Chapter 36 Chapter Thirty-Five

After Colonel Race finished speaking, he slipped away quickly and left us.I stood there watching his back.Harry's voice woke me up. "Annie, forgive me, tell me you forgive me." He took my hand and I pulled it back almost mechanically. "Why are you hiding it from me?" "I don't know that I can make you understand. I'm afraid of that kind of thing—the power and allure of wealth. I want you to care about me only because of me—the person I am—me, naked without any frills." "You mean, you don't trust me?" "You can say so if you like, but it's not true. I've become bitter, suspicious--always inclined to seek other people's most hidden motives--and it's wonderful to care for me the way you do. thing."

"I see," I said slowly.I played in my head the story he told me.Noticing for the first time some incongruities that I had overlooked then—the certainty of the money, the ability to buy back those diamonds from Nadina, he preferred to speak of the two young men from an outsider's point of view.And when he says "my friend," he doesn't mean Ozri, but Lucas.It was Lucas who loved Nadina deeply. "How did it become like this?" I asked. "We were both very impulsive - desperate to die. One night we traded name tags for luck. Lucas was killed on the third day - blown to pieces."

I trembled all over. "Why didn't you tell me this morning? You can't doubt that I really care about you now, can you?" "Annie, I don't want to spoil everything. I want to take you back to the island. What good is money? It can't buy happiness. We're happy on the island. I tell you, I'm afraid of another life— — it destroyed me once." "Does Sir Eustace know who you really are?" "oh, I know." "Where is Katong?" "No idea. He saw both of us with Nadina at Kimberley one night, but he didn't know which one was the other. He took my word for Lucas, and Nadina was also fooled by his telegrams. She was never afraid of Lucas. He was a very quiet guy. But I always had a devilish temper. If she knew I was alive, she would have scared me sooner. It would be strange if he died."

"Harry, what would you have done if Colonel Race hadn't told me?" "Say nothing. Keep pretending to be Lucas." "What about your father's huge sum of money?" "Give it to Reese. He makes better use of them than I do anyway. What are you thinking, Anne? You're frowning." "I was thinking," I said slowly, "I wish Colonel Race hadn't made you tell me." "No, he's right. I should tell you the truth." He paused, then suddenly said: "You know, Annie, I'm jealous of Rhys. He's in love with you too—and he's greater than me, and I'll never be equal to him."

I turned to him and laughed. "Harry, you idiot. I want you - and that's all that matters." We set off for Cape Town as quickly as possible.Suzanne was there waiting to pick me up.Together we disemboweled that big giraffe and took out the diamond.When the revolution finally subsided, Colonel Race came to Cape Town, and at his suggestion the great house at Muzenburg, which had belonged to Sir Lauros Erdsley, was reopened, and we all lived there. They are there to plan.I will go back to England with Suzanne and wait at her home in London to be married.And will go to Paris to buy dowry!Suzanne happily planned all the details, and so did I.Yet everything in the future seemed strangely unreal.And for some reason, I sometimes feel stiff all over—as if I can't breathe.

The night before we got on the boat, I couldn't sleep.I'm sad, but I don't know why.I hate leaving Africa.Will it be the same when I come back?Could it be the same thing? Then I was awakened by a knock on the window panel, and I jumped up.Harry was outside in the hallway. "Put on some clothes, Anne, and come out. I want to talk to you." I put on my clothes and stepped out into the cool evening air—a still, beautiful night that felt like flannel.Harry took me out of earshot of the next room.His face was pale, his eyes were bright, and his manner was determined. "Annie, do you remember when you told me that women like to do things they don't like to do for someone they like?"

"Remember," I said, not knowing what was coming next. He hugged me tightly. "Annie, come with me—now—tonight. Go back to Rhodesia—back to the island. I can't bear all this folly. I can't wait any longer." I breathed a sigh of relief. "And what about my French frock?" I said with mock regret. To this day, Harry can't tell when I'm serious and when I'm just teasing him. "Fuck your french frock. You think I'll let you wear a french frock? It's my fault if I don't tear it up. I won't let you go, hear? You're my woman. If I let you go, I might lose you. You come with me now--tonight--to every one of his others!"

He hugged me so tightly that I could barely breathe. "I can't live without you again, Anne. I really can't. I hate all this money, let Reese have it. Come on, let's go." "Where's my toothbrush?" I hesitated. "You can buy another one. I know I'm crazy, but for heaven's sake, come on!" He stalked off angrily, and I followed him as docilely as the Baroise woman I had seen in the Falls, only without the frying pan on my head.He walked so fast that it was hard for me to keep up with him. "Harry," I said in a gentle voice at last, "are we going as far as Rhodesia?"

He turned around suddenly; at the same time he laughed and picked me up. "I'm crazy, honey, I know. But I really love you." "We're a couple of lunatics. And, oh Harry, you never asked me, but I'm not sacrificing at all! I want to go with you!"