Chapter 7 Chapter VII

When they got into the car and Lewis closed the front door of the house on Harley Street, Gerda felt a pang of exile go through her, and the door finally closed.She's locked out - a dreadful weekend has befallen her.But there was still, quite a bit of stuff she should have done before she left.Did she turn off the bathroom tap?And the laundry receipt—where did she put it?Will the children enjoy staying with that young lady?Will Terrence do what she bids?The French governess never seemed to have any authority. She sat in the driver's seat, hunched over with misfortune, and nervously stepped on the starter.She stepped on it over and over again.John said, "If you turn on the engine, Gerda, the car will start better."

"God, what a fool I am." She gave him a quick, startled look.She thought John would lose his temper, but he didn't, and he smiled. "Because," thought Gerda at once, "he is so glad to be at Angkatel's." Poor John, he works so hard!His life was so selfless, so completely devoted to other people.It's no surprise that he looks forward to the long weekend.Her thoughts returned to the conversation at lunch.As she talks, she hits the clutch so hard that the car jumps forward onto the right side of the road: "You know, John, you really shouldn't joke that you hate patients. It's a big deal to take everything you do, and I get it. But the kids don't understand, especially Terry, that there's something An unimaginative mind."

"There were times," said John Crystal, "that Terry seemed human to me—unlike Zenner! How long does it take girls to learn to love?" Gerda showed a shallow, quiet and sweet smile.John, she knew, was teasing her.She stands by her point of view.She is stubborn. "I really think, John, that it's good for kids to see how selfless and dedicated a doctor is." "Oh, God!" Crystal said. The green light ahead of Gerda had been on for a long time.She thought, before she could reach the red light, she started to slow down.Still a green light. John Crystal asked, "Why did you stop?"

"I thought I was going to run into a red light—" She put her foot on the accelerator and the car moved forward a little, just past the traffic lights, when it stopped and the engine stopped.The traffic lights changed. Vehicles at the intersection honked angrily at them. John spoke, but in a very pleasant tone: "You are indeed the worst driver in the world, Gerda!" "I've always found traffic lights to be such a worry. People just don't know when they're going to change." John cast a quick sidelong glance at Gerda's tense, displeased face.

"Everything worries Gerda," he thought, trying to imagine what it was like to be in that situation.But since he's not a man with a rich imagination, he can't feel it. "You see," insisted Gerda, "I've been impressing strongly on the children that the life of a doctor is--by that self-sacrifice, by giving oneself to help people get rid of sickness--that The desire to serve others. It is a noble life - and I am so proud that you give your time and energy and never spare yourself -" John Crystal interrupted her. "Didn't it ever occur to you that I liked being a doctor—it's a pleasure, not a sacrifice!—and didn't you realize how much fun it is to deal with these things!"

But she would not, he thought, and Gerda would never be aware of such a thing!If he had told her about Mrs. Crabtree and Margaret Rover Ward, she would have seen him only as a sort of angelic helper of the poor with a capital P. "You are in the Lord and you don't know it," he whispered. "What?" Gerda leaned towards him. He shook his head. If he told Gerda that he was trying to "find a cure for cancer," she would respond—a common sentimental expression she could understand.But she would never understand the unique fascination of the complex bewilderment of Ridgway's disease--he doubted it, even if he could make her understand what Ridgway's disease was all about. ("Uniquely," he thought with a grin, "because we don't really have self-confidence! We really don't know why the gray matter in the brain deteriorates!")

But suddenly he remembered Terrence, who might be interested in Ridgway's disease even though he was only a child.He liked the way Terrence looked at him appraisingly before saying the words "I think father meant it." Terrence has fallen out of favor the last few days because he broke that Kona coffee maker—some kind of folly trying to make ammonia.ammonia?Funny kid, why would he want to make ammonia? Gerda was relieved by John's silence.She can drive better if the conversation doesn't distract her.And, if John is paying attention, he's less likely to notice the occasional squeaky noise she makes in forced shifts (she never shifts into high gear, if she can avoid it).

