Doremi, which was barely visible, and it was burning violently.Mom beat the doll with her hands desperately, trying to put out the flames.Dad put his arms around Mom's shoulders and pulled her back. "No way! Run!" Then Dad turned to me and said curtly, "Run too!" But I shook my head and took a step back. "I'm not going! I've made up my mind." The fire intensified, and the whole room was filled with the sound of flames licking.The heat of the air seems to peel off the skin of the whole body. "Dad, Mom, run away, you two! I'll stay here!" I picked up the bottle of incense from the window sill where the curtains were burnt. "Let's stay together." --Together we will.Mei Xiang replied.Dad hugged the already collapsed mother, gritted his teeth, and stared at me with bloodshot eyes.That expression no longer looked like a turtle, but an expression of desperately defending his family. "Father, run! There's no time!" As I speak-- "you!" In Dad's arms, Mom suddenly raised her face and stared at me. "It's all about you! It's always because of you! You—" Mom stood up, wanting to stomp the floor and jump towards me.But Dad hugged her shoulders desperately behind her.Mom's body was turned upside down, and Dad raised his right hand and hit Mom in the face, and then looked at me intently.I shouted: "Go!" and took another step back. "I don't hate it at all!" The scene in front of me began to spin.The feeling all over my body gradually disappeared, and I felt a little unsteady. "I don't hate this family at all! I don't hate my father, and of course my mother!" I felt their faces turn towards me.But I can no longer see what kind of expressions they each have.Maybe it's because the tears obscured the vision, maybe it's because the consciousness has gradually blurred, maybe it's because the air between us is too hot and distorted. "One last thing to tell you!" It suddenly occurred to me that there was something I wanted to tell them.The sound of burning flames surrounded the surroundings, and they didn't know if they could hear it. "Do you know? I'm ten years old today!" The figures of the two people were deformed like syrup in my eyes.In order to hear their answers clearly, I struggled to maintain my standing position.But immediately I felt my knees lose their strength, and the cicadas were ringing deep in my ears again. "Mei Xiang—" Holding the already hot bottle in my arms, I called my sister's name.The whole room is slowly falling to the left.The right side of the body appears to have received a major shock.The feeling all over the body gradually disappeared.But I still haven't closed my eyes.In the slanted, blurred vision, I saw my father and mother stretched out their hands to me.Mom is calling my name.It's been three years, and my mother hasn't called me by my name for three full years. This is my last awareness.