Chapter 26 Section 1

That day, when I was tidying up the room, I found an old photo book.Actually, it's not appropriate to say "find out", because this photobook has always been in my mind.No matter where I hide it, I never forget it. I put it on the table of my desk and solemnly flipped through it.When I turned the page, my hand stopped.There were pictures and a news clipping out of a newspaper on it.The photo shows a white lighthouse. Nearly thirteen years have passed since that incident.I turned thirty-one in April this year, and Yusuke should be thirty-two too. That past is dusty in my heart, and I have never told anyone about it.

In the autumn of thirteen years ago, I was eighteen and Yusuke was nineteen. Yusuke is my classmate, but due to the date of birth, he is one year older than me and the oldest in the class. Yusuke and I have been studying in the same school from kindergarten to university.Apart from the fact that our two families live very close together, this coincidence can only be explained by mysterious supernatural power.After going to college, although we entered different departments, because the dormitory buildings are very close together, we can still see each other from time to time. Our relationship is not bad, of course, but it is not close friends.Yusuke's evaluation of our friendship is "good".

"Good relationship" - this is in a way quite appropriate.Our friendship is like two silk threads, tightly entangled with each other after complicated and long years. In the autumn of my freshman year, just after the summer vacation, the weather was still extremely hot.I want to leave more memories for my student days, and also want to exercise myself, so I plan to go on a trip alone. I don't know where Yusuke heard the news, but he suddenly found me vigorously and said that he wanted to go with me.Seeing my distressed face, he suggested: "That's good. Let's play each other in opposite directions. When we come back, we will compare who's experience is more interesting."

"Why do you want to do this?" "There is no reason, this is a game, a game! What do you think?" "Looks like I won't let you go." I said. Although the proposal was outlandish, I could vaguely understand his intentions.Perhaps he thought I was simply incapable of traveling alone.In the drama of Yusuke's life, I have always played the role of cowardly and powerless, doomed to nothing without his help. We decided to use the pass to roam the Tohoku region.The itinerary is uncertain, as long as you can visit as many places as possible. Even though we split up, we still took the same train and got off at different stations.I plan to travel around the southern part of Tohoku first, and Yusuke plans to head to Aomori Prefecture in one go.

"Where are you going to stay tonight?" Not long after the train started, Yusuke asked. "I've already booked a room at a business hotel near the station." After hearing this, he snorted contemptuously through his nose and eyes. "You shouldn't stay in a hotel if you're traveling alone. You're only capable of this. You see, I don't rely on those at all. At worst, I just spend a night in the waiting room of the station." When I heard him say that, I felt somewhat unhappy. "I'm going to go camping starting tomorrow, so I'm ready."

"I advise you to be careful. If you don't exercise well on weekdays, you will be overwhelmed by then." "It's just a few days of hard work and I can persevere." "Well, let me tell you, don't push yourself too hard. Traveling alone isn't for you." Saying that, Yusuke patted me hard on the shoulder. Afterwards, we chatted casually to pass the time.Although it was "what about us", Yusuke was talking to himself most of the time.He proudly bragged about how rich and colorful the community life is, and how he enjoys the perfect college life now, as if he deliberately wanted me to appreciate his great achievements.

"Teaching"—that's what it is.Yusuke couldn't see me embarking on the journey alone with confidence, so he came up with this idea of ​​competing with me, intending to crush me in one fell swoop and fall into the abyss of inferiority again. From the beginning to the end, I was a person who lacked self-confidence. Because of my lack of self-confidence, I used to hide behind others. This "other" is Yusuke.My existence allowed him to play the image of a hero who can shield his friends from the wind and rain. I thought back, when exactly did we form this relationship?It must have dated back to kindergarten.Back then, I was short in stature, and I always knew I was hiding behind Yusuke, who was almost as strong as my senior classmates.