There were many times, Gerda knew, that she could change gears very well (although she never felt confident), but if John was in the car, she would get nervous, bewildered, and screw things up. "Push in, Gerda, push in," Henrietta had asked her many years ago.Henrietta demonstrated for her. "Can't you feel it wanting to go - it wants to slide in - keep your hand level until you get that - don't push it anywhere - feel it." But Gerda never had a feel for a gear lever.She keeps pushing it out of place. Overall, the drive wasn't too bad this time around.John was still engrossed in his thoughts - and he hadn't noticed a rather serious bump between the gears at Croydon.As the car picked up speed, she optimistically shifted into third gear, and immediately the car slowed down.John, in fact, has come to his senses.

"Why did you shift to high gear when you were going down a steeper road?" Gerda's mouth was tightly shut.It hasn't gone very far yet.She didn't want to go there, didn't want to go.In fact she would have preferred to drive endlessly, even if John was mad at her! But now they were driving along the Saffre Heights--the autumn flames of the woods surrounding them. "It's amazing to be out of London and here," marvels John. "Consider this, Gerda, that we spent most afternoons drinking tea in that dim drawing room—sometimes with the lights on."

The vision of the rather dark drawing-room plane rose before Gerda's eyes with a magically provocative brilliance.Oh, if only she could sit there now. "Country looks lovely," she boasted. Drive down steep hills - with nowhere to go.There was that vague hope in her heart, but something, she didn't know what, saved her from the nightmare.Hope did not become reality.They are still there. As she drove into the manor, she felt a little more comfortable seeing Henrietta and Mitch sitting against a wall with a tall, thin man.She feels a certain dependence on Henrietta, who sometimes pops up out of the blue to save her when things go terribly wrong.

