Chapter 24 Futaba Chapter Twelve

I sat on the bench in Odori Park with a headache coming from me. I don’t know what day of the week it is, but there are not many family tourists in the park. It should be a non-holiday, but anyway, what day of the week is to me it's the same. I had a terrible headache, probably from drinking too much alcohol, I tried to count how much I drank last night, but the more my head hurt, I gave up. I yawned a lot, and I've been yawning a lot since just now, but it's normal because I didn't close my eyes all night.Last night I took a taxi from Chitose. I asked the taxi driver where there was a nightclub that was safe, cheap and open until the morning. The taxi driver said a shop located south of the station.As soon as I walked into the store, black soul music from the 1960s to the 1980s came. There was a small dance floor in the store, and there were people dancing all the time. It seemed that they were employees and regular customers of the store.In fact, I prefer to find a quiet place to drink, but staying in such a noisy place may help me not to think about something, so I decided to sit in the corner of the bar.

As I expected, men kept coming to strike up a conversation, maybe because I was wearing jeans and a fanny pack, they could tell at a glance that I was from out of town.I chatted with them one after another to pass the time, and poured some cold water at the right time so that they would not feel that there was an opportunity. "Hey, have you been dumped by a man?" A guy asked me this, and I asked him why he asked, and he said, "Because it's written on your face that I was just dumped." Is the mood the feeling of falling out of love?I have never experienced a real love break. If it is as uncomfortable as it is now, I'd better not fall in love casually in the future.

The nightclub closed at 5:00 in the morning, and an employee asked me if I wanted to go to his house to rest, and I refused with a random reason.I was walking in downtown Sapporo in the early morning, and the streets of Susukino were full of vomit. I wandered around for a while, and walked into a coffee shop that opened at seven o'clock and ordered a breakfast set. I only ate less than half of the toast, but I refilled two cups of coffee. The store door came to Odori Park to kill time. I slumped on the bench, staring at the passersby in a daze. The bustling crowd seemed to boast to me that the world was still turning, and I was the only one left here.

I tried to chew on the word "broken love".Of course, I am not broken in love.It would be a lie to say that Wakisaka Kosuke didn't appeal to me at all, but even thinking that I might never see him again in the future, I wasn't too depressed, and this level of disappointment is insignificant to me now. However, I tried to analyze my current mood, and it was indeed very close to the state of being broken in love. Why? I thought for a long time and came to a conclusion. Perhaps the reason is that I feel that my expectations have been betrayed. In other words, I have always had expectations in my heart. So, what am I looking forward to?

The scene of the first confrontation with Takashi Akiko came to my mind clearly. Although the mystery of my birth was learned from her and Wakisaka Kosuke later, the moment I saw her, I understood the whole thing the essence of things. She is me. Not only that, I am her. So at this moment, anticipation was born and began to swell.I listened to them talking a lot, and there was only one thought in my mind—I hope this person, this woman who should be my real body, can love this humble double of me. But she didn't love me, more than that, she expressed disgust, she said I frightened her.Indeed, it was a natural reaction that she would hate me.

I got up from the bench and patted my butt to leave the park. I walked on the road like other pedestrians, and the movement of the crowd gave me a great sense of security. I walked aimlessly for a while, not knowing where I was going, and in fact, why I was here.I've learned all the truth, and there's no benefit in staying on this land, but I just can't make up my mind to go to the airport to catch a flight back to Tokyo, and something is keeping me here. I walked to the street lined with department stores, so I carefully observed each display window. Some of the doll models in the glass windows were wearing swimsuits, and some had changed into autumn suits early. These are all female dolls.I'm trying to find one that looks like me, but I can't find one.

I began to think about why I expected Akiko Takashi to love me. Do I regard her as my mother?No, it is not.There is only one mother in me, and that is Kobayashi Zhiho, the mother who is fierce and can't speak well.Because of my mother's love, I can live in this world. Maybe what I hope to get is the approval of Akiko Takashiro.I am a clone created against her will. If this clone is to be recognized as an independent human being, the fastest way is to gain her love. The same is true for twins or a simpler parent-child relationship. These people are also doubles of each other, but each of them can be regarded as an independent individual because they understand that the other party loves them.

I stood in front of the window for a while, and was about to go on, when suddenly something caught my eye. It was a mirror in the window, and my face was reflected in the mirror, but for a moment I felt It wasn't me, but an alter ego from a world far away, staring at me. another me…… The word shook something in my heart, and a hot current surged up in my chest and stirred quietly. Juzi of the family... I don't know why, just chanting this name silently makes me feel nostalgic. I suddenly really want to know her thoughts, really want to know the troubles in her heart, and, I really want to let her know my mood.

I had no way of knowing why I had this sudden reaction, but the urge was there.Injured, tired, and desperate, the only one who can finally find comfort is the clone who shares the same fate as me. So I ran towards Sapporo Station.