Chapter 8 chapter eight

Hester Argyle was looking at himself in the mirror.There is little vanity in her eyes, but anxiety, doubts, and humble eyes that have never been truly confident.She pulled the hair on her forehead up and to one side, then frowned to see the effect. Then, when a face appeared behind her in the mirror, she startled, flinched, and turned sharply in concern. "Ah," said Kirsty Lindstrom, "you're frightened!" "What do you mean, scared, Kirsty?" "You're afraid of me. You think I might knock you down if I sneak up behind you." "Oh, Kirsten, don't be such a fool. Of course I don't think so."

"But you do think so," said the other. "And you're right to think about it. Pay attention to the dark places, and be alert when you see things you don't quite understand. Because there's something frightening in this room. We know now." "Anyway, Kirsty darling," said Hester, "I needn't be afraid of you." "How do you know?" Kirsty Lindstrom said. "Didn't it not be long ago that you read in the papers about a woman who lived with another woman for several years, and then one day she suddenly killed her. Strangled her. Tried to gouge her eyeballs out. Why? Because, She very gently told the police that she had seen the demon possessing the woman for some time and she knew she had to be strong and brave and kill the demon!"

"Oh, I remember then," said Hester. "But that woman is crazy." "Ah," Kirsty said. "But she didn't know she was crazy. And no one around her thought she was crazy, because no one knew what was going on in her poor, twisted mind. So I tell you, you don't know what's going on in my heart Something. Maybe crazy. Maybe I look at your mother one day and think she's a traitor to Christ and I'm going to kill her." "But, Kirsty, that's nonsense! Total nonsense." Kirsty Lindstrom sighed and sat down. "Yes," she admitted, "it's nonsense. I like your mother very much. She was good to me, always has been. But what I want to tell you, Hester, and what you have to know and believe, is you You can't say 'bullshit' about anything or anyone, you can't trust me or anyone else."

Hester turned to look at the other woman. "I really believe you're serious," she said. "I'm very serious," Kirsty said. "We've all got to be serious and we've got to call it all out. It's no good pretending nothing happened. The guy who's been here - I wish he hadn't, but he's been, and as far as I'm concerned You know, he made it very clear that Jack wasn't the murderer. Well, then some other person was the murderer, and this other person must be one of us." "No, Kirsten, no. It could be one of—" "who?"

"Oh, someone who's trying to steal something, or who's had some sort of grudge against Mother in the past." "You think your mother would let that certain person in?" "Possibly," said Hester. "You know what she's like. If somebody comes and tells her a sad story, if somebody comes and tells her about a child who's been neglected and abused. Don't you think a mother would let that person in the door, take Did he go to her room and talk?" "It's very unlikely in my opinion," Kirsty said. "It doesn't seem to me at least that your mother would sit there and let that man take the poker and hit her on the back of the head. No, she's in the room with someone she knows, comfortable and confident."

"I wish you wouldn't, Kirsty," cried Hester. "Oh, I wish you wouldn't. You talk so close, so close." "Because in fact it is so close, so close. I won't say it now, but I have warned you that although you think you know someone, although you may think you trust him, you can't be sure. Therefore, raise Be alert, raise your alert to me, to Mary, to your father, and to Gwenda Fern." "How can I go on living here if I doubt everyone so much?" "If you will listen to my advice, you'd better get out of this house." "I just can't leave now."

"Why not? Because of the young doctor?" "I don't understand you, Kirsty." Hester blushed. "I mean Dr. Craig. He's a nice young man. A good enough doctor, kind, honest. It's a good thing you've got him. But anyway I think you'd be better off getting out of here. " "It's absurd thing," cried Hester indignantly. "Absurd, absurd, absurd! Oh, I wish Calgary had never been here." "Me too," said Kirsty, "with all my heart." Leo Argyle signed the last letter that Gwenda Fern had set before him. "The last one?" he asked.

"yes." "Not too bad today." After a minute or two, after Sister Guan put stamps on the letters and sorted them out, she asked: "Isn't it almost—is it time for you to go abroad for a trip?" "Travel abroad?" Leo Argyll said very vaguely.Gwenda said: "Yes. Have you forgotten that you are going to Rome and Sienna?" "Oh, yes, yes, I'm going." "You're going to see the events in the archives that Cardinal Macellini wrote to tell you about." "yes, I remember." "Would you like me to book your plane ticket for you, or do you want to take the train?"

Leo seemed to come back from a distant thought, looked at her, and smiled. "You seem anxious to get rid of me, Gwenda," he said. "Oh no honey, no." She came quickly and knelt down beside him. "I don't ever want you to leave me, ever. But—but I thought—oh, I thought it would be better if you left here, through—through—" "After what happened last week?" Leo said. "After Dr. Calgary's visit?" “I wish he hadn’t been here,” Guan Dan said. "I wish everything was just as it was." "Jack was unjustly convicted for something he didn't do?"

