Chapter 29 Section 20

The next night, I went to the university's research room.Arrived earlier than the appointed time, only Miss Tachibana was in the room.I sat down on the chair and watched her busily fiddle with the computer for a while, and organize the materials for a while.I've never seen her in casual clothes. For some reason, she looks feminine even in a white coat.This may not only be because of her appearance, but also because of her confidence in career and life.Of course, she's feminine—my heart skips a beat when I catch a glimpse of her knees peeking out from under her white coat. I looked at her profile and wondered who she looked like.It must be the heroine of some movie I have seen before, a famous foreign actress, but I can't remember it.

As if noticing that I was staring at her, she turned her head: "Is there something on my face?" "Ah, no." I shook my head, "I want to ask you something." "what?" "You took care of me while I was in the hospital, didn't you? Can you tell me the truth, what's your impression of me recently?" "What impression?" "Don't you think I have changed from when I was just hospitalized, in terms of personality and behavior?" She crossed her slender arms, her sleeves were rolled up, she tilted her head slightly and looked at me with a smile on her face: "I don't think there's any change."

"Oh? Impossible. Why can't you tell me the truth?" "I'm telling the truth. Why do you say that?" "I almost killed someone." Her expression froze, then she stared helplessly at my face and smiled innocently: "Did you lie to me?" "It's a shame, it's true." I told the story of my murderous intentions towards Yukio Usui. After listening, she took a few deep breaths to calm down. "I'm not very clear about the situation at the time, and I can't explain it very clearly... I don't think it's an abnormal psychological activity to be angry with that student. To be honest, I would also be angry when I saw such a person. Maybe someone with a quick temper would use violent means."

"I'm not short-tempered, at least not before the operation." "I understand what you mean. But personality is inherently changing. Sometimes things that sleep in the subconscious will suddenly surface one day. Usually docile and honest people, put on the jersey and stand on the field and become aggressive. That's not uncommon in sports, right?" I bit my lip: "You mean I have the potential to kill?" "That's not what it means. You have to know that no one fully understands themselves." "Even if I don't know myself, it's the doctor's duty to understand the patient's symptoms, right? The doctor and you are studying my brain, but you are indifferent to my symptoms, which makes me unable to understand."

"It's not that you don't care, it's just that you are calm. A slight imbalance in your mental state can be related to brain function. This is too simple. Regarding your brain, we have conducted a lot of detailed inspections, and we have concluded that there is no abnormality." I tapped my head with my fist: "I feel abnormal. I can't be more sure than that. I wondered if it was influenced by looking at the donor, but it seems that the truth is not that simple." I could see her gasp at the words "influenced by the donor." "What's the meaning?"

"That's right--the irritability I mentioned just now doesn't exist in the presenter." I talked about going to see Shikio Sekio's father and investigating Tokio. She had a miserable expression: "Why did you go to him? Didn't you say you can't pay attention to donors?" "That's bullshit in the current situation, and if nothing is done, I'll be restless." She presses her fingertips on her temples as she does when she squeezes a headache: "Now you see—no influence from the donor." "I don't understand. It's just that I don't feel any connection with his father at all." I reached into my hair and scratched it vigorously, then stopped, watched her expression and said, "It's not...wrong? "

"Wrong?" She frowned. "Donor. I've been thinking about this since I met Tokio Sekiya's father..." I licked my lips and asked. "Is Tokio Sekiya really the donor?" She suddenly lost color, opened her mouth, and said after a while: "What did you say? Why should you doubt?" "Intuition. It feels like the donor is someone else." "That's an illusion, it's impossible! Besides, why did we lie to you?" "I don't know why." "What you said is stupid." She waved her hands in front of her face as if chasing flies, "I just pretended I didn't hear what you just said. Well, when the time comes, I'll call Ruosheng."

She went out as if fleeing.Whether she was in such a mess because she had been exposed, or because she had heard an unexpected hypothesis, I cannot yet tell. The time came, as usual, for those tests.As usual, it was Assistant Wakasho who conducted the test.I didn't see Miss Tangerine. "The test result is that everything is normal, right?" I said sarcastically after the test. He couldn't fail to hear my sarcasm, but he didn't change his face: "Depending on the analysis results of the computer, the conclusion will probably be as you said." Annoyed, I said, "I can tell you with confidence, if you're not lying, you'll have to rethink the testing method. It's not working at all, or there's something wrong with the computer."