John was also happy to see Henrietta.It seemed to him that the purpose of the trip was the lovely panorama of autumn, and the discovery of Henrietta awaiting him from the top of the mountain. She was wearing a green tweed coat and skirt which he liked, which he thought suited her better than London.Her long legs stood out in front of her, and she wore a pair of well-polished brown platform shoes. They exchanged a quick smile—a brief acknowledgment of the fact that they were each delighted with the other's presence.John didn't want to talk to Henrietta right now.He's just glad she's there - he knows the weekend would be dull without her. Mrs Angkatell came out of the house to welcome them.Her conscience made her warmer to Gerda than she was usual to any of her guests. "It was a pleasure to see you, Gerda! It has been a long time since we saw each other. And John!" The intention of this move is obvious, showing that Gerda is the eagerly awaited guest and that John is merely an accessory.The man's behavior did not make Gerda feel stiff or uneasy. Lucy said, "You know Edward, don't you? Edward Angkatel?" John nodded to Edward and said, "No, I don't know him." The afternoon sun colored John's fair hair and blue eyes.The face of a Viking coming ashore on a mission of conquest.His voice, warm and resonant, captivates the ear, while his overall charisma dominates the scene. This warmth and this objective fact did not do the slightest damage to Lucy's image.In fact, it set off her odd pixie shyness.It was Edward who, as if suddenly, stood in stark contrast to the man, who lacked vitality—a shadow, slightly hunched over. Henrietta suggested to Gerda that they should go and see the vegetable garden together. "Lucy must insist on showing us the rock garden and the autumn flower beds," she said as they walked. "But I always think a vegetable garden is beautiful, peaceful. You can sit under the cucumber trellis, and if it's cold you can go into the conservatory, and no one bothers you, and sometimes, there's something to eat." In fact, they saw some late peas, which Henrietta ate raw, and Gerda was not much interested.She was glad to be away from Lucy Angkatell, and she found her more terrifying than ever. She began talking to Henrietta, looking very excited.The questions Henrietta asked always seemed to be those Gerda questions.Ten minutes later, Gerda was feeling better and was beginning to think that maybe the weekend was going to be okay. It's time for Zenner to go to dance lessons, and he just got a new top.Gerda describes these in detail.She also found a really nice new leather goods store.Henrietta asked her if it would be difficult to make a handbag for herself?And asked Gerda to take her to see it. It was so easy, she thought, to make Gerda look happy, and when she did look happy, it was so different from her usual state! "She just wants to curl up comfortably and let out a cry of satisfaction," Henrietta thought. They sat happily by the cucumber stand with the sun low in the sky, giving the illusion of summer. There was a silence.Gerda's face lost its calm expression.Her shoulders dropped.She sat there like a miserable picture.When Henrietta spoke, she jumped up. "Why did you come," said Henrietta, "if you're so disgusted?" Gerda hastily replied: "Oh, I didn't. I mean, I don't know why you think—" She paused, then went on: "It's a real pleasure to be out of London, and Mrs Angkatell is so kind." "Lucy? She's not nice at all." Gerda looked a little shocked. "Oh, but she is. She's always been so good to me." "Lucy has good manners, she can be kind and generous, but she's a pretty cruel person. I think it's because she's impersonal - she doesn't know how normal people feel and think. You hate being in the Here, Gerda! Why do you come here if you feel so?" "Well, you see, John likes—" "Oh, John has always liked it. But you can let him come by himself?" "He wouldn't do it, he wouldn't be happy without me. John is so unselfish that he thinks it would be good for me to come to the country." "Country is nice," said Henrietta, "but there's no need to come to Angkatell's." "I—I don't want you to think I'm an ungrateful person." "My dear Gerda, why should you like us all? I always thought the Angkatels were a nasty family. We all liked to get together and talk in our own language. I wouldn't be surprised if the family outsiders want to murder us." Then she added: "I think it's time for tea, let's go back." She was watching Gerda's face as she stood up and walked towards the house. "It's funny," thought Henrietta, a part of her mind always off the ground, "to see the look on a woman's Christian martyr's face before she walked into the arena." As they left the walled vegetable garden, they heard gunfire.Henrietta commented: "Sounds like the Anger Cartel family started the massacre!" It turned out that it was Sir Henry and Edward who were talking about small arms, and justified their talk by shooting a revolver.Henry Angkatell's hobby is light weapons, and he has a fairly rich collection. He had produced some revolvers and some target cards, and was shooting at them with Edward. "How do you do, Henrietta, would you like to see if you can kill a robber?" Henrietta took the revolver from him. "Exactly—yes, aim like that." boom! "Miss," said Sir Henry. "Try it, Gerda." "Oh, I can't—" "Come on, Madame Crystal, it's very simple." Gerda fired, and she flinched, her eyes closed.The bullet was far from the target. "Oh, I'd love to try it," said Mitch, wandering over. "It's more difficult than you think," she commented after taking a few shots, "quite a lot of fun." Lucy came out of the house.Behind her was a tall sullen young man with a gnarled throat. "This is David," she told me. She took the revolver from Mickey, and her husband was welcoming David Anglecartel.She reloaded and without a word made three holes close to the bull's-eye. "Well done, Lucy!" exclaimed Mickey. "I didn't know you were good at shooting." "Lucy," said Sir Henry gravely, "can always kill her lover!" Then he recalled adding: "It used to come in handy. Do you remember, my dear, those villains who attacked us on the Bosphorus? Me and the two men who were on top of me and stuck my throat Roll together." "What did Lucy do?" asked Mitch. "Two shots in the melee. I didn't even know she had a pistol with her. Shot one bad guy in the left leg and the other in the shoulder. That was the closest I got to death in the world. I think Not sure how she fired it." Mrs Angkatell smiled at him. "I think one has to take risks," she said softly, "and one should decide quickly and not think too much." "Admirable sentiment, my dear," said Sir Henry, "but I sometimes feel a little distressed that you are risking my life!"