Chapter 11 Section 3

In the afternoon, Xu Bei said he wanted to go home.When Zhe Lang sent him to the entrance of the apartment, Xu Bei asked anxiously: "What are you going to do about Ripu?" "Hmm..." Zhe Lang knew what Xu Bei wanted to say. "It's not easy for me to avoid criminal responsibility." "Of course. It's not a TV show, and it's impossible to harbor suspects all the time. I think it's better for Hiura to make her surrender quickly." "Well. I'll talk to her again, and I won't give you any trouble." Hearing what was said here, Xu Bei rubbed his beard with his hands in embarrassment.

"After all, I am an old friend. I want to help her, but if a murder case is involved, I really can't help. Besides, my family still has a loan, and my child is about to go to elementary school." "It's hard work, right? I understand." Zhe Lang patted him on the shoulder. "Say hello to sister-in-law for me." "I think you'd better not get involved too deeply." Xu Bei left after leaving this sentence. Zhe Lang returned home and found Risako and Mizuki sleeping on the sofa.The open newspaper was still on the coffee table.Zhe Lang walked into the bedroom and lay in the middle of the bed. No one had slept on this bed for a long time.

Zhe Lang understands Xu Bei's mood very well, and no one can blame him.Most people should do that.The friendship hasn't disappeared, it's just that the priorities of importance have changed. On the other hand, Zhelang also knows the reason why Risako insists on protecting Mizuki.That is related to her life so far, including her married life with Zhe Lang. The two married when they were both twenty-seven years old.Before getting married, the two had already lived a half-cohabitation life. In order to reassure the parents of both parties, Risako officially entered Zhelang's household registration.Economic factors were also one of the reasons. Zhelang had just quit his job in a small publishing house at that time, and Risako also wanted to start his own business as a photographer.The two judged that it would be more beneficial to live together.

Zhelang still believes that this choice is not wrong.When the income is unstable, they encourage each other, and the rich one subsidizes the poor one, so the two have firmly established their own career foundations. Zhe Lang often thought that maybe that was the happiest time.Of course, he didn't want to go back to the past when he couldn't make money no matter how hard he wrote, and he always took thankless jobs.However, if you just talk about the relationship with Risako, it must be the most fulfilling time.From the bottom of his heart, Zhe Lang hopes that she will become an independent photographer.Dang said to her: It would be great if one day we could cooperate and work together.His words are not false.

However, when each began to move towards success, the relationship between the two changed.Zhe Lang didn't notice it at the beginning. He thought that the conversations between each other decreased and the time spent together decreased, simply because he was busy.They value work more than each other now than before.He interpreted this as the price one must pay for success. A mountain of tableware piled up in the counter appeared in Zhe Lang's mind.It was June, and it was the rainy season, and it was drizzling that day.A pile of tableware was piled up by two people in turn.At that time, the opportunities for the two to eat together were greatly reduced. After all, the work content and working hours of the two were completely different, which is a matter of course.The three meals are mainly settled in restaurants, or eating bento from convenience stores, so compared with ordinary families, tableware is rarely used.Even so, coffee mugs, glasses and small plates from the sideboard kept making their way to the sink.Zhe Lang was right, when he walked into the kitchen, he would feel depressed.The tableware was indeed piled higher and higher.Risako probably looked at the hill with the same feeling.

Regarding the sharing of housework, there is no special division of responsibilities, and those who are free will do it as soon as they think about it.Before that, nothing happened. At that time, neither of them was free.No, objectively speaking, it's not completely empty.If only to wash dishes.The two must find time.Although Zhe Lang has a demanding job with a deadline approaching, and is chased by interviews and writing work all day long, it's not like he can't even spare 20 or 30 minutes.Risako should be the same. If one of them says: Let's clean up together, there will be no problem.But neither Zhelang nor Risako spoke.The reason is naturally that they don't want to do it, and both of them expect the other to do it.Behind this incident, both of them arrogantly thought that they had worked harder.

The tense emotions finally broke out because of a trivial matter.That day, the two were at home at the same time, and Zhe Lang was drinking black tea made from tea bags.He was using the last Sensation cup in the sideboard. But Risako was furious when she saw it, because she washed the teacup specially yesterday. "What does it matter if I use it?" "Don't be shameless, you can only use it without washing it." "You didn't wash it either?" "But I washed that teacup. I planned to use it today and washed it in advance. But you actually used it secretly, aren't you too thick-skinned?"

"I know. From now on, if you don't wash the tableware by yourself, you can't use it, right? Then don't use the ones I washed." Zhe Lang got up, washed the used teacup first, and then put his hand on the top of the tableware pile of a plate. "Just wash what you've used." There was a voice smoothing the sand from behind.When Zhe Lang looked back, she was standing with her arms crossed. "The ones I used stay there." "Stop talking nonsense!" Zhe Lang shouted, starting to wash the dishes. In fact, he didn't know which ones he used, but he still left about half of the dishes unwashed.The cutlery returned to the sideboard hours later, but in a different cabinet.Probably to distinguish which ones have been washed by myself.