"Both humans and computers are trustworthy." He remained expressionless, "But not everything can be tested, so supplementary tests should be conducted regularly. Come here." I walked into the next room as he said, and there was a big box like a telephone booth in it.I remember the device, I went in and got tested shortly after the surgery. "Aural test?" "Almost, and in fact some other stuff." He motioned for me to come in.Inside there are chairs, and in front of it is a machine with switches and buttons, with wires attached to the machine, and earphones on one end.

I put on the headphones as he instructed and started testing.This is a variety of tests related to sound: Let me judge the pitch, strength, and length of two tones, compare the timbre, point out the different parts of the two melodies, and finally classify several kinds of music with different rhythms. These tests are not difficult. As long as people with normal ears are fine. "Don't tell me that the test results are good and everything is normal. That's lying to the child." After I came out, I pointed to his chest. He seemed to be thinking about something, looked at my face after a moment of silence, and asked, "Too simple?"

"I remember the test items were harder before, and it's not fair to change the difficulty," I protested. He still had an ambiguous expression that made people anxious.He took a breath: "Of course, this is just a piece of data, and it cannot be used as a material to judge whether you are normal." "That's good." I nodded. After the test, I walked into Dr. Tang Yuan's room, where he was typing on a computer keypad at his desk.Beside him was a man I had never seen before, short, with a big head that didn't match his body, and he was completely bald. "You look pretty good." Dr. Tang Yuan approached happily, "Has there been any changes recently?" "Fortunately not." "Oh, that means returning to society smoothly?" "No. As I said last time, I still feel that my personality and hobbies are changing, and even feel stronger." The doctor's face sank: "Be more specific." "That is to say..." I hesitated to speak because there were outsiders. Probably aware of my thoughts, the doctor nodded with a smile: "I forgot to introduce, this is my friend, psychologist Professor Guangguo. "psychology?" "He's an authority on psychology." The little man got up from his chair and shook my hand.He is about the same height standing up as he is sitting down. While shaking hands, I looked at Dr. Tang Yuan: "Did you bring in the rescuers?" "It has this meaning, and it's helpful to you. I'll talk about it later. You don't mind him being here, he will keep it a secret." I looked at the man in front of me who seemed to be full of wisdom. He looked at me like a grandfather looking at his grandson, which made me feel a little uncomfortable, but I still took up the topic just now. "I'm getting tired of interacting with other people. Looking around, there's almost no one to trust. Everyone's just a boring philistine—I never thought about it that way before." Dr. Tang Yuan opened his mouth in surprise, and Professor Guangguo felt the same way. "As I said before, it's just a change of mood. When I was young, I would wake up several times." The doctor repeated the routine. I shook my head irritably: "It's definitely not a change of mood." "Oh..." The doctor scratched his forehead with his little finger, "By the way, you seem to be suspecting that you were influenced by the donor?" "Just asking as a hypothesis, I'm not sure." Especially after the investigation of Tokio Sekiya - I did not emphasize this evidence. "That is to say, you don't think so now?" "I don't know, so I came to ask you for advice." "Oh." The doctor stood up, took two pieces of paper and put them in front of me, with dozens of horizontal lines drawn on them, "It was agreed last week, we have organized your test and analysis results in an easy-to-understand form .For example, the length of the line drawn next to the item 'Introversion' indicates the degree. These two papers, one is your latest test result, and the other is the result of the first test after the operation. You can compare them. .” I took one in each hand and looked at it. There was no big difference between the psychological test and the personality test. There were some ups and downs, but it was not obvious. "Our test can perceive the potential part of your heart. Looking at the test results, you don't find any changes in your personality and other aspects. Here is an average data of Japanese people." He handed over another page of information, "Look This is enough to know that you have an extremely ordinary and normal personality. You are a bit introverted, but this personality is not surprising. How is it?" I shook my head and put three pages of information on the table: "Just show me these numbers, I can't understand them at all." "It was you who asked to see the analysis results." "I did say it a few days ago. At that time, there was