No matter who is in front of Yusuke, he is willing to bow down.As long as he gave an order, the whole class followed it faithfully like a well-trained army.Of course, his arrogant demeanor will also cause dissatisfaction among his classmates.People dare not provoke him, but they will take their anger on the weakest person-that's me.In order to protect myself, I had no choice but to choose to hide behind Yusuke.Yusuke also seems to enjoy this feeling of being depended on. After entering middle school, my physique gradually caught up with everyone, and Yusuke's height was no longer conspicuous in the class, but the relationship between our strengths remained unchanged.Yusuke is the leader, and I am an assistant or a young man, following behind him, we can experience many unexpected and interesting things.To be honest, I'm pretty happy with that.

When I entered high school, my awareness of paying attention to the opposite sex gradually awakened, and he began to use me in a new way: he used me as a foil when dating girls.Standing next to a companion who lacks masculine charm like me, he looks even taller invisibly. At that time, I was forced to play this role, and I was naturally very unhappy.But when I calm down and think about it now, he forced me to be a foil not just because he wanted to show his face in front of girls, but also because Yusuke, who was a powerful and powerful man in junior high school, no longer stands out after high school.Be it studies or sports, he is mediocre in everything. No one is afraid of him anymore, and no one particularly respects his opinions.

Yusuke, who has strong self-esteem, can't bear this sudden change.In order to make his decline less obvious, he needs to bring an even worse object with him for comparison.This object is of course me.As long as I obey him as usual, Yusuke can continue to savor that sense of superiority, and thus maintain his strong self-esteem. The train is running in the mountainside. Yusuke closed his eyes, he didn't know if he was finally tired or had nothing to say.I stared at his side face, as if feeling my gaze, he opened his eyes and looked towards me. "What's wrong, why are you staring at me?"

"Nothing. You fell asleep just now?" "yes." He rubbed his eyelids with his fingertips: "I fell asleep right away. I often do this when I travel. As a person, I can fall asleep immediately no matter where I am. This is one of my advantages." Are you bragging about yourself again?I suppressed my unhappiness and smiled wryly. "You fell asleep just now?" "No, I'm not sleepy." "Really? You have to sleep when it's time to sleep. This is the secret to eliminating fatigue. You are neurotic. Have you brought sleeping pills?" "Bring it." "Well, it's fine then." Yusuke smiled with one side of his face tilted: "Even I always put a medicine called bourbon in my backpack. It can be regarded as a sleeping pill. But the medicine is not strong, and you should always keep a clear mind when traveling alone Oh." Listening to what he said, and criticizing me again, don't take it to heart, I warned myself. The biggest goal of this trip is to make myself stronger on the spiritual level, and at the same time, it also includes the desire to make a thorough liquidation of the power relationship with Yusuke for more than ten years.As long as he has full confidence in himself, the sense of inferiority that he had for no reason in front of Yusuke will no longer exist. Of course, Yusuke must be dissatisfied with this.How could he allow the little follower who had been under his control to suddenly want to be independent?That's why he came up with this idea. The purpose is to make a satirical attack on my itinerary and experience after the trip, so as to maintain the unequal relationship between us on the spiritual level. This time we must not lose to him, I thought.This trip, I can't just take a look at it and give it up. We took the train from Ueno for about five hours and arrived at Sendai Station.Yusuke was full of confidence, and when he looked at me, he showed a slightly teasing expression.However, when we waved goodbye, his eyes suddenly showed uneasiness and confusion, which surprised me. After staying in Sendai for one night, I visited Matsushima and Ishinomaki, and arrived in Hanamaki via Hiraizumi the next day, and stayed in a private house near the hometown of writer Kenji Miyazawa. It was night, and I suddenly felt anxious in my heart, because I have not encountered any anecdotes and anecdotes during the journey so far.Neither met female college students and spent a good night together; nor made friends with locals to explore the mysterious and unknown world together. What is Yusuke doing at this moment?I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling in thought.He is a veteran in the field of love and handsome. He probably already has a girlfriend by now.Afterwards, he would naturally brag in front of me again, which once again destroyed the little self-confidence I had finally built up. Let's go to the Sea of ​​Japan tomorrow, I think.Compared with the turbulent waves of the sea, don't these troubles of oneself seem very trivial and stupid? There might be a new look for me.