Chapter 18 Section 8

After Audrey changed her clothes, she walked along the beach and came to a jagged rocky place where Thomas Lloyd was sitting smoking a pipe. On the other side was the white and peaceful "Gull Cape". Thomas turned to look at Audrey when she came, but didn't move.She sat down beside him without saying a word.There was silence between them, a kind of silence that knew each other very well, and the silence was better than the sound. "It seems so close," said Audrey at last, breaking the silence. Thomas Lloyd looking at Gull Point. "Well, we can swim back."

"Not this way. Camilla once had a maid, and she was a swimmer, and used to swim back and forth when the tide was right, at high or low tide--but at low tide the tide would Whirl you into the mouth of the river. That's what she did one day—fortunately she calmed down and landed safely in Tung Tou Bay—only to wear her out." "There is no danger sign here." "Not this side. The undercurrent is on the other side, and the water is deep under the cliff. Last year, a man failed suicide—jumped off the cliff—but was blocked by a tree, and the coast patrol rescued him."

"Poor fellow," Thomas said, "I don't think he'll thank them. It must be so hard to be rescued after you've made up your mind to be freed. Makes you feel like a fool." "Maybe he's happy now," said Audrey dreamily. "I doubt it." Thomas was puffing on his pipe, and he could see Audrey when he turned his head slightly.He noticed that she was staring dreamily at the water.The long brown eyelashes stick to the delicate face, and the small shell-shaped ears—— What did he remember. "Oh, yes, I found your earring—the one you dropped last night."

His fingers reached into his pockets.Audrey held out her hand. "Oh, well, where did you find it? On the balcony?" "No. Near the stairs. You must have dropped it on the way down to supper. I noticed you weren't wearing it at supper," "I'm so glad I got it back." She took it.Thomas thought the earrings were too big and gaudy for her tiny ears.The pair she is wearing today are also too big. He said: "You also wear earrings when swimming, aren't you afraid of falling off?" "Oh, these are very cheap things. I have to wear earrings because of them."

She touched her left ear.Thomas remembered. "Oh, by the way, that time old Bonser bit you?" Audrey nodded. They are trapped in silent childhood memories.Audrey Standisi (her name at the time), a slender-legged little girl, put her face in the face of a dog named Bunther with a broken paw, trying to comfort it.It bit her hard.Got a few stitches.There isn't much of a scar now - just a small scar. "My dear girl," he said, "the scar is hardly visible. Why should you care?" Audrey paused, and then said sincerely, "Because—because I just can't stand blemishes."

Thomas nodded.This matched what he knew of Audrey—her instinct for perfection.She is such a perfect work in itself. he said suddenly. "You are much more beautiful than Kay." She turned her head quickly. "Oh no, Thomas. Kay—Kay is really cute." "It's just the outside, not the inside." "You mean," said Audrey, somewhat amused, "my beautiful soul?" Thomas tapped the ashes in his pipe. "No," he said, "I think I mean your skeleton." Audrey laughed out loud. Thomas refilled a pipe with tobacco.They were silent for nearly five minutes, and Thomas sneaked glances at Audrey more than once, and he saw it so cleverly that she didn't notice it.

At last he said calmly, "What's wrong, Audrey? "Something wrong? What do you mean?" "What's on your mind?" "No, nothing, nothing at all." "Have." She shook her head. "Would you like to tell me?" "But there's nothing to tell you." "I guess I might be a fool—but I'm going to talk anyway." He paused. "Audrey—can't you forget it? Why can't you just let it all go?" Her little hands trembled at the rocks. "You don't understand—and you can't begin to understand."

"No, Audrey, my dear, I understand, I know very well." She turned to look at him suspiciously. "I fully understand what you've been through. And—and know exactly what it means to you." Audrey's face was pale, and even her lips were almost bloodless. "I think," she said, "I used to think—no one knew." "But, I know, I—I don't want to talk about it. Just want to tell you, it's over—it's all over." She whispered: "Some things just can't end." "Look here, Audrey, it's no good dwelling on the past. Even after you've endured a terrible torment. It's no good turning it over in your head. Look forward--don't look back. You You're still young, you have to liven up your life; you've got half of your life to live, and you should be thinking about tomorrow instead of yesterday."

She gazed at him with large, calm eyes, and her gaze gave no indication of her true thoughts. "What if I can't do that?" she said. "But I have to." Audrey said softly: "I don't think you understand. Maybe I'm—I'm not quite right about things." He interrupted her roughly. "Nonsense, you..." He stopped talking again. "I—what's the matter with me?" "I'm thinking of you in the past, when you were a little girl—before you married Neville. Why did you marry Neville?" Audrey smiled sweetly. "Because I'm in love with him."

"Yes, yes, I know that. But why did you fall in love with him? What does he have that deserves your love so deeply?" He squinted as if to see through the eyes of the little girl who was gone forever. "I think," she said, "that it's because he's so confident about everything. It's the opposite of me, who loves to be delusional - and unrealistic. Neville is very realistic. He's so lucky." , then believe in yourself, then - everything he has is what I lack." She added with a smile. "And she's pretty, too." Thomas Lloyd said wryly:

"Of course, the ideal Englishman--a sportsman, good-looking, modest, first-rate gentleman--has what he wants." Audrey sat upright, staring at him. "You hate him," she said slowly. "You hate him very much, don't you?" Turning his head away from her gaze, he cupped his hands to strike a match, relighting his dead pipe. "Would you be surprised if I hated him?" he said vaguely. "He can play ball, he can swim, he can dance, and he can talk. I don't have everything he has. I'm a dumb guy with a hard tongue and a And crippled. He's got such a quick brain, and he always does what he does, but I'm a dull piece of shit. And he's married to the only girl I've ever liked." Audrey snorted imperceptibly.He said brutally: "You've always known this, didn't you? I've been in love with you since you were fifteen. You know, I still—" She cut him off. "No, not now." "What do you mean by that?" Audrey stood up and said calmly with a pensive look: "Because—now—I'm not what I used to be." "Where is it different?" He stood up too, facing her. Audrey said: "Even if you don't know, I can't tell you...I can't always tell myself, I just know..." Her words were so urgent and fast that she was almost out of breath.Suddenly she stopped, turned sharply and walked quickly towards the restaurant on the other side of the rock. Turning the rock, Audrey bumped into Neville.He lay sprawled, staring at a small puddle in the rock.He looked up and grinned. "Oh, it's Audrey." "Well, Neville." "I'm looking at a crab, what a lively little creature. Look, here it is." She knelt down and looked in the direction he pointed. "did you see it?" "Ok." "Do you smoke?" Audrey took a cigarette from him and Neville lit it for her.She didn't look at him for a while, and he said nervously: "I say, Audrey!" "Ok." "Everything's fine, isn't it? I mean between the two of us." "Yes, yes, of course." "I mean—we're friends now." "Oh, yes—of course it is." "I—I hope the two of us can be friends." Neville watched her eagerly, and Audrey smiled awkwardly. He chatty said: "I had a great time today, the weather is fine, and everything is ideal, isn't it?" "Oh yes." "It's hot enough for September." "It's hot enough." There was a silence. "Audrey..." She stood up. "Your wife is calling you, she is waving to you!" "Who—oh, Kay." "I mean your wife." He got up and stood there looking at her. He said in a very low voice: "Audrey, you are my wife..." She turned away.Neville ran across the sand and along the waterfront to Kay.