"Maybe he did it," said Sister Guan. "He could have done that at any moment, and I don't think it's just a coincidence that he didn't do it." "Strange," Leo said thoughtfully. "I've never really been able to believe he did it. I mean, of course, I'd have to believe the evidence—but it just seems so improbable to me." "Why? He's always had a terrible temper, hasn't he?" "Yes. Oh yes. He attacks other kids. Usually kids younger than him. I never really thought he would attack Rachel." "Why not?"

"Because he's afraid of her," Leo said. "She's authoritative, you know. Jack feels it like anyone else." "But don't you think," said Sister Kwan, "that's why—I mean—" She paused. Leo looked at her questioningly.Something in his eyes made her cheeks flush.She turned away, went to the fire, knelt down on her knees, and stretched out her hands to the flames. "Yes," she said to herself, "Rachel has authority. So self-sufficient, so confident, ruling us all like a queen. Isn't that enough to make people pick up the poker and want to put Knock her down so she can shut up forever? Rachel is always right, Rachel always gets what she wants." She stood up abruptly. "Leo," she said. "Can't we—can't we get married sooner than March?" Leo watched her.He was silent for a moment, then said: "No, Gwenda, no. I don't think that would be a good plan." "why not?" "I don't think," said Leo, "that anything is rushed." "what do you mean?" She walked towards him and knelt down beside him again. "Leo, what do you mean? You must tell me," he said: "My dear, I just think, as I said, we shouldn't rush." "But we're going to get married in March, as we planned?" "I hope so... yes, I hope so." "You sound unsure...Leo, don't you care anymore?" "Oh my dear," he put his hands on her shoulders, "of course I care. You are my everything." "All right, then," said Gwenda impatiently. "No." He stood up. "No. Not yet. We have to wait. We have to be sure." "decide what?" He didn't answer. She said, "You don't think...you can't think..." Leo said, "I...I don't think anything." The door opened, and Kirsty Lindstrom came in with a tray and put it on the table. "Here comes your tea, Mr. Argyle. Shall I bring you another cup, Gwenda, or will you have it downstairs with the others?" Miss Guan said: "I'll go downstairs to the dining room. I'll take the letters down. Time to post." With slightly unsteady hands, she picked up the letters that Leo had just signed, and walked out the door.Kirsty Lindstrom watched her go, then turned back to look at Leo. "What did you say to her?" she asked. "What did you do to make her uncomfortable?" "Nothing," Leo said.His voice is tired. "Nothing at all." Kirsty Lindstrom shrugged.Then, without a word, he walked out the door.Yet her silent criticism can still be felt.Leo sighed and leaned back in his chair.He is tired.He poured a cup of tea, but didn't drink it.He sat there, staring blankly ahead, his mind busy thinking about some past events. The East End social clubs he was interested in...he had first met Rachel Constant there.He now has a vivid picture of her at that time.A girl of medium height, stocky and well-built, dressed in what he did not know at the time to be very expensive clothes, but in a slovenly manner.A round-faced girl with a serious expression and a warm heart, with an earnest and innocent aura that moved his heart.So much to do, so much to do!She spoke eagerly, a little incoherently, but it warmed his heart.For, too, he felt that there were many things to be done, and many things worth doing; though his ironic nature made him doubt whether what was worth doing could always be done successfully.But Rachel had no doubts.If you do this, if you do that, if this or that institution is donated, then naturally there will be charitable results. He knew now that she had never considered humanity.She always treats people as cases, as problems.She never understood that everyone is different, responds differently, has a unique personality.He remembered that he had told her at the time not to expect too much.But she always expected too much, despite her immediate denials at the time.She always expects too much, so she is always disappointed.He quickly falls in love with her and is rather surprised to find out that she is the daughter of wealthy parents. Together they plan for their lives, high-level living instead of flat and monotonous.But it was clear to him now that this was the main thing about her that attracted him.She has a warm heart.But, sadly, that warm heart didn't really exist for him.She is in love with him, yes.But what she really wanted from him in life was children.And the child doesn't come. They went to all kinds of doctors, famous doctors, not famous doctors, and even secret doctors, but the final judgment was something she had to accept, and she would never be able to have a biological child.He felt sorry for her, very sorry, and he accepted her offer of adoption quite readily.They've been approached by some adoption agency when they were visiting in New York and a car hit a kid who was running out of a house in a slum. Rachel immediately jumped out of the car and squatted down next to the kid lying in the street, just scratched but not hurt; a beautiful kid with blond hair and blue eyes.Rachel insisted on taking her to the hospital to make sure she wasn't hurt, and she talked to the child's relatives; a self-reliant aunt and an apparently alcoholic uncle.Apparently they had no affection for the child whose parents had died and brought them to live with them.Rachel suggested that the child should stay with them for a few days, and the woman readily agreed. "There's