only a little doubt, but it's different now. I can't believe that my current state is normal anyway." "You think too much. If you can trust our analysis, you will relax mentally." I leaned on the sofa, resting my arm on the armrest and resting my chin.Does he really think I'm normal, or is he lying for some reason?I can't judge. "By the way," said the doctor, "Professor Guo Guangguo came here today for no other reason than to interview you." "Interview?" I sat cautiously next to the doctor, looking at the ape-like man. The short man said: "It's very simple, just a little psychoanalysis. I have always been very interested in you and would like to ask you." "As for psychological tests and the like, Assistant Ruosheng has already done enough." "It's a little different than a psychological test, but it's not scary." "It can't be scary." I exchanged my legs and rubbed my unshaven chin.These two scholars seemed to want to do this experiment very much, so I asked Professor Guangguo: "You probably heard from the doctor that something abnormal happened inside me. Is it possible to find out the truth?" "I can't say for sure, I believe it will be useful." Professor Guangguo shook his bare head several times, "However, I don't know what the result will be—whether there is a real abnormality or just your own feeling." Dr. Tang Yuan on the side said: "In my opinion, it would be great if we could find out the reason of your delusions." "Delusion?" I could feel the suspicion in my eyes.I can't understand his attitude anyway, why do you always want to calm things down?Afraid of tarnishing the reputation of the operation's success, the ape-like guy's proposal sounded pretty good anyway. "Understood. I do." The professor blinked and nodded towards Dr. Tang Yuan.The doctor raised his head and stood up: "Is it more appropriate for me to leave?" "Please," said the professor. The test called the "interview" was done in a different room, and it was said that it was best to have nothing in view - I thought I'd have to wear a blindfold, but no.There was a bench in the room, and I was instructed to lie down, with the fluorescent lights on the ceiling facing my face.The lights were turned off after a while, but it was not completely dark. The professor took out a penlight-like thing from his bag and pressed the switch.There is a wire connected to the back of the thing, which seems to be connected to the equipment in the bag, indicating that this is not an ordinary flashlight.He sat on the side of my head and I couldn't see him. "Okay, now. Relax your body." As he spoke, the lights began to flicker, and the room flickered on and off.This is really a wonderful change, just looking at it feels like my heart is going to be sucked away. "Calm down, you can close your eyes if you are sleepy." I close my eyes.His voice continued: "Let's start with your hometown, where were you born?" In my memories, I talked about the home where I was born and grew up, the surroundings of the house, and even the bonsai shop next door.Things that seemed to have been forgotten before, are miraculously revived as vivid images, but those images are like movie scenes, and they don’t feel like their own stories.How is this going? His questions go to the next stage: Please think back to the room you lived in before, with you in it, what you were wearing, what you were doing, etc. "I'm alone. Alone...doing nothing but staring out the window." "What do you care most about in this situation?" "care?" "Things you worry about. Relax, say anything, you say what comes to mind without thinking about it." Slowly, the world went away.The professor's voice was faintly heard, he was calling for something strangely. At one point, the voice was too low to be heard, and then gradually became louder.That voice is calling my name, Ah Chun, Ah Chun... who is calling me? The voice finally became clear.The one who called me was a boy named Gamo in the same class. He was the biggest in the fifth grade, and he had to take the lead in everything.Gamo is calling me.I have a sense of foreboding.He asked me which team I like, and I said it was the Giants, and he shouted, with the support of an idiot like you, the Giants will be unlucky and support other teams.I said, if I like it, I like it, there is no way.He slapped me in the face and said, how dare you talk back, and then said, okay, I've made a deal for you, starting today you support the Dayang team.At that time, Dayang ranked last.He said, if another team falls to the bottom, you should become a fan of that team.If that team lost, the next day I'd be made to dance in front of everybody; I can't talk about being bullied at school at home, because my father will reprimand me if I talk about it.When my father was angry, he would often say: I really don't think a coward like you is my son.I'm sorry to hear him say that. Father always sits at the desk and works silently, he is a person who does not know how to breathe.I always only see his back. The