It didn't last long.Now it has become a rule that everyone's used tableware should be washed immediately, and the small quarrel at that time was immediately reconciled.The reason why this incident stayed in Zhe Lang's memory was because he thought it was a precursor. As the work and rest of the two became more and more different, subtle differences gradually appeared in the values ​​and outlook on life that they believed to be consistent with each other.The key difference lies in the two people's views on having children. Risako wanted children very early on.Her idea is that she wants to have a child quickly, wait for the child to be independent quickly, and then enjoy the rest of life.In contrast, Zhe Lang hopes that she will wait until she is confident enough to support her family as a reporter before having children.If there is a child, Risako will not be able to work for the time being, and must live on Zhelang's income alone. He thinks this is the safest way.At that time, Risako also cooperated with his plan.

But when Zhelang's income stabilized, her situation changed.Her talent in photography began to be recognized.It is obviously not the best policy to stop working because of pregnancy, childbirth, or childcare. Risako thinks that she wants to have a child, but can't have one right now.Zhe Lang asked her: In that case, when can I give birth?To this, she couldn't answer, she just said ambiguously: I don't know, I'll talk about it later. Risako is also hesitating. She does want a child, but she doesn't want to give up the chance of success. After Zhe Lang successfully secured his position as a sports reporter, his mentality changed. He began to want a stable family.However, the place he was in didn't feel like a home anymore.

