Chapter 14 little john twelve

He fell into a deep sleep, so deep that there were no dreams. When he rose again from this gloom,—slowly—into the vast, cool light of morning, he brushed away his colorful, tender old dreams.He awoke, and the dream slipped from his soul like dewdrops from a flower. The expression of his half-dreaming eyes, amidst the confusion of lovely sights, was calm and benevolent. But like a shy man, he closed his eyes because of the pain before the dark day.He saw all that he had seen in previous mornings.It seems like a long, long time ago.Yet every moment he reappears before his soul, from mournful morning to chilly night.He couldn't believe that all those horrors would appear in one day.The beginning of his embarrassment seemed to be so far away, as if he was lost in the boundless fog.

Soft dreams, slipping from his soul without a trace--punching and shaking him--and then began the gloomy hours, languid and colorless, precursors of many, many others. But all that had been seen in the dreadful procession of the previous night remained with him.Is this just a horrible dream? When he hesitated to ask this question, that one looked at him with mockery and surprise. "What are you thinking?" he asked. John, however, couldn't see the mockery in his eyes, and asked if everything he saw so clearly and distinctly, as it was before him, really appeared like this? "No, John, what a fool you are! Such a thing must never happen."

John didn't know what he had to think. "We're going to give you a job. Then you won't ask stupid questions like this." They went to the doctor to help John find the number he was looking for. On the lively street, Chuan Chuan suddenly stopped silently, and pointed out a person from the crowd to show John. "Do you still know him?" he asked, and when John stared at the man, startled, he let out a loud roar of laughter in the street. John had seen him last night, deep in the ground. —— The Doctor received them graciously, and bestowed upon John his wisdom.He listened for hours, on this day, and for many days to come.

What John sought, the Doctor has not yet found.He was almost there, he said.He wanted to make John as high as he himself was.So the two of them were about to achieve their goal. John listened and learned, diligently and patiently,--for many days,--for many months.He had but little hope, and yet he knew that he should go on now -- go on as far as he could.He felt very strange.The longer he searches for light, the darker his surroundings become.The beginning of everything he learned was a good one—only the deeper he delved, the bleaker and darker it all became.He starts with animals and plants, and everything around him, and if he observes it for a long time, it becomes a number.Everything is scattered into numbers, and the paper is full of numbers.The doctor thought the number was excellent, and said that when it came, it was light to him—but it was darkness to John.

Stay with him, and if he grows weary and fatigued, stab him with a halberd.Every moment enjoyed or admired, he blames him. John was amazed and delighted when he learned, and saw, how subtly the flowers make do, how the fruit sets, and how the insects help their vocation involuntarily. "It is splendid," said he, "how well calculated it all is, and how finely and well made it is!" "Yes, it is very well-formed," Chuan Chiu said. "Unfortunately, most of the well-formed and delicate parts are useless. How many flowers bear fruit, and how many seeds become trees?"

"But it all seemed to be done according to a grand plan," John replied. "Look! The bees seek their honey without knowing they are helping the flowers, and the flowers attract the bees by their color. It's a plan, and both work on it, without knowing it." "That's nice to see, but there's still more to be desired. If the bee thought it possible, they'd bite a hole under the flower, and spoil the very intricate arrangement. Clever workman, taken for a fool by a bee! " The miraculous makeshift between humans and animals is even worse.Out of all that John thought beautiful and artistic, he pointed out imperfections and defects.He shows that he can invade man and animal, the whole army of distress and sorrow, and he prefers to choose the most loathsome and most detestable.

"The workman, John, is cunning indeed for all he does, and yet he forgets something. People do what they do, and I make up for all that is lost. But look around you! A handle An umbrella, a pair of spectacles, and clothes and shelter, are men's work. It has nothing to do with the great plan. The workman does not consider that people will be cold and read books. For these things, his plan It is useless. He gave clothes to his children, not counting their growth. Then all the people grew up almost out of their natural clothes. They took everything for themselves, Never mind the engineer and his plan. What was not handed over to them, they took shamelessly and presumptuously—and it was obvious that they were killed, so they often resorted to various tricks , for many hours, to avoid this death."

"Yet it is the sin of men," exclaimed John, "why do they persevere from what is natural?" "Oh, you foolish John! If a nurse makes a simple boy play with fire, and set it ablaze—who is to blame? The child who doesn't know fire, or the nurse who knows how to burn? If men go astray in misery or unnaturalness, who is to blame, themselves, or are they the Master Worker, who are as ignorant and ignorant as children compared with him?" "It's not that they don't know, they used to know..." "John, if you tell a boy, 'Don't do that fire, it hurts!' If the boy does it anyway because he doesn't know what pain is, you can acquit yourself and say:' Behold! Is not the child ignorant?' You know well, it will not listen to you. People are as deaf and dumb as children. But glass is brittle and clay is soft. Who made man Don't count their stupidity, like those who make weapons out of glass without caring that it will break, and make arrows out of clay without caring that it must bend."