no way to take good care of her here," she said. So Mary was taken back to their suite at the hotel.The kid clearly loves a plush bed and a luxurious bathroom.Rachel bought her some new clothes. Then the time came when the boy said the words: "I don't want to go home. I want to stay here with you." Rachel watched him, watching him with sudden passion and excitement.As soon as they were alone she said to him: "We keep her. It's easy to arrange. We adopt her. She'll be our own. The woman would love to get rid of her." He was comfortable enough to agree.The child appears quiet, well-behaved, and easy to handle. She apparently has no affection for the aunts and aunts with whom she lives.If it makes Rachel happy, let's do it.Talked it over with the lawyer, signed the papers, and Mary Owenishy was Mary Argyle, and they went on the ship back to Europe: Poor Rachel would be happy at last, he thought.And she was really happy. Excitement, almost maniacal pleasure, doting on Mary and giving her all kinds of expensive toys.And Mary accepted with satisfaction.Yet, Leo thought, there was always something that bothered him a little.The child is meek and obedient.She misses her own home and family very little.Someday, he hoped, real affection would emerge, of which he could see no real sign now, to accept favors, to be content, to enjoy all that others had to offer.But what about her love for her new adoptive mother?No, he hadn't seen it. That's when, Leo thought, he'd managed to step back into the background of Rachel Argyle's life.She is a natural mother, not a wife.Now that she has Mary, her maternal desire is not satisfied but stimulated.One child is not enough for her. Since then all her career has been related to children, her interest is in orphans, giving money to disabled children, caring for children in remote areas, polio children, deformed children and so on - always children, which is admirable .He had always found it very admirable, but it became the center of her life, and he slowly began to lose himself in his own activities.He began to delve deeper into the historical background of economics, which had always interested him.He retreated more and more into his study.He was busy doing research and writing short monographs.His wife, who is busy, enthusiastic, and happy, takes care of housework and increases daily activities, and he is considerate and obedient.He encourages her. "That's a good plan, my dear." "Yes, yes, of course I approve." Occasionally sneak in a word or two of reminders. "I think you should investigate the situation very thoroughly before you make up your mind. Don't get carried away." She continued to talk to him, but sometimes it bordered on perfunctory.As time progresses, she becomes more and more authoritarian.She knows what's right, she knows what's best.He humbly retracts his criticisms, as well as his occasional warnings. Rachel, he thought, doesn't need his help, doesn't need his love.She is busy, happy, and full of energy. It was strange enough that he couldn't help feeling pity for her besides being hurt.As if he knew that the route she was taking might be a dangerous one. As soon as the war broke out in 1939, Mrs. Argyle doubled her activities.As soon as she had the idea of ​​opening a wartime nursery for children from London's slums, she was approached by some influential people in London.The Department of Health was more than happy to cooperate, and she found a suitable house.A new-style house just built, in a remote part of England that probably won't be bombed. There she could house eighteen children between the ages of two and seven, not only from poor families, but also from unfortunate ones.They were orphans, or illegitimate children whose mothers didn't want to take them on the retreat or were tired of caring for them.Children from abused or neglected families where three or four children are limbs.She practices plastic surgery herself, while doing housework with a team of servants, a Swedish masseuse and two fully trained hospital nurses.The whole thing is based on not just comfort but luxury.He had warned her once. "Don't you forget, Rachel, these kids are going to have to go back to their old background. You don't want them to have a hard time getting used to it." She answered enthusiastically: "Nothing is ever too good for these poor kids. Nothing!" He advised, "Yes, but they have to go back, remember." She ignored it, however. "Probably not. Possibly—let's talk about it then." The exigencies of war quickly brought about change.The nurses in those hospitals were frequently changed because of the qualms of conscience that they were attending to perfectly healthy children when there was real nursing work to be done.In the end only an old nurse and Kirsty Lindstrom remained.There was also a shortage of staff around the house, which Kirsty Lindstrom took care of, working with sacrifice and devotion. And Rachel Argyle was busy and happy.Leo remembered moments of panic.The day Rachel called the doctor about a little boy, Michel, who was slowly losing his appetite and weight.The doctor found nothing wrong, but suggested to Mrs. Argyle that the child might be homesick.She quickly dismissed the idea. "That's impossible! You don't know that home of his. He's been abused and wandering. It must have been hell for him." "Anyway," said Dr. McMaster, "anyway. I'm not surprised he's homesick. The point is to get him to talk about it." And one day Michael spoke up.He cried on the bed, pushed Rachel away with both fists, and yelled: "I'm going home. I'm going home to my mother and Ani." Rachel was upset and could hardly believe it. "He can't