back became dark and too dark, suddenly turned to me, and turned into a boy in the same class in the second year of high school.He is the main force of the school basketball team, and he often skips class to go to the coffee shop to smoke.The guy said to me, Hey, Naruse, go to the movies with me.I asked in surprise, the two of us?He said, don't be stupid, call Takazawa Seiko. Thinking of Gao Qingzhengzi, my heart felt hot.We have been classmates since junior high school. She is my only girl friend and the object of my admiration.She is also very kind to me. When talking about books and paintings, we can't finish talking. When I came back to my senses, the three of us were standing in front of the movie theater where we had agreed to meet up.Before entering the movie theater, the main player of the basketball team whispered in my ear, you sit away from us, and after watching the movie, you said that you have gone back beforehand, do you understand?I wanted to say something to him, but couldn't say it. As he said, I sat far away from them and watched a movie.A shot of the factory director making a phone call appeared on the screen, and he was calling a high-power power supply manufacturer.This time the order was to be selected from the bids of several suppliers, and the factory manager disclosed the bids of other bidders to a company close to him-the so-called close relationship means that he took advantage of others.At this time, a young man came over, and when the factory manager hung up the phone, he handed over a report, which pointed out that the cause of the recent product problem was the power supply of a certain manufacturer—the one with which the factory manager had a close relationship.The factory manager became angry with embarrassment, blushed and scratched out the unsatisfactory parts with a red pen.Almost everything in the report was not to his liking, the paper turned red, and I was holding a pile of paper that had become a waste. That paper turned into a newspaper again, and a report on it said that a female high school student attempted suicide. A sophomore girl A cut her wrist, and A was Seiko Takazawa. The cause of suicide is unknown, but rumors spread from nowhere, saying that she came back from the movie theater On the way, she was raped by the main player of the basketball team.Zhengzi wouldn't tell anyone about it, most likely it was the man who showed it off to his companions.After she was discharged from the hospital, she did not come to school and transferred to another school.I haven't seen her since leaving the uneasy at the cinema. I threw the newspaper into the incinerator.Flames fly.I saw an iron cage with mice in it.The mouse became the main force of the basketball team.I strangled him, strangled Gamo, strangled the director, and threw them into the fire.I want to burn everyone to ashes. There was a voice.Someone is calling me: Naruse, Naruse I opened my eyes suddenly, but the light was too dazzling and I closed it again. I heard someone say: "This is not good, turn down the light a little." Opening my eyes again, the small face of Guangguojiaoyuan was in front of me, and behind him was the hall. Dr. Yuan, I don't know when he came in. "How does it feel?" the professor asked. I pressed the corners of my eyes first with my fingers: "It's a little numb, it's okay." "Fell asleep?" "Well, it seems to have slept for a while, and then... it seems to be a dream. I can't remember it anyway." "Don't force yourself, let's get here today." The professor crossed his hands on the table, with a strange penlight and tape beside him. adhesive tape?I remember that there was no such thing here just now, what is it for? "What is lurking in my heart, have you figured it out?" "It's not clear yet, the experiment has just begun. Sorry, too much explanation now may give you bad imagination." "You mean to continue the experiment?" "That's the best. I've also asked Mr. Tang Yuan's permission, as long as you agree." "If I have to, I can't help it. But I'm tired and my head hurts." Dr. Tang Yuan said behind him: "You should take a rest and go back first." After leaving the university, I walked home in a trance.I can't remember what I dreamed about?What the hell did that psychologist do?Can he really help me unravel the mystery of my strange symptoms? The tram was empty.I sat down with my hands on my lap.At this time, I found that my hands were not right, and there was a red spot on my wrist, as if I had rubbed it hard, and when I touched it, it was a little sticky. what happened? I observed for a while, took a deep breath, and hurriedly rolled up the legs of my trousers. Sure enough, there was something sticky on my ankles. It's tape.Must have taped my hands and feet.Why do you want to do that?It seemed that I was in a state where I had to be tied up. I check around for other evidence.A small scratch on the inside of my left elbow - none at all until college. What's all right? — I muttered to myself gloomily.