Chapter 11 Section five

I think what you mean by "redemption" is that we should be as good as Emilia.When I realized that I was not strong, in order to atone for my sins, I served as the president of the student council in junior high and high school, and also served as the president of the volleyball club. I studied hard and finally got admitted to university. I was admitted to the university here because I wanted to live near the sea.Living in a seaside town overlooking the vast Pacific Ocean can make people feel very relaxed. This kind of feeling cannot be experienced in a closed mountain town.Although this is fundamentally a misunderstanding, I don't want to go back to that town again.

After graduating from university I became a primary school teacher. To be honest, I don't like children very much, but if I engage in a career I like, I will not be able to achieve the purpose of redemption.I figured I had to put myself in the place where I made a mistake and work my ass off there. Although I have only been in this job for a little over two years, I am always the first to go to work every morning, patiently listen to any boring topics from the children, and seriously handle all kinds of requests from the parents as if it is a pastime. The day's work is done on the same day.

I have to bear too much, I can't help but want to cry and want to run away.I’m not a friend who didn’t complain. I also called or emailed a few friends in the volleyball club when I was a student to complain about my troubles at work, but they all said to me in unison: “Maki, complain or something. What you do is not like your style, come on!" What is my style?Is it because you are not strong but insist on pretending to be strong?The only people who really knew me were those three people, and when I think about it, I miss them so much. It seems that I didn't have much contact with them in the future, but I often heard something about them from my sister who graduated from the local vocational school and stayed in that town to work.

Saying went abroad after getting married, and I heard that she married a very remarkable social elite.Akiko still stays at home, but some time ago she took her brother's child to go shopping, and she seemed to be in a good mood.Yuka has returned and seems to be giving birth soon. These things were heard at the beginning of last month.I suddenly felt that I was very stupid, and I made my life miserable for atonement.I think everyone has long since forgotten about the murder, and the agreement with Emili's mother has long been forgotten. Originally, if I thought about it calmly, maybe Emili's mother would not really take revenge for our failure to keep the promise, maybe she just meant that we should at least have that kind of mental preparation.

I was the only one who didn't get out of the shadow of the murder case, and I was the only one who was foolish and serious about atonement. I had such an idea. It seemed so stupid to keep working hard, so I also started to be lazy.Even if some parents do not pay the food expenses on time, I will no longer forcefully go to the house to visit. Anyway, my salary will not be deducted, so I just let it go.If a student calls in the morning and says he has a stomachache, I will not ask about the symptoms in detail, whether it is pretending to be sick or something else, just let him rest.The children called each other "fools" and "idiots", and ignored such trivial bickering, and let them quarrel until they were satisfied.This idea gradually took over my mind.

Once I had this kind of thought, my mood suddenly became very relaxed, and for some reason, I felt that the children were more accepting of me.Maybe the more I put a curse on myself, the more nervous and breathless the kids get. At this moment, I heard Sa Young's name on the TV news.My parents received a letter from Emiri's mother after she killed her husband who had a sexual addiction not long after she was newly married.There was not a word in it, just a copy of a letter from Saying to Emili's mother. Only then did I know what kind of thinking Saying had spent fifteen years.Because I irresponsibly ordered her to guard the corpse, she fell into unimaginable horror and lived to this day.If I had returned to the swimming pool...

Saying, who is in such a physical and mental state, completed the atonement in her own way as promised.She likes French dolls very much, and she is quite similar to French dolls. She is the most honest among the four, but she is several times stronger than me. Even after fifteen years, I'm probably the most timid. At such times, criminals break into life.On a sunny summer day, in the swimming pool of the elementary school, the children in the fourth grade are about to be attacked. Just this similarity makes people wonder whether it was planned by Emili's mother, and whether she is hiding in something. The place is secretly watching everything.

And I thought, if I just run away, even if the statute of limitations expires, I will be stuck in that murder case for the rest of my life.I didn't hesitate, it was better to be stabbed than to live as a coward. Thinking of this, my foot kicked towards the gate. Being an elementary school teacher is for this day, and being able to endure the harsh training of the volleyball club is also for this day. The only way to recover what I lost is now. Thinking this way, I threw myself at Sekiko’s feet. I didn't have the idea of ​​throwing Sekiko down or killing him at all.Where I am, children are not allowed to be killed. I must protect the children. I must be calm this time. These were the only thoughts I had at the time.

There is still one point in Okui's testimony that needs to be corrected.She said that after all the children were evacuated, I continued to kick Sekiguchi's head, but the reality is that when Sekiguchi was about to climb up from the pool, there was another child beside the pool, that is the injured Ikeda.At that time, it was the doll-like Mr. Okui who took care of Ikeda.It's hard to imagine that Okui-sensei can protect Ikeda, and I don't want her to protect Ikeda, because I am the strong one. Ikeda kept crying and crying in pain, and the bath towel pressed on the wound was already soaked red with blood.I suddenly thought, did Emili also shout when she was raped by that man?Since that time, I have been troubled by my own cowardice, and I have imagined the fear felt by the other three, but it was only for comparison with the fear I felt, and I never considered Emili's feelings.

Ordinarily, the person who fears the most should be Emili.Maybe she had repeatedly called for help, but we didn't go to see what happened.Emily, I'm sorry!I first had this idea. At the same time, I cannot forgive adults who abuse children who are obviously weaker than themselves, and I will never allow the existence of perverts.The future of our children is in shambles because of these stupid adults, and that is enough for us to suffer. The man's uninjured leg was already clinging to the edge of the pool, and he must not be allowed to do so.I quickly ran to the gate. Sekiko's face was covered with water, and his face was expressionless. Such a face overlapped with that of the man fifteen years ago.The moment I kicked the man desperately, I felt that my atonement was over, and I finally fulfilled the promise.

But that's not what I really have to do.A coward's atonement must be accomplished by having the courage to confess everything. The moment he kicked towards the gate, the face of that man fifteen years ago clearly appeared in front of his eyes. The corners of the eyes are slender, and the facial features are clean and sharp. I have only realized that such a look is very handsome in recent years.When the police asked if there was any celebrity who looked like me, I couldn't think of it at all, but now I can list several.For example, in the TV series broadcast at 8 o'clock on Thursday, the male number two, the jazz pianist certain prince, the master of kyogen so-and-so... are all young people. Saying's letter also said that he is not old enough to call him uncle. If you consider that fifteen years have passed, that person's appearance... Although he is not an actor, it seems to be related to the operation of a free school (a private educational institution in Japan, which generally recruits problem children who do not want to go to school, and the scale is relatively small. ) is very similar to Mr. Hiroaki Nanjo, the school where the arson attack took place last summer.Of course, I am not saying that Mr. Nanjo is a criminal. There is another person who looks more like that.However, it seems too common sense to say it, and this person has passed away, so I won't say it. I hope from the bottom of my heart that these can provide some clues to help find the culprit. However, is this enough to get your understanding? The loss of my only precious daughter is indeed sympathetic.Whether it was fifteen years ago or now, the person who most wanted to find the criminal was you.However, the pain of losing a beloved daughter, the anxiety caused by not being able to find the criminal, and the anger caused by being unable to do anything, shouldn't all of these be passed on to the children who play with them? I always feel that it is not the fault of the suspect that Shaying and I have been unable to get rid of the shadow of the murder case, but your fault, right?Mazi, don't you think so?Isn't that why you have come all the way to confirm our atonement? There are two more people.It would be best not to repeat the wrong chain of redemption, but there's nothing I can do about it. Powerless - what a nice phrase. My explanation ends here.I have not arranged time to answer your questions, please forgive me...