want his mother, she doesn't care about him at all. When she gets drunk, she lets him go wandering." And he said softly, "But you're fighting nature, Rachel. She's his mother and he loves her." "She doesn't deserve to be a mother!" "He's her flesh and blood. That's how he feels. That's something that nothing can replace." And she replied: "But by now, of course he should think of me as his mother." Poor Rachel, Leo thought.Poor Rachel, she can buy so many things... not selfish things, not for herself; she can give love, care, a home to unwanted children, and she can do it all for them You can buy it, but you can't buy their love for her. Then the war is over.Children started coming back to London, being asked to go back by their parents or relatives.But not all.Some of them were left behind, when Rachel said: "You know, Leo, they're like our own kids now. It's time we could actually have a home of our own. Four—or five—could stay. We adopted them, for They give everything and they will really be our kids." He felt vaguely uneasy, why, he didn't quite know.It wasn't that he objected to the kids, but he felt something was wrong intuitively.It is wrong to use artificial means to form your own home. "Don't you think," he said, "it's quite a risk?" But she replied: "A risk? What does it matter if it's a risk? It's worth it." Yes, he thought it might be worth doing, but he wasn't quite as sure as she was.By now he was so far away, so far back into his own cold and foggy region, that he no longer objected.He said something he'd said many times: "You gotta do what you're happy to do, Rachel." She was very proud, very happy, making plans, consulting lawyers, doing things with the same seriousness as usual.That's how she formed a family.Mary, the oldest child brought home from New York; Michel, who cried herself to sleep for nights longing to return to his home in the ghetto, home to his grumpy, neglectful mother. The boy; Tina, a well-mannered mulatto, whose mother was a prostitute and whose father was an East Indian sailor.Hester, whose young Irish mother has given birth to an illegitimate child, wants to get back on her feet.And Jack, the sweet, monkey-faced little boy whose antics made them all laugh, always got away with it, and even managed to get extra money out of Miss Lindstrom, the "teacher" candy.Jack, whose father is in prison and whose mother has run off with some other man. Yes, Leo thought, of course it is worthwhile to take these children in and give them the warmth of a family, a father and a mother.Rachel, he thought, has a right to be elated.It's just that things are not as expected... because these children are not born to him and Rachel.They had none of the blood of Rachel's industrious and frugal ancestors, none of the drive and ambition of her less prestigious family in achieving a defined place in society, none of his own father and grandparents that he remembered. A kind and upright heart.None of the ingenuity of his grandparents. Everything that the environment can provide is given to them.This can be useful, but it can't be everything.First of all they carry in them the seeds of weakness that brought them to the nursery, and under stress those seeds can blossom.Jack is a perfect example.Jack, the lovable and charming Jack, with his charm, his amusing sarcasm, his habit of teasing people, is basically a misbehaving type.This is clearly shown in childhood stealing, lying; all attributed to his previous bad upbringing.Something that could easily be corrected, Rachel said.But it was never corrected. His record at school is not good.He got kicked out of college, and it was a harrowing chain of events that followed, and he and Rachel, to the best of their ability, convinced the kid of their love and faith in him, and tried to find the right fit for him, and if he did he would be It is possible to hope for successful work.perhaps.Leo thought they were too soft on him.But not so.Soft-hearted or hard-hearted, as far as Jack is concerned, he thinks the outcome is the same.He must get what he wants.If any legal means were unavailable, he was more than happy to resort to any other means.He wasn't smart enough to commit a successful crime, even a small one.So the day came when he was finally cornered, and he came home, afraid of going to jail, angrily demanding money, taking it for granted, threatening.He left afterwards, yelling that he'd come back, and she'd better get his money ready--or else! And so—Rachel died.All of the past seemed so far away to him.Those long war years when boys and girls grew up.And himself?It is also distant and pale.It seems that Rachel, who is full of energy and longing for life, has corrupted him, leaving him a tired and empty shell, in great need of warmth and love. Even now he can hardly remember when he first became aware of how close those two things were to him.Near at hand... not for him, but within reach. Sister Guan...the perfect and helpful secretary who works for him and is always close by, kind and helpful.There was something about her that reminded him of Rachel when he first met her.The same warmth, the same enthusiasm, the same old-fashioned enthusiasm.Just as far as Gwenda was concerned.Her warmth and enthusiasm are all for him.Not for the supposed child she might have someday, purely for him.It's like having your hands warmed by a fire...a pair of dead, frozen hands.When had he first learned that she cared about him?It's hard to say.Not a sudden discovery. But suddenly—one day—he knew he loved her. And as long as Rachel lived, they couldn't possibly get married. Leo sighed and sat up straight, drinking his cold tea.