Zhelang is also self-conscious. He pursues the image of a so-called model wife in Risako.A wife who faithfully guards her family and creates an environment where her husband can feel comfortable and at ease.He knew that this was just a man's selfish fantasy, so he never said it.He admits he didn't show it.However, although Zhelang supports Risako on the surface, he expects her to encounter setbacks in his heart.He dreamed of her being able to stand in the kitchen in her apron and cook for herself. Two years ago, something happened. Risako said she wanted to go abroad for a while.Not only did she want to travel, but she also wanted to go to the local area for an interview with a female reporter she knew well.Zhe Lang was shocked when he heard their destination, which was the most tense area in Europe. "Didn't we agree at the beginning that we would work together when publishing the book?" Hearing his words, Risako showed an incredulous expression. "But you're good at sports, aren't you?" "I plan to extend my tentacles beyond sports in the future." "Do you want me to wait until then?" Risako put her hands on her hips. "It's a pity that you can't participate in this project. Because the title of the book is "The Battlefield Through the Eyes of Women." "Besides," she continued, "I realized after working in various jobs that it's easier to work with a female partner. How should I say it when I work with a man? It feels different." Zhe Lang was not surprised by her words, as can be seen from Risako's previous behavior. "Honestly, I can't agree. It's too dangerous." "But someone has to do it. That way people in Japan can see the real face of war." "But you don't have to do it, do you?" "I want to do it." She's not going to give up at all.Zhe Lang also thinks this is a great opportunity, and he also knows that he has no right to deprive her of this opportunity.But being able to understand and being able to accept it are two different things, so he didn't agree. However, Risako started preparations intensively.For several days in a row, she discussed with female reporter friends until midnight, or ran to meet the photographer who had filmed on the battlefield.In addition, she took a short intensive course in English conversation. That's how it went for about a month.One day, Risako's body changes, and several features reveal that she is pregnant. "It's absolutely impossible for such a thing to happen." Risako rushed out of the house with red eyes and went to the pharmacy.After she bought the pregnancy test device, she locked herself in the toilet as soon as she entered the house.It took a while before he came out, looking desperate, and silently handed the white stick to Zhe Lang.That was the first time Zhe Lang saw a pregnancy test. "At such a time..." Risako fell to the ground on the spot, embraced her knees, and buried her face in them. "what to do?" Risako didn't answer, and maintained that posture for a while. "Why is this?" She looked up at Zhe Lang. "Do you have good contraception?" "I did." "Really...? That's weird." Risako put her hand on her forehead as if she was enduring a headache, and smoothed her bangs. "Anyway, I'm going." "Where are you going?" "That goes without saying, of course it's a hospital." She stood up looking exhausted physically and mentally. Risako came back from the obstetrics and gynecology department with a relaxed expression on her face.Seeing Zhe Lang, she said formulaically, "I'm two months pregnant." Zhe Lang nodded, without any sense of reality. "Then, what should we do?" Risako tilted her head slightly. "You mean, would it be better to take it off?" "No, I didn't say that." "You always wanted me to be pregnant?" "Unfortunately, the timing is wrong." "It's just terrible." She sat on the sofa and massaged the back of her neck. "I have to call her, what should I say? There are only ten days left before departure..." Zhe Lang didn't know what was discussed between her and the female reporter.But the other party seems to have clearly stated that if a pregnant woman travels with her, she will not be able to work. When Risako made the phone call, she was probably already mentally prepared, so she didn't suffer much.Maybe she has figured it out, if she can get a child in exchange, it doesn't matter if she gives up her dream. Even so, when the female reporter set off alone ten days later, she was still depressed all day long.I don't even want to open the parenting book I started reading. In the middle of the night that day, Zhelang was suddenly awakened by shaking, and Risako looked angry. "I have something to ask you." Her tone was strong. "What's the matter?" Zhe Lang who was woken up was very unhappy.But there was still a tinge of uneasiness in his heart. "This." After she finished speaking, she placed something on the bed. It was a bag of spermicide.Zhelang and Risako have always used it as a method of contraception, the kind of film-like medicine with one piece in a bag. There are four side-by-side bags on the bed. "What's wrong?" Zhe Lang asked, his heart was quite shaken. "Why are there four left?" "Is there a problem with the remaining four?" "It's weird, it doesn't match the number of times you have sex. If you use it every time, there should be only three left." "You remember wrong." Risako shook his head. "It's absolutely impossible for such a thing to happen. I have recorded it. If you don't believe it, I'll show it to you." Zhe Lang felt his face was burning hot. "Then, why do you say?" Risako stared straight at him, not wanting to miss any change in his expression. "At that time, are you really useful?" "At that time?" "The seventh of last month." "Number seven? What happened that day?" "It was a dangerous day! You obviously went out for an interview that day, but you rarely teased me." "yes?" "Well, how about it?" "How about what?" "Have you used it?" "I did, of course I did." Zhe Lang raised his voice. Risako said without changing her expression, "But, I got pregnant that day." "Contraceptives fail. I've heard that spermicides have a high failure rate." "I thought so too. But seeing this made me think otherwise." She pointed her chin at the four bags on the bed. "The numbers don't match." "I don't know." Zhe Lang opened the bag. "It doesn't matter if the numbers match or not. If you're pregnant, you're pregnant." "It's very important to me, do you know what I sacrificed?!" "It's so noisy. Then you can't use contraception yourself. This kind of thing happens when you always leave the contraception to others." "Men are supposed to assist women in contraception. Contraception also requires trust in each other." "what do you want to say?" Risako didn't answer, but picked up the bag that fell on the ground.After picking everything up, she stood up and turned her back to Zhe Lang. "What are you doing? If you want to say something, just say it!" Zhe Lang shouted, but immediately closed his mouth.Because he saw Risako's back trembling and heard whimpering. "I can't say it, it's too sad," was all she had to say, and walked out of the room. Zhe Lang stepped out of the bed with both feet, wanting to chase her, but he didn't know what to say to her when he caught up, so he moved his feet back to the original position. Zhe Lang's heart was covered with gray clouds. He thought to himself that the reason for pregnancy is not important, she should be happy to have a child too.But on the other hand, he also deeply felt that women's intuition is really sharp. Risako was right in his suspicions, he didn't use spermicide that night. That can be said to have ulterior motives.Getting Lisa to become pregnant was the only way he could think of to make her give up the idea of ​​going abroad.He believes that no matter how much she pursues her dream, her desire to have a child should not change.Zhelang doesn't know if doing so will make Risako pregnant, so for him, this move is a bet from various angles. Zhe Lang thinks he has won the bet.He felt guilty, but he convinced himself that it should be better for both of them. However, Risako seems hurt when she finds out the truth.Zhe Lang is mentally prepared that he will have to live in an awkward atmosphere for a while.He believes that when the child in Risako's stomach grows bigger, she should also have the true feeling of being a mother in her heart, as long as she endures until then, it will be fine. But things were not as simple as he thought.Four days later, when he returned home from the all-night interview, he saw Risako lying on the bed with a haggard face.He asked, "What's wrong with you?" She still turned her back to him and replied, "I took the child away." Zhe Lang stood there blankly.He thought to himself, I must have heard it wrong, or she was joking.But judging from the atmosphere around her, he heard right, and she wasn't joking either. He fell into a half-mad state, and angrily asked her: "Why?! Why did you do that kind of thing without knowing me?! You bastard! What are you thinking?" He knew that her body and mind were seriously injured , but couldn't help roaring at her, venting his anger on her. Since then, the two have slept in separate beds. Zhe Lang was wondering if he was at fault?However, the feeling of "then what should I do" is still there.Should she do everything according to her own will?Is this respect for each other? In the end, Zhe Lang felt that he might be the same kind as the old man with old-fashioned ideas, and fell into a strong self-loathing.He said verbally that he wanted his wife to be self-reliant, but he strongly opposed it in his heart.Could it be that I'm the only one who doesn't realize this? Zhelang thinks that the reason why Risako wants to protect Mizuki is because she knows how hard it is to survive in society as a woman, so she hopes that she will not be able to start a new life again.The three words "good friend" she said still linger in Zhe Lang's ears.The former friendship between Risako and the female reporter was destroyed by the man's selfishness.Maybe she thought that women's friendship was underestimated. The whereabouts of the female reporter are unknown.She only sent two letters to Risako, but there was no news about it, and it has been more than a year.Risako has been suffering from this. So, she didn't want to lose her good friend again.