These words fell on John's soul like flying drops of fire.A great sorrow rose in his breast, and drove away his former pain, which had often caused him to cry in the silence and sleeplessness of the night. well!sleep!sleep! — There was a time — after many days — when sleep was at his best.There was no thought in it, no grief, and his dream still led him forever back to his former life.When he dreamed, he seemed to feel gorgeous, but in the daytime, he could no longer imagine what it was like.He knew only his fascination and pain, more than the emptiness and deadness he knew now.Once, he was painfully fascinated by Xuan'er, and once, he was always waiting for Rong'er.How gorgeous that is!

Ronger! ——Is he still fascinated? —the more he learned, the more his fascination faded away.Because it has also been broken into fragments, and the penetration has made him understand what love is.He was then ashamed, said the Doctor of Numbers, that he could not yet make a number out of it, but it was coming.Little John's surroundings were so dark and dark. He felt slightly thankful that Rong'er was not seen during the terrifying parade with him. When he mentioned it to Chuan Qiao, the man didn't say anything, but only smiled slyly.John understood, however, that this was not pity for him.

Whenever John had time not to study or work, Chuan Chuan used it to lead him to the world.He knew to take him everywhere, into hospitals where the sick lay in the halls--a long line of pale, emaciated faces with expressions of weakness or pain--the place was a melancholy silence, only gasped and called interrupted.The chisel also instructed him that some of them would never leave this hall.If at a certain time, people stream into this hall to visit his sick relatives, he will say, "Look, everyone knows that even they will come into this room and the dark hall." , in order to be carried out in a black box after all." —“How can they be so happy?” thought John. Zhuan Zhuan led him to a small hall upstairs, which was full of sad half-darkness, and from the adjacent room, the distant sound of the organ could be heard dreamily.So Chuan Chiu pointed out a patient among the crowd, who was obstinately staring forward at a ray of sunlight idly crawling along the wall. "He's been lying here for seven years," said Chuanzhuo. — "He was a sailor who had seen the coconut palms of India, the blue seas of Japan, the forests of Brazil. Now he was in those long days of seven long years, enjoying the ray of sunlight and the game of the organ. He could no longer get out of here However, it can still go through twice as long.” From this day on, John was a terrible dream, he woke up suddenly, in the small hall, in the half-darkness of the pain amidst the sound of a dream--, so far to his end, he only saw the coming The dying twilight. Pierce also led him to the cathedral, and made him hear what was said there.He led him to banquets, to grand ceremonies, to several boudoirs. John was learning to get to know people, and he often felt that he should think about his previous life, the fairy tales Xuaner told him and his own experiences, some people, who reminded him of the death that he wanted to see in the stars. The firefly's of his friend's companion,--or the gold-worm, which was a day older than the others, and talked a lot about the duties of life--his stories reminded him of the graffiti splash, the cross-spider's The hero in the novel, or remember the eel, is just lying down to eat, because a fat young king is particularly respectable.As for himself, he compares it to that young gold bug that flies into the light without knowing what the duty of life is.He seemed helplessly crippled and crawled here and there on the carpet, tied to his body with a thread, a sharp thread, and the piercer was pulling and holding it. Alas, he shall never find that garden again—when will heavy feet come and crush him? When he mentioned Xuan'er, Chuan Zhuo mocked him.And he gradually came to believe that Xuan'er never existed. "However, if you drill down, then Shao'er will not be established, and then nothing will be established." "Nothing! Nothing! Just people and numbers, which are all true, existent, infinitely many numbers." "Yet, well, then, you have deceived me. Stop me, stop my search--leave me alone!" "How does death tell you, don't you know? You must become a human being, a complete human being." "I don't want to. It's horrible!" "You must—you did. Look at the number Doctor. Does he think it's terrible? You'll be like him." This is true.Dr. Number seemed to be calm and happy.Tirelessly and unwaveringly he walks his way, learning and teaching, content and peaceful. "Look at him," said Chuan Chiu, "he sees everything and still sees nothing. He observes human beings as if he were something else, quite different from them. wounded, and he deals with death like the undead. He only wishes to know what he sees, and whatever is obvious to him is just as valid to him. As soon as he understands, he is instantly satisfied. You It must be like this." "I never can." —— "Okay, then I can't help you." This was always the hopeless end of their conversation.John was tired and careless, seeking and seeking, what and why, he no longer knew.He is like many people that Xuan Er said. Winter is coming and he hardly knows it. On a cold and foggy morning, when wet and filthy snow lay on the street and dripped from the trees and roofs, he and Chuanzhuo walked his usual way. At one point he met a line of young girls with schoolbooks in hand.They threw snow at each other, laughed, and played tricks on each other, their voices resounding clearly on the snow.There is no sound of footsteps or wheels, only the sound of a horse, or the closing of a shop door, like the sound of a bell.Happy laughter, clear through the silence. John saw how a girl in a little fur coat and black hat looked at him and stared at him.He was familiar with her appearance, but still didn't know who she was.She nodded, and nodded back again. "Who is this? I know her." "Yes, it is possible. Her name is Marley, and some people call her Rong'er." "No, it can't be. She's not like Xuan'er. She's an ordinary girl." "Ha! Ha! Ha! She can't be like someone who doesn't exist. And yet she is, she is. You admired her so much, I'm going to get you to her now." "No, I don't want to see her. I'd rather see her dead, like the others." John no longer looked around, but hurried forward, and murmured: "This is the end. Nothing! Nothing!" -------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ 1. Probably refers to pathogenic bacteria.